Listening to Love

by Beth Wiseman

  “She stopped by earlier.” His sister-in-law hugged him. “Levi and I are both sorry that the two of you are hurting.”

  Levi walked into the kitchen and also embraced Lucas as Mary stepped away. “Wie bischt?”

  Lucas went to his usual spot and pulled out the chair. “I miss her so much.”

  Mary poured tea for everyone before she joined the men at the table. After praying, they were quiet as they filled their plates. Lucas hoped and prayed his brother or sister-in-law wouldn’t tell him the breakup was for the best.

  After a while, Lucas finally said it. “Maybe this was for the best.” If he said it enough times, perhaps he’d start to believe it.

  Levi and Mary exchanged glances, but neither said anything.

  “I mean . . .” Lucas shrugged. “There’s all of this going on with her mudder, and I was never comfortable in her world.” His voice cracked so he looked down at his plate and pushed his peas around. Mary had made his favorites—pork tenderloin, creamed peas, twice-baked potatoes, and a cucumber salad. Lucas had also noticed the shoofly pie on the counter. He forced himself to take a bite of tenderloin so he wouldn’t hurt his sister-in-law’s feelings.

  Mary cleared her throat. “Lucas, Levi and I would have accepted any decision you and Natalie made, even if it meant you living in the Englisch world. It wouldn’t have been ideal, but we love you both.”

  “I didn’t make the decision to stop seeing each other. She did.” Lucas wrangled with the bitterness that kept battling for room in his heart, as if anger could squash the hurt he was feeling. “How was she when she came by?”

  “Broken.” Mary blinked back tears. “She said she loves you, but she could tell you weren’t comfortable away from your community, and once she stepped back and got some perspective, she realized that. Obviously, she is also concerned about her mother.”

  Lucas excused himself and went to the bathroom. He leaned against the door and closed his eyes. For the hundredth time, he asked God to send Natalie back to him. It was a selfish request, so he forced himself to look at things from a different angle. Even though he couldn’t picture his life without her, he prayed again. But this time he prayed for Natalie. What is best for her, Gott?

  Chapter 18

  It took almost an hour to get to the Paoli courthouse Monday morning. Cecelia sat next to her attorney in the front row. It was a small room. Natalie was in the second row. They stood when the judge walked in, but the only other people there were the court reporter and Mr. Livingston’s paralegal, Carrie.

  Most of Cecelia’s dealings had been with Carrie over the past three weeks. She’d only talked to Mr. Livingston once, and he’d assured her that the charges would be thrown out. The private investigator Natalie ended up paying for had located Moses in Canada. His real name was David Shingles, originally from New York, and evidently he had been baptized into an Amish community before he married his wife.

  It would be up to law enforcement to decide whether to extradite him. Mr. Livingston said it was highly unlikely they would. Apparently, it was an expensive process reserved for people who had committed much worse crimes. Marianne had been Amish too, but she’d broken the law along with her husband, just not to the extent that Moses—David—had.

  The logistics didn’t make sense to Cecelia. Why not just flee the country? Why leave Cecelia his house? Did Moses assume she had some cash stashed away somewhere to catch up the mortgage? She’d accidentally mentioned her financial problems once, so she doubted he thought that. But, for today, she wanted this business behind her. She spent most of her time trying to figure out a way to make it all up to Natalie. Her daughter had dropped out of college without finishing the first semester, which disheartened Cecelia, but maybe Natalie did need some downtime to figure out what she really wanted. Cecelia still hoped she would continue her education, even if she changed her major. But she was resolved to accept whatever decisions Natalie made.

  More worrisome was the fact that her daughter seemed to have lost her zest for life after she broke up with Lucas. The light in her eyes had dimmed, and it broke Cecelia’s heart. She planned to keep a close eye on her daughter to make sure the light didn’t flicker and go out completely, the way it had for Cecelia throughout the divorce process. Her life became a dark place to live, and she didn’t want to see Natalie go down that path.

