by Ken Pence
Andrew approached Captain UmBllatt. “Welcome to Earth again, Captain,” Andrew said.
“Gud fuud,” replied the Captain in his Pidgin English. “I like the way you arranged the labels. This will help with our selections,” he continued in Trade but continued sampling a little of everything.
Andrew realized no flies on this guy – he picked up on the purpose of the labels and banquet pretty fast. Andrew knew he was mentally cataloging all the items. He was good.
Captain UmBllatt turned to Andrew and indicated that he ought to meet with Andrew’s team to view trade items after a sleep period. They both agreed that they would bring samples of many items from the trade ship or from the catalogs to a large room with tables. The Captain then retrieved his crew and sent them back to their rooms. He told them when they would meet after the sleep period to plan the trading session. Ling again escorted them back to their rooms.
The Captain went over to the wall console and said in Trade, “Computer. Do you monitor conversations in this room at all times?”
“Yes,” the computer answered.
“Are there any restrictions on our movement?” the Captain asked.
“Specify restrictions?” the computer said.
“Are exits monitored or guarded in any way?” he asked.
“Yes,” the computer answered.
The Captain thought for a second. “Tell me the security precautions for this base.”
“Information is unavailable except for your immediate surroundings. Would you like to know more?”
“Yes,” the Captain replied.
“The hallways and exits are monitored at all times and there are security personnel at all exits,” the computer said.
The Captain was pleased these beings had finally understood something about security after their last trading visit. He relaxed and went to the sleeping stand and told the computer to dim the lights and lower the temperature slightly...he liked this place...even if was on the edge of nowhere.
The Captain sent four of his least senior crew back to the ship to bring back a sample of trade goods for the morning session. He also allowed the crew marooned on the ship to change places and visit the base. The two to be left behind on the ship, reluctantly gave up their keytags and brought out the catalog they had been given.
“How was it?” one crewmember asked as he draped the key tag over his arm and gathered up the sample trade items.
The crewmember required to stay behind held up the catalog and shook it at him. “You better hurry back here to relieve me. These beings are omnivores and little but they are smart and fast – you ought to see some of the carnivores that live on this planet – no wonder they are smart. I saw a lion as big as us with teeth this long.” He held up his hand. “The food is incredible...the quarters they have for us are better than the manuals...they have adjusted the gravity, light, and temperature for us. I won’t ever make fun of them again. They are determined to make us rich. They have a little one with utters on her front with black fur on the top of her head that speaks passable Ullumff and makes me laugh. Their computers listen and answer in Trade. You better quit standing there and get those goods to the Captain. Umpflaaf will show you how to get there. Quit jabbering and move.”
The young crewman was taken aback since he had only spoken three words but he grunted assent and finished loading up the trade goods on a small cart. He surmised that the more senior crewman had had a good time as he lumbered down the ramp, following Umpflaaf with his crewmembers in tow.
Andrew, Susan, Steve, Fran, Brad (of course), Ling, and Brad’s assistant, Lieutenant Atassi -- were representing Earth. Brad was greatly surprised that Lieutenant General Sykes had left him in charge of negotiations. He understood from his contacts in Geneva that there was an undercurrent of dissent that cut off when Diplomat Oshira had been implicated in the prior military attempt to take over the lunar base. Tod, Desiree, and Joel (had been suspiciously absent of late but were working in a lab on the far side of the lunar base). Personnel had outfitted a large conference room that looked like a trade show with mini-booths with different products displayed. Foodstuffs were grouped together as were spices. Nearby there were seed packets with instructions in Trade and listings of available quantities. Electronics were displayed and Steve was busily laying merchandise out on the open display tables. Intellectual property was listed on short displays with brief explanations in Trade.
The aliens, led by Captain UmBllatt and his first officer, brought in a troop of the Ullumff pushing a cart piled high with things. The navigator and two other crewmen had several books and tubes that may have held charts or posters of some type. They began to lay out language teaching machines in several different styles and several books and charts plus some strange looking vegetables/fruits and some printed card stock.
Andrew went up to Captain UmBllatt and indicated that he would lead him through the Earth items first. As the Captain started toward the tables, Andrew coughed to get the Captain’s attention and took a package from Ling. He handed a medium sized box to the Captain and explained in Trade, “Captain. It is customary on our planet to greet another culture, another friend with a present to show our respect and appreciation. Nothing is expected in return. It is a measure of our gratitude for you traveling this far to do business with us. We want you to always think favorably of us.”
The captain took the package and opened it. It was a box filled with different apple seeds and instructions, in Trade on how to grow them. The captain was taken aback at first until he realized that this gift would obligate him to these beings...shrewd...a good ploy but one that could be accommodated. The Captain stanched his gas and acrid smell. He would not show his interest to these beings...this was negotiation. The Captain flattened his ears and grunted lightly at the navigator who brought over a tube and handed it to UmBllatt. The Captain made a big show of handing the tube to Andrew Williams.
