I also needed to keep my eyes to myself. I’d tripped twice today, because I was watching her instead of keeping an eye on the cave floor. And she’d caught me looking a few times, too. The second our eyes met, the low flame that flickered in my veins all day long burned hot enough to scorch me.
She was at the counter now, closing out the cash register. I slid up next to her, leaning on the counter beside her, my forearm resting against her elbow. “What should we do this evening?”
She paused with a stack of dollar bills in her hand and glanced at me. “You mean this to be an everyday thing?”
I tried to stop the grin that was fighting to emerge, but I couldn’t. “I mean it to be an everyday thing.”
“Oh.”
Her cheeks pinked. I extended my pinky and brushed the back of her hand with it. She went still. “The evenings are too quiet. Otto goes to bed early, and the house is big and the silence is loud. And all I do is think about you. I sit in that silence and I think about you. I can’t focus on anything else. I can’t do anything but be with you tonight.”
“Oh,” she said again, and her cheeks went even pinker. I wanted to kiss them, to feel that warmth on my lips.
She turned to me, smiling and looking sneaky. “I have an idea.”
An hour later we stood on the sidewalk in front of a small, white house with red shutters. “My Aunt Glory lives here. She’s blunt, and maybe a little scary, but in a good way. And she’s tons of fun.”
I straightened my shoulders. She was taking me to meet her family? This was good. “So basically she’s just like you?”
A laugh burst out of her, and she shoved my shoulder playfully, but then she sobered. “Actually, yes. I’ve always felt comfortable around Glory. She seems to understand me. Or to accept me, at least, for who I am. Whatever state I’m in when I set foot inside her door, it’s okay with her.”
A woman opened the red front door and held her arms wide. “What a surprise. My Cat on a Tuesday night? And she has brought a man. Come on in here, you two, and I’ll get out the iced tea glasses.”
Cat smiled at me, and surprising me, she took my hand as we walked up the porch. I squeezed her fingers, strangely nervous.
Glory looked at our joined hands and then to Cat. “Well, shoot. I thought you brought this one for me, but I see you’ve laid your claim.”
Cat laughed and shook her head. “Jesse, this is my Aunt Glory. She’s a man-eater, so keep your wits about you.”
Glory grinned and stuck out her hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Jesse. And don’t listen to Cat, she’s just jealous.” Cat cackled, and Glory waved us in. We walked to her living room where Cat sat us on the couch.
“It’s nice to meet you too, Ma’am,” I said.
“Oh, God. Stop that right now. Never call me that again.”
I smiled, noting her teasing look. Cat was right, I needed to find my wits and keep them at the ready. “I apologize.”
“Now, your grandfather calls me Doll. From anyone else, I’d throw a fit, but Otto is one of the best things about this town. I’m proud to know him, and now I’m proud to know you, too.”
“Where’s Tyler tonight?” Cat asked. She turned to me, explaining. “Tyler’s my cousin, Glory’s son.”
Glory switched on a lamp. “He got that blasted scooter running, can you believe it? I was counting on it taking him all summer, but Keaton came over and helped him. It’s loud, but it moves.”
Cat squeezed my hand at the mention of Keaton’s name. I had no reason not to like the guy, but I couldn’t shake the reaction I’d had that day when he kissed Cat’s hand and changed her tire. I was aware he had his eye on Audrey, but Cat had told me Audrey wasn’t interested. He irritated me, plain and simple.
Glory continued, “So, Tyler’s out riding around town. Buzzing past people’s houses making them wonder what in the heck that noise was, probably.”
Cat laughed. I loved the easy way she laughed here, with her aunt.
Glory, still standing, looked at me. “Now Jesse, I do my best talking when I have a handful of cards and a plate of dessert to nibble on. Do you know how to play Gin?”
I hated that I had to tell her no, but I shook my head.
She smiled and winked at me. “Perfect. We’ll play for money.”
Cat stood, pulling me with her. “Ignore her. She’s putting on a good show tonight. She wants you to think she’s the colorful, wacky aunt.”
