by Kellyn Roth
Georgiana leaned close to Alice and whispered, “Behind you, there’s the other new girl. The ginger. Arrived late last night.”
Alice nodded and glanced back before returning to her plate.
“She’s shy, I think,” murmured Lady Elizabeth Cromwell, a thirteen-year-old girl with a very pronounced Roman nose.
“How old is she?” asked Miss Lauren Sneed, who was tall and imposing. Alice didn’t care for her pinched face and the way her eyes raked over one girl and another as if sizing them up. And she was older than Alice, too, at fifteen.
“Seven. She looks five, though.” Lady Elizabeth huffed.
Frances Edwards smirked. “She looks four. I bet she cries herself to sleep.”
“Shame on you, Fanny!” Georgiana fixed her glare on the unrepentant ten-year-old. “Don’t say that again, or I’ll tell the teachers. I think she’s a sweet little thing.”
At recess that morning, the new girl crept shyly out and sat on the back porch steps, watching the rest of the girls play. Lauren Sneed, Frances Edwards, and Elizabeth Cromwell separated from the rest of them and walked over to the new girl. Alice felt the hair on the back of her neck rise.
Lauren smirked down on the new girl. “You have hair like a carrot.”
Lady Mary O’Connell looked down and blushed.
“I think she needs to wash her face,” said Frances Edwards. “She has freckles all over her cheeks. And, look now, her face is so rosy!”
“Maybe you need to scrub harder,” Lauren suggested. “When was the last time you took a bath? Last month, I’ll wager. Ireland is a backwards place. All they do is grow potatoes.”
They continued to taunt and tease her. They pulled at her hair and dress. Eventually, the little girl began to sob, and they teased her for that.
The other girls kept playing, not even noticing, but Alice became angrier and angrier until she was afraid she’d burst.
“Leave her alone!” Alice shouted, rushing forward and standing between Lady Mary and her three torturers.
“Alice Elton, go back and play.” Lauren stepped toward her, shoulders thrown back. “We’re just having a little fun. This is none of your business.”
“I’m not going to let you make fun of this poor little girl just because she’s scared of you. And you know why she’s scared of you, Lauren Sneed? Because you are mean!”
“Oh, go on and play.” Lauren pushed Alice away from her.
Fury rose in her chest. How dare Lauren Sneed touch her! Furthermore, how dare she tell her to go on and play? She was a big girl, yes, but that didn’t mean she could treat people badly. Alice was about ready to fly at the girl when something stopped her.
Be good. Make God’s will your first priority.
Alice swallowed. She knew very well that reacting in anger wouldn’t do. So she grabbed Mary’s hand and marched away, ignoring Lauren’s taunts. Underneath an old tree, she turned to her new friend, and they regarded each other quietly.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, Mary.”
“Please … not Mary.” She had a rollicking brogue that Alice found herself liking.
“What do you mean?”
“Call me Cassidy—Cassie, if you like. ’Tis … it is my mother’s maiden name, and it became a part of mine—Mary Cassidy O’Connell.”
Chapter Fifteen
Six Months Later
London, England
“I love you, and I want to be with you. Is that so unreasonable?” Tom Jameson’s voice echoed off the walls of the empty kitchen, and Claire placed her hand on the doorframe and waited on the stairs to see how her maid would respond.
Nettie’s sigh was audible through the door. “No, it’s not unreasonable. I just … you know all the reasons, darling. I’ve told you all, and it’s difficult for me. I’m less sure of my place here than ever, and I need to know my future before—”
“But, Nettie, if I am your future, then can’t we just have a go at it? I know you, and I know myself. We’re ready for this. You’ve kept me waiting six months.”
Claire was glad he kept his tone tender, or she would have been obligated to march into the kitchen and give her manservant his notice. But, as it was, she held back, waiting for Nettie’s reply.
“I’m sorry, Tom. I really am.” She heard Nettie shuffle across the room to the stove. “I don’t want to rush into things because I’m grieving. You’ve kept me going without Alice, but … I’ll always be loyal to Claire and Ivy, and if we should have Alice back in our lives for whatever reason, to her, too.”
