Learning to Live

by Brenda Kennedy

  Chapter Six: In the Darkness

  Luke

  Nichole cries as she covers her eyes with her hands. “I did it. I had to. He wasn’t done with Ava and me. He was coming back and this time, there would be no faking our deaths. He wasn’t going to stop until we were both dead, and anyone who stood in his way would also die.”

  Ava rushes over to be with Nichole. I remain stoic. I can’t look around the room, and I can’t be sure I heard her correctly. It sounded like she just confessed to a murder.

  “What are you saying?” Ava asks as she touches Nichol’s arm.

  Nichole raises her head and wipes away the steady flow of tears. “I’m saying, I snuck into his house where he had been drinking, rendered him unconscious, drug him down the hill to the pier where his boat was, rolled him in it, and then I drove the boat out in the middle of Lake Mayer.” She wipes away more tears. “I waited for him to begin to wake up before I dumped him overboard. I backed the boat up so he couldn’t reach for it. I knew he was too drunk to swim. I then waited and watched as he screamed for help. I stood up in the boat and removed my hoodie so he could see me. I wanted him to look me in the eyes as he was fighting for his last breath. I wanted him to know that I caused his death. That I was the one to end the nightmare that was my life. I kept the boat idling so no one could hear his drunken cries for help.”

  Skylar rushes over and holds her hand. Drew, Chase, and I remain seated, taking it all in.

  “It wasn’t until after he stopped splashing and the bubbles stopped surfacing that I swam to shore and drove home. I stayed in the boat for what felt like hours before I finally left. I had to know he was dead. I had to know he wouldn’t hurt Ava and me anymore.” She cries uncontrollably. She looks at Ava and says, “When he got out of jail after causing your miscarriage, I knew no restraining order was going to keep him away. He needed to die and I had to do it. If I didn’t, he would have tortured us both before killing us. I had to kill him first. It was a matter of time. I knew this. I knew he would be back, I just didn’t know when.”

  “Oh, Nichole.” Ava hugs her and they both cry. Skylar also cries at the memory.

  I remember reading about the miscarriage when I was researching Brett and Connor Emerson. I look at Chase and his eyes also fill with tears. To lose a child at the hands of another man’s intentional beatings is beyond sick.

  Now I know why she was so adamant about it not being Brett in the car. She knew there was no way it could have been him.

  I can’t watch her cry anymore. I can’t let her punish herself for something I wish I had done many times over. I prayed, dreamed, and even fantasized about killing my mother’s killer. I wanted him dead. I would have gladly spent the rest of my life in prison knowing he’s dead, and that I caused it.

  Standing, I walk over to her. Not looking around the room at the others, I stand and hug her. Quietly, I whisper that I love her. That I don’t hold her responsible, and that she’s done nothing that the others and I haven’t thought about doing. I’m not even sure she can hear me through her sobs.

  My only regret is she confessed to a room full of people. Chase is an attorney; is he obligated to turn her in? If she had told only me, her secret would be kept forever. I wouldn’t divulge the truth to anyone. He got what he deserved. He actually got better than he deserved. I don’t know how much he suffered, but he didn’t suffer enough.

  “Come on, Nichole. We need to leave.”

  She walks with me, looking more broken than anyone I’ve ever seen. She doesn’t ask why we are leaving, she just does as I say. I hope it’s out of trust and not out of fear. I will never hurt her.

  “Where are you going?” Ava cries.

  I stand taller than Nichole, holding her closely, “She’s said enough. We need to leave.”

  Skylar takes a step forward and says, “I’m glad she killed him.” Nichole raises her head off my chest. “She did exactly what I was planning to do. The only difference is, she got to him before I could.”

  Nichole wipes her eyes.

  Skylar continues, “It’s true. Brett died on a Monday. Drew was home and I couldn’t leave the house. But on Tuesday he had plans to meet his dad. On Monday, in my mind, I was planning on killing Brett on the very next day. I had it all worked out in my head.” She looks from Ava back to Nichole. “I was done letting him get away with hurting you. When he beat you so badly that you lost the baby, that was it for me. But we found out Brett had drowned before I had a chance to take him out myself.”

  Drew stands and says, “It’s true. We all wanted him dead. Of course, I didn’t know about Skylar’s plans, but at the same time I was making plans of my own to end his life. I’ve never seen anyone so broken in my life as I did when Ava miscarried.”

  I didn’t expect this. I can’t believe what they are telling me. What they are confessing.

  Chase stands and says, “We all wanted Brett dead and I’m no exception. He beat and tormented my wife for the last time. When he killed my unborn baby, that was it for me, too. Something had to be done. I’m a law-abiding man, but even I have my limits.” He walks over to his wife and hugs her. “Nichole, you didn’t do anything we all wouldn’t have all done. The only difference is, you got to Brett first.”

  Ava says, “Everyone here knew that Brett’s death was no accident. I knew someone killed him, and I didn’t care who it was. When we learned of his death, we never spoke of it again. He was dead, and we all could finally move on. I was glad someone took care of him for me. I never looked at anyone as a killer. I didn’t care who did it; I knew they did it out of love and out of hatred.” She pauses before saying, “I shouldn’t say this, but I did wonder if my dad killed him.”

  I didn’t expect that.

  Chase says, “I thought Skylar killed him.”

  “I wish I had. I’d have his head on my wall as a trophy.”

  I cringe at the thought.

  Drew says, “Since we’re being honest, I personally thought it was Chase. He and Ava lost the most when she miscarried. I’ve seen this only once, but I saw red in Chase’s eyes. I wanted to congratulate him, but I still wasn’t a hundred percent sure it was him.”

  “I could have easily ended his life,” Chase says. “Look, if you’re worried we’re going to go to the police, you’re wrong. We know only some of the things that you went through, Nichole. Of course, we don’t know everything. But we’re your friends; you’re family. If you killed him, it’s because you had good reason.”

  Relief washes over me. They understand why she did it. Her secret is safe with them.

  “We’ll keep your secret and never speak of it again.” Ava takes Nichole’s hand and says, “You have nothing to worry about. Our nightmare is over. It’s done. We’ll never say a word to anyone.”

  Nichole cries. “Thank you.”

