Listening to Love

by Beth Wiseman

  “So you said.” Natalie decided to play along since her mother was in such a tizzy. “Who was it?”

  “He said he was Helen’s neighbor, that his wife had died recently, and that Helen invited him to come along.” She squeezed her eyes closed and shook her head. “It was so awkward and unsettling.” When she opened her eyes, she pointed to herself, first at her boots, then her pants, and finally her blouse. “Couldn’t he see that I’m not Amish and that flirting with me would be inappropriate?”

  Cecelia Collins rarely lost her composure even when she was being dramatic, but with every word, she became more unraveled. Even her neatly combed and sprayed shoulder-length blonde hair was tousled from shaking her head so much.

  Natalie took her hand off the door handle, deciding this was going to take longer than she’d hoped it would. “What exactly did he say?”

  Her mother took a couple deep breaths. “He told me I was pretty and . . . and that I smelled nice.”

  Natalie covered her mouth with her hand to keep from laughing. It didn’t sound like something a conservative Amish man would say.

  “Go ahead and laugh.” She pointed her finger at Natalie again. “And his wife only died a few months ago!” She spoke in a loud, hysterical whisper.

  “Mom, he was probably just being nice. And even if he was flirting, maybe he was just practicing since the Amish are encouraged to remarry quickly after the death of a spouse. I’m surprised you don’t know that since we’ve lived here forever.” Natalie put her hand back on the doorknob. “You’re overreacting.”

  “Natalie Marie Collins, it’s been a long time since a man has flirted with me, but I can still recognize it, whether he’s Amish or not.”

  “Well, I think that in this case you misread the man’s intentions.” Natalie opened the door, only to have her mother push it closed.

  “Oh, really? Did I? Then why did he ask me to dinner—or supper as he called it—for next Saturday night?” She raised her chin even higher as her eyes widened. “Isn’t that against their rules or something, dating a non-Amish person?”

  Sometime during the past few seconds, Natalie’s jaw had dropped, so she slowly closed her mouth.

  “Now what do you have to say, smarty-pants?”

  Natalie opened her mouth to speak, but she was at a loss for words. Finally she said, “Well, what did you say?”

  Her mother huffed. “I’m surprised you even have to ask me that.” Then she opened the door and stomped down the hallway, the heels of her white boots clicking against the hardwood floors.

  Natalie was too stunned to move.

  Chapter 4

  Helen slipped her dress over her head Sunday morning, glad it wasn’t a church day. She needed the Lord more than ever right now, but she’d overslept after not sleeping well. At least the temperature had warmed up some.

  “You tossed and turned most of the night, lieb.” Isaac sat on the bed and slipped on his shoes.

  “I’m just worried about Lucas. The Englisch girl, Natalie, seems to have a hold on him.” Helen tied her black apron and breathed in the smell of bacon cooking. One of the girls had beaten her to the kitchen this morning.

  Her husband ran his hand the length of his beard. “Have a hold on him? What do you mean?”

  Helen pulled her long hair, mostly gray now, into a bun, then pressed in the pins to hold it. “They’re too chummy.” She reached for her kapp on the nightstand. “She is a pretty girl, and Lucas is a handsome boy.” Sighing, she placed her prayer covering on her head and tucked loose strands of hair beneath it. “I watched the way they were with each other.” She picked up her shoes and walked to the bed, then sat beside her husband. “Out of all our kinner, I thought Lucas would be the last one to ever think of leaving us.”

  “Leaving us? Lucas isn’t leaving us. I worry more about the girls being lured into a world where glamour and fancy things might tempt them.” Isaac grumbled underneath his breath. “Lucas might be attracted to this girl, or even have a special friendship with her, but you are losing sleep for no reason.”

  Helen turned to face her husband. “I love you, Isaac, but you are being dense if you didn’t see the spark between the two of them.” The possibility of losing her son to the outside world tore at her insides. “And I won’t have it, I just won’t.” She threw her hands up and slapped them to her knees. “I even caught them coming out of a bedroom together at Levi’s haus, and the door had been closed. Lucas knows that is inappropriate, so I’m sure that girl initiated the meeting.”