In the dining room now, Glory flipped on the light and retrieved the cards and a notepad. “I am the colorful aunt,” she protested. We sat at the table. “And Cat here is on her way to being the colorful one of her generation.”
“No way. That’s Valerie,” Cat said.
“No, it’s you,” Glory protested. “You never do what’s expected.”
Glory looked at me while she shuffled the cards. “Cat has her own mind, and I applaud that fact, but there are some who think she should borrow their thoughts. Plus, she’s stubborn as all heck.”
I grinned.
“Speaking of movies,” Glory said, even though we hadn’t been speaking of movies at all. “I have questions and I hope you’ll indulge me.”
“Glory,” Cat said, the warning evident in her voice.
Glory waved her hand. “He’s a big boy, Cat, he can handle a little conversation about his line of work.”
Cat frowned. I rubbed the back of her hand with my thumb, soothing her, letting her know it was okay.
“How tall is Mason Trembley, really?” Glory asked.
Cat laughed and I smiled. “He’s taller than me, and I’m six two. And I never saw him sticking lifts in his shoes.”
She tapped her chin. “Good to know. Now tell me this, how do you choose a script? You’ve done such variety—action, comedy, drama. Do you wait for one to come along that gives you the shivers?”
I smiled at her description. “Not at first. At first I took everything that came my way. Once I realized I could choose, I got more particular. Nowadays I only choose what gives me shivers.” I glanced at Cat, and thankfully, only she noticed my glance.
“You do a lot of action movies lately, I’ve noticed. I prefer your more dramatic roles.”
“I like the dramatic roles, too. I like trying to dig into a character’s mind and show his truth. I’m not sure if I’ll do action movies anymore.” Doing stunts and fight scenes used to excite me. Now, the mere idea made me a little sick.
She clicked her tongue. “So you like making your movies, but do you like the rest of the life that comes with it?”
She dealt the cards, but I could feel the intent behind her words. She and Cat had talked about this, about my fame. She was giving me a chance to explain my life. I took it. “When I first started acting, I wasn’t even thinking of the fame. I was young, and I thought it sounded fun. My friend dared me to try out for a movie, and I got the role. I was surprised by how much I liked it. It filled that deep well inside me a little bit.”
I paused here, to look at Cat’s and Glory’s faces, to see if I should continue. They were watching me carefully, so I kept talking. “I thought if I did more movies, I could fill that well up. I got another role, but that wasn’t enough. I wasn’t unhappy, not exactly, but I ached for more. More of what, I wasn’t sure. I thought it was success that I needed, so I pursued it. I got recognized in public, but the well was still empty. I thought maybe if I starred alongside my heroes, like the aforementioned Trembley, I’d be happy. Then I figured I just needed a box office smash hit, then I wanted to make a certain amount of money. Surely the well would be full if I got on the cover of Vanity Fair.
“Every time I hit one of those milestones, I discovered I was still the same person. None of it filled the well, none of it meant I was successful, because you can’t fill a well with money or the adoration of strangers. Those things aren’t success. I tolerate the fame. It’s not as bad as you might think. I can still go out, still do things.
“But I did discover what filled the w
ell. Eating pizza on Wednesdays at my mom’s. Hanging out with my friend James, just playing pool or watching TV. Performing a character that was challenging and subtle.” I glanced at Cat. “Spending time with Cat.
“Don’t get me wrong. The money’s nice, and I still get a hit of adrenaline when one of my movies does well. But James was on this journey with me, discovering all this at the same time. He’s the one who taught me the well had to be filled from within. Just as I was beginning to internalize that, he died.” My voice cracked and I looked up at the ceiling, blinking fast. Why had I brought up James?
Glory reached out and patted my hand. “I’ll go get the cheesecake.”
The heavy talk out of the way, we spent a couple good hours playing cards. We did play for money—nickels—and I finished twenty-three dollars poorer. My stomach was full of cheesecake and ached from laughing so hard.
