It's on Us

by Matthew Burkey-Gilchrist

  “I have a feeling that Rory and Tab are going to say the same thing.”

  “Because Rory and Tab are smart.”

  I rolled my eyes and sat down. “Do not say that to them. I’ll never hear the end of it.”

  “Can I be in your next video?” Cole asked.

  “Why would you want to be in a video?”

  “Because I think it’s important for people to see that you have us in your corner,” Cole said. “I want to be in it. I think you should ask Rory, Tab, and Danny, too.”

  “I don’t think they want to do something like that.”

  “Um, it was Rory’s idea.”

  “That doesn’t really surprise me,” I said.

  “So? Can I be in the next video?”

  “Sure, why not.”

  “Don’t sound so happy about it,” Cole replied.

  “I’m sorry,” I said. “But I’m pretty sure that putting yourself in that video puts a target on your back. Rory already won’t get to date the girl that he really likes because of me. I’d hate to be responsible for someone doing something to one of my friends.”

  “I think that’s our risk to take.”

  I sighed. If I couldn’t talk Cole out of it, there was no way that I could keep Rory, Tab, or probably even Danny from appearing in the video as well. It was a comforting gesture, one that I wasn’t really sure I was deserving of.

  “Alright, if you guys want to, then I’ll do another post.”

  “I think you need to,” Cole said. “You know, to show that they aren’t going to change you. Well, that, and I think it would be kickass to show them that they didn’t faze you. Take away the feeling that they accomplished something, and you’ll make them feel like the little dicks they are.”

  I knew that Cole was right, even if I didn’t want to admit it. I started this whole thing to give others a chance to see that they weren’t the only ones out there who might have felt lonely, isolated, or like they were weird. What kind of message would I be sending if I backed down the first time that something bad had happened?

  I had an army of people behind me: friends, family, even strangers on the internet. There were kids out there who were making due with far less. I owed it to them and to Noah to see this through. I squared my shoulders before looking back at Cole.

  “You’re right, I owe it to myself and to Noah to finish what I started.”

  “You know the old saying, ‘do or do not, there is no try’.”

  I grinned. “Master Yoda was never wrong, was he?”

  Cole shrugged. “Not that I’m aware of. Come on, let’s go find Rory and Tab. They’re going to be thrilled that they don’t have to convince you to make another one.”

  “They thought they were going to have to convince me?”

  “Well, either that, or tie you up and just force you to.”

  “I feel like that’s an entirely different kind of video,” I said.

  “Probably right,” Cole replied. “There are people who are always going to make fun of you for something, trust me. My whole school knows about the dueling league now. Yeah, there are some weird looks and comments, but I’ve found that if I ignore them, they go away pretty quickly. Being called weird, or a freak, or anything else only works if you allow it you have power over you. Own the word, man. I’m proud to be a nerd, geek, weirdo… well, you get my point.”

  Again, I couldn’t help but smile. Why did he have to be so damn adorable?

  “Just own it, huh?”

  “Own your weirdness and your gayness,” Cole said with a grin. “It’s the only way to be.”

  “You know, Ryan said the same thing, I mean, about letting a word have power of you, not about owning your weirdness or your gayness,” I clarified. “Although I suppose he’d prolly say something close.”

  “Then it has to be right.”

  “It’s not like he’s Master Yoda.”

  “True. He’s taller and better looking,” Cole said.

  “Also a valid point. Doesn’t mean that he’s always right.”

  “He has been so far.”

  I smiled again. “Alright. I hate how easily I can be swayed by you guys.”

  “Call it a gift,” Cole said. “Come on.”

  CHAPTER 18

  “You do not do evil to those who do evil to you,

  but you deal with them with forgiveness & kindness.”~ Prophet Muhammad

  I stayed home from school the next day, mostly because they still hadn’t found the culprit, and because my mother was in total mama bear mode. I lay around the house, though I did check all my social media sites every now and then. It seemed like the whole incident had pretty much backfired on whoever wrote it. There were a lot more people that seemed pissed about it than okay with it. The thought made me smile. Maybe the world wasn’t a hopeless disaster after all.

  I wouldn’t say the next day at school was easy, but Rory and Tab stuck around me like a protective bubble. Even Danny and Luke joined in. By the time that we sat down for lunch, half the soccer team was sitting with us. It was comforting and a stark reminder that maybe if we had pulled together this well for Noah, things might have been different.

  After school that day, we drove to the park, completely ignoring the fact that Rory was way behind in the polls, something that Tab felt the need to point out. Rory just said that he didn’t care. I believed him.

  A light rain had started to fall by the time we got to the park. We dashed from Rory’s car down the path and to the safety of the gazebo. Thunder rumbled in the distance, making me wonder if we should have put this off for another day. I still wasn’t sure that I could do this, but every time that I thought about giving up, I thought of Noah. I thought of how much different things could have turned out if he had someone, anyone, to turn to. Maybe it wouldn’t have made a difference. Maybe it would have made all the difference in the world.

  “You got this,” Rory said, bringing me back to the present. “And we got you, remember?”

  I let out a sigh. “I know.”