“This is an updated star chart of this area of the galactic arm. This is updated with annotations as to current trading planets that are not in conflict and which planets to avoid.”
Andrew was floored. This was exactly what they had wanted...he blushed and even UmBllatt could see that he had made a hit. “You are a shrewd trader Captain UmBllatt,” Andrew said in Trade. “I want to talk with you privately after this session,” Andrew said in the practiced Ullumff he had learned from Ling. He had not taken the training session in Ullumff but he would when he had the time. The alien turned both eye-stalks toward him and considered the accent and the context.
“Accept,” UmBllatt said in English and Andrew had to lean back and rethink how smart these people were. Wow. These Ullumff folks were SMART.
UmBllatt went through the foodstocks; stopping and having his first officer take notes with the extra-large pens and notepads of the modified Riz. It had taken quite a bit of research, within the Enclosure, to come up for modifications of the original formulation so the medium would accept special roller ball ink. Andrew expected that UmBllatt would want a few cases of these pens too. He went through the foodstock like an experienced shopper looking for bargains. He only paused at the different types of peppers as he paused to sample each. Brad had glasses of ice water ready that were rejected but the ice cold, dark beer was a hit and UmBllatt downed it in heroic proportions.
UmBllatt then came to the electronics section and Steve ambled over and spoke in decent Ullumff, “I am here to guide you through any questions you may have on any of these devices. You need only ask and I will answer to the best of my ability.”
“We have not met before. What are you called?” UmBllatt asked.
“I am called Steve or dude. I answer to anything. I am the electronics guru,” he said.
“Do you just understand how to operate these devices or do you understand their operation and how they are manufactured?” he asked.
Steve paused and realized this guy was no slouch. “I understand everything about these devices,” Steve said. “They are rel
atively simple but require an extensive infrastructure to manufacture.”
“As I thought. Thank you for your honesty,” UmBllatt said. “What are these?” UmBllatt said and picked up a small device with two white wires attached with wide curved ends. “What do they do?”
Steve grinned and reached over and hooked the ends over the first officer’s ears. He then touched the front of the device. Reggae music poured out mini Rimloff ionization eartabs. The First officer jerked back and then Steve leaned forward and played the recording from the first Ullumff trade trip to the station when the crew had brought out instruments and started playing their own music.
The first officer expelled gas and the acrid smell began to creep into the room.
“Control yourself,” UmBllatt commanded the first officer. “Why do you act this uncontrolled?” The Captain bellowed.
“Sir. They have music we, the crew, made during a party on our first trip. Look how small this device is. It would make us a...”
“Silence,” the Captain said. He then turned to Steve. “How many songs will this play? What is the cost? How long will it play? What is its energy source? How do you place songs on the device?”
Steve took it all in and explained to the Captain like he’d explain to someone buying some new software. “These are fairly cheap to make and hold over 10,000 songs. The energy source will last about a month, one twelfth of our planet’s solar revolution. You can plug it in to the attached solar charging station and it will last for another 1/12 of a solar revolution on each charge. The devices next to it allow you to record live music or sound in most wavelengths. It will record any sounds played near the microphones. You can then transfer those songs to any of these devices. You do not need a recording station for each device. One recording device could add new songs to any of the players and you can charge to add new songs.” Steve moved to the next display. “You’ll like these,” he said and handed UmBllatt a small tube with one end that flared outward.
“What are they? What does it do?” UmBllatt asked.
“It is an ultracapacitor, LED flashlight,” he said and showed UmBllatt how to turn it on, spread or focus the beam and increase the intensity.
“How long will it work at this intensity? What is the energy source? It weighs virtually nothing,” UmBllatt said.
“It will work an Earth day at this intensity and about three Earth days at the lowest setting. It can be recharged in two minutes from this universal charger. It automatically adjusts to most electrical sources of alternating or direct current,” Steve said proudly because of the effort that went into the adaptable charger. A portion of the Enclosure was dedicated to turning out trade designs and he had helped on this design.
UmBllatt understood the time it took for a planetary or solar revolution but he turned to the navigator for an explanation of minutes. When the navigator explained, the Captain leaned backward rapidly, exhaled and then said, “That is very fast. Is the technology for these ultracapacitors available to trade? We could use that...”
“Of course Captain. It is one of many technologies we will gladly trade,” Steve said.
“Thank you Duude,” UmBllatt said. “What is this next big box?”
“That is a microwave oven,” Steve said. “It can cook or heat food or liquids in a short space of time.”
“Why not use induction heating? That is surely adequate.” UmBllatt said. “We would also need a special power source, would we not?”
“No. This cooks quickly – fast – fast. Not slow, like a convection or induction oven. You do NOT put metal in these. This has one of the new power sources that will last, at least, twenty solar revolutions – 20 years. You like popcorn don’t you?” Steve asked and placed a small bag of popcorn, oil and salt into the microwave and touched the controls.
