The Kissing Tutor

by Sally Henson

  I continued reading. They offered me a partial scholarship to play next year. And based on performance, I could qualify for more the following year. My heart swelled inside my chest. I didn’t know what to think or say.

  “I…is this real? Did you tell them about me?” I asked. It caught me off guard because, well, let’s face it, I got yelled at A LOT this last year. Not that I didn’t deserve it, but I didn’t think Coach thought I would be good enough to play for UT.

  Her lips pursed for a second before she answered. “Yes, it’s real. They are making you an offer. I’m sorry to say it wasn’t me who talked to them. I believe it was a friend of yours.”

  The slight uptick in my heart rate inched higher. The only person I could think of was Roan. Why would he have done that when we weren’t even talking? I left him a note, pouring my heart out, and he didn’t come over when he got home last night or this morning.

  I needed to confirm it though. “Roan Martin?” But how could he have any pull with the softball team?

  “He must believe in you,” she said. “Congratulations.”

  She went on about other things, but I didn’t even hear the rest. I had a scholarship? With Roan’s help. To the same college he was going to.

  I had to find Roan.

  34

  “Do you see him?” I asked Cayla for the fifty-bazillionth time since we arrived at school for graduation. The chairs on the grass were already filled with family and loved ones here to watch the ceremony.

  She gripped my shoulders and looked up at me. “Stop. His grandparents are already seated. Roan won’t miss his own graduation.”

  I let out a frustrated groan. After we left Sweet Water Stacks, Cayla took me straight to Roan’s house. He wasn’t there. I asked Marilyn to send him a message I was looking for him and I didn’t have a phone. He didn’t reply to her. At least not while I was there.

  My chest was so tight that one poke and I would have exploded. At the rate my heart was beating, it might burst first anyway. “What if I don’t get to see him afterward?”

  “Am I going to have to slap you in front of the entire class?” she asked, her voice in a harsh whisper. “He lives two houses away from you. Marilyn—”

  “I know, but, ugh.” I tried to breathe in a deep breath but a sharp pain in my chest wouldn’t allow it. “I’m going to have a heart attack or stroke waiting.”

  Cayla tugged me down on the bench. “Think about something else. Like me lying on the beach in Hawaii, watching the hot surfers every day.” She sighed, closing her eyes for a few moments. “I want Mom to do as much as possible. Who knows if I’ll ever get the chance to go back?”

  My anxious heart settled a little. “I’m excited for you. Jealous, but excited.” A giggle bubbled out. It took me by surprise because I’d been so worried about where Roan was and hadn’t been successful in finding him today.

  “Send me a message when you get your phone so I can start sending you pictures,” she said, swiping the green and gray tassel of her graduation hat out of her face. She glanced down at the gown I wore over my new dress. She shook her head and muttered, “Gray and green.”

  I tilted my head and scanned her matching robe. “It could be worse.”

  “Places, everyone,” Miss Banks called our attention. She was so short, I didn’t spot her, but her voice was big enough to cut through our noise.

  All the seniors lined up as we had practiced earlier. Roan fit somewhere between Cayla and myself. I glanced back to see if he had slipped in. Still, he was nowhere to be found.

  The two lines of students began moving, and I had to turn my attention to walking onto the football field.

  When we approached the gate, the band played “Pomp and Circumstance.” That was our cue to march onto the field, down the middle of the chairs set up, and take our assigned seats. I glanced at the chairs where Marilyn and Jim were sitting earlier. Mom, Brendan, and Madi were sitting next to them.

  Roan had to be there, but when I glanced back at his row, I didn’t see him. It took forever for the class to march to our seats. The JROTC presented the American flag, and Pastor Bryant gave the invocation.

  As we sat, I turned to the row behind me across the aisle where Roan should have been. He was there. I stared at him, hoping he would look at me.

  Roan’s gaze met mine. His face was a blank slate, but his eyes bore into me.

  I had tons of questions. I mouthed the first one that came out, “Where have you been?”

  His expression softened. The corners of his lips lifted into a small smile. He didn’t answer me, but he didn’t look away either.

