Gruff Tolls
Page 5
Gazelle, Youthful Indiscretion
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Sample Excerpts
From "Gratuitous Crossover"
At the far end of a closed-off alley, a rat searched around garbage cans for something to eat. It paused, wary; it felt something. It was nothing definite, but it sniffed the air as it twitched its whiskers, trying to discern what had disturbed it. Then it felt something stronger: the air became charged with static electricity. A breeze blew up as bits of flotsam whirled about. Staring at the brick wall that stretched across the back, it saw arcs of lightning flash across its face from one side of the alley to the other. A bright flash startled it, and it scuttled under a pile of debris to hide from whatever danger the strange phenomenon represented.
When the flash cleared, the back wall had disappeared. In its place could be seen the interior of a lab, with a console set just in front of the far wall. Eile and Sunny stepped across the dimensional breach with Annie Tuhl between them.
"...and then Sunny turns ta him and says, 'But it would work better with butterscotch!'" Eile said. She and Annie laughed as Sunny blushed and giggled in a nervous fashion.
They paused a couple of feet beyond the breach threshold. "You guys sure you have everything?" Annie asked.
Sunny patted the oversized handbag under her left arm; Eile carried one just like it. "Oh, sure! We're like the Boy Scouts: Always be prepared!"
Eile rolled her eyes in a sarcastic manner. "Yeah, right, only our merit badges are in spa treatments, hairstyling, and makeovers."
"Yessirree Bob! Those are the best kind!"
Annie grinned and flashed a facetious leer. "Get out of here, you fruitcakes. I've got work to do before the breach closes."
Eile chuckled as Sunny giggled. "Sure thing, Annie. See ya tomorrow."
A technician handed her the first of several floater surveillance devices. "Be careful, now!" she called out as they walked to the mouth of the alley.
When the Girls reached the street, they found themselves in the middle of a row of shops, with a similar row on the other side.
Sunny clapped her hands. "Okay! Let's get started. First things first: where's a newsstand?"
They looked around and saw a storefront three doors down on their left with newspapers and magazines stored in racks sitting on the sidewalk. They walked on over and began scanning headlines and mastheads. Several of them established that they were in that world's version of Baltimore, Maryland.
"Good," Eile said. "Getting money shouldn't be a problem, then."
"Look at this!" Sunny pointed to a magazine called Celebrity Gossip. It displayed a photo of two high school-age girls, one blond with a ponytail, the other with shoulder-length black hair; in front of them and to one side was the head and shoulders of a young sandy-haired man with his hand up in front of the camera. Above them a headline shouted: "HOMECOMING!" Beneath them was printed, "The World's First Look at the heirs to the FABULOUS PORNSTARR FORTUNE!" Underneath all that was the picture of a seedy man in bad need of a shave and sunglasses, beside which a caption read, "PLUS! PHILLIP GORGES tells how he saved the sisters from the HORROR of the LOVE SHACK!"
"Hmm, they look like us."
"Eh, kinda sorta, if you were me and I were you."
"'The Love Shack'. Sounds lurid! I wonder what that was all about?"
"Who cares about a coupla celebutante bimbos? Probably just some overblown piece of hype."
Sunny pointed to the masthead. "It's 2011 here; that's the same year as us."
"Huh. And I always thought Mabuse's device played fast and loose with the timestream."
"You know, this could be a pretty boring trip, if this world turns out to be the same as ours."
"That'd be fine by me; boring and safe." Eile walked up to the door and looked inside the shop. She spied a man behind the counter. "Hey! Any chance there's a pawn shop nearby?"
The man smiled and nodded. "Yeah, down to the left, turn right, and up the block halfways."
She smiled and waved. "Thanks a lot." She retreated back outside and took Sunny by the elbow. "There's a shop in the next block."
"I heard. Let's go, partner!"
The proprietor of the shop waited for the two girls to disappear from in front of his display window before he reached under the counter and pulled out a sheet of paper. On it was written, "Reward: For Information Concerning the Whereabouts of the Pornstarr Sisters". And a telephone number had been printed below a brief description. Turning around, he lifted the handle off the cradle of a wall phone and dialed the number.
"Hello? My name is Conrad; I run a small shop on Fayette Street." And he recited his address and telephone number.
"Is that reward still available? Well, I've seen them. They were just outside my shop not more than a minute ago. Yes, blonde hair and ponytail. Listen, they're heading for Greta's pawn shop on Sheridan Road, just a block east of me. If you hurry, you'll find them there." He paused as he listened to the voice at the other end.
"Good. So, ah, when do I get my reward? But I'm telling you, it's them; it's gotta be." He paused again as the voice railed at him.
"Alright, alright, calm down; I can wait. But don't try to stiff me, or there'll be trouble. I've got friends, if you know what I mean. Yeah, you got it. Yeah, thanks."
He hung up, grinning. He didn't really much care who he was dealing with or why they wanted those girls, or what they planned to do with them. He could make a lot of bets with $100,000, which would make his bookie buddies very happy. That was all he was interested in.