  “They don’t get to win,” Danny said. He was standing next to Rory with his arms crossed. “We’re behind you, man, all of us. And now they get to see that, too.”

  “What do we do if they do something worse?”

  “Then we show them they’re wrong,” Cole said.

  He gave me that dimple-filled smile, and I had to push down a surge of tears. Cole was straight and he always would be. The sooner that I started dealing with the fact that he was never going to have those kinds of feelings for me, the better. First Danny and now Cole. I had one hell of a record as the only out gay kid I knew. I could only hope that I wouldn’t always be falling for the straight guy.

  Rory jogged over to the railing where he gave me a thumbs up, signaling we were recording.

  “A few days ago, some people decided to paint the word faggot across my locker, problaby in attempt to hurt me. It did. It hurt a lot. It tore me up inside. It made me feel like shit.”

  I took a deep breath before continuing.

  “But you know what else? It also reminded me of why I’m doing this. It reminded me of all the petty, small minded assholes out there. You have freedom of speech. That doesn’t mean freedom from the consequences of your speech. It reminded me that we still have a long way to go in this world to accept people for who they are.”

  I looked up into the smiling faces of my friends. Seeing them all standing there, it filled me with a swell of hope that I could do this. That I needed to do this.

  “You haven’t won,” I said. “You haven’t even come close to winning. We have to do better. We have to make sure that no one else takes their life the way Noah did. We have to start watching out for each other and treating each other like we’re human beings. Black, white, gay, straight, christians, muslims, people of every faith and ever color.”

  “I can take it,” I continued, standing a little straighter. The more I talked, the more steady my trembling voice became. “I’m not afraid of wo
rds. I’m not afraid of YouTube comments. I can handle whatever the hell you want to throw at me. For everyone out there who needs someone to stand up for them, I’ll be that guy. Because changing this world. Making it better for every other Noah out there, it’s on me.”

  “It’s on me,” Rory said, moving to my side. “It’s not your fault if you don’t feel safe, but you’ll always be safe around me. You need someone to walk down the hall with you, come find me. You need someone to sit next to you at lunch, that’s me. You need someone to talk to, I’m your guy.”

  “And it's on me,” Tab said, coming to stand on the other side of me. “I looked away. I didn’t want to get involved. That stops now. I could have lost my best friend the same way that we lost Noah. I can’t do that. We can’t keep doing that.”

  “And it’s on me,” Danny said. “I ignored it, too I watched kids eat lunch alone. I said ‘that’s so gay’, I did a lot of things that weren’t cool. I can’t do that anymore. Everyone at school needs to stop turning a blind eye to bullying. We can stop this. We have to stop this.”

  “It’s on me, too,” Cole said. He stood next to Tab. “I can do better. I can judge less, open my eyes more, and invite more people in.”

  “It’s on us,” I said. “All of us, no matter our age, our sexual orientation, our religious creed, our skin color. It all comes down to us. We can either fall together or fight together. We can raise each other up or tear each other down. At the end of the day, it’s on us to love each other and that’s all that we can do.”

  “Oh and if any of you assholes think that you can write that shit on his locker again, I will find you and I can most assuredly kick your ass,” Tab said with a smile.

  “Until next week,” I said, not even trying to suppress a smile. “Stay safe and may the force be with you.”

  Rory hurried over to the phone and turned it off. I let out a huge sigh of relief. I had managed to struggle through it. It might not be the most eloquent speech in the world, but at least it came from the heart.

  “You guys know what you just did, right?”

  “Stood up for our friend?” Danny asked.

  I shook my head, although I couldn’t keep the smile off my face. “You just painted a huge target on your backs, even more so than that scuffle in the hall.”

  “So what?” Tab said, shrugging his shoulders. “It’s not like we haven’t done that before. We’re gymnasts, remember?”

  “This is different.”

  “Of course it’s different,” Rory said, putting a hand on my shoulder. “This time we’re standing up for someone we love.”

  “And even if we weren’t doing that,” Danny added. “It’s still the right thing to do. All of us walked past Noah that day, Henry, not just you. We’re all guilty of not reaching out. Like you said, we have to do better.”

  “Do you think we can do better?” I asked. “I mean do you think that people are going to take what we said seriously?”

  Rory shrugged. “Even if they don’t, that doesn’t mean we can’t make a change. Everything starts with an idea or a person. We just need to keep it moving forward.”

  “You’re making it sound so easy,” I replied.

  I knew they were right, though. Once you started something like this, you had to follow through.

  “I guess there are much worse things to be known for,” I finally said. “And I guess the company’s not too bad.”

  “The company is amazing and you know it,” Tab said. He turned to Rory. “And I really, really don’t think that you’re going to be able to pull a win out of this. Unless Hunter, like, kicks a puppy or something.”

  “I don’t care,” Rory said, shaking his head.

  “You really don’t care?”I asked.

  Rory shook his head. “Not really. I don’t want to lead people who are that narrow-minded.”

  “Speaking of that whole electing student council Homecoming thing,” Danny said. “Are you still planning on singing? I mean, the talent show is on Friday.”

  “That’s my plan. Hopefully I don’t get booed off the stage,” Rory said.