Good, for you mean more than anything to me, Nettie Atwater.
“But surely you’re allowed a smidgeon of happiness! If this is from God—and I must believe it is—we shouldn’t hesitate. We should dive right in.”
Claire had never thought much about Jameson, and she certainly hadn’t thought much about Jameson and Nettie. But now she was, and, to her shame, she realized she’d been ignoring the obvious.
Nettie had fallen in love somehow. Claire wanted to say six months was quick, but she was in no position to judge. Five days was incredibly quick, but Claire knew her own heart. At least she thought so.
And Nettie was sure to have considered the pros and cons thoroughly.
Yes, overall, Claire wasn’t displeased. Jameson was a nice sort, and it would seem Nettie had entrusted him with her past—and probably Claire’s, too—and he was still here. His presence alone made him a better man than some she knew.
The little, bitter stab of jealousy was easily ignored. She stepped back to give Nettie and Jameson time to discuss the matter on their own.
Though, if she were the only impediment, she would gladly give her blessing. Nettie deserved happiness.
Nettie arrived in Claire’s room half an hour later, slightly flushed. She made no mention of the conversation with Jameson, but Claire decided it was time to nudge.
“Do you perhaps have something you’d like to discuss tonight, Nettie?”
Nettie moaned. “I knew you’d find out sooner or later.” She sank down next to the hearth. “I suppose I knew I’d have to tell you.”
“Have to tell me?” Claire frowned. “I wouldn’t say it’s a ‘have to,’ but if you want to, you’re welcome to.” After all, she wasn’t about to force Nettie to confide in her. That was Nettie’s decision. She could not confide in her lifelong friend if she chose.
A smile flickered around Nettie’s lips. “Of course I’ll tell you. I’m in love …” She hesitated. “Yes, I’ll say that. I’m in love with Tom Jameson. He’s a good man, who has been pursuing me quietly for years and made his intentions clear of late. He … he knows everything, Claire, even things about you, which perhaps were not mine to share. But it was a part of the same story.”
Claire nodded. She trusted Nettie’s discretion completely on that point. “That’s fine. Do you … that is, have you been able to arrive at an understanding?”
Another of those soft smiles. “With your permission, we would be married at the end of this month. I think I’ve waited long enough, and I’m—Well, when it comes to Tom, I’m ready.”
“Good.” Claire struggled with her impulses for a moment, then rose, crossed the room, and pulled Nettie into a hug. “I’m glad for you.”
Nettie’s arms tightened. “Thank you, Claire.” There were tears in her voice. “You don’t know what this means to me after … after everything. God has truly blessed me.”
Claire released her. “If only God could bless me as He has you.” The words were out before she could stop them, petty and selfish as they sounded. Claire didn’t mean it like that, but they were out, and she could not call them back.
But Nettie didn’t seem offended. “I agree, Claire. But I will continue to pray that God will bless you. The question is, will you seek out His blessings in your day-to-day life and hope for a better future—or will you live with death instead of eternity waiting to greet you?”
Claire swallowed. At this moment, the question seemed
more pressing. She knew nothing of what her life on earth would be like. Everything was uncertainty. “I-I don’t know.”
“If you ever do, let me know. I can walk you through it.” Nettie cocked her head. “Claire, I’ve been praying for you since I could breathe, and I have seen God calling to you again and again. There must come a breaking point where you can no longer resist His love. I suppose I need to be more patient for that moment—I get frustrated with God’s pacing, often. But that’s just how life is … waiting and waiting. So I’ll wait, and I’ll pray.”
Claire didn’t feel like shushing her maid tonight. She simply met her eyes. “I admit it’s been … well, I can’t stop thinking of it lately. But I need more time.”
Nettie nodded. The respect written on her face was new, and Claire relished it. Nettie quit the room, leaving Claire alone with her thoughts.