  Nichole

  I swore I would never reveal my secret. I have so much to lose. I’m not talking about the bakery, or my car, or even my life. I could easily do life in prison just knowing that Brett can’t hurt anyone. That he can never hurt Ava again. I’m talking about little Connor. I can’t lose my only grandson. He’s the only thing I care about. If something happens to me, I have no idea what would happen to Connor. I have no family. Where would he go? He would be orphaned. I have to believe that when they say they won’t tell, they really won’t tell.

  They know I’m not a killer. They know that I did it because I was looking out for them. Even Drew, who barely knew him, knew he was evil. He saw his evil ways.

  “We’ll continue this later. I’m going to take her home now.”

  Luke holds me as we walk to the door. I can’t look at anyone. The tears continue to fall. Not from guilt for what I did, but because it’s over. It’s finally over. It’s so hard keeping a secret. It’s hard living a lie. When I saw the fear in Ava’s face tonight, thinking that Brett was alive and stalking me in the Jeep, I couldn’t let her fear for her life, not again. I ha
d to tell her. I had to let them all know that the nightmare with Brett is finally over. Even if it did mean they would turn me in to the police. Even if it meant that Connor would be taken from me.

  “I’ll call her tomorrow,” Ava says, not talking to me but talking to Luke.

  I hear Chase say, “I’ll be in touch.”

  “She’s a badass,” Skylar says. It brings a slight smile to my face, although I’m anything but. “I wish she didn’t beat me to it. I really wanted to see that son of a bitch beg for his life.”

  On the drive to get Connor, Luke and I sit quietly in the car. It just dawned on me that he knows what I’ve done. He knows I’m a murderer. The others said they wouldn’t say anything, but Luke remained quiet. Even if he didn’t say anything, maybe now he’s questioning this relationship. Maybe he’s questioning my sanity.

  “We need to talk,” I say in a near whisper.

  “Not yet, we’re almost here.” I look out the window and we’re pulling into the driveway of Daniel and Rachael’s house. “Stay here and I’ll get Connor. We’ll talk once we get home.”

  Before I can say anything, he’s out of the truck and walking up to the house. I try to imagine my life without Luke in it. I get a pain in my heart thinking this could be a deal breaker for him. Of course this is a deal breaker. Who wants to date a murderer. If he stays with me, he’ll have this need to sleep with one eye open. He’ll probably go home and look under my pillow for a knife. He may even think I’m a black widow who kills her husbands and her exes.

  It saddens me to know this is how it’s going to end. He’s been amazing. He loved Connor and me even with all of my flaws, he loved us. God, I don’t want this to end, but I do understand.

  What if he tells law enforcement what I’ve done? I’ll lose Connor. I could deny it. I didn’t leave any evidence behind, and they still think it was an accidental drowning. Will they believe me, a battered wife, or will they believe the retired Army-veteran hero? It’ll be over. My defense could be battered wife syndrome. That’s a real defense, as it should be. There’s no way for me to get out of it. I’m a terrible liar. The only way I didn’t get caught is because the police never questioned me. They never suspected Brett’s death as anything but an accident. Maybe I can reason with Luke. Maybe I can tell him I’ll leave the state if he doesn’t report me. I hate to lose him, but I hate to lose Connor more.

  He buckles a sleeping Connor into his car seat, as Dale rides in the back seat of the four-door truck with him as we drive in silence to the bakery. I have so much I want to say, but I remain silent. This talk will need to be done in private. Connor must never hear this conversation.

  We finally pull into the parking lot, Luke gets my door before getting Connor out of the truck. He’s always a gentleman. He carries Connor up the stairs and unlocks the door, allowing me to walk in first. I lock up and follow him to Connor’s bedroom. As he undresses Connor, I get him a pair of pajamas from the dresser. Once he’s changed and tucked into bed, Luke and I walk quietly into our bedroom.

  I wait anxiously for him to say something. Anything. When he doesn’t talk, I do.

  “Look, I know what you’re thinking.”

  He confidently stands against the door frame, arms crossed over his chest. I slowly sit on the bed.

  “Do you now?”

  “Yes, and I don’t blame you.”

  “What is it that you think I’m thinking, Nichole?”

  Does he really want me to say it? Fine, I will. “After what I did to Brett, you think I’m a terrible person. You think I’m a monster.” I don’t let him say anything. I continue. “I might think the same thing about someone if I didn’t know their entire story.”

  Luke interrupts. “I don’t need to know the entire story to form an opinion.”

  He didn’t deny feeling those things I mentioned. I stand up even though we aren’t eye to eye. “I don’t blame you if you walk out that door and never want to see me again.” I don’t want him to leave, I do want him to be understanding. I know he’ll never understand. How can he? He wasn’t there. He didn’t see what I barely lived through. He didn’t see how broken Ava was. “I need to know whether you are going to the police.” Because if he is, I need to get Connor out of here. I can’t lose him. I’m all he has. He’s all I have. He’ll be orphaned without me. I can’t let that happen.

  “Is that what you think? That I’m going to walk out that door and call 911 to report a murder?”

  “Aren’t you?”

  He takes a slow step forward.

  Tilting my head slightly, I maintain eye contact.

  “No, that didn’t even cross my mind.”

  “I just confessed to killing a man.”

  “I know. I was there and I heard everything.”

  I’m confused. “If you’re not leaving and if you’re not going to report me to the authorities, then what are you planning on doing?”

  “I’m going to shower and go to bed if that’s all right with you.” I furrow my brow in confusion. “I know why you did what you did. I saw your physical and your emotional scars. I know what he did to you. You told me about the abuse caused by your then-husband and your adult son. I heard what he did to Ava and Chase. I undoubtedly would have done the same thing myself.”

  “You don’t think I’m a monster?”

  “I think what you did was stupid.”

  “What?” I thought he said he understood.

  “Many things could have gone wrong. I think you were foolish to take on a man like Brett alone.” He tucks a piece of my hair behind my ear. “I hate to think of what would have happened if he wasn’t as drunk as you thought, or if his unconscious state didn’t last as long as it needed to.”

  “At the time, I didn’t care. I just knew I couldn’t let him hurt Ava or myself ever again. He was out on bond and soon all the charges would be dismissed. He knew people. He was a powerful man. He had ways of making things happen. Right or wrong, people did what he asked.”

