She wouldn’t tell me who, but one of the mama bears was sick, so the others were doing triple duty in the den. Just another thing to add to my own list of worries.
And this was all on top of my regular duties at the Tooth and Claw. Because if I didn’t keep the books tallied and the pantry stocked, it wouldn’t get done.
The biggest thing we needed was money.
I had drafted a proposal to bring to other animal groups, but Evan and Lee refused to send me.
My only break was my evening run on RSC land. While my wolf stretched her muscles, I made a mental list of things that needed doing. The newest cabin being constructed had a pallet of plywood improperly covered. Ed would hear about that one in the morning.
The driveway needed to be grated again before the next blizzard or we’d be dealing with broken axels on our cars from the potholes
Ugh, pup you are giving me a headache with all your thinking
I just have a lot of things to do
This isn’t your pack, you’re not the alpha here
Someone needs to be
As soon as I said the words I hated it. The purpose of the RSC was that there wasn’t an Alpha. No one was over anyone else. But maybe wolves needed someone in charge. I shook the thoughts out of my head. Even if we needed someone in charge, these wolves were never going to listen to me.
Did you hear that?
My wolf raced through the forests between the cabins and stopped in front of Evan’s cabin. He was loaning it out to Sabine and her cubs. Since Jackson and Sabine started dating, he’d been staying there too. I had never heard anything from their cabin during my patrols before.
“You do, you smell like lion!” Jackson’s voice carried out over the dark night.
“I am a lion, Jackson,” Sabine’s hissed retort was quieter. A door slammed and their smells drifted along the breeze to my nose. They were outside. And Sabine did smell like another lion.
“A different lion, Sabine,” Jackson growled.
I crept closer. The two figures were circling one another. Sabine may be smaller in human form, but her lioness was formidable. If Jackson took this to blows, he’d likely die.
“What do you want me to tell you, Jackson? That I found a new pride? Because yeah, I did,” Sabine crossed her arms over her chest, “I talked to Cain and Evan this evening and they’re happy for me, for us.”
“Pride? You don’t need a pride, you have me!”
“You can come, or you can stay, but my cubs and I are going.” Sabine was fearless. But what did a lion have to fear from a wolf?
“Don’t do this, don’t leave me,” Jackson begged.
“I’m not leaving you, I’m going to a new home, a better place for my family. This was only ever a stopping point. My cubs deserve to be raised as lions. They deserve to know what it’s like to hunt as a pride. They deserve a mom who is comfortable in her surroundings.”
“Are you saying I make you uncomfortable?”
“Jackson, no what I’m saying is...”
My wolf was close enough the fighting pair noticed me. She forced me to my skin with a growl.
Don’t let him hurt her
What? Jackson? Sabine would kick his ass
You know as well as I do there is more than one kind of hurt
“Ginger?” Sabine and Jackson asked at the same time. Sabine seemed more confused while Jackson seemed angry.
“I’m sad to hear you’re leaving us, Sabine, but I am excited for you and your family,” I turned to Jackson whose menacing glower was enhanced by the darkness, “And you need to either support her or leave. The RSC does not tolerate this kind of behavior.”
“This is a family matter,” Jackson argued, “It’s not any pipsqueak busy body wolf’s business.”
Sabine rolled her eyes, at her boyfriend, “Jackson stop. How many times do I have to tell you that it’s not attractive when you try to act tough.”
If he heard her, he didn’t make any sound to the effect, his stare was affixed to me. Angry, hate filled. He took a step toward me, and Sabine inserted herself between us, “Jackson what the fuck.”
He stepped out of her reach, continuing toward me, “You don’t get to take another mate from me, Willow.”
“Jackson, that’s not Willow, that’s Ginger,” Sabine’s unflappable cadence quavered.
What are you doing? Shift
My plea for my wolf went unanswered. I felt her power wash over me, but no fur came. Instead she took over my human body.
“Freeze,” my voice was strong and powerful, but it was my wolf’s word. Jackson froze, and I took several steps toward him until I was nose to chest, looking up at the brooding behemoth, “You are no longer welcome here. Go back to your own pack the RSC doesn’t need your ilk here and Sabine deserves better than a lowlife like you.”
“Ginger, what.... What are you doing to him?” Sabine walked around us, waving her hand in front of Jackson, but he was motionless.
My wolf released my body and I stared at the lioness wide eyed, “I have no idea. But I meant it. You deserve better than Jackson. Go to your new pride, and if you ever need us, the RSC will be at your back in an instant.”
Sabine looked from me to the still frozen in place Jackson, “Okay.”
“Where are you going, anyway?”
“Arizona,” she said with a laugh, “The cubs will miss the snow but my lion sure won’t.”
My wolf reacted to Arizona, but I couldn’t understand why or how, “Well, once you are settled, I’ll come out for a visit. I’d like to branch out to other shifter groups.”
Sabine winked at me, “I’ll be sure to warn them ahead of time about you.” Her eyes turned back to her still frozen boyfriend, “Are you a witch or something? I’ve never seen anything like this. Can you... unfreeze him?”
