A Love Hate Thing

by Whitney D. Grandison

I was beginning to wonder just how jealous when I caught sight of Shayne waving to me as she headed my way.

  “Hey,” she said as she stopped in front of me. She looked around us and back to me before tucking a few strands of her hair behind her ears. “Can we talk?”

  “Yeah, sure.” We started walking away from Travis and Matt. “What’s up?”

  “Well, I know it’s crazy last minute and all, but I’ve been wanting to ask you to be my date for cotillion,” Shayne came out and said.

  Just a few hours ago, I would’ve said yes, but thinking deeper, I could see the hole I was digging for myself as far as Shayne went. Soon—or maybe it was too late—she would grow feelings, and I feared her reaction when she realized I didn’t have any beyond friendship. It wasn’t like I couldn’t like her. She was amazing, but there were other factors stopping me from going there.

  “I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” I came out and said. “Maybe we can meet each other there and have a dance, though.”

  Shayne stopped walking and studied me. “What?”

  “I want us to be friends, and I think going to this event together like that could come off the wrong way.”

  Her mouth dropped open and she looked shocked.

  Shayne was beautiful, and smart. She had this thing about watching “gray movies”—because calling them black-and-white proved to be too difficult for her. She would watch the same movies over and over, even though she knew the outcome of boy gets girl or sister goes insane. Beyond that, she would volunteer at homeless shelters when she got a chance, or donate some of her allowance to charity. Shayne was a good girl, which didn’t surprise me when I’d called her out for her purity and she hadn’t denied the fact. She was special.

  She was definitely the type of girl you took home to your mother, and then your mother would look at you and then her, and question why she’d gotten with you, because you clearly weren’t on her level. Only, I didn’t have a mother to accompany the scenario. I couldn’t exactly give Shayne the ordinary. I knew she considered herself motherless as well, due to her extreme abhorrence of her stepmonster and her mother’s being facilitated in a rehab clinic, but still, it was different. I was different.

  I liked Kyle because he was nice, genuine and normal, far more than I would ever be—far more worthy of Shayne than I could ever be.

  “B-but, Scarlett.” Shayne sounded defeated, and I hated to be the cause.

  It was hard, but I did it. “Someday you’re going to change this world and leave your mark, Shayne. Someday a great guy’s going to be by your side and watch you take off. I’m sorry, but I’m not that guy.”

  Shayne shook her head, and I feared she would cry. “I don’t understand.” Her head shot up and she glanced past me, and I looked over, catching her eyeing Nandy, who was with Chad. Shayne came back to me. “It’s not fair.”

  “It is,” I said. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “So you do this to me? From the moment we met, I never treated you like a criminal or a leper. I never treated you like shit for a month and ignored you. We hung out, and you let me think this was going somewhere. You filled my head up with images of Scarlett and Dante, and now you wanna be friends?”

  I hadn’t intentionally led her on. It was all messed up, because I hadn’t thought we’d move forward. At the time, it was all just harmless flirting.

  “I’m an asshole for that. I shouldn’t have talked about those things and ignored the possibility that you could want more.” I gestured to myself. “I can’t give you more. I can’t be that guy. I’ve got a lot of issues and problems, and I can’t bring you into them.”

  Shayne’s eyes watered. “It’s just cotillion.”

  “Maybe...maybe you should ask Kyle.”

  She wiped her eyes and blinked at me. “Who?”

  “Kyle. Kyle Frogge.”

  Shayne scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Froggie?”

  “He’s a nice guy, Shayne.”

  “Whatever, Trice. Just reject me, don’t try to pass me along to the next person to make yourself feel better.”

  I started to apologize, but she wouldn’t hear me as she walked off. She didn’t stop by her friends but headed past them and kept going, toward the beach.

  Matt and Travis came over and looked in Shayne’s direction.

  “You just passed on a crazy beautiful girl, for what?” Matt asked.

  I’d meant it when I said I wasn’t that guy for her, but deep down, I knew there was another reason.

  I shrugged it off. “I just got a lot of things to sort out, and I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”

  Kyle sauntered over but he kept peering back, watching the path that Shayne had taken. “Hey.”

  “You should go ask her about cotillion,” I suggested.

  Through his shaggy hair, Kyle peered up at me. “I... I don’t think that’s going to happen. She wouldn’t—She doesn’t know I’m on this planet, man.”

  “She knows your name.”

  “She calls me ‘Froggie’ when my last name is Frogge.”

  Travis reached out and slapped his back. “Close enough. Take what you can get at this point.”

