by Calista Fox
Still… Kate hedged.
Jude grinned. That devilish one that made her sigh and gravitate closer to him, so that his fingers swept through her hair and his head bent, his lips gliding over hers.
“Say yes,” he quietly cajoled in his sensual tone.
“I want to,” she assured him. Yet she swallowed down the lump of emotion forming in her throat and said, “Kinda busy right now, though.”
Every word was like razors against her tongue. Kate’s eyes misted.
Jude kissed her tenderly, then whispered, “Some other time, then.”
“Jude…” She dragged in a shaky breath. “I’m not blowing you off. I have something to…” She groaned. “Something big to work out. It’s very serious and I have to be very serious about it. When I figure it all out, I’ll—”
“Tell me. I know, Kate.”
Jude sank into a chair to put on his shoes and socks. Kate perched herself on the arm, his shirt in her lap. She skimmed her hand over the highly detailed dragon’s head tattoo covering his shoulder blade.
Glancing at her, Jude said, “My sensei designed that. Symbolic in a few ways. One of which is that it’s meant to have my back.”
“It’s really beautiful, Jude.” The dragon’s vibrant green eyes glowed hypnotically, compellingly. Vigilantly.
Jude told her, “Dragon’s represent power and strength. While my sensei thought I epitomized those traits as well, at that juncture of my life, I had to strive—internally—to be worthy of them calling me The Dragon at the gym where I trained, and when I fought.”
“You were in a dark place, mentally. Broken.”
“Yes,” he murmured.
Her fingertips traced the tattoo, but her other hand slipped around his side to his chest. Kate leaned into him and kissed Jude’s nape.
His hand covered hers on his pecs.
“I like when you touch me, Kate. I like how you touch me. As though you need to. It’s not tentative; it’s confident.”
“I can’t help myself. You’re irresistible, Jude.”
He said, “You didn’t hear me asking you to stop, did you?”
Her lips trailed along his neck and over his shoulder. Kate rested her cheek against his hot skin and sighed.
“What was that for?” Jude gently prompted.
“I was just thinking of the first time we met. The first time you walked into my office. There was so much about you that I noticed, it was almost overwhelming. For a moment, I had this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that I wasn’t going to be able to help you. It was so odd…I didn’t even know yet what, specifically, was eating away at you. I just knew, innately, it was something vicious.”
“Piranhas attacking my soul.”
“Exactly. All it took was one look at you to see that and it was…foreboding. I mean, here was this strapping, chiseled man standing before me—obviously physically commanding, regardless of the split lip and the swollen, black and blue eye. The wrist in a cast…”
Jude snickered. “Quite a sight I must’ve been.”
“You were,” she contended. “In ways I couldn’t fully process. You told me you’d just been in a fight—a professional one. And that you were the victor…but you didn’t appear the least bit triumphant. You were so…hollow.”
Her heart constricted at the memory. Emotion washed over her.
She said, “Your eyes were devoid of anything other than fury. The kind of rage I couldn’t even begin to comprehend.”
“I’d thought fighting would somehow save me. That if I kept beating the hell out of guys—who willingly took me on—and I kept pushing my body to the limit, I’d eventually be so drained, I wouldn’t feel a goddamn thing. Not a thing.”
Kate’s eyes watered. “No one should ever be that emotionally destroyed,” she whispered.
“People are that emotionally destroyed all the time, Kate.”
“I know.” Her lids closed for a moment, the tears seeping out of the corners.
Jude squeezed her hand at his chest. “Don’t cry. Not for me.”
“I did cry, Jude. For you.”
“Kate.” His tone was tinged with anguish and disconcertion. “I never meant to hurt you.”
“I believe that, Jude. You were virtually decimated, and all I could think was how could one human being do this to another one? The cheating…that’s something to consider. After reading Annalise’s journal, I was enough in her head to understand her insecurities. And because I was getting to know you at the time, because I had the visual of you, I could acknowledge why she’d have doubts about—”
“Kate,” he repeated…more insistently.
