I reached out a hand and touched his jaw, running my finger along it just as I’d wanted. He pulled in a sharp breath. “But you also want to go make a movie, don’t you? And see your mom.”
He nodded, my hand slipping down to his neck. “I do, but I’m also...reevaluating some things.” I trailed my hand around the back of his neck. He trembled under my touch. “Cat?”
“Yes?”
He didn’t respond with words, but his hand crept up my side to rest on my stomach, spanning most of my torso, and his fingers grazed my ribcage, causing a deep ache to gather low in my stomach.
He held his hand there for a long moment, and though I was lying still with my back pressed into the sand, my head spun with a delicious dizziness. His hand moved across my stomach so that he cupped the curve of my waist, and his fingers curled into the sensitive skin, pressing gently, asking, begging.
“Jesse?” I whispered.
His head dipped a little lower. “Yes?”
“I want you to kiss me.”
“Are you sure, Cat? Because if I kiss you, I’ll want to kiss you every day, all day long.”
“Okay.”
He grinned and brought his head low, brushing his nose up and down the length of mine. My breath came fast, my chest rising and falling, matching the rhythm of his.
I shifted a little, trying to move, needing, with everything in me, to close the distance between us. He released a groan, but still held back his lips.
His hand moved up my arm, lightly, leaving goosebumps in its wake. He rested it at my neck, tangling his fingers in the hair at my nape. He moved so he was above me, his elbows supporting him. If he hadn’t been there, pinning me down, I’d have floated away.
He brought his face lower, and he brushed his lips against my cheek, then moved lower, sealing his lips against the delicate skin of my neck.
I pulled in a sharp breath, and he opened his mouth and swirled his tongue across my skin. I turned my head to the side so he had better access, and he woke every nerve in my body. I’d never felt so alive, so on edge, and so full of a need so desperate I could do nothing but plead. “Jesse.”
He brought his face up and hovered with his mouth half an inch over mine. He held it there, waiting, letting the intensity build and build. The water lapped the shore, the breeze rustled through the trees, and my body hummed beneath his, a swirling madness filling me completely.
Finally, finally, he brought his mouth down and pressed it against mine. This wasn’t a light brush of our lips, like before. This was a deep, wonderful pressure, and unable to stop myself, I opened my mouth under his. His tongue swept inside, both releasing the pressure inside me and causing more to build. He groaned and pressed his body into mine, and I was lost to the world.
Chapter 24
Jesse
I slipped my arms around Cat’s waist from behind, pulling her against me. She gasped, but then pried my hands away. “Not at work.” That had been her mantra for the last two days, and as such, I’d spent the days counting the minutes until closing time.
I felt like I was losing my mind. All I thought about was being near Cat. Touching Cat. Kissing Cat. If my mind wandered back to that night on the beach, even just a flash of a memory, a fire ignited in my veins.
“It’s closing time,” I whispered in her ear.
She looked at the clock on the wall, walked over to the gift shop door and locked it, and flipped the sign. She walked back to me, faced away, and reached behind her to grab my hands and place them where they had been moments before. “You may resume.”
I chuckled into her hair and swayed gently to the low music that always played by the counter. She stiffened and remained still. “I don’t dance, Jesse.”
“Never?”
“Not even when I’m alone in my room.”
“Well, this isn’t dancing. It’s just swaying.”
“I don’t sway either.”
“Can I sway you to stay for dinner?”
She tipped her head back and rested it on my shoulder. “Hmm. I don’t know. Otto told me he was baking a chicken. Have you had his chicken?”
“No, I haven’t had the pleasure.”
She scoffed. “It’s no pleasure. It’s blander than his oatmeal. Pure white and overcooked.”
I kissed her above her ear. “He’ll live to be one hundred.”
“From your lips to God’s ears.”
“Stay. Choke down the dry chicken, sit with us at dinner, and then after, I want to kiss you again.”
“Why wait until after?”