The Girls had no problem selling their heirlooms at the pawn shop, though Eile doubted they got full market value. Still, there was nothing they could do about that. Whenever they visited an alternative Earth, they needed local cash, and the only way to get it was to sell valuables. Fortunately, Medb had an almost unlimited supply, but finding people willing to buy them was another matter. That was why they preferred pawn shops; they generally weren't picky, and they paid on the spot. A legitimate dealer would probably have given them more, but would have asked questions they wouldn't want to answer, and in any event a dealer would have taken too long to pay off. Since normally they would be on a world for only a day, two at most, they needed spending money immediately.
When they left the shop, they crossed the street to a cafe to get a snack and plan their strategy.
"We should go back to that news store and buy a copy of each paper and magazine he has," Sunny suggested. "Then, I think we can just wander around here for awhile. The shops'll give us a good idea of their clothing fashion, arts and crafts, their food..." She held up her sandwich as an example.
"Yeah, not a bad idea. Accommodations might be a problem, but the locals should be able ta direct us to a pub or bed and breakfast or somethin'. I'm just glad they understand English. How much time we got left?"
Sunny swallowed a mouthful and looked at her watch. "A little over twenty-two hours before the breach reopens. I wonder what their nightlife will be like?"
Eile grinned; clubbing was Sunny's favorite pastime on their extraterrestrial jaunts, at least on worlds that had clubs. Then she frowned; her partner looked pensive.
"What's wrong?"
"I can't help thinking about those girls; the ones that magazine called the Pornstarrs. I wonder if they're this world's version of us. I wish we could meet them, even spend some time with them."
"I know wha'cha mean, but that might not be a good idea. We're not part of this world, we're just observers. We don't know anything about them or their lives. If they're famous we probably wouldn't even be able ta get clos
e ta them, and if they're not, how'd it look to them havin' two perfect strangers come up ta them and start askin' questions? Think Star Trek: we can't interfere, no matter how tempting it might seem. Besides, we're only gonna be here for a day, so how much could we find out anyways?"
Sunny flashed a warm smile. "Yeah, you're right, partner. We're here to do a job, and we'd better get started. You ready?"
"Yeah, pretty much so."
Sunny wrapped what was left of her sandwich in a paper napkin and stuffed it into her bag as she stood up. "Then let's go! Back to the news store."
A man stood in the doorway of a hat shop two doors down from the cafe, smoking a cigarette. He watched the girls as they stood and headed up the street. He threw his cigarette on the ground and stepped on it to put it out, then tapped at an earphone in his left ear as he followed them.
"Targets confirmed," he spoke into the microphone at his collar; "they are the Pornstarrs. Have them in sight. Heading towards Fayette Street. No sign of their bodyguard. Initiate Plan K. Will rendezvous at the warehouse. Out."
They walked at a brisk pace and he had to sprint a couple of times to keep up. He worried that they would get away before his people could get into position, but as they approached an alley on their right, a black van roared up in front of them and screeched to a halt, blocking their path. He stopped and watched as the side door opened and three men jumped out, making a grab for them. They didn't freeze or panic, but started backing away immediately, wary and tense, ready to fight or run. However, four more men came out of the nearest shop behind them, grabbed them, and pushed them towards the van. They put up a fight, each knocking one man down before the rest could subdue them; the one with the ponytail especially seemed strong and capable, and she needed four of the assailants to keep her under control. They threw them into the van, got in, and closed the door as it sped off, tires squealing, past him down the street. He pivoted and watched it turn left at the next street and disappear around the corner.
Smiling, he pulled a cell phone out of his pocket. Mr. X should be pleased, they had caught the sisters in record time. He hit a speed-dial button and it rang a couple of times before a message machine picked up.
"Yes, this message is for Mr. Palmer Versely. I have Penelope and Patricia Pornstarr. If you wish to see them again, with their virginity intact, you will make $100 million dollars ready for transfer to a Swiss bank account. I will contact you in a few hours."
He hung up, and checked the other saved numbers X had provided. There were a number of people who might be interested in paying for the sisters.
A bidding war just might be a good thing about now, he thought.
From "Shenanigans"
"You know, Dribble, it wouldn't hurt you to get stuffed now and then."
Differel felt her irritation flare. "Well, we can't all be slags like you, Maggot."
Rather than get angry Margaret smiled in triumph. Differel scowled; she always did know how to press her buttons. She was more frenemy than companion, so it was a mystery to her how they had become confidants. Yet they had shared an adventure when they were twelve that nearly got both of them killed, and from that they developed a rapport of mutual respect. Even so, their banter betrayed an underlying antagonism they both acknowledged with their nicknames.
"Seriously, you can't tell me you haven't fantasized about being shagged by someone like him." She pointed to the magazine between them. Peer's Quarterly had come out with its annual issue of the most eligible bachelors in the British aristocracy, and it lay open to the page on Lord Solsberry, the eldest son of the Marquess of Montmury, posing shirtless with a bow tie around his neck.
"Hmph. Like he'd have either