  “I don’t think they are going to care that much that you stood up for Henry,” Tab said. “However, your horrible singing voice and the bleeding ears might actually make people throw things at your face.”

  “I do not have a horrible singing voice,” Rory snapped. “It’s amazing, actually.”

  “I guess we’ll just have to wait and see,” Danny said. “I’m going to get going. Text if you need anything.”

  “Do you mind if I come to this wonderful talent show?” Cole asked.

  “The more the merrier,” Rory said. “Besides, all the proceeds go to the art and theater department. Bring Giovanni and Scarlett, too.”

  “Oh, I intend to,” Cole said. “I’m going to get going, too. I’ll see you guys Friday.”

  “See ya around.”

  I turned and watched Danny and Cole jog to their cars.

  “Hmm, I can’t tell which one had a better ass,” Rory said, coming to stand next to me. “Although, really, I think I’m going to have to go with Cole.”

  “What? Are you kidding me?” Tab snapped. “No way. It’s Danny’s.”

  I laughed. “I can’t believe we’re having this conversation.”

  “Oh, believe it,” Rory said as he draped an arm over my shoulders. “Because this is going to be your life now.”

  “I hate saying that you guys are pretty amazing.”

  “Yeah, we know.”

  “So, still up for that bonfire Friday night?”

  “Of course,” I said. “Assuming Rory doesn’t deafen us.”

  “And what time we heading to the dance on Saturday?” Tab asked.

  I stopped walking in my tracks.

  “Don’t tell me you still aren’t going?” Tab asked.

  “I hadn’t really made up my mind yet,” I admitted with a shrug. “But, I’m leaning toward no.”

  “Why not?” Tab asked as he crossed his arms over his chest. “You are a hella good dancer.”

  “And who would I dance with?”

  “I dunno… us!” Rory said. “Who are also hella good dancers.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t think so, guys.”

  “We’ll be great dates,” Tab replied. “Come on. I promise not to even get handsy.”

  I laughed. “You guys should find some girls to go with, really.”

  “Oh no,” Rory said as we started walking again. “You are not getting out of it that easy. Why don’t you ask Cole? I’m sure he’d love to go with you.”

  “Cole is not gay.”

  “You don’t know that,” Tab pointed out. “But, we’d love to take you. Really, me and Rory already talked about it. We don’t want you to miss out on a good time just because there happen to be a few assholes at our school.”

  “And again, I don’t need to be anyone’s pity date.”

  Both Tab and Rory frowned.

  “Who said you would be?” Rory asked.

  “Just no, guys. Thanks, but I really think that I’ll just stay home. You guys should go find someone that you’d want to spend the night with. Can we please drop it now?”

  “Consider it dropped,” Tab said, holding up his hands in defeat. “I still think you’re making a mistake, though.”

  “Thanks,” I said. “And thanks again for saying that stuff. You guys really are amazing.”

  “Yet you won’t be our date,” Rory said. “Clearly we aren’t that amazing.”

  “Come we please not go down that road?” I asked as we approached the car. “Really, I promise that it has nothing to do with guys.”

  “Bah, you don’t know what you’re missing,” Tab said.

  “You’re probably right,” I said. “But can we just go home now?”

  Rory dropped me off at home thirty minutes later and by the time I got there, I was starting to feel pretty good about creating another video. Maybe my friends were right. Maybe this was the right th
ing to do and it would change things. I stepped through the door and into the house and immediately the smell of chili and cinnamon rolls hit my nose.

  “Hey,” Davis said as he walked past me. “You doing okay?”

  “About as best as can be expected,” I replied. We stood there for a moment. “Look, I need to say I’m sorry.”

  Davis’s brow furrowed. “You’re sorry for what?”

  “I’m not going to apologize for being who I am or for coming out, but I should have thought about what it might mean for you and my friends. Things haven’t exactly gone according to plan, I guess.”

  “It could be worse,” Davis said. “But thanks. You really didn’t have to apologize, though. I’m your brother. I’ll follow you through anything, you know that. And as for Rory and Tab, well, they’re pretty much family and some of the most loyal guys I know. Pretty sure they’ll follow you through anything, too.”

  “I’m not sure I deserve that loyalty,” I said.

  Davis cocked his head to the side, kinda like a confused puppy.

  “What?”

  “Just wondering when you became so badass.”

  “I’ll let you know when I figure it out myself.”

  We walked into the kitchen, where my mom was just finishing up a phone call. She looked less than pleased when she put her phone down.

  “Uh oh, what’s wrong?”

  “That was Cody’s mother,” she said. “They’ve decided to pull Cody off the team.”

  “What?” Davis snapped. “Why the hell would they do that?”

  “They’re just doing what they think is best–” she started to say.

  “So teaching their kid to be a biggoted asshole is best?” Davis snapped, interrupting her.

  I arched an eyebrow. I knew that Davis was opening up the idea of me being gay, and I knew that he would be supportive, but I had never imagained that he’d come around this quickly.

  “I appreciate your sentiment, but you need to calm down,” my mom said. “We can’t change how people are going to act. We can only change how we respond to them. Letting them see us getting upset and screaming at them is not going to change their minds.”