Little Bird

by Honey Palomino

“Shhh!” I said, looking around. “I didn’t say that. It was just a turn of phrase…”

  “Right,” he said, looking at me skeptically. “Well, you better spill it because if you keep him a secret from us, you’ll never hear the end of it.”

  It felt nice to be so included in their circle, but I wasn’t enjoying the pressure to talk about something I hadn’t quite made sense of myself. And all the lying was really starting to mess with me.

  “I’m still processing things,” I said, opting for a smidgeon of honesty to save my bruised soul. “But I promise, when I’m ready to talk about it, you’ll be the first person I come to.”

  “Ah, so there is something,” he said, with a knowing smile. “Alright, Samantha, I get it, baby. I’ll give you some space.”

  I flashed him a grateful smile and walked away, feeling just a little better after being able to deliver a slice of truth.

  Maybe I could still find a way to be myself and be this new person at the same time. It would take some work, but I had to at least find little ways to try.

  How could I live with myself, if I wasn’t myself anymore?

  Chapter 36

  DOVE

  I must have laid on the floor for an hour before I heard the front door open. Rocco spotted me and rushed over.

  “What happened?” he growled.

  I looked up at him, speechless. Dried blood had caked on my face, my left eye and lip were swelling and throbbing. I didn’t have to say anything. Rocco looked at the closed bedroom door and his lips pressed together in anger.

  “Motherfucker,” he muttered. “Let’s get you up.” Gathering me in his arms, I let him lift me to my feet. Slowly, I stood up, leaning on him and wincing with every move. I felt like I’d been run over by a truck. He led me to the bathroom and sat me down on the toilet, searching in the cabinets for a first aid kit.

  I sat silently, a million emotions running through me, and yet I felt numb as a rock at the same time, as Rocco cleaned my wounds with the gentleness of a seasoned nurse. He cocked his head, inspecting the cut over my eye, before putting a bandage over it.

  “I don’t think you need stitches, but we should keep an eye on that.”

  I nodded, swallowing hard before I tried to talk.

  “I…Nate…” The words died on my tongue.

  Rocco looked at me and nodded in understanding.

  “I’ll be right back,” he said, leaving me alone in the bathroom. A moment later he returned with a glass of water and handed it to me. “Drink this.”

  I did as he said, wincing as I pressed the glass to my lips.

  “Thank you,” I whispered.

  “Of course,” he replied. “Now, do you want me to call the police?”

  I gasped. “What? No!”

  “Sure?”

  I looked at him in despair. “Oh, God,” I said, my face falling in my hands. The police? My mind raced ahead, imagining the cops showing up and everything after that. It would be plastered all over the news. I looked up and over Rocco’s shoulder, catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror and shuddering. The idea of having a picture of me looking like this being spread all over the news made me sick to my stomach. “No cops,” I whispered.

  “As you wish,” he nodded.

  I looked at him with exasperation. “This has never happened to me before.”

  “Yeah, well, it shouldn’t happen to anyone,” he said, his voice laced with anger.

  I nodded, not knowing what to say.

  “I said I was going to leave…but Nate got so upset.”

  “No excuse for this bullshit,” he muttered, cleaning up the bloody tissue and bandages.

  “Rocco,” I said, my voice haltingly quiet. “Has he done this before?”

  He stopped and looked at me somberly before answering. “I signed an NDA. But yes. The fucking bastard has no self-control.”

  A non-disclosure agreement. Of course he did. Nate made everyone in his circle sign them, that’s why his reputation was squeaky clean.

  I nodded in understanding. Of course he’d done this before.

  How naïve I’d been.

  How stupidly blind to have not seen this coming.

  How ridiculously gullible…

  “Listen, don’t start blaming yourself, Dove.” Rocco said, as if he could read my thoughts. “You’re a victim. You aren’t to blame. I don’t care what he said you did, you didn’t deserve this.”