Kate didn’t back down, though tears tumbled along her cheeks. She confessed, “I could accept why Annalise feared she’d never be enough for you, Jude. Why she questioned how she’d ended up being the lucky woman you loved and wanted to spend the rest of your life with. She put you on a pedestal, Jude. And never believed in her heart she’d live up to everything you needed and deserved. She couldn’t find enough positive things about herself to feel worthy of you.”
“I never once planted seeds of doubt,” he angrily growled in a low voice.
“No, you did not.”
The air grew stilted around them. Kate kissed the side of his neck again.
Then she told him, “You were never to blame, Jude. You weren’t at fault. You met a woman who was smart and beautiful…and you fell in love. You didn’t know about the battle she waged in her mind. She wasn’t strong and powerful like you, Jude. Even at your worst, at your most devastated, you still possessed those characteristics. Annalise never did—not even at her best. And that’s traumatizing unto itself. She let it all fester…not seeking help, as she should have. As I wish I could have recommended and offered…had I known her.”
“Kate… There’s something I never asked you before.” His tone was dark and shrouded. A more ragged intensity exuded from him.
Her head lifted. “What, Jude?”
“Am I a predator? Was I somehow instinctively drawn to her vulnerability? And I—”
17
“No, Jude.” Kate shook her head, vehemently. “Don’t ever think that. That’s not you at all. And… I know you well enough to say that, right? I’ve been in your head for years.”
And because of that, she also knew precisely where this jagged thought of his was coming from…what he’d next query. A part of her wanted to stop him in his tracks. To urge him to let this particular sentiment remain silent and unanswered.
But Kate didn’t stem breakthroughs. Even when they involved Jude and his torment—and held the potential to lead to an ugly cry the moment he walked out her door.
“You don’t think I subconsciously preyed upon her weaknesses?” he asked as he gazed at Kate over his bare shoulder.
“What did you ever deny her, Jude?” Kate rationally countered.
“Not a damn thing,” he was quick to say, clearly not having to think twice about it. “I met her, I wanted her and I let her know it. When I realized I was in love with her, I told her. I didn’t hold back. I didn’t wait for her to say it first, even though I knew she was feeling it, too. I didn’t play any games, Kate. In my mind, I acknowledged she was the real deal and I could handle all the next steps that came with that realization.”
“She couldn’t.”
“Why?” he challenged.
“That’s a question we’ve already addressed, Jude. And you’ve reconciled it. She honestly wasn’t capable of trusting what you two were building. She had no faith in your relationship, because she had no faith in herself. It had nothing to do with your actions, Jude.” Kate leaned back. “Why did you just pose that question?”
Jude shifted slightly, so he could look at her. He said, “I know your weaknesses now.”
Kate’s breath caught, but for a second. Her gaze softened and she briefly pressed her forehead to his. Then said, “You’re not going to prey on them. That is not who you are, Jude McMillan.”
“It is w
hen I fight.”
“That’s tactical. Strategic. Survival instincts. Something totally different.”
“What if it’s not?” he asserted.
She whisked her fingers through his disheveled hair.
“Jude, you’re spinning because of this case and because you’ve been spending time on my couch—and not while I’m charging you, picking your brain and taking notes,” she teasingly said, hoping to inject a little light into their dark conversation.
“Have I mentioned lately how much I enjoy your sense of humor?”
Kate laughed softly. “Not lately, but thank you. Point being, Jude… You offered honesty and forthrightness in your relationship. You are not at fault.”
He pushed out of the chair and stood.
“Annalise accepted full culpability, releasing you of all blame, all guilt. It’s time you release yourself of the same, Jude.”
Kate got to her feet and handed over his shirt.
Jude slipped into it, buttoned the flap and folded the sleeves back to his forearms, having pocketed the diamond-studded links when he’d undressed earlier.