  Kyle looked among us, bouncing his hazel eyes from Travis, to Matt, and finally to me. He cracked a shy grin. “I’ve been in love with her since the sixth grade, when she was the only one who cared to get the combination to my locker after Warhol shoved me in. I joined the football team, because when we were fourteen, she said her favorite movie was The Waterboy. I see her for more than just her looks, I see her for her good soul.” His smile dimmed, as did his gaze. “But seeing doesn’t always go both ways. She doesn’t see me, probably never will.”

  I braced his shoulders, staring him dead in the eye. “Talk to her.”

  Kyle frowned. “Yeah?”

  “Yeah.”

  With a nod of approval from Matt, Kyle took off, determined to speak to Shayne.

  “Think he’s got a chance?” Matt asked as we all stood watching Kyle descend the pier.

  Travis grinned. “No fucking way.”

  The chances were stacked against him, but I felt optimistic. “Come on, guys, the night is still young.”

  Travis pulled what looked to be a water balloon from out of nowhere. “Got that right.”

  I watched as he reached back, threw his arm forward and released the balloon, sending it soaring in the air and then splattering at the feet of the group of girls huddled around Chad and his crew. They screamed and looked our way, glaring and stepping away from the boys.

  The games had begun.

  24 | Nandy

  I was soaking wet, utterly drenched. Though the material of my hoodie and shorts was thin, they lay against my body heavy and sagging.

  I should’ve worn a bra.

  Not only was my peach hoodie semi-sheer, the added water left no imagination as to what my breasts looked like. As cold as it was, my nipples beaded through to make things worse.

  Nudity didn’t bother me; I was as free as they came in that department, but out of respect for Chad, I covered up with my arms as much as possible while trying to avoid the water balloon bombs being thrown about. Travis Catalano might not play on the football team, but I had to admit, the guy had an incredible arm.

  From behind, someone seized me and pinned my arms behind me. “Got her!” I heard Warhol shout.

  Travis grinned and reached back before releasing a water balloon in my direction, hitting me in the chest.

  So much for keeping covered.

  Warhol ran off before I could retaliate, leaving me squeezing more water from my hoodie.

  We were all having fun, as if we had no care in the world, except for Shayne, who was sitting by herself far off down the beach. She was staring out at the ocean and wouldn’t come play with us no matter who tried to talk to her.

 
; I couldn’t help but stop to look at her. I felt awful for not talking to her. Awful, and selfish for hogging Tyson from her when she had done nothing wrong.

  A few feet away I spotted Kyle standing and observing Shayne, seeming to debate about going over to her or not.

  Maybe...

  I went over to Kyle and nudged him with my shoulder. “Hey.”

  He offered a small smile. “Hey.”

  “You know you should just go talk to her,” I suggested.

  He took a step forward like he wanted to, but then he recoiled and shook his head. “Nah.” He faced me. “You go.”

  “Me?”

  Kyle nodded. “She looks like she’s having a bad day, and the last thing she needs is some guy hitting on her. In fact, I’m pretty sure she could use her best friend right now.”

  I gazed at my best friend. “You’re a sweet guy, Kyle.”

  Kyle went bashful as he tried to hide his smile. “According to Travis, that’s the problem.”

  “What would Travis know about girls anyway?”

  “He has a lot of them vying for his attention,” Kyle replied, “but I’d rather have the girl than a lot of girls. Call me crazy.”

  The thing about Kyle Frogge—sure, he wasn’t mega gorgeous or extremely confident, and maybe he was on the outside of our group and world, but he was a genuinely good guy. Beneath his shaggy dark hair and shyness, he was adorable. Any girl would be lucky to have him, because he seemed to be the type of guy who would value a girl and respect her and listen.

  It was such a shame too many of us wanted the bad guy before the right guy.

  Taking Kyle’s advice, I went over to Shayne and tried to reconcile.

  I stood in front of her instead of sitting, because I wasn’t sure how that would go. Once she noticed me, her expression turned sour.

  “Hey.” I tried to smile and wave at her. “You’re missing out on all the fun.”

  Shayne shrugged and hugged herself.

  “Come on, you know we’re a team. I can’t defend myself without my best—”

  “Why couldn’t you just say you liked him?” Shayne cut to the chase as she glared up at me.

  I couldn’t reply right away. It was awkward and embarrassing for her to call me out on that.

  I scoffed. “Seriously?”

  She narrowed her eyes. “Seriously, Nandy. From the moment he got here, you treated him like shit, and I liked him. I was always nice to him, and then all of a sudden, you care and turn into a complete bitch on me. And now he just wants to be friends with me, and you two show up together tonight all smiles.”

  “That’s not fair.”

  “No, it isn’t. Especially since you’re the one with a boyfriend, and you’re crushing on some other guy—one I liked.”

