Learning to Live

by Brenda Kennedy

  Chapter Two: Game Changer

  Nichole

  I’m not surprised when I wake up with a slight hangover. I can’t remember the last time I drank an entire bottle of wine by myself. Rolling over, I look at the clock. My first thought is panic that I’ve slept in from opening the bakery, but then I realize we’re closed today. My second thought is, where’s Connor? Then I remember he’s with Ava and Chase. It’s 9:00 and it feels great to sleep in for a change. I think this is another first for me. I lie in bed and remember last night. The fire, the wine, the pizza, and the flirting. God, did I really flirt back? I place the pillow over my head from embarrassment. God, I did.

  The phone rings; it’s Ava. “Good morning, Ava.”

  “Good morning. Did I wake you?”

  I clear my throat. “No, I was awake. How’s Connor?”

  “He’s good. He wants to stay for lunch, if that’s all right? Chase will bring him home shortly after we eat.”

  I fluff my pillow and lean up against the white headboard. “Of course it’s okay. Are you sure, though? You already have enough going on there with the twins.”

  “It’s fine. He’s actually a big help, and we like having him here.”

  Running my hands through my long hair, I say, “Okay, I’ll be here when you decide to drop him off.”

  She laughs and I hear squealing in the background. “I need to go, the girls are tearing up my house, but Chase should be there around 1:00, or shortly after.”

  We hang up, and I have a cup of coffee and take two Tylenols for my headache. I shower and get ready to meet Luke at the dog park. I decide on a pair of yoga pants and a white sweatshirt I got while visiting Rachael in the Outer Banks. I don’t want to seem like I’m putting too much effort into this. Some gold-studded earrings and I look like I’m ready for a casual day at the dog park with Connor, Luke, and Dale. I get butterflies just thinking about seeing him again. I make two turkey and Swiss sandwiches on a Kaiser roll for Luke and me, and a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich for Connor. I add some carrots and celery sticks in a baggie, a few pieces of fresh fruit, three cookies for dessert from the bakery, and some bottled water. A small effort, but it looks like an appetizing meal. Connor might not be hungry since he’ll have just had lunch with Ava and Chase. In that case, maybe Luke will feed Connor’s meal to Dale. Can dogs have peanut butter and jelly? I decide to make Dale a turkey and Swiss sandwich, too.

  I visit with Chase for a few minutes before taking Connor to the dog park. I’m feeling excited about seeing Luke today. I decide Connor and I should stop by the pet store to pick up some healthy treats and a few toys for Dale. I shake my head at the thought of Dale eating pizza for his dinner last night. What other junk does Luke feed him? I’m not sure a dog can stomach foods like that. He seems to be okay and he definitely seemed to like it.

  I look in the review mirror at Connor, who’s sitting in his car seat. “Do you want to stop by and get Dale a toy from the pet store?”

  “Can we look at the puppies, too?”

  “I think we’ll have time for that.”

  “Can we buy one, too?”

  I smile in the mirror at him. “Don’t push your luck.”

  “Okay, Momma, but I really, really want a puppy.”

  While at the pet store, Connor spends time in the middle of the store watching and playing with the puppies, kittens, and bunnies. I speak with a clerk about healthy dog snacks and treats. I also ask him about vitamins for dogs. To my surprise, there really is such a thing.

  Connor and I buy some dog snacks and a few toys for Dale. I’m very proud of Connor when he doesn’t ask again about getting a dog, cat, bird, gerbil, or bunny. I love how much he loves animals, but there’s no way we have room at the bakery for one, and I don’t have the time needed to care for one.

  We arrive at the dog park, and I take Connor and our picnic basket to a nearby shade tree. Connor and I scope out a few dogs that look friendly for him to play with. The pets’ owners are nice and always seem happy to let Connor play with them.

  I consume myself with Connor and his happiness that I don’t even notice the time. When I feel like someone is watching me, I stand and look around the park, expecting to see Luke. I’m disappointed when he isn’t here. Connor and I walk to the picnic basket where I left my cell phone. It’s already 2:30. I know that Luke said he would be here at 2:00. He doesn’t have my number and can’t call me, so I have no idea if he’s running late, or just decided not to come. It doesn’t really matter. Connor and I would have come to the dog park anyway. I do hope that he’s all right and nothing serious has happened to him.