Kate’s gaze dropped to Jude’s shoulder. Though the tattoo was now concealed, she added, “Your sensei is a wise man. I hope you’re still in contact with him.”
“I am.”
“Good.”
Jude gazed at her for several suspended moments. Then said, “You’re a dragon, too, Kate. Even if you haven’t realized it yet. There’s something eating away at you as well, but I’m not going to push. You can tell me about it when you’re ready. I understand that about you—that it takes careful consideration on your part to determine what you will and won’t divulge. You know that, right?”
“Yes, Jude.” And she breathed a little easier. Not a whole lot, but enough so that she could walk with him to the door without her legs giving out on her. Or her spilling all to him before she’d even ascertained, sorted out in her mind, exactly what she was going to say about this new undertaking with Nikki.
Jude slung the strap of his laptop bag over his shoulder and turned to Kate, telling her, “I appreciate how astute you are. That goes without saying.”
“Thank you.”
“What I really need to reiterate is that you are remarkable at talking through all the bleakness, Kate. I had to let it go, as best as I could—and you’re the one who helped me do that. I learned an invaluable lesson. I didn’t see things clearly with Annalise. I do with you.”
Kate splayed a hand over her heart, but didn’t say a word.
Jude continued. “Three years is a long time to carefully, meticulously study and evaluate another person. You weren’t the only one doing just that, Kate.”
Her arm reached out, of its own accord. Kate stepped forward, closing the gap between her and Jude. Her fingers coiled around the material of his shirt, at his rib cage, as she gazed up at him.
“Remember this conversation, Jude,” she urged. “After you’ve won your case and you’ve reconciled what you need to related to Nathanial Stevens, remember what we discussed tonight. And then listen to what I have to say about this new project I’m committing to. It’s important, Jude. All of it. What you’re piecing together, where we’re both headed. I need you to have a clear picture before we talk again. All right?”
“That’s darkly cryptic, Kate.”
“Yes. But again…really important.”
“Okay.” He nodded. Then his arms slid around her and he pulled her to him, holding her tight as he kissed her deeply. Kate returned the embrace—and the kiss.
If she never kissed another man again, even Jude, she’d forever feel his mouth on hers, their tongues tangling. His entire body melded to hers, all his hard angles conforming to her soft curves.
This was a memory ingrained in her brain and stamped on her soul. And no matter what her—or their—next chapter brought, Kate would always have this very perfect moment with Jude to keep her company, to warm her heart, to fill her with a decadent joy she hadn’t ever imagined experiencing.
Jude McMillan was as much of a savior as he proclaimed Kate to be.
But, alas…their tomorrow was most definitely a complete and utter crapshoot.
Kate had every intention of staying away. Of giving Jude some time and space because of this tumultuous case he was embroiled in and how significantly it impacted him.
Yet it was for those very reasons that she found she couldn’t stay away.
She was in the opulent lobby of his apartment building later the next evening, when he arrived from the courthouse.
“I was there for the verdict,” she said as she stood and greeted him. “The jury returned so fast.”
“You were there for my entire close.”
“How’d you know?” she asked. “I sat in the back. I didn’t want to be any sort of distraction—”
“You’re not a distraction, Kate. You’re a steadying force. I thought I smelled your perfume.”
“Probably not possible in a roomful of people.”
“It’s very distinct. Maybe I even felt your presence. Anyway… I eventually caught a glimpse of you.”
Her fingertips grazed his lapel. “I just wanted to be there for you. Even if you didn’t know it. I thought it was important. And I was going to wait for you outside the courthouse, but—”
“It was a media feeding frenzy.”
“Yes.”
“You weren’t worried I’d approach Stevens prematurely or do anything detrimental, were you?”
“Nope. Again… Just thought I should be there for you.”
“Thank you,” he sincerely said. And he kissed her.