  “Thank you,” I whispered, truly thankful he’d shown up. What would I have done if he hadn’t? Would I still be lying there on the floor? “I don’t know what to do now.”

  “I’d suggest going with your first thought,” he winked. “First thought, best thought.”

  “Leave?”

  “Do you see a reason to stay, at this point?”

  “No,” I admitted, quietly. “God, no. But Rocco — he did this because I said I was leaving.”

  “I can help you,” he said. He looked down the hallway to Nate’s still-closed bedroom door, then gently shut the bathroom door before continuing in a whisper. “I know Mr. Nash is a prick, Dove. I know he won’t let you go easily.”

  “That’s basically what he told me,” I said. “In more ways than one.”

  “I have friends that can make things happen. Friends that can keep you safe, help you get set up. Somewhere new. Someone new.”

  “You do?” I asked, incredulously. It sounded like something out of the movies.

  “Just say the word, Dove, and I’ll make it happen. It’s not cheap, though. In fact, it’ll cost a small fortune. And it won’t be easy. It’ll be the hardest thing you’ve ever done, but I’ll help you. People like Mr. Nash,” he paused, shaking his head, “they have a long reach, you know? He has all the money in the world. He can make anything happen that he wants to happen. If you leave on your own, he’ll find you in hours. If you let me help you, give you a new identity, a new life,” he shrugged, “he won’t find you…not ever.”

  I looked at him in disbelief.

  “You mean fake my death?”

  “No,” he replied. “Dove will just simply disappear. No body, no explanation.”

  His offer seemed ludicrous. He was suggesting I start my life over as a different person? Was that what this had come to?

  “I don’t know…”

  “No pressure, Dove,” he said, smiling over at me. “But you need to know, and remember — once someone does this to you, chances are they’re going to do it again.”

  His words echoed in my brain after he left. I was trembling with fear, knowing Nate was going to wake up soon. I walked Gigi around outside, trying to wrap my brain around the entire situation and by the time I was done, I knew Rocco was right.

  It was time for me to go.

  Chapter 37

  SAMANTHA

  “Tell us everything,” Emma demanded.

  I sat with Charlotte, Mike and Emma on the patio of the same bar we’d hung out at before, Gigi begging for food at Emma’s feet.

  “I just don’t want to be the subject of gossip, y’all,” I said. “I just moved here. Trying to keep my nose clean, you know?”

  They looked at me skeptically. “Dating Dr. McDreamy isn’t the best way to keep a low profile, Sam,” Charlotte said.

  “The Kidney King,” I muttered to myself, laughing. Thoughts of Dane had been the only thing making me smile lately.

  “What?” Mike asked. “Did you say the cock king?”

  “No!” I replied. “Never mind. Listen, it wasn’t a big deal. Just a casual date.”

  “Where’d you go this time?”

  “We just got a couple of hot dogs and beers and went to listen to some music. Like I said, totally casual.”

  “That’s so casual, it’s serious,” Emma insisted.

  I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “You’re just itching for something to talk about. Don’t you have anything more exciting to dish about than a couple of hot dogs with mustard and peppers?”

  Charlotte looked up,
thinking, and then she smiled.

  “I do!” she said, grabbing her phone and pulling up Instagram. “Did you see his latest post?”

  “Who’s?” I asked.

  “Nash!” she replied, the word flying off her tongue like a dagger to my gut.

  “Oh,” I said. “I didn’t.” And I had no desire to do so, either. “Actually, I’m going to get another round. Who’s ready?” They all raised their hands and I nodded, placing Gigi’s leash in Emma’s lap. “Hold on to her for me.”

  They gathered around Charlotte’s phone and I quickly walked to the bar and ordered. While I waited for our drinks to be ready, I pulled out my phone and googled Nate’s name. I’d deleted all my social media accounts the other day after looking him up once I realized I shouldn’t be signing in at all, so I couldn’t pull it up from my own account, but he was famous enough that anything he posted would be plastered over a million other sites.