  “How about we take a break and have some lunch?”

  “Ok, Momma, I’m thirsty.”

  Connor and I wash up with the baby wipes I brought, and then we both have lunch at the picnic table. He tells me what he did last night while staying with Ava, and I listen carefully to every word. Every time I look at him I try to memorize the shape of his brows, the fullness of his cheeks, the shade of his green eyes. I also try to memorize his sweet little voice.

  “You know how much I love you, right?”

  He giggles. “To the moon and back?”

  “And to infinity.”

  “You always say that.”

  “Because I always mean it.” I put the trash back into the picnic basket and glance back at my watch. It’s now past three. “How ‘bout we go home?”

  “Okay. They’re not coming, are they, Momma?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  On the drive home, I can’t help but wonder what happened to Luke today. He doesn’t seem like the person to just lie to someone. It’s not like it was a date; we were just going to meet up at the park. Something must have happened. I just hope it isn’t anything serious.

  Luke

  My thoughts have been in a fog ever since Monica called to tell me she was pregnant. I don’t believe her, but I guess there’s always a slight possibility that maybe it could happen. Condoms aren’t a hundred percent safe, right? I look down at my dick with disgust. This is all your fault.

  Monica sits across from me on the wooden chair. She’s tan, her skin is flawless, and a person seeing her for the first time would think she’s stunning. The saying that beauty is only skin deep is correct. It isn’t until you get to know her that you learn how screwed up she is. There should be a warning sign written across her forehead to alert men of danger. She’s as fucked up as they come. She became this obsessive controlling bitch and wouldn’t take no for an answer unless she wanted no for an answer. I tried breaking up with her nicely, but she started becoming clingy and needy. The more I tried to break away from her, the more she’d lie to be with me. Finally, I had to change my number and started spending more time on the farm. It’s almost impossible to run into someone on a dead end road.

  My mind races with the last time I was intimate with Monica. How long has it been? Two or three months? Some days it seems longer, and then other days it feels like the nightmare I lived was just yesterday.

  We’re sitting in a small diner just on the outskirts of town. When she called me, she wanted to come over to my house so we could talk. I’ve learned my lesson on that. If she comes over, I’ll have to physically force her to leave or call the police to escort her out of my house. Then she wanted me to go to her house so we could talk there. That wasn’t going to happen either. A public place is the only place I’ll meet Monica.

  I sit across from her and she pulls out something wrapped in a paper towel from her purse. I carefully remove the paper towel, revealing a home pregnancy test strip. “You show me a stick with two red lines and I’m supposed to believe what? You’re pregnant? That it’s mine?”

  “Yes, that is exactly what you’re supposed to think.”

  “Honestly, I’m having a hard time believing this is even a legit test. People sometimes sell positive pregnancy tests to make money.”

  “What? You think I drew t
hose red lines on it, or bought it from someone? It’s positive, Luke, and you’re the dad. Now what are you going to do about it?”

  The waitress walks over and I raise my hand to dismiss her. I refocus my attention to Monica. “Yeah, as a matter of fact, I do think you drew those red lines on it.”

  “And why would I do that?”

  “Why do you do anything you do?” To trap me. To extort money from me. To force us to be a couple. Marriage.

  She leans into the table. “You think you’re some prize to be won,” she hisses. “You think you’re something special?”

  I lean in even closer to the table and my voice is just a whisper. “No, but after the incident the last time we were together, you must understand my concern.” I remember it so clearly. I went to her house to get the last of my belongings, and she said if I broke up with her, she would call the police and say I hit her. My career and my reputation would suffer from her lies. Those who know me would know that could never be the truth, but people who don’t know me would surely side with her. I couldn’t risk it. I couldn’t take the chance of her following through with such a lie. I stayed and the next day when she left, I ran far and fast from her.