Claire’s day could not have been worse. Three of her orders were cancelled without explanation, leaving her with half-finished dresses to try to salvage. She had to return part of the payment, scramble to think of ways to repurpose the fabric, and assure her frightened seamstresses that it wasn’t their fault.
Women walked past the shop, elegant in their finery, small groups of them chatting together behind their hands. Their glances through her windows proved their trains of thought.
The gossip that had flagged in September seemed brought back to life, and Claire wasn’t sure why. Perhaps one of Mrs. Maston’s friends had reignited it. But what mattered most was not how but what to do next.
Her feet dragged as she left her shop behind, and when she reached her house, she went straight to her room, changed into a leisure dress, and had her dinner on a tray. Nettie sat by the fireplace, chatted about her life-to-be with Jameson, and kept Claire distracted from her own worries.
Thankfully, Alice’s tuition was paid for through this year, and after that, she’d manage it somehow—or beg Lois Elton to help.
There were other expenses, but that was the biggest one. Not all her clients had deserted her. Surely there would be enough to support herself, Ivy, and Nettie—and Jameson, it would seem. She couldn’t just compel him to leave should they be unable to pay him. Not without losing Nettie.
Whatever happened, Claire must not lose her business. It was all she had left save Ivy, and she wouldn’t have Ivy if she couldn’t support her.
“But is it worth the risk?” Nettie’s voice crashed through her thoughts like a steam engine arriving at its destination.
“Hmm?”
“Claire.” Nettie fake-scowled. “I shared my deepest fears, and you’re off in dreamland.”
“Sorry.” Claire hadn’t meant to drift off to the degree where she wasn’t listening, but she’d focused now. “I know your deepest fears.” Abandonment. Abuse. Losing a child to miscarriage. All things anyone had a right to be afraid of. “What about them?”
“Never mind. I think it is worth the risk—all the risks.” Nettie turned her gaze back to the hearth. “Anything is worth the risk for children.”
Claire agreed. Anything, anything for her children.
There was a quiet rap at the door. Mrs. Bennett had since gone home, so Claire felt confident to say, “Come in, Jameson.”
He opened the door and peeked in. “Pardon me for bothering you at this hour, Miss Berck, but there’s a man to see you—Mr. Parker.”
Claire hadn’t meant for an audible sigh to escape, but it did just the same. “I see. Well, show him to the drawing room, if you haven’t already. I’ll be down in five minutes.”
Jameson departed without another word, and Nettie rose. “Should I come with you? I don’t trust that man, Claire.”
She shrugged. “I don’t, either, but I can handle him. Stay nearby. I’ll see what he wants and send him away with as much haste as possible.”
Mr. Parker rose when she entered the drawing room, and crossed the room toward her, hat in hand, smiling brilliantly. He stopped when she held out her hand.
“Let’s sit, Steven. What is it now?”
He shifted his hat from hand to hand. “You don’t seem very happy to see me.”
“I’m not. You’ve caused me more trouble than you know.” Claire lowered herself onto a chair and gestured to one opposite her. “Let’s hear it.”
Mr. Parker faked a pout. “I can see I’m not wanted, and I understand that, but I don’t see why you must assume I’m up to something.”
“You’re always up to something.” Claire refrained from folding her arms protectively about herself. “So what is it?”
He sank onto the chair, his posture far too relaxed for a man who again threatened her reputation with this late-night visit. “I simply want to talk. About … about Alice.”
“Alice?” Claire raised her eyebrows. “What of her?”
“I worry for her.” He shifted on his chair, and his eyes flickered about the room. “I found out from Lois that she’s attending some finishing school to the north.”
“Miss Selle’s Boarding School for Girls. She can remain there until she’s seventeen.” Claire swallowed.
Hopefully, some of Alice’s holidays would be happily spent at friends’ estates. That was what she hoped for—it was how she’d spent many a holiday as a child. Pearlbelle Park, Lois Elton and her family, feeling a thousand times more wanted there than she ever had at home.