  My heart sank when I saw he’d posted a selfie we’d taken together.

  We were bundled up in colorful ski caps and scarves, a dusting of snow on our shoulders as we smiled at the camera. He’d taken it a few months after we’d met, when we’d gone ice skating in Rockefeller Center. He’d had the place closed down so we could be alone without fans interrupting us and it was actually a good time, before everything slowly went absolutely horrific.

  It was the caption, though, that chilled me to the bone.

  Getting closer every day to finding my lost Little Bird. Thanks for all your help, everyone! #FindLittleBird #NateLovesDove #TrueLoveNeverDies

  My god, I’ve been reduced to a fucking hashtag.

  I shoved my phone back in my pocket and gathered the drinks and headed back to the table, almost dropping them when I rounded the corner.

  Mike had somehow convinced Gigi to jump up on the seat of the picnic bench and a full-blown photo shoot was taking place, Gigi’s grin just encouraging all three of my friends to take photo after photo.

  “No!” I cried, setting the drinks down and putting my hands up in front of Gigi’s face. I grabbed her leash and pulled her down, my heart racing.

  “God, what is wrong with you, Sam?” Charlotte asked, looking at me suspiciously.

  “Just…the flash isn’t good for her eyes,” I said, thankful I’d come up with something half-way believable.

  “Well, she didn’t seem to mind,” Charlotte said. “She loved it. She’s a total ham.”

  “Yeah, I know,” I muttered, grabbing my beer and taking a huge gulp of it, as I watched Mike post one of the pics on Instagram. Tears sprang to my eyes as I bit my lip to keep quiet. Nothing more suspicious than being upset someone posted a picture of your dog on the internet.

  My hands trembled as I brought the bottle to my lips again.

  “What the hell, Sam? I think it’s time you tell us why you’re so uptight.” Emma said.

  My eyes widened and I opened my mouth to talk, but I was speechless.

  “God, leave her alone, y’all,” Mike said, coming to my defense. I flashed him a grateful smile and sat back down.

  “I’m fine, really,” I said, trying for a fake smile for the rest of them. Luckily, the other two took Mike’s advice and changed the subject once again and I did my best to start to breathe again.

  There was nothing I could do. I’d been so diligent and in control, and now something had happened I had no control over and it made my skin crawl.

  All I could do was hold onto hope and yet I was beginning to run short on optimism with every day that passed.

  Chapter 38

  SAMANTHA

  The week passed fairly quietly, thank goodness, with no immediate fall-out from Mike posting Gigi’s picture, or Nate’s stupid hashtags. I comforted myself with the fact that there are a lot of St. Bernards in the world, and they all looked fairly similar to each other.

  It wasn’t like they’d posted my face.

  The world was looking for Dove, not Gigi.

  Friday morning arrived with a whole new set of anxieties. I’d promised Dane I’d go out with him again and I was looking forward to it with a healthy dose of nerves.

  Not because I felt bad for lying to him about who I was. Not because I was afraid someone would recognize me when I was out with him. But because I liked him, and I couldn’t deny it anymore, and that fact alone made me nervous.

  Throughout the week, my phone would ping occasionally as he sent me funny messages and memes about silly stuff. It was nice to know he was thinking about me. It was nice to know someone was thinking about me in a normal way, that is.

  It wasn’t Nate obsessing over me because I’d had the audacity to leave him.

  It wasn’t my Mom or Violet thinking about me because they had no idea where I was and were worried about me — which I knew was happening every single day and it made me sick to my stomach to think about what they were going through.

  Dane thinking about me was innocent and carefree and every time I heard my phone go off, it put a smile on my face. I was smiling and trying to make myself put a stop to my feelings for him, or at least slow them down a little, but it was no use.

  I liked him, whether it was a good idea or not. Whether he could be trusted, or not. Whether it was a smart idea, or not.

  Those feelings were there and I needed to accept them, before I could figure out what to do about them. And, I figured, the only way to figure anything out at all was to spend more time with him.