  Isaac rested a hand on Helen’s knee. “Mei lieb, it would pain me greatly if Lucas left our community, but he is a man, not a boy, and we always agreed that our kinner must experience a little bit of the outside world so they understand why we cherish our lives and relationship with the Lord. None of them have strayed far, and half have already chosen baptism even before they selected a spouse.”

  “Lucas isn’t baptized yet, and he’s twenty-two. I’m just worried that . . .” Helen swallowed back a lump in her throat. “That he’s keeping his options open.”

  Isaac didn’t say anything, and despite his words, Helen could see the concern seeping into his soul through his souring expression. She hadn’t meant to upset him. Her husband had enough to worry about—keeping food on the table for their large family, running their household in a strict manner without being too overbearing, and even helping Helen with chores when the kinner were busy and her arthritis was acting up.

  “Did you meet the girl’s mother, Cecelia?” Helen laid a hand over Isaac’s on her knee.

  His mouth twitched with amusement. “The flashy woman who looked like an azalea in bloom?”

  Helen chuckled, which felt good. “Ya. That would be her.”

  “She was hard to miss wearing those bright colors.”

  Helen thought about her exchange with Cecelia in the hallway. “I don’t think she wants her daughter involved with an Amish boy.” She sighed. “I mean man.” She paused, thinking back. “When I briefly spoke with her, we both caught sight of Lucas and Natalie carrying on over Lydia’s boppli. I could tell Cecelia didn’t like how cozy they looked.” Helen crossed her arms and rubbed her shoulders. “I shiver to think what I would do if one of our kinner shamed our family in such a way, getting pregnant before marriage.”

  “It happens,” Isaac said, too casually for Helen’s liking.

  “It’s the parents’ fault when something like that happens.” She dropped her hands to her lap and huffed. “They are too liberal down that way, near Montgomery and Oden. No gut can come from having mobile phones and fancy technology that keeps them attached to the outside world.”

  Isaac stood, tucked in his shirt, and pulled his suspenders over his shoulders. “I agree. But it isn’t our place to judge.” He held out his hand to her. “I smell breakfast. Let’s go give praise to the Lord for our many blessings and not let worry creep into our lives over things that haven’t happened.”

  Yet. Helen took her husband’s hand, and he pulled her to her feet. She pushed through the pain in her hip, wishing the herbal remedies she used were working better. Her mother and grandmother had battled arthritis from the time they were in their late forties, and Helen hadn’t been spared.

  She followed Isaac out their bedroom door, longing to free herself of worry about Lucas. He was a smart boy. But in Helen’s eyes, he would always be a boy, and she wanted him to make wise decisions.

  * * *

  Lucas tried not to rush as he walked through the Bedford Public Library Tuesday afternoon, but he was anxious to see Natalie. She obviously hadn’t found her phone since he hadn’t heard from her.

  He rounded the corner of the religious aisle, and his heart sank when he didn’t see her. He kept going and found the Christian fiction section, his pulse picking up when he spotted her sitting cross-legged on the floor, her head buried in a book. She didn’t look up until he sat beside her.

  “This is an amazing story.” She closed the book as her eyes c
aptured his. “I’ve missed you.”

  “I missed you too.” The words came easily, and Lucas wanted to hug her. But he recalled his feelings when she’d wrapped the towel around him, and his eyes drifted to her lips again. He cleared his throat. “What are you reading?”

  “Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers.” She had that dreamy look in her eyes like she did after she’d finished a good book. “Have you read it?”

  Lucas glanced at the cover with a woman in a low-cut, long red dress. “Nee.” It didn’t look like a book he would choose, and he looked away.

  “I’ve read it several times, and each time it feels like a new story. I always notice something—or learn something—I didn’t during my last read of it.” She handed it to him. “Read the back cover. It isn’t a girly book. The man in the story is front and center, and he’s one of my favorite heroes ever.”

