Separate Like Stars

by Diana Kane

  “Hello, Jordan. It’s good to see you,” Stephanie greets me as I step out of the car she sent to pick me up from the airport.

  “Hi, Steph. How are you?” I inquire as I hug her.

  “I’m good. I’m sorry you had to wait for a car. Doug didn’t let me know you were coming,” she informs me, her features filled with frustration and concern.

  “That’s because I’ve been ignoring his calls. You’re the only one who knows I’m here,” I share as I place my hand on her upper arm and give it a light squeeze. “You didn’t tell anyone I was coming, did you?”

  “No. I followed your wishes, even if certain parties might get upset.” By certain parties I know she means Doug and Addison. Doug who would try to talk me out of what I’m here to do and Addison, who I’m not entirely sure how she will react.

  “Thank you. I’ll deal with Doug and Addison. Don’t you worry about them.” Addison would never fire Stephanie. Stephanie has proven herself invaluable, and Addison considers her family, which she should. “Is Addison filming right now?”

  “Yes. They’re working on a scene, but should finish up soon.”

  “Any chance you can take me to her trailer? I’m not exactly dressed for this weather,” I say as I fan myself, the dramatic climate change from cold and snowy to flat out hot making me sweat profusely.

  “Of course,” she replies with a smile before starting to lead the way. “Forgive me for overstepping, but you’re here to end it, aren’t you?” I look over at her and smile, trying to ease the trepidation I hear in her voice.

  “I think it’s time. Be sure to take care of her. I’m not sure how she’s going to take it.”

  “I will,” she assures me with a smile. “I’ll miss seeing you though. And our chats about books and history.”

  “I’ll miss that too. But you have my number and are welcome to use it anytime.” Stephanie has been a third party in our relationship in a lot of ways. When I say that I’ll miss her, I mean it.

  “All right,” she says after we make the rest of the trip to Addison’s trailer in silence. “Will you need a car later?”

  “I’m not sure what my plans are,” I answer her truthfully. While I am booked on a flight to Chicago later, I may end up changing it to tomorrow morning.

  “Okay. Just let me know,” she says before smiling at me and closing the trailer door.

  *****

  “Hey, baby! I didn’t know you were going to be here,” Addison greets me, frozen in the doorway. If I looked behind her I’m pretty sure I’d see Chloe.

  “Surprise! You coming in or are you just gonna stand there with the door open?” I watch as she closes the door, but hesitates before joining me on the small couch. “Come here,” I direct her as I hold out my hand to her. She takes it and sits next to me, our legs touching and our clasped hands resting just above her knee.

  “Are you here for the reason I think you are?” she eventually asks, forcing the difficult conversation to begin. I may know that our relationship has run its course, but that knowledge doesn’t make ending it any easier.

  “I’m here because I think it’s time,” I answer as I tuck a few errant blonde strands behind her ear.

  “Are you ending it for her?”

  “For Olivia?” I ask for clarification, my brow furrowed. Addison’s head bobs as she looks at me with a hint of sadness in her eyes. “No. I guess you saw the photos?”

  “I did. It was shocking, and it hurt a little, but I get it.”

  “Nothing happened. We were out with some friends, and I had more to drink than I should have. We were just dancing. I did try to kiss her, but she stopped me.”

  “So why now?” she asks. I look into her eyes, and while I see a certain sadness there, I don’t see any tears or real distress.

  “Because I think it’s time. I’m not leaving you for Olivia or anyone else. I’m making this choice because it’s time we admit that we aren’t right for each other. Neither one of us can give the other one what we need. I tried living within your definition of a relationship, but I can’t keep pretending it doesn’t bother me that you’re sleeping with other women. Trying to kiss Olivia was just the last straw. I care about you, I really do, but honestly are we even in love with each other? Have either of us ever said I love you? Aside from sexual chemistry, we don’t seem to align on a whole lot.” Addison chuckles at the last comment as she squeezes my hand.

  “I care about you too, but you’re right,” she concedes with a sigh. “I didn’t realize my indiscretions bothered you so much. I’m sorry if I hurt you.”

  “It’s okay. I was hurt the first time. After that, it was just as much my fault as yours. I never said anything, so how would you know?” I ask with a small smile. “I really do hope you find what you’re looking for,” I add as I squeeze her hand.

  “I hope you do too. And that you’ll let her in when it’s right,” she cautiously adds.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Just that you’re not very good at letting people in. You kinda keep yourself at an emotional distance. It’s one of the reasons I figured you didn’t mind me sleeping with other women. Has no one ever told you this before?”

  “I’ve heard it before,” I answer honestly. Truthfully, pretty much every woman I’ve dated has taken issue with it. It must just be how I’m wired.

  “She’s in love with you. I hope you realize that,” Addison disrupts my thoughts.

  “Who?”