  “I’m not questioning that. I’m sure he did. I’m just glad it went as planned and he’s no longer able to hurt you, or anyone else for that matter.” He lightly touches my cheek, looking into my eyes. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to shower and then make love to my incredibly brave girlfriend.”

  My heart skips a beat at the way he’s looking at me. His eyes are filled with love and lust. He kisses me sweetly before he walks into the bathroom, leaving the door partly open. I get ready for bed anticipating a night of passion and love, and Luke doesn’t disappoint.

  Over the next few days I’m fearful that someone will have a change of heart. Not so much Ava, Chase, and Skylar, but Drew and Luke. They didn’t know what Brett was like. They didn’t know him.

  Yesterday, when Skylar and Drew came over to the bakery, nothing was mentioned about Brett. There was no talk of anything pertaining to my past. They were both talking about their bar business on Tybee Island, the bakery, and Connor’s upcoming birthday party. When Luke arrived home, we finalized the birthday plans while Connor napped.

  The rest of the week passed with no word about the Jeep or its occupants. The private investigator is still trying to get better image quality, but so far, we haven’t heard anything. Luke works hard on clearing the property line that separates our two properties. We’re only dating so I’m not sure what he’s thinking. If this doesn’t work out between us, he’ll be forced to install or build a privacy fence, a wall, or plant fully grown trees to separate the properties. Seems like a lot of work for a relationship that’s still in the early stages.

  On Sunday, it’s Connor’s birthday. He wakes up excited to be one year older! He shows Luke and me how much he’s grown, and much how faster he is now than he was at two years old, just yesterday. I hide my laugh as we watch Connor run around the house, showing us the difference in his speed now that he’s a year older. Luke shares in Connor’s excitement. Dale runs after him barking playfully.

  Luke spe
nds the morning keeping Connor occupied while I put icing on his birthday cake and make food for his party. We decided on a cookout on the farm. Luke and his friend built a corral for the pony rides for the only three children who will be there. It’s a small party for just our friends, with the only kids being there are Chase and Ava’s twins and of course Connor. He seems to be fine with that. Maybe next year assuming Lorraine is found, Connor will be in school and we can have a bigger party with his classmates. But until then, this is best.

  When we transport the food from the bakery to the farm, I meet Luke’s friend, Carter Reynolds.

  He extends his hand. “You must be Nichole. I’ve heard so much about you.”

  Accepting his hand, I say, “It’s nice meeting you. I’ve heard a lot about you as well.” I’m lying about hearing a lot about him. I just recently heard from Luke that he even had a friend.

  “Good things, I hope.”

  “Of course.”

  Carter is tall and almost as good looking as Luke. He’s nice and polite. I’m surprised to see he’s here alone, then I remember Luke telling me he’s getting over a divorce. Suddenly, I wish I had a single friend I could introduce him to.

  As the cowboy-themed party progresses, the farm fills with laughter. Just a few people are here, but it’s everyone Connor and I love. Even Ava’s mom and dad came. When I left Brett, that was the place I ran for help. Marshall was home alone while Claire was in Savannah at the inn with Ava. I’ll be forever grateful to Marshall for helping me.

  Connor and the twins ride the small ponies, while Ava and I stand nearby. The guys are busy at the grill while the other guests mingle beneath the mossy oak trees. Everyone is dressed up in jeans, cowboy boots, and cowboy hats. I’m not sure whether they dressed up for the theme of the party or if this is their everyday wear. We are on a farm, after all. At least, Luke has plans to start farming soon.

  I have to practically pry Connor off of the pony when it’s time to eat. Chase comes over to help Ava with their daughters, Jami and Eva.

  We have dinner and play a few birthday party games with the kids. I call for Connor to blow out his candles and open his gifts. I search the large yard and I still don’t see him. Panic immediately sets in as I search the small crowd gathered in various parts of the yard.

  “Connor,” I say more sternly and more loudly.

  Walking away from the picnic table, I walk down toward the barn where the pony corral is.

  “What is it, Nichole?” Luke asks.

  “Have you seen Connor?” I continue walking at a faster pace.

  “He was just here.”

  “Where?”

  “He was playing ring toss with the twins.” I stop and scan the area again. No one is playing the ring toss game. “Has anyone seen Connor?” he yells.

  Within minutes, everyone is looking for Connor. My heart drops when I get to the corral and Connor isn’t there. How can he just disappear in a yard full of people? Where could he have gone? The gate was closed, and I didn’t notice any cars driving to the dead-end road. Would I have noticed a car with all of the activities going on?

  “Connor,” I yell with more fear in my voice.

  “We’ll find him, Nichole,” several people say.

  Tears stream down my eyes when I realize that Connor has been taken. “She took him. Lorraine waited for the right time and she took him on his birthday.” I fall to my knees at the thought of never seeing my little boy again. He didn’t get to eat his birthday cake, or make a birthday wish. He didn’t get to open his gifts. “Oh. My. God. She took him. He’s gone,” I cry. I lower my head and let the tears flow. If I wasn’t broken before, I am now. How can I go on without him? “I can’t live without him,” I cry through sobs.

  I hear others call his name, but he doesn’t answer. I look through blurred vision, and I can’t make out who is who. The tears fall and my heart breaks. I let him down. He trusted me to protect him and I failed him. He has no memory of anything that happened before I adopted him; he was too young to remember anything and anyone. He has no idea who Lorraine is. She’ll be a stranger to him. He’ll be afraid of her. He’ll want me and I won’t be there.

  Someone helps me into a standing position. I don’t know who. The commotion around me is the only thing I focus on. Connor doesn’t reply to the calls of his name. Even the twins try to call out for Connor. I want him to answer. I pray for him to answer. How could I have been so stupid? It’s been months since I saw Lorraine down by the beach. This was her plan after I saw her. She would lie in wait until I was comfortable. Until I thought she had given up and moved on. Then she would come out of the shadows and take my son. On his birthday. She’s taken my boy on his third birthday.

  “I’ll find him,” I hear Luke say as he walks with me. Where are we going? I don’t know. I don’t care. I just want my boy home. I just want my son to be found safe.

  Suddenly, I remember Dale. Dale never leaves Connor’s side. “Where’s Dale?”

  “What?”

