Careless (An Enemies To Lovers Novel Book 3)

by Michelle Horst

  “Why are you smiling?”

  “You really haven’t changed at all.” He closes the gap between us and presses a kiss to my forehead. Keeping his lips against my skin, he whispers, “The fact that you brought up our history tells me it meant just as much to you as it did to me. I’ll be in touch.”

  I stand there gaping like a fish out of the water as I watch him leave.

  The arrogant ba –

  My thoughts screech to a halt.

  He’s right.

  “He can’t be right!” I snap at myself.

  You know he’s right.

  He asked me how I’ve been and gave me a compliment. He even apologized! He was being well-mannered.

  I cover my face with my hands as embarrassment washes over me.

  That night we spent together might mean something to me, but I’m certainly not ready to examine it.

  Chapter 8

  JAXSON

  When they place the tray of food on the stand, I reach over and lift off the lid. I take the dessert and lean back in the chair.

  “How can you eat that shit?” Marcus asks with a look of disgust on his face.

  “I take the spoon and scoop it up then shove it in my mouth,” I say, grinning from ear to ear.

  “Wiseass,” he mumbles. “Why are you in such a good mood?”

  I lick the spoon clean and place the empty bowl back on the tray.

  “I saw Leigh last night,” I say, and I’m surprised when he frowns. I thought he’d be happy for me.

  “Dude, can you wait until she’s done slicing into my heart before you piss her off?”

  “Why do you think I’m going to piss her off?”

  Marcus never lies to me, and that’s why I’m not surprised when he says, “She’s different, Jax. Her mind doesn’t work the way ours do. You told me yourself. She doesn’t care about emotions, she cares about facts. The fact is that you screwed her.”

  “In another life, I could love you,” I whisper.

  Marcus looks at me as if I’ve lost my mind.

  “It was something she said to me the night we got together.”

  “Sorry to break it to you, bro. That was before you dumped her ass back at the apartment.”

  “It’s been years, Marcus. We can get to know each other. We can date. This can be our chance at that life.”

  “Why do you want to put yourself through that? You were a mess after she left. You live in New York, and she lives on the other side of the fucking country. You’re not even in the same time zone.”

  He’s right. We do live on opposite sides of the country.

  “At most, it’s a six-hour flight,” I say, already planning ways to see her.

  “Jax, just let it go. So she was the best you had. It doesn’t mean you’re fucking soulmates or some equally sappy shit. Why can’t you just let her go?”

  “I kissed her,” I whisper. I never told him that.

  “You never kiss.”

  I smile at him. “That’s why I’m not giving up.”

  “I told her you love her.” He shakes his head. “You know what she said?”

  “She hates me? How the fuck should I know,” I snap, a little pissed that he told her how I feel about her.

  “She said my heart is the only heart she’s interested in. I believe her, Jax. She’s the kind of person who lives for her job. There is no place for you in her life. She’s a fucking genius. Her world is based on facts, proven fucking facts. Her kind doesn’t believe in things like love, and death, and Adam and fucking Eve, Jax!”

  “That’s where you’re wrong.” I stand up and push the tray with food closer to him. “It’s not that she was the best I’ve ever had. It’s the way she looked at me. Besides you, she’s the only one who’s ever looked past the bullshit. Asking me to leave her…” I take a deep breath while looking at my best friend. “It’s the same as asking me to leave you, Marcus. I didn’t give up on you. I won’t give up on her. I’ll make her understand. I’ll prove to her that it’s a fucking fact that I love her. It’s a fact that she feels something for me. I have to show her feelings don’t hurt.”

  “I get it. Leigh is to you what Willow is to me,” he whispers.

  I smile at him as I finally understand why he keeps going back to Willow. She’s his person.

  “Eat the food. I’ll check in on you after work.”

  He picks up the fork and stabs at the piece of chicken.

  “It’s fucking tasteless. It makes the metallic taste in my mouth worse.”

  “She’s going to fix you,” I whisper and I’m suddenly overcome with emotion.

  The expression on his face jumps from hope to fear and back to hope. I place my hand on his shoulder and give it a squeeze.

  “Doc won’t let you die, Marcus. It’s not in her to fail. If she thought there was even the slightest chance that you could die, she wouldn’t do it.”

  “You really believe that?” Tears well in his eyes, and it makes it harder for me to control my emotions.

  “It’s a fact, Marcus.”

  “Keep that in mind when she rejects you. If she thinks there’s a chance that things won’t work out between you, she’ll push you away.”

  We’re finally on the same page.

  “Thanks, Marcus. It helped to talk things out with you. I’ll see you later. Eat the shit and sleep.”

  When I get back to work, I go directly to Carter’s office. I tap on the door before entering.

  “Do you have a minute?” I ask as I sit down across from him.

  “Sure. Did you just come from the hospital?” He leans back in his chair and gives me his undivided attention.

  “Yeah, thanks for calling Leigh. Talking about Leigh, what time is her flight?”

  “Why, Jax?”

  I let out a burst of laughter. “So I can see her before she leaves.”

  Carter gets a serious expression on his face, which makes him look just like his father.

  “I never told you that I saw Leigh before she left.”