  As if everything else happening wasn’t hard enough, the bank foreclosed on Cecelia’s house last week. Natalie paid to have most of Cecelia’s things moved to a storage unit, and Cecelia was living with her in her small apartment. They had enough money to eat and pay rent for a couple more months, but then they would be broke.

  Cecelia couldn’t believe how much her attorney and the private investigator had cost. Natalie had admitted she didn’t realize how fast money could slip through her fingers, something Cecelia knew all about. Even though Natalie had quit her job, paid for her tuition and books, and had living expenses, Cecelia knew she was part of her daughter’s financial demise as well. And that bothered her more than anything.

  The judge read Cecelia’s charges, then Mr. Livingston began to present evidence to have the charges dropped. Her biggest saving grace was probably that David Shingles had a record a mile long, and he’d done this sort of thing before. Cecelia had also never been in trouble with the law before, and David left a sloppy paper trail. Her hands were clammy and her chest was tight. What if her attorney was wrong? What if there wasn’t enough evidence to exonerate her? What if Mr. Livingston had missed something that would cause her to go to jail? As her head filled with what-ifs, the door at the back of the small courtroom creaked open.

  An older Amish man walked into the room, followed by a dozen other men, all with long gray beards and straw hats, whom Cecelia had never seen before. Behind them were Helen and her family, including Lucas. Cecelia hadn’t talked to Helen since the day she’d shown up at the house.

  Mr. Livingston, Cecelia, Natalie, and Carrie turned to look at the trail of Amish people coming in. There wasn’t even enough room for all of them to sit. The judge looked as perplexed as Cecelia felt as he took off his glasses and waited for everyone to get settled. Mr. Livingston turned back around to continue, but the judge waved him off.

  “Hello, ladies and gentlemen.” The judge rubbed his chin, eyeing the people who had filled his courtroom. “Anyone can be present for these proceedings, but might I ask why all of you are here today?”

  The first man who had walked in cleared his throat. “I am Bishop Troyer, and we have come to support Cecelia Collins.”

  What? Cecelia brought a hand to her chest and tapped a couple of times, hoping to slow her heart rate. Their support wouldn’t change the outcome, but Cecelia was touched by their effort.

  The judge grinned. He was an older man Cecelia suspected was in his seventies. “Okay. Very well.” He rubbed his chin again and motioned for Mr. Livingston to continue.

  Cecelia searched the crowd until she saw Helen sitting in the back row beside Lucas. But Helen stared straight ahead, as did Lucas. Cecelia quickly turned her eyes to Natalie and saw that her daughter was staring at Lucas. Please, dear Lord, help me find a way to make things right for Natalie, whether with Lucas or not, but please, she’s been through so much.

  Cecelia had been praying more and more these last weeks. She and Natalie had attended the Easter service at a church they’d both liked and had continued to visit, but there was something else happening with Cecelia, something inside that couldn’t be credited simply to attending church. Natalie explained that her heart was opening to God, listening to His love, and finding a peace only He could give her. She’d said the Lord was all that kept her going sometimes. Cecelia was beginning to understand what her daughter meant. Especially now. Even though the ordeal had been devastating, Cecelia found strength through her growing relationship with God.

  When the judge dismissed the charges, Cecelia covered her face with her hands and cried. Natalie was quickly by her side, an arm around her
. When Cecelia realized the Amish folks were filing out in a single line toward the exit, she dabbed at her eyes and told Natalie she needed to find Helen.

  * * *

  Natalie’s eyes darted around the room until she found Lucas. He was standing in the back corner of the courtroom, his thumbs looped beneath his suspenders, and he didn’t look in a hurry to leave since he wasn’t moving in the line out the door. She waited until almost everyone was in the hallway before she walked over to where he was standing.

  Sniffling, she said, “It’s a wonderful thing you all have done, coming here like this.”

  He shrugged. “We wanted to make sure the judge knew we didn’t condone what Moses had done, and that we also believed in your mudder.”

  “You mean, what David Shingles had done.” She gazed into his eyes.

