The Valkyries of Andromeda

by Lindsay Peet

CHAPTER FIVE

  That night at the dinner the Mayor and I finally had a chance to catch up. We both expressed bafflement that somehow we’d missed each other, but he seemed more distressed than I was, so I put his mind at ease, and assured him that I thought no less of Caliugan hospitality. In fact, once we four had finished talking Wanliet showed me his uniform that the Caliugans had worked up. I had one too, and so did Jedub and Lordano! Each was appropriate to his role, at least as the Caliugans undersood it, with W’s festooned much like the mayor’s with epaulettes and braid and a green sash. For the rest of our time on Caliuga I wore some of the finest clothes in my life; the Caliugans were isolated, but they weren’t crude.

  Sirah was there, too, and we were introduced again. She looked formally elegant, and quite lovely, and somehow we both managed to keep our clothes on, for most of the night anyway.

  As for the dinner – in all my lives until then I’d never been in a position where I was so nearly the center of attention, where everybody was trying to curry favor with me, where so much was riding on my success as an imposter, where I couldn’t make time to go off for a romp and besides had to watch my tongue for hours. Not only was it not fun, it was exhausting, and I left the party thirsty and hungry, so much jabbering and greeting and grinning did I have to do. More than once I marveled at politicians who can smile and blather all night, each convincing each that they’re in complete agreement and that their opponents are fools or knaves. Caliuga was not a large place, yet I was continually being introduced and I came to believe that the déjà vu moments I was having during the later introductions were truly replays, and some ‘made my acquaintance’ more than once.

  Erah and I did have time to ‘catch up’ some more as he escorted me around a bit and handled the formalities. That part was comforting, because it looked like it was almost impossible to blow this setup, no matter what Jedub or Lordano did. On the other hand, I don’t think any of us wanted to remain forever on Caliuga. We just wanted our departure to happen on our terms.

  So I probed Erah about Caliuga, and mostly about the PU, while mostly thinking about probing his daughter.

  “Tell me, Mr. Mayor, is this Planetary Union trying to usurp the Emperor’s role here on Caliuga? From what I hear, some of their actions might be construed as treason.”

  Erah smiled. “Mr. Daskal, I’m sure no such thing was intended. For so long we were left without the benefits of the Empire, unable although always eager to take part in the benefits and responsibilities of citijects. And though we prospered, even thrived, without the services of the Empire, without the regulations, laws and courts and armed forces of His Majesty, yet we felt their lack very keenly.”

  “Not only did you miss out on citiject responsibilities and benefits, you also missed out on taxes.”

  “Yes and no, your Excellency. While it’s true we sent no taxes to the Emperor, yet we did collect them, as best we could reckon them, without the guidance of the Emperor’s tax codes and collectors. We kept them here, in our bank, in a kind of escrow account.”

  “That was wise, Erah, and I can see why you are the mayor here. Tomorrow I’d like to see the bank statements for this account.”

  “Your Excellency, some time ago the PU collected the funds and documentation, and we allowed them, since it seemed they were acting in the Empire’s best interests, and I saw no reason to engage in a fight with them over the funds, which weren’t ours after all.”

  “Not only that, mayor, but I’m betting they had guns, or blasters, didn’t they? Still, for not protecting the Emperor’s money, and for following the lead of this PU, you and the rest of Caliuga City, and for that matter the other colonies, may also be considered derelict, if not treasonous. You can’t seriously argue that you mistook these PU fellows for a delegation from the Empire, can you?”

  “Mr. Daskal, they acted as if they had authority, so who were we to question them? It’s a difficult enough struggle to avoid joining their Union! And, I hope I’m not out of order here, Mr. Daskal, but it was the PU that told us how to recognize the Inspector General Wanliet.” This last part he uttered staring at his feet.

  “Ah! I can understand your confusion, and will recommend against your prosecution. It seems these rascals had some legitimate knowledge, after all. I wonder how they got it?”

  “You would have to ask them, Mr. Daskal. I believe they are eager to talk to you, also.”

  “Why do you suppose that, Mr. Mayor?”

  “Their local trade mission has been upgraded, and now has a senior representative there.”

  “We arrived only yesterday!” How could they move so quickly? This was terrible news! I’d planned on a few days relaxing and playing, at least, before getting down to serious politicking!

  “Mr. Daskal, perhaps you’ve forgotten that they have artifacts of an era more modern than you see in Caliuga City.”

  “Yes, yes, of course. I’m glad to see they’re so eager to recognize the Emperor’s Inspector General.”

  “I’m sure you will make quite an impression on them. However, I have a suggestion and a question, if I may be so bold, Mr. Daskal.

  “Were I you, I would keep a tight rein on Jedub and Lordano, your factotums. His Excellency Wanliet has impressed us with his sagacity and intelligence, and you with your cleverness and capable ways, but those other two – may I ask, how did you come to have them in your retinue?”