I spun her around, and lifted her so she sat on the counter. I moved in close and now that we were eye level, I stared into her eyes, but I didn’t kiss her. Not yet. It was fast becoming my favorite thing to let this heat between us simmer. To bring it to a full boil before giving in.
I ran my hands up her arms. She shivered. I whispered my fingers up her neck, cupping her head with one hand while the other kept moving. I traced her face. My fingers traveled over her jaw, her cheekbones, her eyebrows. I pressed the pad of my thumb to her bottom lip, and her mouth parted. I moved my face a little closer, and she released a quiet moan. “Jesse.”
I kissed each of her eyelids. The tip of her nose. A quick peck on her lips. She leaned forward and I pulled away slightly. Her eyes flew open, and they glittered at me, telling me she knew what I was doing, and she loved it and hated it as much as I did.
I pressed kisses across her collarbone. I moved up her neck, leaving a trail of kisses behind. At the corner of her mouth, I paused. Hovered. Her breath, fast and hot and sweet, moved over my face. Boiling, boiling, boiling over, I set my mouth on hers.
She put her hands in my hair, tugging me closer, not letting me back away this time, and she took over the kiss. She tipped my head the way she wanted. She parted my lips with her tongue, and I was lost.
The porch swing creaked under our weight, and Cat’s eyes widened. “Is this going to hold us both?”
“It better, because I want you right next to me.”
I lifted my arm and she snuggled against me. “You were right,” I said. “When I cut the chicken with my knife, it turned to powder on my plate.”
She pressed her face into my shirt and laughed. I looked down at her face, studying her long lashes, the curve of her lips, her pink cheeks. I didn’t know what this was to Cat—we hadn’t given it a label. But I knew what it was to me. I was all in. I’d never felt this way about anyone, and even though we were still learning each other, and everything was new, I knew I didn’t want it to end. But I’d received a call today, and tonight we had to discuss it.
I opened my mouth to say the words I needed to say, but found I couldn’t. Maybe I could ease into it. “Have you ever wanted to visit LA?” I asked.
She was still and quiet for a long moment, and then she said, “I don’t fit there, Jesse. I fit here.”
“How do you know?”
“Well, I just...I suppose I just know.”
I swung quietly, taking a page from Grandpa’s book, and letting her have the floor so she could process her thoughts out loud.
“I guess that probably sounds like I’m making a lot of assumptions about a place I really know nothing about.”
I rocked the swing slowly.
“But it’s more about knowing I like it here. I’m comfortable here. I don’t know that I’d be comfortable there.”
I laced my fingers with hers. “I felt the same way before I came here. Both times. For me, going anywhere new is a little intimidating.”
She released a long breath. “I like knowing what to expect.”
I squeezed her hand. “I get that. But sometimes it turns out to be pretty great. I’m glad I came here.”
“Me, too.”
We swung silently for a while, and I let the idea take root in her mind. “I got a call from my agent today.”
She sat up straight, moving off my chest where she’d been resting, and met my eyes.
“He was
giving me space, letting me take the time I needed. But they’ve been done with post production on the film for a while. The premiere is in two weeks.”
“You’re expected to be there?”
“Under the circumstances, the studio is letting me do a limited press tour. I’m thankful for that. But yes, I have to be at the premiere.”
She scooted a few inches farther away from me on the swing.
“Cat?”
She didn’t look at me. I touched the back of her hand, and she yanked it away, setting it in her lap.
“Talk to me.”
She shot me a smile—an obviously fake one. “I’m fine. I knew you’d have to go back soon.” She pressed her lips together and I could see she was fighting for composure. “It’s just sooner than I expected, that’s all.”
I shook my head. “I’m not going to stay, I’m only going for a few days of press and the premiere. Then I’m coming back.”
She nodded, the phony smile on her face growing larger even as her eyes grew glossy with unshed tears. “But you will leave for good. Maybe not this time, but that day will come. And I want it to, Jesse. Really. This place has been a temporary refuge for you. A shelter during a really bad storm. But when the sun comes back out, you’ll return to the light. And I really, really want the sun to come out for you again.”