  “Dale. He’s always with Connor. He wouldn’t leave him.” Hope fills me and I wipe the tears. “We need to find Dale. Here, Dale,” I yell, blinking away the tears. I yell for Dale again. I hear nothing and my heart sinks to the hollow pit of my stomach. Dale always answers when he’s called. “Luke, you call him. He’ll answer for you.”

  “C’mon, boy.” Nothing. “C’mon, Dale, let’s go,” he says sternly.

  I listen carefully for a bark and I hear nothing. I’m about ready to call the police to report a kidnapping when I remember something.

  “Do you have one of those dog trackers on Dale’s dog collar?” I know he must have one, he’s a smart man. Dale’s a valuable animal, but more than that, he’s family.

  “I do. Hold on, I need to make a call.” He fishes out his wallet from his back pocket and slowly walks away from me.

  I walk over to where the property line separates our property. The clearing lets me see all the way to the bakery. God, I was really hoping to see Connor and Dale playing in the yard. What I wouldn’t do or give to see his smiling face again. How could Lorraine have taken him without us seeing? We had fifteen people here. Someone would have seen her. Someone would have spotted the black Jeep.

  I hear people calling for Connor and for Dale in the background. Deciding I need to call the authorities so they can get an Amber alert activated, I head back to the bakery to get my phone out of my purse. I’ve waited long enough. I’ve waited too long. I need to admit he’s gone and I may never get him back.

  Luke

  “I’d like to find a location on my dog, please.”

  I wait briefly while she pulls up another screen.

  “What’s the tag identification name or number?”

  “Corporal Dale.”

  “I’m sorry, repeat.”

  Since Dale is a military dog, I thought it was fitting to give him a military rank with his name. I repeat the name for her, not giving any explanation.

  “I have a location on your dog, sir. Are you ready for the address?”

  On my phone, I pull up the notepad app. On speaker phone, I say, “I am.” I start to type the address then I stop as she recites it.

  “Are you sure this is where my dog is?”

  “Yes, sir. Are you familiar with the location?”

  Looking around the farm, I start walking quickly up to the house. “I am, thank you so much.”

  I search the property as our guests search frantically for Connor. They search the wooded area, the tree line, and I also see Carter walk into the barn. Other than the house, the barn is the only other building on the lot. I scan the area for Nichole.

  It isn’t until I make it to the front porch that I see Connor sound asleep on the porch swing. Dale is sitting at his feet at attention. Relief washes over me. Connor wasn’t taken, he was sleeping. “Hey, boy, why didn’t you come when I called you?” I ask Dale while I pick up a sleeping Connor. Dale doesn’t bark bu
t walks with me as I carry Connor to find his momma. I kiss his head and whisper a prayer of thanks.

  “Look, you found him,” Chase calls out.

  I see Nichole as she drops her purse and runs up to us.

  “Oh. My. God. Thank God you found him,” she says as she takes him from my arms. “Where did you find him?”

  “He was asleep on the porch swing.”

  Connor wakes up and rubs his sleepy eyes. The crowd gathers around in excitement. The twins cry although I don’t think they understand why.

  Nichole hugs him tightly as she cries uncontrollably. I’ve never been more grateful for having the tracker collar on Dale in my life. I knew it would come in handy if Dale ever ran away or was dognapped, but I never dreamed it could help find a lost child.

  “Momma, why are you crying?” Connor asks sadly.

  “Momma thought you were lost.” She dries her tears. “Why did you wander off?”

  “I didn’t. You said to stay in the yard.”

  She smiles a sad smile. “I did, didn’t I?” She looks down at Dale and says, “Why didn’t you bark when we called you?”

  Dale points his ears and tilts his head in confusion.

  “Momma, don’t be mad at Dale. He never barks when I’m sleeping.”

  Again, Connor was right. Dale never barks when Connor’s sleeping. Dale also never leaves his side. I bend down and pet Dale. “Good boy.” He barks and I know he understands.

  She sets Connor down, and I can see clearly she’s still very shaken. She kneels down and hugs Connor before she hugs and kisses Dale on his furry head and says, “Good boy, remind me to give you a hamburger later.”

  He barks and wags his tail. “I have no idea how you understood that,” she says to Dale, scratching behind his ear. Looking at Connor, she says, “Let’s blow out the candles and you can open your gifts.” Under her breath she adds, “It’s getting late and I’ve had enough excitement for one day.”

  Nichole stays close to Connor and Dale stays even closer. He doesn’t leave his side. I take pictures as Connor blows out the candles on his birthday cake and makes a wish. He opens his gifts as everyone stands by and watches. I snap photos of our guests, Nichole, and Connor and Dale. Connor will have only one third-birthday party and I never want to forget it. I realized earlier when Connor was missing how much I love him. I knew I loved him, but I don’t think I knew how much until the thought of losing him was staring me in the face.

  Nichole looks sad. She’s not crying, but her face is filled with worry. The fear of losing Connor is still in her eyes.

  Everyone helps with the clean up and when they leave, Nichole makes a few hamburgers on the grill.

  “If you’re hungry, there’s still food inside.”

  “I promised Dale a big juicy burger.”

  I want to laugh, but I’m a smart man so I don’t. She used to preach to me about me not feeding Dale dog food, and about feeding him fast food and almost anything else I would eat. Now look at her making him a burger.

  “What does he want on it?” she asks.

  Again, I want to laugh, but I don’t. “Everything, including the bun. He likes the bun to be put on a grill a little while to soak up some grease.”

  She doesn’t bat an eye as she puts the bun on the grill briefly and then loads up the bun with the hamburger and all Dale’s favorite treats. “Onions?”

  “He loves them, but it gives him gas.” She crinkles up her nose and laugh. “He can do without onions.”

  “Good, something doesn’t seem right about a dog liking onions.”

  After Dale eats, and everything is put away, we walk the short distance to the bakery. Nichole looks exhausted, and I just want to get her someplace she feels safe. She doesn’t need the added anxiety of not being home. I know this is her safe place. I understand that. If I didn’t get it before today, it’s definitely clear to me now.

  After Connor plays with some of his birthday toys, Nichole bathes him and reads him a bedtime story. I run a bubble bath for her, light a few candles around the bathroom, and pour her a glass of red wine. She always showers in the morning, but I think she needs something to help her relax tonight. As much as I try, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget the fear on her face when she thought Connor was taken. Damned if I didn’t feel responsible. I would have moved heaven and earth to find him. I would call in as many military favors as needed to find him.