Not until she’s safe
“My wolf’s doing it, and she said not until you’re safe. So, get inside and lock the door okay? The RSC will want to throw a goodbye party for you so don’t disappear into the night.”
“Don’t hurt him, okay?” Sabine asked, “He’s had it harder than most, even if he won’t say it. He’s not the best wolf in the RSC but... he could be.”
I sincerely doubted that but rather than upsetting the powerful lion, I nodded.
Once Sabine was inside the house with the door locked, my wolf undid whatever she’d done.
Jackson’s now motile eyes widened, “You...you’re an Alpha wolf? Of fucking course, you are. You and Willow can start your own fucking pack of miniature tyrants.”
“Willow’s your mate?” I only puppy piled with Jackson once, but his wolf’s furious growls had been enough to keep me away despite the pleas of Evan for someone to shut him up.
“Was,” he growled again, but the growl turned to an anguished sob, “I ruin everything I touch. Willow, the pack, Sabine, and now RSC what do I have left?”
“Do you know that you ruined everything with Willow?”
Jackson was tight lipped about his past mate, at least around me. His eyes looked back to the cabin and he answered without looking at me, “Of course I did. I left. What kind of a mate leaves?”
“I wouldn’t know. I don’t have a mate, remember? But if I did. And he was genuinely truly sorry for what he’d done. I’d consider taking him back.”
You would?
But we don’t have a mate, right?
Jackson growled, shifting into his wolf form and disappearing into the woods.
Should we go after him. Make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid?
No, he’s not our problem anymore
***
December 1 year ago
Tooth and Claw Pub, Easterville, Minnesota
Everyone crammed into the pub out of the icy cold winds outside. Sabine and the cubs were the center of attention. Only one person was noticeably absent, Jackson. Some asked Sabine where he went, and she always shrugged, though her eyes found mine.
To be fair, I didn’t know where Jack
son went either. When I clocked in for my shift at the Tooth and Claw the next morning, he was gone.
The party for Sabine went off without a hitch. Careful planning and better budgeting on my part. I had to take a sizeable chunk from the Winter Solstice fund, but I think the RSC would forgive me if they knew it was for Sabine’s party.
Everyone loved and would miss the lioness and her cubs.
The event was doubly bittersweet. Lee and Cain were taking one of my plans and going to other shifter groups after the party was over to ask for funding.
Without me.
“Don’t stray from the talking points,” I reminded them, pointing at my carefully collated presentation documents, “We need their financial assistance without their official membership.”
Lee reviewed the documents again while Cain laughed, “We can handle it, Ginger. We’ve talked to other shifter groups before.”
“That was about de-rogueing members. This is something else,” I reminded him, “Maybe I should go.”
“No, they want to talk to the not-alpha pair,” Lee said, shaking her head, “We’ll handle it. Don’t worry, we have it under control. It’ll work out. It always does.”
I bit my lip, keeping my grumbling to myself. I wanted to shake her shoulders and scream; it always works out because I make it work out. But I couldn’t. She was right. The leaders wanted to talk to our leaders. While Evan was technically president, it was a figurehead position. Rogue shifters looked to the grizzly and felt safer under his protection than they would under the protection of a one-armed shewolf. That is, until they got to know Lee. Then their perspective changed.
But Lee and Cain were great at the interpersonal, but they weren’t great at the administrative. And this task was definitely an administrative one. Which made me anxious.
“We’re not going to mess it up, I promise,” Cain said. He had their luggage and was getting ready to load it in the car.
“I want updates after every meeting,” I insisted, following the pair outside, “And a nightly meeting to strategize.”
“Ginger,” Lee snapped, “We have this under control. We will regroup when we get back next week.”
“No, but what happens if they-”
“Ginger,” Cain’s harsh tone shut me up, “Breathe, Lee and I have this handled. As adorable as it is when you get riled up, you need to let us take care of this.”
“We really need this money,” I reminded them. I didn’t remember the last time I saw either Lee or Cain looking at the financial reports I sent out each week. Occasionally they’d comment on if we had room in the budget for this thing or that.
“We’ll get the money,” Lee promised, “And if we don’t we’ll figure something out. Okay?”
I nodded and watched them drive off. I was sick to my stomach. They were excluding me from my own idea again.
I got to the Tooth and Claw just before closing. Evan was already cleaning up the grill.
“Did Lee and Cain get off okay?”
I huffed, grabbing a spray bottle and a scrubber. Cleaning was a great way to work out my stress. I cleaned the whole kitchen overnight. In the morning, I cleaned the dining room.
When I returned to the Tooth and Claw the next night, Evan had an extra set of knives in his sharpening pile.
“What’s with that?”
“Jackson’s mate is asking for refuge.”
I perked up, “Oh, so Cain and Lee will come back early. Too bad, maybe I can go out and cover for them at the meetings.”
Evan laughed, “Nice try. The little wolf can wait a week to get approved.”
“Is she as bitchy as Jackson was mean?” I picked up my cleaning supplies and started on the kitchen cleaning while Evan continued sharpening the blades.
“She’s shorter than you, but tough. Covered in scars, as muscly as a body builder, and a hardness to her eyes like Paul,” Evan explained, “Reminds me of you.”