  I watched him like that until I got a kink in my neck and had to face forward again. My cap bumped the person’s sitting next to me, Amber Justice. “Oops, sorry,” I whispered. I didn’t really know her. She wasn’t into sports.

  Amber lifted an eyebrow, straightening her cap. “What’s your deal?” she asked.

  I grimaced and shrugged.

  Minutes felt like hours. I wished I hadn’t lost my phone. No, I knew I had to do it face to face.

  I shifted in my seat, picked at my nails, glanced at Roan, glanced at Cayla, tapped my toes, bounced my knees…

  A hand gripped my wrist. Arlan, the kid that sat to my left, whispered, “Please stop. I can’t take it anymore.” His brown eyes pleaded with me. A bead of sweat streamed from his dark hair near his ear down his skin.

  I leaned back against my chair, raising my hands in front of me. “Sorry,” I whispered back.

  The sun was sinking, but it had beat down on the field all day. Turf added at least fifteen degrees to the temperature. As much as I liked the heat, over one hundred degrees was just plain hot. It was a good thing Madi twisted my hair up. She did Cayla’s too. I couldn’t have imagined having my hair down like some girls.

  The more time that ticked by the tighter my chest became. Cayla had calmed me down some before we marched onto the field, but being that close to Roan and not being able to talk to him was torturous.

  Mrs. Parks announced Kaiya Surena as valedictorian. I glanced back at Roan again. He caught my eye and pointed to the stage, urging me to pay attention. I rolled my eyes and focused that direction.

  Kaiya stood at the podium and greeted everyone like every other graduation I’d ever attended. I knew the ceremony was a rite of passage of sorts. But could it be any more boring? And long?

  I hunched over, propped my forearms on my knees, and hoped for a breeze to swirl through my row. A shower was going to be in order after this. Steaks on the grill didn’t even sound appealing. Or chocolate fudge cake with whipped cream icing. Ice cream, I could go for that.

  Laughter erupted around me. I leaned back in my chair, glanced around, and up to the stage. The large screen scrolled images of school events from football games to our state baseball champions. The team got a rousing applause. Kaiya talked about change. How it was a constant in life. And that it can be hard even when we want it. Photos of seniors throughout the year faded in and out on the screen as she spoke.

  Kaiya’s words were so true to my life that year. It was as if she was talking directly to me.

  She continued, “Sometimes we fail at change.” A picture of Roan with his arm draped around me in the lunchroom paused on the screen.

  I froze, hoping the image of me fish-lipping James didn’t show up.

  “We want it so badly, but we screw it up. Maybe we are afraid to fail or afraid to succeed,” she said as the photo changed to Roan and me. Both of us in our uniforms, smiling, holding hands with our gear bags over our shoulders.

  My chest squeezed. I was ready to leave that part of Roan and me behind and go back to being friends. I didn’t want to lose him. Now it was out in the open. Exactly what he didn’t want. I glanced back at him with my mouth hanging open, ready to say something, but the words wouldn’t come.

  His deep-set amber eyes were soft. He pointed toward the screen.

  I peeled my gaze away and looked at the screen a
gain.

  “Afraid to lose something we cherish when we realize our mistake.” She paused and a photo of Roan holding a sign that said I’m sorry paused too. The crowd buzzed with chuckles. “We ask for forgiveness.”

  My hand went to my chest. I gripped the fabric of the gown. Was this part of the speech or was he apologizing to me? In public? I was about to turn to Roan when the screen changed.

  “And hope to keep pressing forward for our own happily ever after,” she ended.

  A photo from Roan kissing me in the rain appeared. The words Roan and Tommie 2019 were typed across the top of the image.

  It knocked the breath out of me. My eyes widened. My heart whirled in my chest. Where did she get that?

  Some students gasped along with me. Whoops and whistles erupted with applause.

  I leaned back against the wooden slat of the folding chair to see Roan’s expression. I had so many questions. The faces in the sea of gray and green were all honed in on me, but none were Roan’s. I swallowed. Did he leave?