  She smiles and sits back in her seat. She raises her voice and I glare at her. “Look, like it or not, I’m pregnant and it’s yours.” She gently places both of her hands on her abdomen.

  I hear the gasps and can feel the dirty looks from the other patrons. I swear this bitch took drama classes in college. I lean in closer and smile for the audience. “Prove it.”

  She tosses me the pregnancy test strip. “I did. Duh,” she says, rolling her eyes like a teenager.

  “Take another test. Right here. Right now.” Before she can tell me she can’t because she doesn’t have one, I pull a box from my jacket pocket and toss it on the table.

  “I can’t believe you went out and bought a pregnancy test?”

  “Excuse me for having my doubts. Just take the test, will you?”

  She releases a huff of air. “Fine.”

  What? Really? She stands. She’s wearing a flowing shirt and a pair of jeans. She never wears flowing, baggy, or loose-fitted clothing. “Watch my purse,” she says as she storms off to the restroom.

  I expected a fight, or at least an argument. Why is she so eager to take this test? Do I have anything to worry about? I always wore protection. I wipe the sweat from my brow, and look around the room. Members of the audience we had earlier have now gone back to enjoying their meal and their company. She’s wearing a loose top. Would she be showing? Is she smart enough to be acting the part so soon? I exhale loudly. I swear the next eighteen years of my life replay in my mind. What if she is pregnant? Child support is the last thing I’m worried about. My ties to Monica are what haunt me the most. To be a father to our child, I’ll need to be around her. We’ll need to talk to discuss the baby and how it should be raised. We have different opinions, and raising a child will be a major task. We won’t be a couple, but we’ll still need to communicate. Often. I blame this all on my dick. It’s his fault. If she is pregnant, I’ll never be rid of her. She’ll always be in my life, one way or another. I make a white-knuckled fist as I sit there and wait. How will I be able to make this work? I’m single and childless in my fifties. This was no accident. It was a well-executed plan on my part.

  The wait feels too long. How long does it take to pee on a stick? I sit up straighter when I see her walking towards me carrying the opened box. My heart races, but I try to remain calm. A baby? At my age? How can this be happening? I honestly have no idea if this is true, how I’ll make it work. When we split up, I never wanted to see her again. Hatred is a harsh word, but it’s the nicest word I have to describe my feelings for her. If this test is negative, I’ll want to rush out and get a vasectomy. If this test is positive, I’ll still want to rush out and get a vasectomy. Makes me wish I already had one.

  She sits down without saying a word, and tosses the opened box on the table. I wait for her to say something or at least show me the test strip, but she just sits there. Smug. No expression on her face. Nothing to reveal her thoughts. I pick up the pregnancy test box and find it’s empty. What the hell!

  “Well?”

  “What?” she asks.

  What does she mean what? “Where’s the test?”

  “I couldn’t pee.”

  Of course she couldn’t. I stand to leave and say, “If you need me for anything, contact my attorney.”

  Nichole

  It’s been three days since Luke and I sat outside and had pizza by the fire. It’s been two days since he didn’t show up at the dog park. I’m worried and slightly upset with him for not trying to contact me. Maybe I have no right to feel like this. After all, it wasn’t a date we had planned, but we did have plans for the day. Even if it wasn’t a date, he could have stopped in at the bakery to let me know why he wasn’t there. I keep telling myself I’m more upset for Connor. He was disappointed, and I hate seeing him face disappointment so early in his young life.

  It’s just before closing when I see a familiar truck pull up outside. Rachael is gone for the day and Connor’s at school. I’m surprised to see Luke here in the middle of the day. He gets out of the truck, wearing jeans, a gray tee-shirt, and work boots.

  The last customer stands from the table. “Thank you,” she says before walking out the door.

  I remove my apron and close up the display cabinets. I don’t want this to feel awkward, but it does. It was a disappointment when Luke didn’t show up at the dog park. Maybe he has a good reason. I’m not sure that it even matters. I hate the feeling of disappointment. I expected more of him. I expected that when he said something he would commit to it. Even if it is saying he’ll be someplace at a certain time.