  Lucas started to read the back cover but raised an eyebrow and didn’t get past the first paragraph before he handed it back to Natalie. “It’s about a scarlet woman.” He felt his face warming as he avoided Natalie’s eyes, surprised she’d read such a book.

  “Read the rest of the description, all the way to the end.” She pushed it away and pointed to the words on the back. “See, the author is retelling the story of Gomer and Hosea. It’s about God’s all-consuming love for us, and it’s cool how this woman finds her way to God, despite the odds. It’s a story of true redemption, and the hero believes he has been called by God to help her.” She closed her eyes for a few seconds before she looked back at him with a sense of enchantment in her expression. “I love this book.”

  Lucas read the rest of the description. “It might be okay.” His mother would have a fit if he brought such a book into the house, but their shared love of reading was one of the first things he and Natalie realized they had in common. So far, neither had recommended a book they didn’t both enjoy, but he wasn’t sure about this one.

  “Just trust me. Read it.” Natalie twisted to face him. “I’m not a prostitute and you’re not saving me, but in some small ways, the story reminds me of us.” She blushed, which was unusual for Natalie. Not much embarrassed her. “Maybe not the ending or even the journey really, but Michael—the guy in the book—his faith in God is almost enough for both of the characters. Sometimes I feel like that about you, that you carry enough faith for both of us, and that little by little it seeps into my soul.” She looked down as she twirled a stand of hair between her fingers. “Sometimes I don’t feel worthy of God’s love either, like the woman in the book.”

  Lucas reached for her hand, something he’d never done before, and squeezed it. “None of us are worthy of Gott’s love, but He gives it to us unconditionally.”

  She looked up at him and blinked before she laid her head on his shoulder.

  Lucas didn’t even look around to see if anyone was watching. He just held her hand and decided to enjoy the moment. He was close to Natalie in a way he’d never been with anyone else. His physical attraction to her had been there since day one, but it seemed to intensify the closer they became emotionally. Warning bells were going off in his head, but he chose not to hear them right now.

  He looked at the book again and decided he would read it. His mother wouldn’t approve based on the cover alone, but Lucas wasn’t a child—even though his mother treated him like one—and he could choose what he wanted to read. Still, he had no plans to let his parents, or even his siblings, see the book.

  After not nearly long enough, Natalie lifted her head, reached into her purse, and held up a new phone. “I picked this up on the way here, but I need to charge it. Do you want to go find an outlet and charge both our phones?”

  Lucas nodded and they stood.

  “I’ve missed talking to you every day, but I haven’t missed my mother’s lengthy calls.” She sighed. “I probably need to call her, though. She knows I don’t have my phone, but I’m sure she’s going nuts not being able to get hold of me. And I do worry about her, even if she drives me crazy sometimes.” She smiled at him.

  Natalie had an odd relationship with her mother. Sometimes, she seemed to act more like the mother and Cecelia was the child. Lucas couldn’t picture that type of role reversal in his family.

  * * *

  Natalie picked the most out-of-the-way spot she could find near a power outlet. After she and Lucas plugged in their phones, she gave him her new number, and they settled in on the floor by a window. Natalie pretended to focus on another book she’d picked out while Lucas opened Redeeming Love and started to read. She wondered how he would feel about the story. It wasn’t as clean and wholesome as the books they normally read, but the message was so strong. She wanted him to feel the emotions that went along with such redemption, the way she had.

  Her mind drifted to what happened while they were talking about God’s love—the hand holding and the way she’d laid her head on his shoulder. He hadn’t stiffened or gotten weird about it. He actually initiated it by reaching for her hand.

  Was everyone right? Were she and Lucas in dangerous territory? What would happen if their friendship tried to take the form of a romantic relationship? There was no denying her attraction to him, which had drawn her to him the first time they met. But Lucas was different from anyone she’d ever known. He was comfortable talking about God and his relationship with Him. Natalie found that to be an attractive quality as well.