The popcorn was popping in a few seconds and the smell began to assail everyone’s noses. They had started without any meal. Steve opened the microwave in 90 seconds and pulled apart the closure on the bag. The popcorn smelled delicious and he handed the opened bag to UmBllatt. The Captain stuck his paw into the bag, pulled out a handful, sniffed and munched. He let out an acrid smell himself and then passed the bag to the navigator who didn’t waste any time digging in. Soon the smell of popcorn was overcome by an acrid smell.
“Does this only cook popcorn?” the first officer asked and the Captain gave him a look that needed no translation. It was the shut up look.
Steve took this as an indication to explain and started. “This heats the water molecules in any substance with electrical energy. You can heat a container of fluid in seconds. Here is a cup of chocolate.” Steve put it in the microwave, hit start and pulled it out a few seconds later. He handed it to UmBllatt. UmBllatt looked at it very suspiciously and handed the cup to the navigator.
“No animal products?” the navigator asked.
“No,” Steve said. “It is made from a powdered nut and plant oil and sugar.”
The navigator sniffed suspiciously, took a sip, expelled gas and started gulping the fluid.
The first officer jerked the cup from his grasp. “What are you doing? You are just supposed to test this fluid.“ The navigator reached for the cup but the first officer pushed him away.
“It is...it is like nothing I have ever tasted. It is wonderful. I want more. Now. Give it to me.”
The first officer cuffed the navigator across the head and tentatively took a sip, shuddered and handed the cup to the Captain.
UmBllatt sniffed and took a sip himself. “His ears pressed back against his head and he pushed the cup away with reluctance and set it down next to the microwave.
Brad stepped in at this point and said, “I believe we forgot to have something to eat. Breakfast is served in the next room.”
The room next door had grape and other fruit juices, fruits, rice, sweet pastries and muffins with nuts. Hot teas and hot chocolate were also available with phonetic spellings of the menu in Trade.
UmBllatt approached Andrew. “No animal products? Another display of your merchandise?”
“No animal products and I think you want to know what you eat...correct?” Andrew reported.
UmBllatt wasted no time and waved his crew forward. They devoured nearly all the food but they immediately consumed the grape juice and it was almost a riot getting enough hot chocolate. The bran walnut muffins were a hit too. All in all, it only took twenty minutes to deplete the larder. They belched and expelled gas and otherwise showed they appreciated the meal and then headed back to the trading floor. The first officer was taking copious notes throughout. The crewmembers were all traders and did not linger.
The 3D displays in various sizes were next on the agenda. They played the animal documentaries from Earth and 3D video recorders were part of the systems displayed. The first officer scanned the room on record, and then pressed the play button. The crew was displayed on the 3D viewscreen and they became quite noisy...and flatulent. It was hard for the crew to hide their excitement when they expelled gas every time they were excited.
UmBllatt then moved to the intellectual property section. He turned to Andrew and said, “We have much to trade in this topic. We will both gain much. I am interested in your reformulation of Riz and color printing. I am also interested in this pen and ink that allow writing on Riz without heat. This is an advance. I too wish to talk with you privately at the end of negotiations today. When does complimentary end?”
“There is no charge for the next two planetary revolutions...not while we are working together. Here is a list of the areas we are willing to trade,” he said as he handed UmBllatt a book of descriptions of technologies.
“I will need to think on these so we will talk about these later.” The Captain asked the explanation of the products in front of him.
Andrew picked up a bottle. “These are natural and artificial scents to enhance interaction but you might like some of them. You could, at least, see if there are any you like or would find valuable. UmBllat
t seemed distracted by the book of technology items for trade so he indicated his first officer was to inspect the merchandise.
Everything was going fine as the first officer sniffed perfumes and repeatedly jerked his head away in disgust. He picked up one that gave off a leafy smell his ears swiveled forward. He inhaled deeply and, visibly shaken, marked his pad. He seemed to recover rapidly and rejected the next three rapidly. He then took a tentative sniff of the next container and jerked his head back rapidly, grunted and sprayed a bit on his neck. His eyestalks began waving rapidly and the cinnamon scent from the perfume could be smelled. He then, literally, went mad and started smashing items on the table and bellowing. The Captain let out a shrill bleat and the other crew reacted, smashing the first officer with their heads and knocked him down. They then went a little mad themselves while the humans backed off rapidly and security came rushing into the room. Security used the ultraviolet laser, wireless shocking devices to stun the writhing mass of Ullumff crew.
The Captain had backed off rapidly and just stood back and watched as his crew was subdued. Brad ordered the room cleaned and there was surprising little damage. The crew recovered rapidly as the Captain approached Colonel Kyger and asked matter-of-factly what had been used to subdue his crew. Brad was taken aback by his question but decided to answer. They used a device that projects parallel ultraviolet beams of coherent light that ionizes the air and then uses that ionized air to carry a high voltage charge that locks the muscles.”