  While washing my hands, I hear the bell over the door chime. “Is it too late for a coffee and an apology?”

  A man who knows when he’s wrong is a man who’s after my own heart. I dry my hands and try to hide my smile. I can’t let him off the hook so fast. I turn around slowly. “You’re in luck: If you have the apology, I have the coffee.”

  I pour coffee for both of us and we take a seat at the small two-top table in the corner of the room. I remain silent, waiting for him to speak.

  “It was never my intention to hurt you. The day I was going to meet you and Connor at the dog park, I received an unexpected phone call.”

  Concern fills me. My first thought is something happened to someone he cares about. “I hope everything’s okay.”

  His eyes meet mine. “It’s not what you think.” He doesn’t give me time to say anything else. “I broke up with a girl a few months ago.”

  Oh, he’s here to tell me he’s getting back with her. I feel a twinge of sadness, but I try to hide it. “I understand, Luke.”

  “No, I don’t think you do, Nichole.” He lowers his coffee mug from his lips. “She called to tell me that she’s pregnant.”

  “Oh.” This isn’t what I thought he was going to tell me. I can see the sadness on his face. Shouldn’t he be happy about this? Maybe the relationship ended badly. Of course it ended badly, otherwise they’d still be together. “This comes as a surprise to you?”

  “It does. I asked to meet her and she showed me a positive pregnancy test strip.” I was hoping to get to know him better. To get to know him on a personal level. Should I congratulate him? It doesn’t seem fitting. “With the past we had, I didn’t believe that she could be pregnant. Then when she produced a positive test, I even questioned that.” He looks past me and says, “We didn’t date long, and she wasn’t the person I thought she was.”

  “It sounds complicated.”

  “It was.” He runs his hands through his graying hair. “It is.”

  “What are you planning on doing?”

  “Before I met her at the diner that day, I stopped by and bought a pregnancy test from the drug store.”

  “You didn’t believe
her?”

  “No, not at all. After she showed me the positive test, I told her I would wait while she took another test right there at the diner while I waited.”

  I’m shocked. She must have done a number — or a number of numbers — on him for him to be so doubtful. “What did she do?”

  “She went into the restroom, and I waited for her at the table.”

  Just tell me already. “Are congratulations in order?” I ask sarcastically. I know this is not a laughing moment. I just feel like I need to take some tension off of him.

  He smiles slightly. It’s the first smile I’ve seen from him today. Well, if you can call it a smile. It’s close enough. “When she finally returned after what felt like hours, she said she couldn’t pee.”

  I recall when I was pregnant with my son, I could pee even when I didn’t know I had to. Of course, I don’t say that.

  “I knew right then that she was lying. I told her to contact my attorney if she needed me for anything else.”

  “Wow.” I sit back in my seat. “I don’t know what to say.” I’m not sure why he’s telling me all of this. Why not just say something came up and he’s sorry? Why is he going into great detail about this?

  “I just wanted you to know that I really wanted to be at the park that day with you and Connor. But I had to — I needed to — take care of this with Monica first. I should have called you at the bakery, but I didn’t think about it at the time.”

  “I understand.” I could tell him I know all about crazy women, crazy men, and crazy relationships, but I don’t. Some things are better kept to yourself.

  “I just wanted to be honest with you.” He takes a deep breath and says, “The first warning sign I saw, I tried to end it with her. The more I tried to break it off with her, the crazier she became.”

  “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

  “Thank you. If it’s okay with you, I’d like to reschedule our date in the park.” Date in the park? My belly flutters at the mention of a date. “I also need to apologize to Connor. I know he was looking forward to playing with Dale.”

  I remember the toys and snacks we bought for Dale and the disappointment on his little face when they weren’t there. “He was pretty disappointed,” I admit sadly.

  Luke leans up in his chair. “I hate to think I was the reason for that.”

  I’d like to reschedule a play date in the park with Connor and Dale. But I don’t want to expose Connor to another chance of being let down. I don’t think Luke would stand us up again, but what if he did? I have to protect Connor. “What if we just plan on being at the park at the same time one day. Would that be okay?”