  Fuck. I thought only Marcus knew that I slept with Leigh.

  “I was there when her dad arrived at the apartment. It was… different. I can’t even explain what I saw, Jax. They didn’t huddle together and mourn their loss. He spoke to her as if he was telling a stranger that a loved one didn’t make it. She didn’t respond like a girl who had just lost her mother.”

  He lets out a heavy breath and shakes his head as if what he saw still doesn’t make sense to him.

  “She challenged him. She wanted to know exactly when her mother died. I mean down to the last detail. Her dad told her. Fuck, I’d be traumatized for life if someone had to tell me my dad died like that. Not Leigh. She needed to understand that she couldn’t save her mother. It was fucking heartbreaking.”

  I take a deep breath as regret grips my heart. I should’ve stayed with her. Fuck, I was stupid. I let her push me away while she needed me most.

  “I’m not telling you this to make you feel like shit. I’m telling you this so you’ll understand that she’s different. You’re polar opposites.”

  I lean forward and look Carter in the eyes. “Marcus said the same thing to me. I understand that you’re looking out for her.”

  He opens his mouth to say something, but I hold up my hand.

  “And that you’re looking out for me. What you and Marcus need to understand is that I know all of those things. I love her because she’s different. She challenges me. It’s because she’s my opposite that we fit so perfectly together. Now please tell me what time her flight is.”

  “It’s at three.”

  “Thank you.”

  I get up and look at the time as I leave his office. It’s ten am. I have five hours to get everything ready.

  ∞∞∞

  LEIGH

  When I walk into Starbucks, I take a deep breath of the aroma. I look around and spot Willow where she’s sitting at a table near the window. I make my way over to her and place my bag next to the table.r />
  “Have you ordered yet?”

  “Yes, and I got your favorite so you can sit.”

  When I’m seated, I smile at her. Seeing her now, I feel much better than I did yesterday. Knowing that I can help Marcus makes a significant difference in the atmosphere between us.

  “Marcus told me that you’re going to operate on him.”

  She takes hold of my hand and gives it a squeeze. I can see the hope and gratefulness swirling in her eyes, and it’s all the thanks I need.

  “How are you?” I ask, just wanting to catch up with my friend.

  “Work is okay. I don’t get to design my own pieces yet. It’s a family-owned business, so there isn’t exactly room for growth, you know.”

  “Can’t you find work at a fashion house that will allow you to make your own pieces?”

  They call Willow’s name, and she leaves to collect our order.

  “Thank you,” I say as I take a deep breath of the rich caffeine.

  “I need the experience.” She takes a sip of her beverage which is some green tea concoction. “How have you been? How’s your dad?”

  “He’s doing well. Still stubborn as hell.”

  “And you?” she asks from over the rim of her cup.

  “I finished my residency.” A memory flashes through my mind and I start to laugh. “The last time I visited you, you were right when you said we wouldn’t see each other for six years. I can’t believe how time has just flown by.”

  “At least we kept in contact,” she says but takes a deep breath when her eyes well with tears. “I miss you. I didn’t realize how much I needed to see you until yesterday.”

  “Me too. It’s really good seeing you again.”

  “It was nice of Mia and Logan to get married in Marcus’ room yesterday. It meant a lot to him.”

  “Yes. I didn’t expect to be invited. I felt a little out of place, but it was beautiful to see.”

  I got to meet Danny and she’s just as precious as I expected her to be. I’m happy for Carter that he found Della.

  It’s actually weird that I’ve grown closer to Carter than I am with Willow. I need to reconnect with my friend.

  “Are you going to go with Marcus to California?”

  “I have a meeting with one of the owners today, so I can ask for time off.”

  “You’re welcome to stay at my place.”

  “I’ll take you up on that.”

  Our conversation feels stilted, and I miss the easy-going feel we always had.

  “Remember when I came back into the apartment and I told you my mom died?”

  “Yeah,” she whispers.

  “I was with Jaxson that night.”

  Instantly her facial expression changes from somber to curious as she leans forward.

  “With him, or wiiith him?” She wiggles her eyebrows to emphasize the word.

  “I slept with him,” I whisper as a blush creeps up my neck.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” Leaning both her elbows on the table, she rests her chin on her linked fingers.

  I must’ve pulled a face because her eyes widen.

  “Was it that bad?” she gasps.

  I start to laugh and shake my head. “Actually the opposite of bad. It was amazing.” I search for the right words before I continue, “You know I’m not good at expressing my feelings, but when I was with him, it felt so natural. It felt right.”

  “What went wrong?” she asks gently, obviously seeing on my face that it hurts to talk about it.

  “He was supposed to make me hate him, but instead he made me fall in love with him,” I admit the words out loud for the first time.

  “I’m not following. Why was that a bad thing?”

  “Because I didn’t just lose my mom, Willow. I lost Jaxson as well. It multiplied the pain and grief.”

  It still hurts.

  Shock flashes across her face, then it’s quickly replaced by anger.

  “He walked out on you?” she hisses. “You should’ve told me, Leigh.”

  “He walked away because I told him to,” I whisper.