  He stared back at her with a longing Natalie recognized. She felt it every day. “I miss you,” he said softly.

  “I miss you too.” She wanted to fall into his arms, but nothing about their circumstances had changed. “I have to confess that I was angry at you and your family when this first happened, but it also seemed like a chance to set you free.” A tear rolled down her cheek as she waited for him to argue. Not that it would change anything.

  “You don’t belong in my world, Lucas.” She waved an arm toward the few Amish people still moving out the door. “But what you all did by coming here”—she took a deep breath to avoid more tears—“it means a lot to Mom and me.” She hung her head before she looked up and locked eyes with him again, offering a weak smile. “I’d better go find my mom.” But she didn’t move. Her feet stayed rooted to the floor.

  Lucas rubbed his forehead, took in a deep breath, then said, “Ya, I have to go.”

  As he walked away, Natalie was sure he took a piece of her heart with him. She trudged toward the exit to find her mother. This was a good day for them both. But all she wanted to do was hole up and cry somewhere. Now that her mother was living with her, she couldn’t even do that.

  She wanted to stay strong for her mom, who was making remarkable changes daily, seeming to find the woman she was always meant to be, even amid the hardships they were facing. Her mother admitted to a slipup of having a couple drinks, but the fact that she’d been open about it to Natalie was also a stride in the right direction.

  * * *

  Cecelia wanted to pull out her phone and snap a picture of the dozens of buggies surrounding the courthouse. Some were tied to the hitching post at the far end of the parking lot. Others were tethered to trees. It was quite a sight to see so many of them, and she couldn’t believe they’d all come to support her.

  The sun shone brightly today, outside and in Cecelia’s heart. She lifted a hand to her forehead and searched for Helen, who was stepping into one of the buggies when Cecelia spotted her.

  “Wait,” she called out, then edged over to the sidewalk when her heels started to sink into the grass.

  Cecelia hadn’t thought she could cry anymore, but tears spilled when she reached Helen. “I can’t believe you did this.” She shook her head.

  Helen met her eyes. “I didn’t. Bishop Troyer did.” She smiled a tiny bit, but her eyes were moist.

  Cecelia threw caution to the wind as she pulled Helen into a hug, in front of God, her people, and anyone else who happened to be nearby, and Helen hugged her back. “Thank you,” Cecelia whispered. “How can I ever repay you?” Again, she realized the outcome of her case hadn’t depended on any of them being there, but she wanted Helen to understand how much it meant to her.

  Helen eased away, but then leaned close to Cecelia’s ear. “You don’t happen to have any of that medication you gave me, do you?”

  Cecelia had to search her mind for a few moments. “Oh, do you mean the ibuprofen?”

  Helen glanced around frowning, as if they were making a drug deal on the courthouse lawn. “Ya,” she whispered before she pressed her lips together.

  Cecelia dug around in her bag for a coin purse she kept various medications in, like Tylenol, ibuprofen, and migraine meds. She pulled out six ibuprofen tablets. “This is all I’ve got on me.”

  Helen held out her hand. “Danki.” She dropped two in her mouth and swallowed them without anything to drink. “I know God is the worker of miracles, but I think these pills are too.”

  “Why haven’t you gotten more since I gave you what was left in that bottle?” Cecelia was sure the Amish frequented places like Walmart and used modern medication, but then she remembered that Helen’s family wasn’t like most Amish. They were much more conservative. Before Helen responded, Cecelia whispered, “They have them at Walmart. I’ll get you some.”

  “Are they expensive?” Helen’s eyebrows drew inward.

  “No. They’re not.” Cecelia smiled. “It’s the least I can do for this incredible show of support.” She motioned with her arm at all the buggies, some already untethered and pulling out onto the road.

  Helen shifted her weight and placed a hand on her hip. “How is Natalie?”

  “Sad. What about Lucas?”

  “The same.” Helen grimaced. “I might have been wrong in my thinking. As painful as it would be if Lucas chose the Englisch world, I think it’s more painful to watch him suffering the way he is now.”