  “Olivia. I suspected it when I met her that night at du Pays. She told me you deserved to be treated better and that I should stop fucking around. I knew she was right, but you never seriously objected,” she adds with a shrug. “The pictures confirmed it though. The way she was looking at you. She loves you.”

  “I don’t know. Maybe you misread it. We’re just friends who used to be together.”

  “No. It’s in the pictures. I can tell that you feel something too,” she says as she squeezes my hand.

  “I was drunk, and we had been walking down memory lane all night. I’m not with Olivia.”

  “Hmm,” Addison hums but doesn’t add anything. “I should call Doug,” she eventually says with a sigh.

  “What if you don’t?” I ask, keeping a firm grip on her hand so she can’t retrieve her phone.

  “You have another idea for how we should handle this?”

  “Maybe. When are you finished here?”

  Chapter 26

  “It’s Olivia,” Kira informs me as she shows me her ringing phone. “She’s going to ask if you’re here. She keeps asking via text, and I keep ignoring the question.”

  “You can tell her,” I grant permission as Kira takes the call. It’s been three days since the video Stephanie filmed of Addison and I revealing our breakup was launched on our social media pages. Thankfully I landed in Chicago and camped out at Kira’s before it blew up. Since then I’ve ignored my phone, only taking a brief call from my mother to assure her that I’m fine and let her know where I am.

  “She’s here, and she’s all right,” I hear Kira tell Olivia. “How are things there?” Kira remains quiet as she listens to whatever Olivia is telling her, but her eyes grow a bit and remain glued to me. “Hold on,” Kira says as she pulls the phone away from her ear. “Will you please talk to her, so I don’t have to play telephone with the two of you?” Kira asks, not bothering to hide her irritation. I acquiesce by holding out my hand, accepting the phone when she happily slaps it into my hand.

  “Hey,” I greet Olivia as I bring the phone to my ear.

  “How are you doing?” Olivia asks without preamble as I wince at the volume of Kira’s phone.

  “I’m fine. Just laying low for a few days,” I reply as I hit the volume down button a few times. “Everything all right there?”

  “Things are okay, I guess. There’s been more traffic up and down our little road, but Calvin has his people patrolling at least once an hour, so it’s dropping off.” Calvin, the town’s sheriff, graduated with
us, but given his status as a jock when we were in school, he ran in a different circle. “A few bold souls came into du Pays looking for me to comment. I didn’t tell them anything. Now I have the staff telling people I’m not here if someone asks for me.”

  “Shit. I’m sorry Olivia. We said in the video that we wouldn’t be doing any interviews or making further comments.”

  “I know. They’ll have something new to move onto soon enough.”

  “I suppose they will,” I answer, hoping it happens sooner than later. “They haven’t bothered you at home, have they?”

  “Not yet. I think Lexa would scare them away if they tried,” she answers with a laugh.

  “That big baby? She’s not as intimidating of a guard dog as you think,” I reply, laughing along with her.

  “Only when it comes to you. She’s very vocal and protective when it’s anyone else.” Silence stretches over the line for a minute before Olivia finally speaks again. “When are you coming home?”

  “I’m not sure,” I admit with a quiet sigh. “Gavin is planning to visit Kira this weekend, so I’ll probably stick around long enough to see him then give them their privacy. I don’t even know if I’ll fly. I might just rent a car and drive to the city.

  “I can pick you up if you need me to.”

  “Thanks but my car is in long-term parking at the airport,” I reply, leading to more silence.

  “I should get back to work,” Olivia finally states.

  “I’ll talk to you soon. Thanks for checking on me.”

  “Always,” she answers before disconnecting the call. Was Addison right? I wonder as I think about those unusual silences a few moments ago. What did Olivia say when I tried to kiss her? Try as I might to remember, her words that night can’t pierce the fog my inebriation at the time created.

  “Kira,” I call out knowing that she may have left the room, but she didn’t go far. Sure enough, only a handful of seconds pass before she reappears, her eyebrows raised in anticipation. “Do you think Olivia is in love with me?”

  “Oh boy. Is that a question?” she asks as she plops down on the chair across from me.

  “Did I not phrase it like a question?”

  “All right. I think she loves you. There’s no doubt about that. As far as her being in love with you…maybe,” she admits with a shrug. “I haven’t seen the two of you together in a while. I know you’ve grown close again and I’ve seen the pictures from the other night. It’s a possibility,” she reluctantly adds. “Did you break up with Addison to get back together with Olivia?”

  “No. I’ve told you I was drunk and we were reminiscing half the night. I think I just got caught up in all of it.”

  “What if she is?”

  “That’s something I’ve been thinking about since Addison told me her opinion. I don’t think I can trust Olivia with my heart again. I haven’t forgotten how she tore me apart before. I’m not sure I could ever let her in again.”

  “So you have thought about it,” she observes with a cautious grin.