  She scrunches her face, clearly confused.

  “Love is a foreign concept for me. I mean the romantic kind.”

  “Why? It’s no different from any other kind.”

  She has a point. I don’t know how to explain myself. I look at my hands and spread them open on the table.

  “I can trust my hands to do exactly what I need them to do. I know they won’t tremble when I hold a scalpel. They’ll make a perfect incision. They’re steady and trustworthy.”

  “I get that you only trust what you see. You love your dad, right? You trust him?”

  “I do, but he’s my father, Willow. He raised me. He’s protected me since I took my first breath. He’s proven over and over that he will never fail me.”

  “I get it now,” she sighs as she leans back in her chair. “Your dad proved himself to you before you even knew what love was. Jaxson walked away after you realized you were in love with him.”

  “When I met him the night of the party… it was like striking a match. It’s as if chemicals reacted causing a combustion every time we spoke. He made me feel something I’ve never felt before.”

  She tilts her head and pins me with a serious look.

  “You mentioned that earlier. You do know feeling something for someone is a good thing, right?”

  I let out a burst of laughter which quickly turns sour.

  “Not when it hurts, Willow. That night almost broke me. For a while, I really thought it did. I won’t be able to cope with that kind of pain a second time.”

  Her expression turns gentle, and she smiles warmly.

  “It’s been almost six years. You’ve both changed. Jaxson is not the kind of man who walks away from those he loves.”

  “I know.” I look down at the caramel liquid in my cup. “He’s an amazing friend, just not to me.

  He’s supportive, understanding, caring and loving, just not to me.”

  “It’s because you didn’t get to know him, Leigh. You had just met him when your mother passed away. You had a night of wild sex, which I only found out about now. I’m not happy about that.” Her lips form an O as she realizes something. “Hold on.” With wide eyes, she stares at me. “Was Jaxson your first?”

  I want to crawl under the table as my face flushes. It’s funny how I have so much confidence when I walk into a hospital, but in everyday life, I have none.

  “He was my only,” I say so quietly, Willow has to lean in to hear me.

  “Well, that explains it all.”

  “It does?”

  I hate being confused. It makes my insides feel chaotic.

  “You shared something special with him. You opened yourself up to him in a way you never have before. You were vulnerable, emotional… you were one hell of a mess,” she adds dryly. “I felt the same when I had sex for the first time.”

  I frown at her. “You did?”

  She leans forward a look of understanding adding warmth to her gentle smile.

  “You had no one to talk to. If I had known, I could’ve explained it to you. But I’m here now, so let me sum it up for you.”

  I feel a twinge of sadness that I haven’t been a better friend to Willow since my mom died. Willow understands the way my mind works. It’s only her and Dad. Knowledge is my coping mechanism. I’m a realist. I lean forward, ready to absorb whatever information she’s going throw my way.

  “At some point, you and Jaxson made a connection. You liked what you saw, and he obviously liked what he saw. There was a spark. You know, like the combustion you referred to earlier.”

  I nod to show her I understand. It’s kind of similar to the big bang effect.

  There was one hell of a big bang between Jaxson and me that’s for sure.

  “When you slept with him, you let him in. Not just literally. You connect with the person on a deeper level. Again, not just literally.” She smiles teasingly. “I just had to say
that.”

  We laugh, and it eases some of the tension.

  “I don’t need to explain it to you, Leigh. You just have to admit to yourself that you like him. I think the problem is because you fell in love with him when you lost your mom, you’re scared you’ll lose him as well. You don’t want to take the risk of letting him in because you’re scared of what may happen. You don’t know if things will work out, or if they will. You don’t know if you’ll have one year with him or fifty. It’s normal to feel that way.”

  She looks at me pleadingly. “I can tell you one thing, though. You’ll regret it if you let him go. One year with him might be better than nothing at all. That’s why I’m with Marcus. I’d rather have these last few days with him and know I was loved, than walk away and wonder what it could’ve been like.”

  She’s right. I’ve been lying to myself. I’ve tried so hard to convince myself that I hate him because I’m scared of how I feel when I’m around him.

  “Why is it so scary to love someone?” I whisper.

  “It’s only scary if you focus on the probability that you can lose them. If you focus on the present and take it one day at a time, it’s not as scary. You have to decide which will hurt more – taking a chance on a man who could make you happy, or never taking a chance at all and growing old alone. Personally, living my life alone scares the living hell out of me.”

  “I hear what you’re saying.” I sigh and glance out of the window. “It’s been almost six years, Willow. He’s changed and so have I. Honestly, I don’t think we’ll get together. I just needed to talk to someone about it. You know, make sense of it all for myself.”

  Willow gets up and when I do the same, she gives me a hug.

  “You need to get going, or you’ll miss your flight. Just remember that you can talk to me about anything. We might live in different states, but I’ll always be there for you.”

  When I pull back, I press a kiss to her cheek.

  “Thank you. I really needed this.” We look at each other for a few minutes, and I give her the peace of mind she just gave me.

  “I’m going to fix him.”

  She nods as her eyes well with tears.

  “I believe in you, Leigh.”

  We walk out together and give each other one more hug before going our separate ways.