  “I think Natalie doesn’t want him to have to change his way of life.” Her daughter had finally opened up to her about feeling the need to set Lucas free.

  “That says a lot about Natalie.” Helen smiled as her husband finished talking with another man and joined them.

  Cecelia thanked him as well, then said goodbye to Helen, promising to bring her the ibuprofen soon. Then she set out to find Natalie.

  * * *

  Later in the evening, Natalie received a text from Lucas.

  It was gut to see you today.

  Her finger hovered over the screen to type a message. She finally did.

  It was nice to see you too.

  She waited, her heart aching at the thought of never being with Lucas, but she and her mother needed to get their lives in order, and Natalie was hoping that staying busy would help her heal. They’d spent the evening searching online for jobs. Natalie had some experience in retail management from her time working at Rural King. Her boss had been understanding when she quit her job to go to college full-time, but he didn’t have any openings for her right now. Her mother was looking for an administrative or bookkeeping job of some sort. Montgomery was a small town with fewer than five hundred people, so they’d both broadened their search to include the surrounding towns. It would be a longer commute, but they needed jobs.

  She received another text from Lucas.

  In Redeeming Love, Angel has to find her own way before she’s free to be with Michael. I’m going to wait for you to find your way. I’m not going anywhere. I’m called to marry you.

  Natalie stretched her neck to see if her mother still had her head buried in a book in the bedroom, and she did. Her lip trembled as she blinked back tears, and then she wrote him back.

  No, Lucas. You were called to help me find my way to God, and you did that. Now, you have to go on with the life God planned for you.

  A tear trailed down her cheek, and she tried to fend off the meltdown that was threatening to take hold of her. She didn’t want it to happen in front of her mother.

  The time on her phone showed that it was almost midnight. By twelve thirty, Lucas hadn’t texted back. Yawning, she got into bed. Her mother had fallen asleep with a book in her lap, so Natalie moved it and turned off the light. Tomorrow, they were going to go see if anything of value was in her mother’s new home. Maybe they could sell a few things before the mortgage company foreclosed. The dozen horses Moses owned weren’t worth as much as they’d hoped since most were still untrained. Natalie hated to part with the animals, but she wanted them to have good homes. Helen’s sons would have to find a new place to stable their horses, unless new owners agreed to let them stay.

  Natalie’s thought
s kept leading back to Lucas. She saw his face when she finally closed her eyes to sleep.

  * * *

  Cecelia woke up before Natalie and started some coffee. She wanted to kick-start her brain for the day ahead. First, she needed a job and a cheap place to live. Even though Natalie said it was fine for her to live in the small apartment as long as she chose to, Cecelia wanted to continue her trek on the path to independence. She’d lost hope in men. Tom and David Shingles had seen to that. In addition to getting her life in order, she wanted desperately to help Natalie in that regard. Her daughter had given up everything for Cecelia—school, her independence, and almost all the money she had. There had to be some way Cecelia could make it up to her. She poured herself a cup of coffee, then prayed that Natalie would have the life she deserved, whether it ended up being with Lucas or not, whether it was returning to school or landing a good job. I just want her to be happy, God.

  Natalie slept for another hour, then they got ready and headed to Cecelia’s new house, smack-dab in the middle of Amish country. It had no electricity, a delinquent mortgage, and a dozen horses that she now owned. The bank accounts in her name were empty.

  “Can you pull into that dollar store?” Cecelia pointed to her right. “Since we’ll be next door to Helen, I want to get her some ibuprofen.”

  Natalie nodded. She’d been quiet all morning. Probably because she would be so close to Lucas when they arrived.

  Cecelia went into the store and picked up several bottles of the generic brand of ibuprofen and two bottles of water for her and Natalie. It would be hot in that house while they took inventory.

  She handed a bottled water to Natalie when she got back in the car.

  “Thanks.” Natalie twisted the top open as she put the car in reverse, then took a long swig before they got on the road.