  I tipped farther, balancing on the back two legs. The chair wobbled and threatened to crash in the row behind me.

  A hand landed on my shoulder, steadying me. I turned to thank Amber. Only it wasn’t her.

  Roan stood before me, looking unsure, maybe even a little scared. His dark eyebrows arched over his golden eyes. A green tie peeked above the zipper of the gray gown. The drab color couldn’t wash out his year-round tan. He reached for my hand.

  Now that he stood so close to me, I was even more breathless than before. I placed my hand in his and stood. All the noise and people around us faded until I focused solely on Roan.

  “I’m sorry,” he said and moved closer.

  “This was you?” I asked, still not sure if it was Kaiya pranking the sloppy kisser from prom or him really asking for forgiveness for hurting me.

  He nodded and then tilted his head. “Well, Kaiya helped me out.” His expression turned serious. He leaned as close as he could without our caps banging against each other’s. “I got your note.”

  I nodded.

  “You were right. I wanted to keep us a secret. And James likes you too. I—” He paused and swallowed. “I backed off for baseball so we would have a better chance to win state. I’m sorry. I know we have a lot to talk about, but…I hope this—” he waved toward the stage— “makes up for some of it. It’s not a secret anymore. I like you a lot, Toms, and I messed up. Is it too late for us?” he asked, gripping my waist.

  Knowing hundreds of eyes were on us should have freaked me out, but that was only a tiny reason that my heart pounded in my chest. Roan wanted the “us” we had become. There was no denying it to James or the baseball team or anyone else.

  His throat bobbed. The surrounding noise continued, and so did he. “I want us to be together. I need you, Toms.” His voice cracked, revealing his heart.

  I was speechless. The way he said he needed me, broken and full of emotion, prompted a sheen of tears to cover my eyes. A smile stretched across my lips, along with a nervous giggle. I wanted to kiss him, touch those beautiful lips to mine, but I didn’t want to push him. I slid my arms around his waist and said, “I’ve missed you.”

  “Are you going to kiss her or what?” Gabe’s voice rang out above the buzz of the crowd.

  Roan rolled his eyes.

  “Kiss her already,” Cayla shouted.

  I was sure I heard Summer and a few others start up a chant that grew. “Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.”

  An authoritative voice grumbled something, but I was so focused on Roan’s kiss-me-eyes, I couldn’t focus on anything else.

  Amber bumped his arm and said, “Kiss her while you have the chance.”

  Roan’s full lips flashed a grin. He pulled his cap off and dipped his head, pressing his lips to mine. His arms encircled me, pulling me close.

  The sparks from his lips ignited a warmth inside that made me want to melt against him. My fingers grasped his gown and then slid up his shoulders, to the back of his neck, and found their way into his thick dark hair. For however long the moment was, time stood still.

  The kiss chant turned into hoots and whistles from our surrounding classmates.

  “Mr. Martin,” Mrs. Parks barked through the microphone. “Please take your seat. The graduation ceremony is not over yet.” She wasn’t happy about the interruption.

  I was though. Embarrassed? Yeah, but not humiliated like the prom kiss. I don’t think I had ever been happier in my life.

  Roan, the kissing tutor.

  My boyfriend.

  35

  “Tommie,” Mom called to me from the kitchen. “Your daddy’s on the phone for you.”

  I was in the middle of unboxing my phone replacement. It delivered right before I left for graduation. I handed it to Roan, who was beside me on the sofa with Juju on his lap, petting her. “I’ll be back.”

  He grinned, taking the box and placing it on the cushion beside him. “I can set it up for you,” he said.

  After we got back from graduation, Roan’s family agreed to join us for burgers instead of going out to dinner.

  “Okay,” I agreed and squeezed his hand. “Thanks.”

  I tracked across the subfloor of the living room to the kitchen. Mom finished removing the wall between the two rooms. The drywall was up and painted. All she had left was the flooring.

  “Here she is,” Mom said into her cell phone. “I love you, baby.” She handed it to me. Mom’s smile was a lot like Madi’s and mine. I wondered if I would look like her when I got older. That wouldn’t be a bad thing. She was pretty and stayed fit with all the hours she worked and put into remodeling.