I mulled her words over, really tried to think them through. My immediate reaction was to tell her that she was my sun. That as long as I had her, I’d be fine. But I gave her words the consideration they deserved.
Was she right? Staying away from California forever was never the plan. I had a movie to make in four months. I wanted to make this movie. But beyond that? I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t the kind of guy who set a course and tied myself to it even if it would pull me under, and being without Cat would make it hard to breathe. Plans were meant to give a person wings, not shackle them.
For the last month, plans and ideas and possibilities had been swirling in my head. We could make this work. If we both gave a little, if we both grew a little in new directions, it would work.
Calm and steady, sure of my words, I said, “This isn’t me returning to L.A., Cat. I don’t want to go, because James won’t be there. But I have to, and I’d like you to go with me. You fit by my side, whether it’s on a porch swing or on a red carpet.”
Eyes frantic, darting this way and that, she hopped out of the swing and walked to the porch rail. Speaking with her back to me, she said, “Jesse, I don’t know. I want to be there for you, I do. I’m just...”
I stood and walked to her, leaning against the rail so I could see her face. “I’m throwing a lot at you all at once.” She glanced at me, and I could see how nervous she was. “Take some time to think about it. But you should know I want you with me. If I have to go, I want you by my side.”
Chapter 25
Cat
I stretched in my bed and stared at the light around the edges of my window shade. I began running through my mental list of things I needed to do today, but every couple of items, my mind wandered back to last night. To Jesse’s warm, serious words. You fit by my side. I want you with me.
Delirious happiness and intense disbelief warred inside me. How could he mean it? He could have anyone he wants, so why would he want me? But he’d said those words, and I couldn’t forget the way he kissed me. It felt like it was more to him than a fling. But really? He thought I should go to a red carpet premiere with him? I’d make a fool of myself. But he wanted me with him for support. I should go. But how could I go?
All of this spun through my thoughts in the span of a minute. I felt a little sick. I wanted him in my life so badly. But having him meant accepting all of him. It meant stepping out of my comfort zone and leaving Alden.
I nibbled on my bottom lip. In my secret heart, I admitted to myself that one reason why I didn’t go to college with Lila was because I was scared to leave my home. I liked knowing what to order at the restaurants. I liked knowing every street name and never being lost. I liked knowing everyone, and knowing where I stood. I liked having my parents and my sisters with me.
But if I wanted Jesse, and I surely wanted Jesse, I’d have to leave. At least sometimes. For a little while.
A soft knock sounded on my door. “Come in.”
Valerie poked her head in. “Good morning. Are you sick?”
I sat up and rubbed my hands down my face. “No, I feel fine. Why would you think I’m sick?”
“You never sleep this late. We all decided you must be sick and wanted to let you rest. But then I got worried you might be lying in here dead.” She sat down on the edge of the bed and squeezed my knee. “I’m glad you’re alive.”
I smiled. “I’m alive. And I wasn’t sleeping. I’ve been lying here overthinking.”
Valerie’s eyebrows shot up and she pulled her legs onto the bed and turned to face me. “This sounds interesting. Fill me in.”
“Jesse has to go to his premiere in two weeks.”
“For the movie he was filming when James died?”
I nodded.
“Oh geez. That’s not going to be fun for him.”
“No, I don’t imagine it will be.” I paused, wondering if I should give her the details. Unable, as usual, to keep any scrap of information from either of my sisters, I said, “He wants me to go with him.”
“He wants you to go? To a premiere?” She grabbed my upper arm and squeezed, her eyes bright with excitement. “You’ll get to wear a gown! And have someone do your makeup, and think of all the other celebrities you’ll meet.”
“I’m not going.”
“Of course you’re going.”
“It sounds like you want to go. You’d be perfect at this, Val. Ask him to take you instead.”