  She forced herself to shake free of the thoughts. I trust You, God. And You’ve blessed me with Lucas, my friend. Please help me continue to grow in my faith and to make good choices about my life. Natalie refused to overthink things right now. She enjoyed her time with Lucas, even when they were just quietly sitting together. A calm seemed to settle over her in his presence, and when she was at peace, she felt more open to hear God’s voice.

  After about thirty minutes, the peacefulness began to slip away, replaced by concern about her mother. She whispered to Lucas, “I need to call my mom. I’m going to go outside for a few minutes.” She put on the coat she had folded in her lap.

  Lucas nodded but didn’t lift his eyes from the book.

  Outside the building, Natalie called her mother twice, and the second time she left a voice mail with her new phone number. She’d needed the few days of space without talking to her mom, but now she was starting to worry.

  Natalie tapped her mother’s number again, and for the third time it went to voice mail, so she left a second message. “Mom, I left you a message with my new number, but I meant to ask you if you want to meet for lunch Saturday. Let me know. Bye.”

  She walked back inside the library, her stomach churning a little. Her mother always answered the phone, as if Natalie was the only person she ever talked to. Maybe she just forgot to charge it and the battery’s dead.

  Natalie hoped that was the case as she settled in beside Lucas again. She picked up her book and tried to concentrate on the story—without much luck.

  * * *

  On Saturday, Cecelia sat drumming her fingers on the table at a small diner in Shoals. She’d been there twice with Tom over the years. Neither time was stellar, but once again, she wasn’t the one footing the bill, so she hadn’t argued about where to eat.

  She pulled her compact mirror from her purse, and before she applied lipstick, she caught a glimpse of the dark roots showing along her part line. Ugh. She’d tried to use a box of dye just last night, but it hadn’t helped much. Sighing, she touched up her lipstick, a shade of pink Natalie said made her look younger. Since she’d stepped into her forties, she’d take whatever help she could get. She was sure the divorce had aged her another ten years.

  “You don’t need that, you know.”

  Cecelia jumped and hurriedly stuffed the lipstick and compact back in her purse.

  Moses Schwartz slipped into the booth seat across from her. “I wasn’t sure you would show up.” He grinned as he took off his straw hat and set it on the seat beside him.

  “You’ve left a message on
my phone every night since last Saturday.” Cecelia raised her chin, folding her hands in her lap and willing them to stop shaking. “I decided if I didn’t meet you, I’d burn up my minutes listening to all your messages.”

  One side of his mouth lifted, and it was equally as unnerving as it was last Saturday. Cecelia had turned down lunch with Natalie to meet this flirty and persistent Amish man. She hadn’t lied to her daughter. She just said she couldn’t make it. Natalie seemed to find it odd that Cecelia would decline the invitation, but Cecelia’s curiosity about Moses’s intentions had gotten the best of her.

  “Ach, well . . .” He was still grinning, and Cecelia’s hands continued to tremble in her lap. “I’m glad you’re here.”

  “A girl’s got to eat.” She avoided the twinkle in his hazel eyes and ignored the set of his square jaw and the way he’d swaggered into the restaurant like he owned the place. He probably wasn’t even really Amish. Vanity and pride were frowned upon in their world, and this man seemed full of himself. She wished he would wipe that smug grin off his face. But this would be good practice at dating, if and when someone ever asked her out.

  “Ya, a girl’s got to eat,” he repeated. “And what will you be having?”

  Cecelia had opened her menu when she first arrived, but she hadn’t looked at it. “I’m not sure.” She couldn’t see it, to begin with. But she didn’t want to use her reading glasses in front of him, so she picked up the menu and held it out far enough to almost see the offerings, but she couldn’t quite make out the words. She pulled it closer again, pretending to scan the entrées, then closed it, deciding to follow his lead.

  “What did you choose?” Cecelia met his eyes, surprised to see that he’d slipped on a pair of glasses while she was busy trying to see her menu.

  He clicked his tongue a couple times. “Hmm . . . maybe the liver and onions.”

  Cecelia’s stomach rumbled. She’d been too nervous to eat breakfast, and even though she was still anxious, she was hungry. But there was nothing worse than liver and onions. “I’ll probably just have a salad.”