  When Nichole takes longer than usual, I step over Dale so I can enter Connor’s room. When I finally see them, they are both fast asleep. I kiss Connor and then Nichole before exiting the room. I drain the water, blow out the candles, and drink the wine before turning in for the night. I sleep on the couch and reflect back on the day. I’m surprised when I see a text from Carter.

  Carter: What’s the deal with what happened today at the kid’s birthday party?

  I’ve never really talked to Carter about Nichole.

  Luke: She thought he ran off, that’s all.

  Carter: It looked like to me some baby daddy drama.

  Luke: No, Connor’s dad passed away a few years ago.

  Short and to the point. I need to stop him in his tracks before he says something that’ll piss me off.

  Carter: I hate to hear that. There seems to be more to that story than you’re telling me.

  Luke: It’s a long story, but it had nothing to do with his father.

  Carter: Is everything all right? She was pretty shaken up when I left.

  Luke: They’re in bed. She’ll be better tomorrow.

  I hope.

  Carter: If you want to talk or if you want my help, I’m never far.

  Luke: I know that. Thank you.

  Carter: Just make sure you’re not in over your head.

  And now he’s pissing me off.

  Luke: Later.

  I turn off my phone before he can answer.

  I wake up early and start breakfast for everyone. Nichole wakes before Connor.

  “It smells so good,” she says as she makes her way to the coffee maker.

  “How did you sleep?”

  “Not so good. Yesterday kept replaying over and over in my head. I really thought he was gone.”

  Deciding to be honest, I say, “I didn’t want to admit it, but it crossed my mind, too.”

  She lowers her coffee cup from her lips. “I’ve been thinking maybe it’s time for Connor and me to move away.”

  I turn off the griddle and give her my undivided attention. “Why would you move away?”

  “Lorraine’s going to find us. It’s just a matter of time before she shows up here and demands to get Connor back.”

  “You can’t run.”

  “Luke, I can’t stay.”

  “Here sit down. Let’s talk about this.” I take her by the elbow and walk her to the bar stool. Once she’s seated, I sit down beside her. “Look at how far you’ve come. In just a few short years, you’ve accomplished so much.”

  She looks around the quaint two-bedroom apartment above the bakery. “None of this matters if I lose Connor.”

  Suddenly, I get what it means to be a parent. She would walk away from everything to be with and to keep Connor safe. “I’ll call Chase and the private investigator today.”

  “What good will that do? They haven’t found her yet, and I doubt they ever will. I think it’s time for me to face the facts. Staying here we’re just the bull’s-eye on a target. If that’s her in the Jeep, she already knows where we live.” She sighs loudly. “For God’s sake, the business is listed in the yellow pages and we have a website, so if she wants to find us, it won’t be hard.” She wipes a tear away. “Yesterday was a preview of what could happen. Of what could really happen.”

  I try to picture my life without Nichole and Connor in it. I try to imagine what my life was like before I met them. I didn’t know something was missing from my life until I had them in it. “Give me one week.”

 
She wraps her hands around the hot coffee cup. “For what?”

  “For me to find her. You’re right. It’s been too long. I’ve been waiting for Chase and the private investigator, when I should’ve been looking for her on my own.”

  “You don’t even know what she looks like.”

  Should I tell her I’ve done my own research on her? No, she doesn’t need to know that. “Chase has a folder on her. I’m sure there’s a photo of her in there.”

  “Luke, what can you do that they haven’t done?”

  I don’t know yet, but I have to do something. “Just give me a week, and if I can’t lure her out of the darkness, then we’ll pack up and we’ll move anywhere you want.”

  Nichole

  Did I hear him right? He’s planning on moving with Connor and me if we can’t find Lorraine. I decide to leave that conversation for a later time. “I need to shower before Connor wakes up.” I stand and drink the rest of the now lukewarm coffee as I make my way to the kitchen sink.

  “So does that mean you’ll give me a week?”

  How can I say no? This is a man who’s willing to move with me and my grandson to some unknown location. “I’ll wait, but you need to know something first.”

  He stands from the barstool and walks over to me. Taking my hand in his, he kisses it. “What’s that?”

  “That I hope you find her because I really like this place.”

  He smiles and his eyes crinkle at the corners.

  “Me, too. While you shower, I’ll finish breakfast before I get to work.”

  “Oh, are you leaving?” I ask.

  “I wasn’t planning on it. I can work from home. I just need my computer and a cell phone; you already have a fax machine. If you need something from the store, I could run and get it for you.”

  Smiling, I say, “No, I was just asking. I’ll be done in a few minutes.”

  As I’m towel drying my hair, I can hear little Connor and Luke talking about taking Dale outside. Dale barks and I swear that dog can understand everything that’s being said. Before they come inside, I put on my pressure garment, yoga pants, and a loose long-sleeve tee-shirt. I figured today Connor will want to play with his birthday toys either in the house or on the balcony. After the scare yesterday, I don’t feel comfortable straying too far from the house. I feel like I’m a prisoner in my home, and I’ve felt like this for far too long. I’m ready to move on and get this over with.

  Breakfast is delicious and just as I suspected, Connor’s eager to play. We spend the morning playing, then Connor and I go down to the bakery to do some baking, while Luke stays upstairs working. I have no idea what he’s doing, what he’s searching for, or who he’s talking to; I just know he’s been in the bedroom for a couple hours. Is he onto something? If he is, I don’t want to bother him.

  It’s not so much work for Connor and me as it is relaxing. We both wear our aprons and chef’s hats and get to work making dough for rolled-out cookies, pizza crust, and pastry crust for lemon tarts.

  The bakery has always been a special place for Connor and me. Even during business hours, it’s still a favorite place to us to be. I hope that never changes. I hope we never have to leave a place that we both love. I want Lorraine found, but I fear that she’ll want Connor. If she wants Connor and she knows where he is, why hasn’t she come forth with custody papers? What’s taking her so long? Is she trying to find dirt on me that would suggest I’m an unfit mother? Another fear is if or when Luke finds her, my time with Connor is limited. So many emotions run through my mind.