  “You don’t trust me?” he asks sadly.

  I sigh. “I just don’t want to chance that something else won’t come up again.”

  “I understand, but you can trust me to not hurt him again. If I say I’ll be there, I’ll move heaven and earth to be there.”

  “To hurt me is one thing; to hurt my grandson is another.”

  Luke

  Nichole’s last statement cut me to my core. I know she’s protective of her grandson, as she should be. I can’t imagine what it’s like for her to be raising her only grandson alone. I don’t know the story of why or how she gained custody of him. Maybe one day she’ll feel like sharing it with me. I have wondered if her only son didn’t die, or I guess it’s possible that he could have been on drugs and wasn’t able to care for him. But what about the child’s mother? Where is she?

  “I’ll be at the park at 5:00 pm.” I had no plans of taking Dale to the park today, but if it means I get to spend more time with Nichole, then I’ll be there.

  “Today?” she asks.

  I look at my watch. “In three hours, to be exact.” She looks hesitant. “If today doesn’t work, I’ll be there tomorrow, too.”

  She giggles. “What if tomorrow doesn’t work for us either?”

  Think, Luke. “It just so happens, Dale and I will be at the park every day this week at 5:00.”

  “Every day, you say?”

  “Every single day until I run into you. I owe Connor an apology.” The alarm on my phone alerts me that I have an expected delivery coming in. “I need to get back to the farm, but maybe I’ll see you later this evening,” I say as I stand from the table.

  “I need to get back to work, too. Thank you for stopping in. I do appreciate that.” She also stands from the table and reaches for both coffee mugs.

  “I’m sorry it took so long. I needed to make sure Monica was done playing her games.”

  “And is she done?” she asks.

  “For now.” It’s the most honest answer I can give.

  After the delivery comes and I get everything put away, Dale and I eat before heading to the dog park. I’m glad that Nichole and I talked today and that she wasn’t too upset with me. She also let me know where she stands with Connor. “To hurt me is one thing; to hurt my grandson is another.” I would never hurt her, and I certainly will never do anything to hurt Connor.

  Dale and I play ball and Frisbee until 6:30. “Well, boy, it looks like she might be madder than I thought. Lucky for you, you get to come back again tomorrow.” He wags his tail in understanding. I guess this is my payback. She probably wants me to know what it feels like to be stood up. It sucks. Feeling disappointed, we leave and head home.

  Nichole

  When Connor gets off the school bus, we have dinner and play a few games together. When I ask him if he wants to go to the dog park, I’m surprised at his answer.

  “Can we watch a movie instead?”

  I don’t tell him about Luke being here earlier today; I don’t want to take the chance that Luke may not be there again. Connor and I don’t watch much television, so I’m surprised when he asks to watch a movie. Movie nights are special for us, since we don’t have them very often.

  “Sure, what do you want to watch?”

  “Can we watch Trolls?”

  “Trolls? Where did you hear about that movie?”

  “I watched it at Ava and Chase’s house. It’s funny, you’ll like it,” he says, nodding his head.

  I smile at my little boy. “Okay, should I make popcorn?”

  He hops down off the couch and says, “Yep, and we need to wear our pajamas, too.”

  Sounds good to me. I make the popcorn and think that if I had Luke’s phone number, I would call him and let him know tomorrow might be a better day for us to meet. I hope he isn’t too disappointed that we aren’t there. He’ll probably think it’s intentional. I smile to myself. Why am I feeling a little pleasure from thinking that? It’ll be good for him to get a taste of his own medicine.

  The next day, just before closing time, I see Skylar and Drew pull up outside.

  Connor’s still at preschool, and Rachael and I are cleaning up. “There’s the kids,” Rachael says, smiling. Rachael had a set of identical twin boys. One of her sons passed away from cancer nearly two years ago, and his twin, Drew, married a friend of Ava’s. “I haven’t seen them in days,” she says.

  Rachael removes her apron and greets them at the door. I brew some fresh coffee and get some cookies and pastries set out on a serving platter for everyone. “Long time, no see,” she says.