Kate told him, “I’m also not going to congratulate you. I understand that’s a double-edged sword.”
“Again…thank you.”
He directed her toward the bank of elevators.
Inside the car, she commented, “I figured you’d be tense.”
Sliding her a knowing look, he said, “And you thought you’d help solve that problem?”
With a quirked brow, she inquired, “You doubt my ability to do so?”
Jude chuckled, slicing through the tension. As she’d hoped.
“I most definitely do not,” he contended.
“Good.”
They reached his floor and stepped out. Jude gave a gentle tug on her hand and led her to his door.
While he worked the locks, she inched closer to him, her free hand slipping under the hem of his suit jacket. She gripped the material of his shirt at his waist and yanked.
“We’ll never make it to the bedroom if you keep that up,” Jude warned her.
“I don’t need the bedroom. Not even a bed.” Her arm snaked around him and she unfastened his belt just as the last lock sprang free. “The floor’s fine. Against the door. I don’t care.”
Glancing down at her, he mused, “You’re that hot for me, Kate?”
“Hotter.”
“Goddamn, that’s sexy.”
“You’re sexy. Doesn’t matter where you take me, Jude. Just as long as you take me.”
They barely crossed the threshold, Jude barely kicked the door shut behind him, and his hands were on her. Gripping her hips. Shuffling her backward, until she bumped up against the foyer table.
With the sweep of his hand, Jude sent all manner of knickknacks soaring across the vast entryway.
“Jude,” she gasped. “I hope none of those were keepsakes. Or expensive—”
“Quiet, Kate.”
His mouth sealed with hers and his tongue plunged and tangled and teased.
Kate tore at his clothing. Literally tore at it. She had no idea what the hell she was doing. Just heard material rip and drop to the floor. Her hand cupped Jude’s nape, holding him close to her, keeping him kissing her.
His hands gripped her ass. He lifted her up and deposited her on the table. He shoved her skirt up to her hips. They continued undressing each other…all the while, his kiss consumed her, made her succumb completely to him.
Then he was inside her, pumping aggressively. Driving deep. Pounding relentlessly…
Kate broke their kiss and cried out. She clung to Jude as he fucked her. She wound her legs around his waist and let him take control. His hips bucked and hers met every wild thrust.
“Jude…” Her nails sank into his neck. “Oh, God…” She bit his earlobe. Whispered, “Yes, yes… Oh, God…yes!”
Everything within Kate stretched to a thin strand…then snapped.
“Jude!” she cried. And held onto him for dear life as the red-hot sensations skated over her skin and rushed through her veins.
Jude hooked his forearms under her knees, spreading her legs into a wide V. Kate kept one hand wrapped around his neck and flattened the other palm on the tabletop, holding herself steady as he thrust into her.
Kate felt all the vibrant currents running rampantly through her. She could see in Jude’s eyes he also experienced all the magnetic sensations, the scorching heat.
It was so much more than that, though. And they both knew it. What arced between them was an awareness so centrifugal, neither one of them could fight it.
Jude stroked her faster.
Kate clutched him tighter.
“Oh, fuck,” he groaned. “Jesus, Kate.”
He exploded inside her. Once again, she felt that alluring, exhilarating flow from his orgasm. Kate let it fill her, brand her. And then everything within her erupted and she called Jude’s name.
“Goddamn,” he said on a harsh breath.
“I know...”
“Kate... We are never getting over each other.”
18
Kate gasped.
Jude swore under his breath.
He unraveled from Kate and withdrew from her. Shifted away.
But not a second later, he leaned toward her again, planting his hands alongside her hips on the foyer table.
Staring deep into her eyes, he said, “Admit it, Kate. Say it out loud. Right now. You are never getting over me. Coming here tonight wasn’t just about helping me through a shit day. You want me. You need me. You are never getting over me.”
He watched her work down a hard lump. Her eyes were wide and her breaths came in heavy pulls, her chest rising and falling quickly.