  I stop and watch as Connor cuts out the sugar cookie dough into shapes using the cookie cutters Rachael got him for his birthday. She knows his love for baking. For a second I let myself imagine him and me running the bakery together when he’s grown. Or maybe I’ll retire and he’ll become a pastry chef. He could do that. He can be anything he wants to and no matter what he chooses in life, I will be proud of him.

  When I hear someone pull up outside, I peek out the window. I’m happy and surprised to see it’s Ava, Chase, and the twins. I open the door to the bakery, and Connor and I greet them warmly. He’s covered in flour, but Ava doesn’t care. She picks him up and swings him around as she kisses him.

  “Sorry to come unannounced.”

  I look up at Chase, who’s holding a manila folder.

  “Don’t be sorry, you’re always welcome.” I kiss and hug the twins and tell Chase, “I assume that folder’s for Luke.”

  “It is. He said it was urgent. Is he upstairs?”

  “He is, you can go on up.” I look at Ava and say, “I was just about to bake some lemon tarts.”

  “It’s like you knew I was coming.”

  “I was going to have Luke run them over to you later.”

  “Let me save him a trip,” she laughs.

  I look down at the twins. “Girls, do you want to help Connor make some cookies?”

  They smile excitedly. Ava and I place aprons and hats on them and they become even more excited. Connor teaches them how to roll out the dough and how to use the cookie cutters to make shapes.

  “I wanted to come over with Chase to see how you’re doing today. You were pretty shaken up yesterday at the party.”

  “To be honest, I’m a mess.”

  “I figured.”

  Lowering my voice, I say, “I’m just ready to find her. I want to know what she wants. Me running into her at the beach that day wasn’t just a coincidence.”

  “You think she wants her son back, don’t you?”

  “I’m sure of it. I’ve done research on grandparent custody and visitation, and the courts always try to keep the child in the care of the parents.”

  “That may be true in some cases, but she abandoned him. She was using drugs while Connor was in her care. Surely, there’s an exception to that rule.”

  I look from Ava to the kids at the small child-sized table. They are laughing and carefree. Connor doesn’t have a worry in the world, while I feel like I’m barely keeping it together. “I’d hope so. But what if she’s clean and she’s in a good position to care for him?”

  “She still abandoned him and what if she did it again? I was talking to Chase about it last night, and he doesn’t think a judge in Georgia will grant her custody or visitation.”

  Visitation? I didn’t even consider that. Maybe leaving is the only thing for us to do. “I can’t lose him. I won’t lose him.”

  “Momma, these are ready to bake,” Connor says.

  I walk over and take the full cooking sheet from the table and lay an empty one down. “After these bake and cool, you can decorate them with sprinkles and icing.”

  “Yay, I love sprinkles,” Jami claps.

  “We have good sprinkles, don’t we, Momma?”

  “We do, Connor.”

  After a while, Chase comes down from the apartment. “Luke’s taking Dale out, so do you kids want to get some fresh air?” Without saying a word, they stand up and remove their hats and aprons. I look at Chase with worry.

  “He said he’ll watch them.”

  “I know he will. It just doesn’t stop me from worrying.”

  “I’m sorry. We’ll find her.”

  I know they will, but when?

  Luke

  I was glad when Chase rushed me over those files I asked him for. While he was here, we were able to do some brainstorming. We called the P.I. we’re working with and discussed a new plan of action. I also suggested to Chase that maybe he should start working on a defense for Nichole in case Lorraine tries to fight her for custody or visitation. There’s no way a judge would take Connor away from the only parent he’s ever known, is there? I don’t want to take any chances that this could end any other way than for Connor’s and Nichole’s benefit.

  With the money I have in savings, I’ll gladly use it to hire the best attorney to keep Connor with Nichole. I love that little guy, and I can’t stand the thought of losing him eithe
r. I also called my Dad, who was with the military for far longer than I was. I figured he knew someone who could help us with the grainy images of the couple in the Jeep.

  I sent those to him via fax and now we wait. I don’t know why I waited so long to ask him for help. I knew if anyone had any pull, it was him. I guess I didn’t want to tell him too much about my personal life. To tell him too much about Nichole and Connor. I should have gone to him in the first place. He has the most access to people who can help us. Many of the guys in the military serving as M.P’s or military police have gotten out and started their own successful P.I. or security business. Some retired elite soldiers make big bucks providing security to the rich and famous. Being deployed and stalking the enemy made them experts in their fields. My dad wasn’t one to head up his own business, but he is someone they call on frequently for help. He also isn’t a criminal, but he knows how criminals think.

  Later that night when Connor’s sleeping, I wish I had some news to tell Nichole. We don’t talk about any of this through the day when Connor could possibly overhear us. It’s hard to go about the day and your life as though everything’s all right, when it’s anything but.

  “Did Chase have anything new to say today?”

  “I’m afraid not. I did have him bring me a copy of everything that was in the files he was working on.”

  “You think you can find something he missed?”

  “I don’t know, but an extra set of eyes can’t hurt.”

  She looks at me sadly, “That’s true. Do you want me to take a look at it? Maybe I can help?”

  “Do you want to look over the file?”

  “No, not really, but if you think it’ll help, I will.”

  I wasn’t going to tell her but I decide it might ease her mind. “I called for outside help today.”

  “You called in the big guns?”

  I laugh at her comment. “Who?”

  “The soldiers, the big guns. You know, the M.P.’s?”

  I see a hint of a smile on her beautiful face. “Yeah, I guess I did.”

  “Can’t go wrong with colonels and generals on our side.”

  It’s not really that high of rank, especially now that Dad is retired, but he’s still a bad ass, if I say so myself.

  “No, we sure can’t.”

  She yawns and closes her eyes. “I sure hope we hear something soon.”

  “Me, too, baby. Me, too.”

  Over the next few days, we don’t hear anything. Nichole doesn’t ask, but every time the phone rings, she pauses and listens until she realizes it’s nothing. I did notice that she’s been saving the large boxes she’s been getting from her deliveries. She asked for a week and she isn’t going to wait any longer than the seven days. I don’t blame her. This is no way for her or for little Connor to live. They are both a prisoner within these walls. I wanted to help her, but I failed. I keep telling myself that I’m not giving up on all hope. I still have two days left, but as the days go on, it’s looking more grim than the day before.