  Understand, I’d never had a retinue, much less factotums and aides de camp – I’d always worked alone and in the shadows, or as near as I could come. That was how I’d survived these years, by camouflage, stealth, reading people, luck and some craziness. Now the universe had contrived to put me at the edge of the limelight, where stealth and craziness, not to mention escape, were impossible. Clearly, I was going to have to develop more tools. Still, improvisation had always been a strength.

  “Politics,” I sighed, my index finger laid alongside my nose. “I’m sure you understand. Whether you’re the Mayor of Caliuga, or an Inspector General of the Emperor,” – I made sure to capitalize the titles, to make my place more secure – “politics always plays into our decisions.

  “None of us got where we are by being stubborn fools, eh?” I winked at Erah and chuckled, and he winked and chuckled back, nodding knowingly. Suddenly I had a low-key crazy moment and decided to flesh out the backstory. “The one you know as Jedub is actually a very-distant relation of the Empress. This is something like his last chance. I really can’t get into what he’s done, but keep an eye on him around your livestock.” The mayor looked at me slantwise, trying to figure if I was pulling his leg. All right, I saw I’d gone too far. “And as for Lordano, he has a speech problem, as I’m sure you’ve realized. The speech pathologists have worked with him, but when you’re the bastard son – oh, forgive me, candor among friends will be my undoing. Forget what I just said, I implore you, Mr. Mayor. I’m relying on your discretion, and would count it a personal favor if you kept this just between the two of us.”

  Erah Rekaburb, the Mayor of Caliuga City, was more than willing to be discreet about the indiscretions of the IG’s aide. At least as long as it made sense for him.

  I learned some important things that night. I found that banquet food is banquet food, no matter which table you’re at, no matter what planet you’re on. The drinks are what make it all palatable, including most especially the speeches. And none of the speakers said much about the PU, which to me meant that everybody wanted to talk about the PU, but not in public, not to be overheard.

  Then it was my turn. I have a gift for saying what people want to hear in grand uplifting phrases about unity, obligation, moving forward and hopeful change while saying nothing in essence, and allowing each audience member to read into my words their most desired message. After less than five minutes of this I stopped, bowed and nodded to the thunderous applause, and then sat again. Throughout Wanliet looked wise and remote.

  A few more words from the Mayor closed the dinner, a
nd then I excused myself. Lingering for praise is gratifying, but it’s better to leave them wanting to praise you, savoring their gratitude. Besides, I was beat.

  Until I got back to our humble little mansion. I was just stretching, meditating, relaxing before bed when a discreet tapping at my door revealed a housekeeper, who told me there was a messenger from the mayor.

  Puzzled, I told her to admit the messenger, and gathered myself together to deal with the latest crisis. When the door opened again it was Sirah. She was wearing a great overcoat against the night’s chill; when she opened it I saw she wore nothing else except some lovely sandals.and a faint and mysterious scent on her shoulders and between her breasts, and, I learned soon, a few other places as well.

  I gasped and my fatigue vanished. Within seconds my robe opened in the front as a new limb popped out, then I unbelted it and surrendered. But first I had one strange moment of moral uncertainty, a qualm you might call it. I didn’t know what to call it, never having had one before. “Sirah, just how old are you?” I had to ask, because her skin’s softness, her narcotic fragrance, her hair’s luster, all proclaimed Youth and Life.

  “I’m thirteen,” she answered, a little breathy.

  I stopped, torn. I was adjutant to the Inspector General, after all – was the mayor’s thirteen-year-old daughter off-limits to me? Was anything off-limits? If she were off-limits, what would that mean, practically speaking? Could the whole charade get blown? And speaking of blown – no, no, I had to keep my mind in command here. However, it was trying furiously to rationalize what the body was telling it to do. Sirah smirked, then gave a throaty chuckle.

  “That’s in Caliugan years. In standard years, factoring in our longer orbits and longer days, I’m about nineteen.

  “Feel better now, Mr. Daskal?” she rubbed against me. “Or was the forbidden fruit more tasty?”

  I was relieved, I admit, but I’ll also admit she was a tiny, tiny bit less exciting now, like dropping from 100 to 99 on the desirability scale. But she was still the mayor’s daughter, right? And still vibrant and willing, right? And very, very tasty.

  To the bed we went, and for all the charms of groves of trees and fresh air and fragrant leaves, the comfort and predictability of a bed and privacy and soft fabrics allow for more improvisation. For all the generations that humans have been going through the motions of making more humans you might take it for granted that all the positions, all the variations, all the ways of coupling and touching and licking and sucking had been explored, but that didn’t stop us from trying to expand the canvas, enhance the palette. Ultimately our mouths, our tongues, our haunches and hands were all exhausted, and the room reeked of sex when I surrendered to fatigue and Sirah staggered home at dawn’s first hinting at the day, and I collapsed to a heavy sleep in my sweaty and tangled sheets.