After saying goodbye, Cat and I lingered on Glory’s porch, moths flitting around the porch light. It had been a good night. I felt honored that I got to meet part of her family, and that Glory seemed to like me. But I didn’t want the night to be over.
We walked down the steps and onto the sidewalk. We’d driven here in my car, so at least I could look forward to the drive back to the cavern parking lot to retrieve Cat’s car. I opened Cat’s door and she slid in. I climbed into the driver’s seat and put the key in the ignition, but I didn’t turn it over.
“I had a nice time,” I said.
“Me, too. Aunt Glory always untangles whatever knots my mind is in.”
“Thank you for letting me meet her. For inviting me into your relationship with her.”
She turned in her seat, so she faced me. “You’re welcome.”
I lowered my voice and smiled at her. “I’m glad we went, though I have to admit it wasn’t what I expected from tonight.”
She mirrored my smile, and said, “Oh? What were you hoping for?”
“I was hoping you’d take me somewhere without a chaperone.”
Chapter 23
Cat
The air in the car grew thick. My heartbeat thrummed loud in my ears. Somewhere without a chaperone. Jesse’s hand found mine where it rested on the seat beside me. He brushed his fingertips across my knuckles. Oh, God.
“Take me somewhere else, Cat.” His voice was low, a deep whisper that curled through the sleeping parts of me, waking them up.
I knew exactly what I wanted. Tonight had solidified that for me. I looked at Jesse’s face. Those kind, brown eyes. I didn’t want to look away from them. That straight nose. I wanted to brush mine down its length. That jaw. I wanted to run my finger along it. Those full, perfectly-shaped lips. I wanted to press my mouth against them.
I couldn’t keep him. He wasn’t mine. Jesse belonged to the world. But I could have him for a little while. I could have him tonight. I could have him until he left. My heart was split, half of it brimming with happiness, the other half hurting in preparation for the loss. But I wouldn’t say no. Tonight I would say yes.
“You liked the pond,” I said. “How about a bigger body of water?”
His eyes grew darker, burning into mine with an intensity that made me tremble. I directed him out of town, down the back roads that led to the reservoir. There was a small beach where my sisters spent a lot of time each summer. They craved the sunshine and warmth of the beach, while I craved the cool darkness of the caves. But tonight the beach was dark, and the warmth was inside me.
He parked in the lot and shot out of the car so fast I didn’t even have the chance to unbuckle my seatbelt before he was opening my door. He held out a hand, and it was clear he could tell what I’d decided. I placed my palm on his, and stood on shaky legs. I let go of my fear, and focused on the sweet ache of giving in.
We walked down the steps leading to the beach, hands clasped tight. “I want to take off my shoes,” I said, and unbuckled my sandals. I wore a dress, my red one. It had become a habit since breaking my kneecap, and since I wasn’t yet giving tours or doing any surveying, I kept putting on the dresses every morning. Something about the fabric swishing against my thighs made me feel pretty. I’d never cared much about feeling pretty before, but Jesse made me feel that way. So I’d put on my red sundress this morning, and I was glad, as my feet walked through the cool sand and my dress swished around my legs.
Jesse took off his shoes, too. He took longer than me, having to unlace his black boots and remove his socks. While he did that, I tipped my head back and looked at the sky. The moon was nearly full, and so bright I couldn’t stare right at it. Stars sprinkled the inky expanse of sky, and I took in a full breath of the clean air.
Jesse’s hand found mine again and, shoes dangling from our fingers, we walked toward the water. We dropped our shoes in the dry sand, and walked onto the smooth, wet sand. It felt nice under my feet, which barely made an indentation in the packed surface. The reservoir was huge, and gentle waves rolled onto the shore. I braced myself for the cold as water lapped over my feet, but it was warm. Warmer than the night air, even.
“What you said to Glory tonight,” I began, “it made me think there’s a lot about your life I don’t understand.”
He squeezed my hand. “That’s because we’re getting to know each other. We’re just at the beginning.”