  I slipped the phone from her hand and placed it next to my ear. “Hello?”

  “Congratulations, Tommie girl,” Dad said as if he was the announcer at a wrestling match.

  I giggled. “Thanks.”

  “I heard you got in a bit of trouble in the middle of the ceremony. Want to tell me about it?”

  I coughed, nearly choking on my spit. “I, uh…” I stumbled over the words and travelled away from the adults back toward Roan. Not that I didn’t think Mom would tell Dad what happened. I wasn’t prepared for the question right off the bat. “So you heard?” I asked, buying time.

  “I heard, but I’d like to debrief you on the situation.” An engine hummed in the background.

  Juju trotted past me toward the kitchen as I came to a stop in front of Roan.

  He glanced at me from his project of setting up my phone.

  I gave him a pleading look and held my hand out for him to take it, nodding toward the stairs.

  Dad might be teasing, but sometimes it was hard to tell. I replied the best I could, “Dad. I think that’s overkill.”

  Roan gathered the phone and box and stood, sliding his hand in mine.

  Dad chuckled. “Maybe. So Roan was the boy you asked for advice on?”

  Roan and I stepped to the stairs and made our way to my bedroom.

  “Yeah,” I answered my dad. “Being honest about feelings is a lot harder than it sounds.” It was something Roan and I needed to work on. Because I didn’t want to go through something like that again.

  “It is. Usually the hard things are worth it. I want to talk more about the two of you, but I don’t a lot of time. I hear he might be staying at the house this summer?”

  “Maybe.” I tried to explain the problem. Roan took a seat on the floor and I sat cross-legged, mirroring him. “His grandparents are moving to Florida, but they’re not sure what they will do with the house.”

  “Not sure I like that idea since—” Men's voices carried through the airwaves from the background, cutting his words. Dad was quiet as if he were listening. He gave a muffled response before returning to me.

  “Sorry about that, kiddo. Where was I? Oh, a scholarship? How do you feel about that?” he asked.

  I looked at Roan, who had released my hand and turned his attention back to my phone. The offer was a total surprise and
left me unsure of what to do. “It’s not a full ride or anything. I think I might try. It’s quite a ways from home, but Roan will be there. So I won’t be alone. What do you think I should do?”

  “I’m not sure about you and Roan being out there together. I know you two have been close friends since he moved down the road, but…” He paused. I thought I heard him sniff. “You’re my little girl. I don’t like to think about you growing up like that.”

  My chin quivered, and tears immediately welled up. “It’s okay, Dad.” My voice wavered a bit.

  Roan caught my gaze. His brow furrowed, and he reached for my cheek, wiping a tear with his thumb. His hand slid across my shoulder and down my arm, lifting my hand to his lips.

  That put a grin on both our faces. Roan kept my hand tucked in his while he went back to setting up my phone.

  Dad cleared his throat. “You should go. Live life. You be the strong young woman I know your mother has taught you to be.”

  “Yes, sir,” I said, swallowing down my tears. “I will do my best to do that.”

  “I don’t want to, but I need to hang up. What do you say I take my leave so I can move you to college?” he asked.

  I straightened, surprised he would want to do that. “That would be great. Do you think you could?”

  “You know I can’t promise, sweetie, but I’ll do my best.” He was owned by the Marines, whether he liked it or not.

  Even though I knew that, it didn’t make it easier. “Yeah, I know. I love you, Dad. Thanks for calling.”

  The hum of the engine quieted and voices sounded again. “I’m proud of you. I love you, Tommie girl. Bye, now.”

  “Bye,” I said, though I think he might have hung up already.

  I pulled the phone away from my ear and stared at the screen. Dad was gone. At least I got to talk to him on graduation.

  “You okay?” Roan asked.

  I looked up from the phone in my hand and nodded. “Yeah. He didn’t give me too much grief about you. Probably because he didn’t have much time to talk.”

  Roan shrugged. “He has plenty of time to get used to it. It’s not like I’m some guy he knows nothing about. I’m not a panty stealer.”