  Early the next morning I get a call from my dad. As I answer it, I walk out of the room in order not to disturb Nichole from her slumber. “Do you have something?”

  “I do. But it’s not who you think it is.”

  “How do you know?”

  “I’m sending you the images now. You can take a look and judge it for yourself.”

  “Okay, I was hoping to get answers.”

  “I hate to disappoint you. If you need me for anything else, let me know.”

  “I sure will.”

  I walk into the bakery’s small office where the fax machine is and wait for my fax to come through. I’m anxious as I wait. I hear the pitter patter of feet and paws upstairs and I know Connor and Dale are both up.

  Picking up the fax I’m disappointed to see that it’s in fact not Lorraine. Even if she is wearing a disguise, it’s not her. Is it possible the people in the black Jeep are tourists? Or locals just out joy riding? My days are limited and I need to get a plan in order to find Lorraine. I can’t tell Nichole that I’ve failed her. Not just yet. I set the fax down and head back upstairs to take Dale out.

  Nichole

  Today’s Monday and I’m thankful the bakery’s closed. Luke hasn’t spoken about the photo or if he’s found anything new about Lorraine. I have no choice but to assume he’s at a crossroads. My biggest fear is she’ll snatch him when no one’s looking and stay in hiding. She may have given birth to him, but he’s still my son. I would rather we fight for him in a court room than have her kidnap him and run off so I’ll never see him again. Another fear is she won’t be found and I’ll be forced to sell the bakery and move away in order to protect Connor. None of these is acceptable and I can’t focus on those. Right now my son is being deprived of his childhood. Being confined in or near home is no way to live. I hear laughter coming from outside, and I watch from the window as Connor’s running while holding a tennis ball, while Dale chases after him barking. I have to smile because we do try to make the most of it. Connor doesn’t look deprived, but then again, he doesn’t know what he’s missing either.

  Today especially, I’m getting antsy being in the house. I quickly shower while Luke and Connor are out in the yard with Dale.

  I’m not surprised when they are still out there when I get done dressing. I know Luke isn’t one to stay home day after day, and little Connor and I aren’t either. Deciding we need to get out and do something fun today, I make a picnic lunch and wear something comfortable.

  When I walk outside carrying a picnic basket, Luke and Connor look at me in surprise. “Going somewhere?” Luke asks.

  As I slowly walk down the stairs from the balcony, I say, “I thought I’d have a picnic today.”

  “You going alone?” he teases.

  “I will if no one wants to come with me.”

  “You got enough food in there for everyone?”

  Walking to my car, I say, “I may have packed extra, and a little something for Dale.”

  Dale barks and Connor and Luke come running behind me. Dale follows.

  “We still need a blanket, dog toys for Dale, and a cooler of drinks I left on the counter.”

  “We’ll take my truck so Dale won’t mess up your car, and I’ll be right back with everything you mentioned.”

  “Get some beach toys for Connor, too,” I yell over my head.

  “I’m on it.”

  On the drive to Tybee Island, we stop and get ice cream at the Dairy Queen. This is out of character for us, and it feels good to be spontaneous for once. Not sure what the future holds for Connor and me, I plan to make this day a memorable one for all of us. I’m tired of living in fear. I’m tired of being a prisoner, and I’m really tired of depriving my son of his childhood.

  Today will be a good day for all of us, and I’ll deal with tomorrow when it comes. One day at a time.

  When we get to Tybee Island, I try to not recall seeing the black Jeep the last time I was here, or seeing Lorraine down by the water. I focus on Luke and Connor. We play on the playground, we have lunch by the pier, and we play “fetch” with Dale at the dog park they recently built. Later on, we even sit on the beach while Connor builds a sand castle with a few kids he met while playing.

  This is the life. This is what it’s all about. Spending quality time with your family, with the ones you love. The entire cost of the day was minimal: The money for gas to get here and the money we spent on the food I made and the ice cream we bought added up to less than $25.00 and we had an amazingly great day.

  Before dusk, we pack up and drive home. Connor and Dale sleep, and Luke and I ride home holding hands. “I had a great day,” I admit.

  “I did, too. It was a nice surprise.”

  “Thank you. We should start doing something like that every weekend.”

  “Have you ever gone camping?”

  “No, I can’t say that I have. Well, not as an adult anyway. I used to
go with my mom and dad when I was little. Of course, that was a long time ago.”

  “I have a small camper if you want to go next weekend. Even if we set it up on the farm, it’ll be something like camping, and a safer place for Connor.” He turns on to Magnolia Street. “We can do a nature hunt and cook over an open campfire.”

  “Luke, Connor would love that,” I say excitedly.

  “What about you? Is that something you’d like to do as well?”

  I can’t lie. “It would bring back some very fond memories of my childhood. I would like it very much.”

  “Good, we’ll plan for that next weekend.”

  As we pull into the parking lot of the bakery, Luke’s smile fades. I look away from him to see a black Jeep parked in the parking lot. It’s just getting dark, but it’s light enough to see. My heart races and I try to control my breathing. We had such a great day and now it ends like this. I squint to see inside the tinted windows of the Jeep, but the tint is too dark. I’m more than thankful that Connor is sound asleep in the backseat of the truck. Dale raises his head and watches and listens.

  “Stay in the car with Connor.” Luke opens his truck door and starts to climb out of it. Dale wastes no time and climbs into the driver seat.

  “Luke, let’s not confront her. I think we need to call the police.”

  Standing at the open door, he says, “Let’s at least see what they want.” They? I forgot there were two people in the photo of the Jeep. I know one person is Lorraine, but who is the other one? “Stay right here, okay?” I nod, unable to speak. Dale jumps out of the truck after Luke.

  I watch as he walks over to the Jeep. He doesn’t walk to the Jeep’s door, but he stands in front of it at a distance. I watch as the doors open and out walks a man and a woman. They look vaguely familiar. I focus on the woman since she’s on the passenger side and she’s closest to me. Then I see the man. My mind races with who they can be. Can it be possible? It can’t be.

  My head fills with memories as the tears spill from my eyes. I watch as they both talk to Luke. Dale stands at attention as he stands guard. With shaky hands I open the door and step out of his truck. All eyes are on me. My hands sweat and I stand on shaky legs, holding on to the handle of the truck for support.