I bit my lip, thinking how to word my confession. “But Jesse, I think I wasn’t willing to know that part of you.” I stopped walking and tugged his hand so he’d face me. I grabbed his other hand and met his eyes. “That part of you scares me. I’m not used to being insecure, so I told myself I just didn’t want that kind of life. But in truth, I don’t even know what your life is like. I made up a lot of stories about it, I got a lot of ideas in my head based on things I hear, but what you told Glory...I think I understand now that I can’t construct ideas about what your life is. I’m willing to listen to you tell me what it is.”
He brushed a lock of hair off my face, tucking it behind my ear. “When I’m in California, when I go out in public, it’s like I’m playing another role. I get coffee, and people take my picture and shout my name while I’m adding the cream, and it’s like I’m in a movie. The thing is, it’s only a small part of my life, because I just don’t go out that often when I’m there. When I’m out, I’m playing a role. When I’m at work, I’m playing a role. When I’m in my house, I get to be myself. So I spend as much time in my house as possible.
“That’s why I like being here. When I first arrived and went downtown, people acted like they do everywhere. But there are only so many people in Alden, and now that I’ve been here a few months, I think I’ve signed an autograph and posed for a picture with all the people who want one. And somehow, nobody has alerted the press.”
My eyes went wide. “Somebody could do that? Just make a call and tell people you’re here? Who would they even call?”
He shrugged. “They could just message a gossip site.”
“Nobody here would do that,” I said, certain of it.
But Jesse bit his lower lip, and looked away from me, out across the water.
“Jesse?”
“If you and I are seen around town, there are a few girls who might not like that.”
I blinked.
He cleared his throat. “I’m not sure if you noticed, but I don’t go into town often.”
I wasn’t in town that much myself. But now that I thought of it, he was usually at Otto’s or the cavern.
“When I do, for the most part I can eat in peace or buy what I need, but there’s this one woman, Darcy is her name, she seems to put herself in my path on purpose.”
I sighed. Darcy O’Connell. She was a couple years older than me, and I understood immediately the wary look on Jesse’s face. Darcy was not shy. Darcy went for what she wanted. “She’s asked you out,” I stated.
He nodded. “Many times. But I’m not interested in her, Cat. I’m not interested in anyone but you.” He curled his fingers tighter around my hand. “I’m able to kind of smile
and tell her no in a gentle way, but I’m careful not to make her mad. She seems like the type who might notify the press of my whereabouts.”
I wasn’t sure about that. I’d always thought Darcy was kind-hearted, if a little bit too aggressive sometimes. But I glanced around us at the empty beach. If someone told the world where Jesse was, this would be over. Paparazzi would show up and stay as long as he did. Instead of letting that drag me down, I decided what we had to do was seize the moment. I smiled warmly at him.
Talking about Jesse’s fame, putting it out in the open and discussing it together, it helped. Somehow it made it less scary. I had a tendency to imagine worst case scenarios, and reality was never as bad as my imagination. Also, knowing he would tell me things, that he wouldn’t keep things like Darcy’s behavior from me in order to keep me from worrying, made me feel I could trust him.
“Well, right now nobody knows where you are. And we have an entire beach to ourselves,” I said.
He grinned. “We do.”
We made our way to the dry sand and sat looking out at the water. Jesse lay back in the sand. “I’m still so full from that cheesecake,” he said.
I laughed and lay back beside him. “Me, too. Glory always does that. I think she subsists on desserts alone. She always has something sweet on hand to feed me, even if I stop by unannounced.”
Jesse turned his head toward me, so I did the same. He searched my eyes. “I’d like you to meet my mom someday.”
I smiled. “You would?”
“Yeah.”
“Grandpa called her the other day. I think he’s trying to work things out between them.”
“Oh, I hope they can. He’s hurt for so long, missing her so much.”
We were quiet, watching each other. The air between us shifted. “Jesse?”
“Hmm?”
“How long will you stay?”
He moved to his side, propping himself up on one elbow, and looking down at me. “I don’t know. Right now, I don’t want to leave.”
Broken Hollywood (Sparrow Sisters Book 1) Page 16