I scoffed, “Like I’d ever mate the likes of Jackson.”
“Yeah, you’re not Beta material,” Evan joked, “Jen was saying that Willow’s fought in dozens of rank challenges. Against Kootenai wolves. Won them too.”
“Then she’s even less like me than you thought. I couldn’t fight like she did. I’d have died the first challenge. I’m pretty sure if I’d ever been in a pack, I’d have been the lowest of the low. Like Lee said her mom was.”
“Not all power comes from combat or size,” Evan had his sage wisdom voice again. One of these days he’d realize that he wasn’t some ancient man on a mountain dispensing wisdom to us younglings. This was particularly rich coming from a man who wielded his size like the blade of a skilled swordsman. He continued, “Whether or not you see it, you’re a leader. You think Lee and Cain are keeping the RSC together? It’s you and me.”
“Well duh. But that’s not leadership. We’re the cogs in the machine keeping things running not the steering deciding where it’ll go.”
“You’re the brains, I’m the brawn, they’re the charisma. Don’t underestimate your value here, Ginger. I’m not saying we’d fall apart without you, but it would take a dozen rogues to replace the work you do.”
Evan stopped sharpening the blades and watched me until I met his eyes. “Is this the life you want?”
“It’s the life I have.”
“You’ve been grumpier than usual as of late... ever since Lee announced her pregnancy, now that I think about it,” he was too perceptive for his own good.
“It just made me realize that I’m going to be alone. And while you seem to be okay working your ass off for a woman who is madly in love with someone else, I don’t know that I can be Lee and Cain’s baby’s spinster Auntie Ginger.”
“There are dozens of men...and women in the RSC that would date you.”
“They’ve all had Moon Blessings gone wrong,” I remind him, “You and I have both heard Lee and Cain complain about their insecurities with being the other’s second choice. Why would I do that?”
“Is this you saying you want to find your Moon Blessing?” Evan sounded surprised for the first time in the whole conversation. I couldn’t remember genuinely surprising the bear before.
“Yes... no... maybe? I don’t know. I’m just grumpy and overworked. Lee and Cain haven’t been answering my emails and it’s stressing me out.”
I didn’t want a Moon Blessing, I wanted Cain. But Evan never let me talk about that. I’d hidden my love since Evan’s lecture at the wedding. It didn’t help. I wanted Cain and with each passing week, he was slipping further from me and into her. Soon they’d have their secret little family and any chance I had at making Cain my mate would be gone.
“It’s natural for a wolf to want-”
“Please don't tell me about what’s natural for a wolf,” I begged, “I just want to finish my shift and go for a run.”
After the pub was spotless I shifted to wolf form and let her take control. She loved cold nights.
Did we have a mate?
Yes
Wait, what? Why didn’t you tell me?
You weren’t strong enough
What happened?
He hurt you. That’s all I’ll say
So, we’re doomed to be alone
You have me you’re never alone
***
With Lee gone, I had to wait until her return for my next session with Travis, but as soon as I sat on his couch, I opened with a doozy.
“My wolf shared something with me while running last week.”
“And what did she say,” despite being my therapist for several years now, I got the feeling that Travis didn’t understand that my wolf and I had conversations. From how other shifters talked about relating to their animals, talking wasn’t common.
“That we had a mate,” I said, “She’s never mentioned him before and when I asked for more details, she just said, ‘he hurt us, that’s all I’ll say.’ So... I had a mate. But my wolf doesn’t howl in her sleep right? Or the other wolves in the house would h
ave noticed.”
Travis tapped his pencil to his chin a few times, “Well, I’ve never heard of wolves howling in their sleep-in wolf form. Am I to understand she still doesn’t let you sleep in your skin?”
I nodded, “She says it isn’t safe.”
“I want you to close your eyes and focus on your wolf,” he said. I did as instructed as he led me through a meditation to get in touch with my inner wolf. I didn’t need the meditation as I’d told him over and over again, but long since given up arguing with him. Once he finished his speech I waited for the questions.
“Is your wolf with us, Ginger?”
Why do you still talk to this ignoramus?
Cain says it’ll help and where did you learn that word?
You read, I learn
“Yes.”
“Okay, Ginger, your wolf is starting to open up about your past, this is a good sign. Let’s see if she will tell us anything else. Maybe about your birth pack or family. Ask her if she has anything to share.”
Well?
Why do you even care? The past is over. Look to the future, pup
It matters. Not knowing is holding me back
I never saw our birth pack. I came to you to protect you from him
Him?
Your mate
What did he do?
He chose your sister
I have a sister?
Had
Long hidden memories flashed over my vision. Scenes of a handsome wolf kissing me. A flash of him hugging another woman through a window. Fleeing. Cars racing by. Snakes. Predators. Violent men in trucks. All things my wolf protected me from while we were feral.
Tears streamed down my cheeks.
“Ginger, what’s wrong?”
“I had a sister,” I say, “And... my mate chose her.”
“Do you know your sister’s name?”
Rosemary
Chapter Twenty
Rosemary
Red Rock, Arizona
8 months ago
Jules missed the certification ceremony.
Ginger and Thyme (Kootenai Pack Book 4) Page 13