  So I did.

  They say the best way to do things you don’t want to get caught doing is to do it right out in the open. And if I was going to outsmart #FindLittleBird, then being a needle in a haystack was my only real option.

  The crack of the bat hitting the ball sliced through the air right before the crowd around us went wild. Sitting in the middle of a swarm of people in the stands of Wrigley Field had me feeling more invisible and confident about being that needle than ever.

  The joy that had taken residence on Dane’s face as soon as the game started was something I knew I’d never forget. His exuberance was that of a little boy’s and it warmed my heart.

  “I know I said last week that I was showing you my favorite places in the city, but I think I owe you an apology for lying. This is my favorite place,” he shouted in my ear, his hand swiping through the air to indicate everything around us. “The smack of the bat, the swoosh of the ball, the crowd, the lights, everything!”

  I nodded at him, my own smile making my cheeks ache.

  His joy was contagious and I couldn’t get enough of it.

  “Thank you!” I shouted back. He grabbed my hand as the crowd around us stood up with their arms out as the wave washed past us. And then, he simply didn’t let go.

  As if he’d claimed it as his, he intertwined his fingers with mine, and we experienced the game together hand-in-hand, the few times one of us needing to use it for something else found both of us searching the other’s out as soon as possible.

  It was such a simple, innocent thing, but the feeling of his palm against mine comforted me in a deep and calming way that I’d never found before.

  Once the game was over — with the Cubs winning — we gleefully skipped back to the car like blissed out kids. Dane went to open the door for me, and before I could get in, he leaned down, swiftly kissing me. I wasn’t expecting it, but it was very welcome, and I quickly wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back fully.

  His hands were on my waist as he leaned me back against the car, his kiss deepening as he pressed against me, his heat throbbing against my thigh. He moaned against me, then pulled away, his lips wet and his eyes intensely staring into mine. A slow smile spread across his face as he reached up and rubbed his thumb against my bottom lip.

  “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered. I beamed up at him.

  “Thank you,” I replied.

  “Can I interest you in a moonlit stroll on the waterfront?”

  “That sounds lovely,” I replied.

  “Awesome,�
� he said, opening my door and waiting until I’d slipped in before running around and sliding behind the wheel. After a short drive of a few miles, he pulled into a parking spot in Lincoln Park.

  “It’s such a lovely evening,” I said, as we walked through the park towards the lake. He grabbed my hand and pulled me close to his side, as he nodded silently.

  “I want to show you the Peace Garden,” he said. We strolled along the lakefront. “Have you been there yet?”

  “No,” I admitted. “I haven’t been to many places yet, actually.” That was the truth. I hadn’t ventured far from work or home at all since I’d been there.

  Wordlessly, he led me through the park and along the walkway that lined the shores of Lake Michigan, the skyscrapers of downtown Chicago hovering in the distance.

  Moments later, we were sitting on a bench in front of a waterfall in a beautiful garden, stars sparkling in the coal black sky above.

  “Peace garden, I like it,” I said. “I could use some peace.”

  He gazed over at me thoughtfully, his hand warmly grasping mine.

  “Are you ever going to tell me what happened to you?” he asked, gently. “Sometimes, a sadness falls over your eyes and I know you’re holding something back.”

  I swallowed hard, forcing myself not to glance away from his concerned eyes.

  “Let’s just say someone hurt me badly, and leave it at that, shall we?”

  “I thought as much,” he replied, squeezing my hand.

  “It spooked me,” I continued. “I guess I’m just doing my best to be cautious.”

  “I understand,” he said, leaning over and brushing his lips against mine. “But I want you to know something, okay?”

  “Sure,” I nodded.

  “I’m here for you, Samantha,” he said. “Anything you need, day or night. If you need to talk, even if you just need someone to hold you while you cry.”

  “That’s very nice of you,” I said. “But this is something I think I need to heal from on my own and it might take quite a long time.”