She narrowed her eyes. “You’re going.”
“You don’t even like him. Why do you want me to go with him?”
“Of course I like him. I’m just mad at him. But I think I’m about over it. You obviously forgave him, so I suppose I can, too.”
“Valerie.”
“What?”
“Can we be serious for a minute?”
“I’m always serious.”
I sighed. “Here’s the deal. I decided Jesse and I would have a fun summer. I knew I’d be more into it than him, and I was okay with that. I thought we would enjoy each other’s company, and then when he went back to L.A., I would suffer a little bit of heartbreak and then move forward with my life.”
“You told Audrey and I all this the moment you decided it.”
“Let me finish, you impatient little goober. Now that time has come, and I don’t want him to go, and he wants me to come with him.”
“Wait, is he going back permanently? Is this it?”
I sighed again. “That’s the other problem. He’s saying things that make me think it wasn’t his plan to just have a fun summer. I think he wants to work out some sort of, I don’t know, maybe a long distance relationship? Maybe where I go there sometimes and he comes here sometimes?” My voice grew thin and I had to stop to catch my breath.
Valerie nodded her head. “The man has fallen for you.”
“Well, he can’t have.”
“I think he has.”
“But if he has, I can’t do that. I can’t go to L.A. I can’t do all that stuff, Valerie.”
She grabbed my face with both her hands and looked directly into my eyes. “Stop letting fear hold you back.”
My mouth popped open, readying to deny her words. But I’d already admitted to myself it was true. So I went with another truth. “But what about the fact that I don’t want to wear a gown? And I don’t want to get my picture taken. I don’t want to be gossiped about. I don’t want to be in the spotlight. I don’t want to be away from home.”
She lifted her hand, made a fist, and raised a finger as she said each word. “Fear, fear, fear, fear, and fear.”
“No…” But my voice trailed off. She was right. “Valerie, my heart could be seri
ously broken in a hundred different ways.”
She held up her other hand and poked up a finger. “Fear.”
I fought the laugh, but it came anyway. I shook my head at my incorrigible sister and slung my arm around her neck. “I love you, but you drive me crazy.”
“Nobody likes to confront the truth about themselves, but it must be done. Plus, Cat, it sounds like Jesse wants you there for support. He has a hard thing coming up, and he’s chosen you to be with him. It’s an honor, and you can handle it. You should say yes.”
I didn’t respond, thinking over all the things she’d said.
“And you should also say yes to a lake day with Audrey and me. We’re bringing a whole bunch of people. I’m bringing Danny Ellison, Audrey’s bringing Keaton, of course. Ruby’s coming, and Tyler, too. You should bring Jesse.”
“I guess I’ll come. But I need a day apart from Jesse to sort out my thoughts.”
She rolled her eyes but hopped up. “Get dressed. We’re making a picnic.”
An hour later I was dressed, my favorite bikini on under my clothes, and was helping carry things out to Keaton’s car. Audrey, Tyler, Ruby, and I were going to pack ourselves into his car, because Valerie wanted to ride alone with Danny.
I hefted the large cooler into the trunk, my mouth watering with thoughts of Mama’s fried chicken. She’d made enough to feed anyone who happened to arrive at the beach, and I couldn’t wait for lunch. I turned to go back in the house, when Jesse’s car pulled up beside our mailbox.
I looked behind me. Nobody was there. I was out here alone. Why did I suddenly feel nervous? I thought I’d cast off my nerves when it came to Jesse a long time ago, but apparently not. He strode up the driveway in that confident, gorgeous way he had. Sometimes I wondered how I had ever missed the fact that he was a movie star.
He stopped in front of me and gave me a tentative smile. “Hi.”
I wrung my hands. Was he wanting a decision now? Did I have to say right now whether or not I was going to the premiere? Whether or not I was in this for the long haul? “Hi.”
Broken Hollywood (Sparrow Sisters Book 1) Page 17