She shook off the memories. “I believe it will teach people to think of her as a poor ward of the Eltons, cement their opinion of her good standing, at least as far as legitimacy goes, and make her many good friends. In time, one of them must offer to introduce her to society, and that will secure her future.”
“I see.” Mr. Parker cocked his head. “That’s not going to work for you, but I appreciate your thoughts. Now, let me offer an alternate solution.”
Claire blinked. She’d put months into her plan, and now Mr. Parker thought that his outside opinion was going to take its place? No. He’d better mind his own business. “I don’t need—”
“Yes, you need my help! I know about your clients. They’re dropping like flies! Er, not literally.” He winked. “But I know you need money for tuition as well as to support yourself. How will you manage that without orders?”
Claire swallowed. She wasn’t sure of that, of course, but somehow it would work out. “That’s hardly any of your business.”
“I think it is. At least, I want it to be.” His dark eyes met hers evenly. “Allow me to help. My offer is this: take Alice out of school, shelter yourself and your children at Pearlbelle for the summer, and let all this gossip die down.”
Claire raised her eyebrows. That would never work. “Won’t my sudden disappearance only make them gossip more?”
“Only if you don’t have a reason … only if it seems like you’re fleeing. And I can help you cover that up. I’ve averted many a scandal in my day.”
Claire opened her mouth to ask him to elaborate, then shut it. She didn’t want to know. “Very well. I can withdraw Alice for a period of time if I assure the headmistress she’ll continue her education. We’ll spend perhaps a month at Pearlbelle Park, if the Knights are amiable to the proposition. However, things must return to how they were before. And we must not keep in contact—you’ll destroy me.” Everything you touch turns to flames.
“Well … that’ll do for now.” He stood. “The Knights are amiable and would love to have Alice and Ivy at Pearlbelle again. You’ll be included in the invitation—I can encourage them to send a formal one, if you wish.”
Claire nodded. “Yes. Please have them do that.” She, too, rose and fixed her eyes steadily on the man before her. “It will just be a month, though, and after that, I can tolerate no changes. I know what I want, and I know how to secure happiness for my own child.”
Steven cocked his head. “It wasn’t the children I was worrying about so much as you. What of your happiness, Claire?”
She shrugged. “That’s hardly important.” At the very least, I’m unwilling to t
hink of it. She doubted she’d ever be perfectly happy again, though her children might bring her some comfort.
“Hmm.” He stepped toward the door. “I believe you to be deserving of happiness, Claire. But I know you don’t, so I forgive you your resistance to the idea. Let’s all hope for happy endings, now, and see if they don’t come.”
Claire chuckled. “You were always an optimist.”
“A realist. If you keep grasping for contentment, you’re sure to find it.” He bowed slightly and exited the room.
Grasping for contentment seemed a bad description. Contentment, to Claire, came when one was able to stop grasping. But it was like Steven Parker to put it that way.
And now he’s embroiled you in another scheme. Who knows what he has in mind? Claire shuddered at the thought. But a few months away from London would be good for her—and probably for the girls, as well.
Perhaps it wouldn’t hurt if Alice came to visit her family from time to time. If they were very careful, at least.
Chapter Sixteen
May 1871
Though Alice loved her friend Cassie more than anything, and though she didn’t exactly mind learning, she still found Miss Selle’s Boarding School for Girls tiresome. Worse yet, this past year she had spent all her holidays there, even Christmas. Really, it was unfair. Other girls came and went with the seasons. Other girls didn’t have to live at Miss Selle’s all year round. Other girls, Alice dared to think in her poutiest moments, had families who loved them.
Oh, Alice did know that her mother and Nettie both loved her very much. But it was hard to see when they’d practically abandoned her at a boarding school in Norfolk since September. Yes, they’d done it because “she needed a decent education” and “the friends she’d make at Miss Selle’s would last a lifetime.” Though those things were all very well and good, Alice’s fierce loyalty told her something more important—that protecting her family came first. And how could she protect them from Norfolk?