  Licking my dry lips, I say in a voice I barely recognize as my own, “Mom? Dad?”

  Books By Brenda Kennedy

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  Independent authors count on your reviews to get the word out about our books. Thank you for taking the time to read my books and taking the extra time to review them. I appreciate it very much.

  Disclaimer: People and places in this book have been used fictitiously and without malice.

  The Learning to Live Trilogy

  Learning to Live

  Learning to Trust… Coming June 6th, 2017

  Learning to Love… Coming soon

  Other books written by this author include:

  The Starting Over Trilogy

  Book One: A New Beginning (Free)

  Book Two: Saving Angel

  Book Three: Destined to Love

  The Freedom Trilogy

  Book One: Shattered Dreams (Free)

  Book Two: Broken Lives

  Book Three: Mending Hearts

  The Fighting to Survive Trilogy

  Round One: A Life Worth Fighting (Free)

  Round Two: Against the Odds

  Round Three: One Last Fight

  The Rose Farm Trilogy

  Book One: Forever Country (Free)

  Book Two: Country Life

  Book Three: Country Love

  The Forgotten Trilogy

  Book One: Leaving the Past (Free)

  Book Two: Living for Today

  Book Three: Seeking the Future

  Stand-alone books in the “Another Round of Laughter Series” written by Brenda and some of her siblings: Carla Evans, Martha Farmer, Rosa Jones, and David Bruce.

  Cupcakes Are Not A Diet Food (Free)

  Kids Are Not Always Angels

  Aging Is Not for Sissies

  Acknowledgements

  My husband, Rex: Thank you for supporting me and for coming with me on this ride. Thank you for understanding that although I am in my pajamas, I am indeed working. You are my partner for life, and I love you.

  My children: Thank you for reminding me what is important every single day. I love you.

  My grandchildren: Thank you for reminding me that I am somebody; I am your grandma and nothing else matters. I love you all.

  My sisters and brothers: Thank you for your endless support. I love you.

  My brother David: Without you, I wouldn’t have been able to publish the first book. Thank you for making my ideas better and for all you do. Editing, proofreading, polishing, formatting, ideas, articles, and research websites. See, I do pay attention. Thank you. Thank you for pushing me until I get it right. Maybe someday I’ll learn the right place to put the commas. I love you and I can never thank you enough. I love you. David writes collections of anecdotes such as The Funniest People in Art, and he retells classics in such books as William Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Shrew: A Retelling in Prose. His books can be found for sale on all leading online electronic book sale platforms. The Lassana Bathily and Omid Abbasi stories in my novel come from his collections of good deed stories titled The Kindest People: Be Excellent to Each Other (Volume 3) and The Kindest People: Be Excellent to Each Other (Volume 7). They are used with his permission.

  Christina Badder, I hope you know how much I appreciate your hard work and dedication. You are so amazing and I am so glad I found you.

  Becki Angle Martin: Thank you for designing this stunning cover. You saw my vision and brought it to life. Thank you. I’m proud to call you family.

  Thank you to all of my Beta readers: Heather Ross Cicio, Jessica Means, Amy Sperry, Dove King Bailey, Casey Murphy, Melissa Harvey, Tiffany Ann Hannick, Denise Parsons, Autumn Jones, Lou Ann Mohler, Sherry Gainey, Nicole Nicholasi Gaudioso, Brittani Thomas, Cathy Stotts, Rhiannon Matthias, Anastasia Tucker, and Barb Koch Frey. You are amazing and I couldn’t do it without you. I appreciate your honest opinions and reviews, and I love the bond that we have developed. Also, I appreciate that I can trust you and count on you. Thank you for encouraging me to write and for giving me ideas. You never disappoint. I love you guys!

  Special thanks to Diana Bryant Peelman on her recommendation of the Airedale Terrier. Such a great military dog.

  Thank you to “Brenda’s Street Talkers” for sharing my books, making teasers and banners, and for the love and support I receive from you every day. I love you girls.

  A very special thank you to author DB Jones for your endless and continuous support. I feel like I’ve known you my entire life.

  To my readers: Thank you for reading and reviewing my books. Thank you to my loyal readers who have followed me from the beginning and to those who are new to me.

  For those readers who enjoy a darker, more intense read: My daughter Carleen Jamison has recently published her debut novel, titled Inappropriate Reactions. It is Book One of the Mind Games Series. This book is intended for mature audiences only and is available on all leading platforms. You can follow her on

  Facebook Author’s Page: https://www.facebook.com/author.c.jamison?fref=ts

  Info for David Bruce, My Brother

  WordPress Blog

  https://davidbruceblog.wordpress.com 


  About the Author

  Brenda Kennedy, an award-winning and bestselling author, is a true believer of romance. Her stories are based on the relationships that define our lives — compassionate, emotionally gripping, and uplifting novels with true-to-life characters that stay with her readers long after the last page is turned.

  Her varied, not always pleasant, background has given her the personal experience
to take her readers on an emotional, sometimes heart-wrenching, journey through her stories. Brenda has been a struggling single mom, a survivor of domestic abuse, waitress, corrections officer, hostage negotiator, and corrections nurse. She is also a wife, mom, and grandmother. Even though her life was not always rainbows and butterflies, she is a survivor and believes her struggles have made her the person she is today. 
 
Brenda is the author of the award-winning book Forever Country (The Rose Farm Trilogy Book 1). She has been dubbed “The Queen of Cliffhangers” by her adoring readers because books one and two always have a cliffhanger ending. In Brenda’s own words, “I write series that end in cliffhangers, because I love them. I always give away the first book in each series so you have nothing to lose by reading it.”

  Her books have appeared on Publishers Weekly top 25 Best-Sellers list nine times, along with Amazon, iBooks, and Barnes and Noble rankings in the top 100 books in contemporary romance.

  She moved to sunny Florida in 2006 and never looked back. She loves freshly squeezed lemonade, crushed ice, teacups, wine glasses, non-franchise restaurants, ice cream cones, boating, picnics, cookouts, throwing parties, lace, white wine, mojitos, strawberry margaritas, white linen tablecloths, fresh flowers, lace, mountains, oceans, and Pinterest. She also loves to read and write and to spend time with her family.

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