  “Not really. That’s just my gut reaction. I’ve forgiven her, but I can’t forget. I don’t want her to feel like I’m leading her on. Do you know she told Addison I deserved better?”

  “That’s because you do. We’ve all been telling you that,” Kira emphatically agrees. “Maybe you should talk to Olivia.”

  “What would be the point? If my first reaction is that I wouldn’t be able to trust her not to hurt me, then it seems unnecessary for me to question her feelings. If she brings it up, I’ll discuss it with her.”

  “So you do have feelings for her,” Kira observes with a shit eating grin pasted on her lips.

  “Isn’t that the million dollar question?” I quickly answer before falling silent to give it some thought. “I don’t think I do.”

  “You tried to kiss her,” Kira reminds me with a pointed look.

  “I know I did,” I confess with a sigh. “I haven’t had time to think about it. I’ve been dealing with the Addison situation and hiding out here.”

  “You’ve been holed up here for days. I haven’t seen you writing, so you’ve had plenty of time to think about it,” Kira calls me out, knowing me too well for me to sneak a bullshit excuse past her.

  “Fine. What if it was just that she’s familiar? What if in my drunken haze, dealing with taking shit from Katie and thinking about how things were between us, what if I just got lost in the moment? It happens right?”

  “It does. Hell, it’s happened to me, so I can hardly judge you for it. But what if you’re telling yourself that because you’re afraid of being hurt by her again?”

  “It’s like you want us to get back together.”

  “What I want is for both of you to be happy. Whether you’re a couple or not. Do I think it’d be great if you completed one another, or whatever sappy crap you writers always come up with? Sure. Anyone who saw the two of you back in the day would be rooting for that. But if that isn’t in the cards, I just want you guys to be happy,” she closes with a genuine smile.

  “Thanks,” I say as I stand up and make my around the coffee table to give her a hug. “I mean it. Thanks for everything. You’ve always been here for me when I’ve needed you, even when I didn’t realize it.”

  “What are sisters for?” she asks as she gives me a gentle squeeze. “Besides, that’s always been a two-way street. How many breakups have you held my hand through?”

  “A few. To be fair though, you got me through the Olivia breakup. I’m sure nothing I’ve had to help you with has even come close to that,” I admit as we sit down again.

  “It wasn’t pretty or easy,” she confirms as she takes my hand. “That’s why I understand why you’d be scared to let her in again. Please promise me you won’t lead her on. She’s my friend too, and I don’t want to see either of you hurt.”

  “I promise you I won’t. I’m honestly not even thinking about starting something with anyone right now,” I share as more of Addison’s words mesh with Kira’s in my mind. “Do you think I keep myself at an emotional distance? That I don’t let people in?” I ask as I stare out the window of Kira’s 32nd-floor apartment, the building across the street staring back at me.

  “Good lord woman, you could have warned me to grab a bottle of the good stuff when you summoned me,” Kira laughs as she straightens her posture. “In general? Yeah, I think you tend to try to push people away. Romantically? I’m not sure. Have any of your ex’s said anything?”

  “I’ve been thinking about that. I think a few were hinting at it, but without contacting them I can’t be sure.”

  “Maybe you should ask them,” she suggests.

  “Why can’t women just be direct when they want to tell you something?” I lament as I shake my head.

  “Hey,” Kira’s sharp tone grabs my attention. “Enough with that women shit! I think people in general struggle to do that. Most people don’t want to rock the boat.”

  “You’re right. I apologize for my sexist lapse,” I say as I slide off of my half of the chair and fall to my knees to grovel for forgiveness. “Please don’t send me to bed without supper. I’m very sorry for my loose-tongued manner and promise to amend my wicked language in the future,” I say as I look up at her from my bowed head before jutting out my lower lip and allowing it to quiver like I’m about to cry.

  “Stop it,” Kira insists as she howls with laughter. “You know I can’t handle that damn lower lip trembling,” she manages as she continues to shake with merriment. “Get up,” she finally commands me as she wipes at her eyes. “I will never comprehend how you manage to work your lower lip that quickly.”

  “I don’t know. I do know that the ladies love it,” I tease her as I reclaim my half of the chair.

  “Uh huh. I’m sure they love that lower lip gyrating like that when…”

  “When?” I question with raised eyebrows and a giant grin.

  “Nope. I’m not going to finish that thought,” she adamantly refuses.
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  “Kira,” I say in a threatening tone as I begin tickling her sides, her loud squeals of protest ringing in my ears.

  “Stop! No more,” she cries as she slides out of the chair and skitters across the carpet away from me. I laugh as she works to catch her breath and her face returns to its normal pallor. “Just for that you’re leaving the apartment,” she informs me as she stands up.

  “What?” I ask as panic surges through me.

  “We’re going for ice cream, and you don’t get to argue,” she says as she untwists her shirt and pulls downward on the lower hem to emphasize that her point is final.

  “I suppose I have to show my face to the world at some point.”