  I remove my apron and greet them with Rachael. I hug Skylar and then Drew after Rachael does, and we take a seat at the table.

  “I was waiting for a call to see how the charity event went,” Rachael says, pouring everyone a cup of coffee.

  Drew lost his leg during combat a few years earlier. They don’t talk much about it, and I don’t ask. I didn’t know until someone told me that Drew had a missing limb. I see him often and I couldn’t tell from his gait; he walks very well with his prosthetic leg. Modern prosthetics are much better than they were the days of wooden legs. I love science.

  “It was great,” Drew says. “They raised a significant amount of money for our injured war vets and their families.�
��

  “That’s great news,” Rachael beams.

  “There’s more,” Skylar says.

  “Oh?” Rachael seems surprised.

  Drew shuffles in his seat, and I wonder if it isn’t personal. I decide to busy myself with placing a pastry on each of the plates.

  “I didn’t know until the other night, but I know who the man is who saved me that night in Afghanistan. He was in the vehicle behind mine when the bomb went off. I was in so much pain, and with all the commotion, I never got the name of the person who helped me. He wasn’t in our platoon since they had just called in reinforcements.

  I look at Rachael and she places her hand over her heart. “He was at the event?” she asks.

  “He was. He gave a speech about it.”

  “Oh, Drew. I wish I could have been there.” Rachael wipes the tears falling from her eyes.

  Drew speaks softly. “I met him once here, and I thought he looked familiar, but I didn’t know from where.”

  “You met him here? At the bakery?” I ask in surprise. Could it be one of my customers is a small-town hero? I’m sure there are several who could fit that description. Sometimes people are modest, and you don’t find out they were war heroes until you read their obituary.

  “Do we know him?” Rachael asks.

  Drew says, “I don’t know. I saw him here only that one time. But then again, I’m not here all that often.”

  “You may remember him, Nichole.” Skylar sits straighter and holds Drew’s hand. “He was here one night after closing. The night Ava was pregnant and we all came in for lemon tarts and coffee.”

  “Luke Tanner?” I ask.

  “Yes, do you remember him?” Skylar asks.

  I can feel Rachael looking at me. I don’t think she knows him. “He’s been here a few times. He doesn’t stand out so you probably wouldn’t remember him.”

  Rachael looks back at Drew.

  Luke Tanner’s a hero? He’s never mentioned any of this. Why would he? We haven’t ever spoken about anything serious before. I’ve seen him only in brief encounters. We did have drinks by the fire one night, but neither of us spoke about ourselves.

  Drew, Skylar, and Rachael talk about the night that changed Drew’s life forever. Skylar sniffles and Rachael cries. They talk about what Drew said to him in the parking lot after the event. I try to remember how Skylar and Ava know him. Once the conversation takes a different direction, I ask, “How do you and Ava know Luke Tanner?”

  “I met him at the inn one day.”

  “He was a guest?” I find it odd that a local would be staying at the inn.

  Skylar says, “He was there to see Ava. She read about a man in the paper who saved a woman and her children from her husband who was beating on her in front of their kids.”

  “Oh!” Rachael and I say in unison.

  “She sent the man a gift card and he returned it to her.”

  “The hero was Luke Tanner?” I ask.

  “Yep, it sure was. He said he didn’t date much and wouldn’t be needing the gift card.”

  I suddenly have a newfound respect for Luke. When Drew and Skylar leave, I inform Rachael that Luke was in the parking lot of the nightclub the one and only night when we both went out. Then he was here early one morning before we opened. “You said something about good-looking customers or something.”

  “I remember that, but I’m not sure I’d remember him if I ever saw him again.” She lowers her voice. “If he’s ever here again, would you let me know? I’d like to personally thank him for saving my son and bringing the other soldiers home to their families.” She stops and the next words are a mere whisper. “Even if it was for a proper burial.”

  I smile a sad smile. I can’t even begin to imagine what Drew, Luke, and the other soldiers go through or went through during their tour of duty. “I would, too.”