  “I never said I liked him.” My voice was too shaky and defensive for me to even believe myself.

  Shayne threw her hands up. “Who are you trying to fool? You know me, Nandy. You know that Trice was the one guy I genuinely liked, and then he turns out to be like everyone else around here.” Her eyes were watering and she was beginning to sob, but I didn’t get it.

  “Everyone else?”

  “Everyone loves you. It’s all I ever hear. You’re so smart, beautiful, and you’ve got amazing parents. Nobody wants a mess like me.”

  I immediately sat next to her and wrapped my arms around her. “Shayne, you’re gorgeous. Plus, way smarter than me. Like, by a lot. I don’t even know all fifty of my states, and I always confuse them with cities.”

  “That’s because you’re an idiot,” Shayne said between a chuckle and a sob as she wiped at her nose. “If I’m so smart and pretty, then how come no one ever likes me? It’s always Nandy, Nandy, Nandy.”

  I thought of Kyle and the fact that he was in love with Shayne, with all his covetous staring and awkward attempts to talk to her. “Not everyone likes me.”

  Shayne rolled her eyes. “If Matt wasn’t into Ben or vice versa, they’d both like you, too.”

  It was hard not to laugh at that statement. I elbowed my goofy friend. “Oh stop. You’re amazing, and I’m just saying you’d be surprised at who’s noticed this.”

  Shayne stared down at the sand before her. “Why couldn’t you just tell me you liked him? We’re supposed to be friends.”

  “Because I’m the one with the boyfriend, remember? I’m not supposed to like him.”

  Shayne shook her head. “It’s not fair, Nandy. It really isn’t.”

  “I know, and I’m sorry I’m being completely selfish here. I hate myself for how I feel and how I can’t control it.”

  “You should go for it,” Shayne said. “You know I never really cared for Chad.”

  As if it were that simple. “Chad’s the one.”

  “And Trice is amazing.”

  “That wouldn’t bother you just a bit?”

  She frowned. “It would, but at least you’d be happy.”

  Now my eyes were watering. She wanted me happy before herself, and that made me feel even worse about my feelings for Tyson. Shayne and I’d been friends since middle school. She had always been supportive, protective, and loyal. She had always been the one having rough patches at home, the one who depended on me when things got worse, and here I was, being a leech and demanding attention from the one boy she actually liked. Taking her one source of happiness, and I felt completely awful about it.

  But he’s mine; he’s always been mine. My subconscious was just as greedy as my heart and I hated it. “I’m sorry, Shayne.”

  She offered a bitter smile. “Promise me something?”

  “Yeah?”

  “You’ll dance with me at cotillion?”

  The floodgates broke and I found myself crying as I leaned over and hugged her tight.

  We sat like that for what seemed to be forever before screaming broke our union.

  Travis was sprinting down the beach holding some girl’s bikini top, and the girl was chasing after him while doing her best to conceal her goods.

  “Who wants to go skinny-dipping?” Travis hollered.

  I shot up, gearing for the fun of it, but caught sight of Chad and a look of disapproval from him.

  Shayne snorted. “Really?”

  “What? It’s fun.”

  In the end, Travis gave the swimsuit top back and joined the others at the nearest bonfire.

  I met up with Chad and settled down next to him.

  Shayne remained seated by herself, but I promised I would give her a few more minutes of her lonesome before I intervened.

  “We’re going to play a little game I call Truth, Shot, or Dare,” Travis announced as he held up a flask.

  “Truth, Shot, or Dare?” Tyson repeated.

  “Yes. The objective of our game is simple. You pick truth, you answer. If you don’t, you take two shots. If you’re not into truth or dare, you take a shot. You pick dare and you refuse to do it, you take three shots.”

  “So the point is to get drunk,” Matt concluded.

  Travis grinned. “Pretty much.”

  “This is why we avoid you, Catalano.” Chad spoke with obvious disdain.

  I was leaning into him and had to look up to scold him. “Be nice.” Travis was being cool for once, and there was nothing wrong with a little harmless fun.

  “So, Edi, how about you go first?” Travis suggested.

  Edi shrugged. “Sure.”

  “Truth, Shot, or Dare?” Travis prompted.

  After a pause, Edi answered, “Truth.”

  “Why won’t you hang out with me one-on-one?”

  “Ooh!” A few of us chimed in on his putting her on the spot.

  Edi wrinkled her nose. “Because you’re a creep.”

  Travis huffed. “Martin Luther King Jr., did not die on a cross for you to rej
ect me this way.”

  Edi clicked her tongue. “He ain’t die on no damn cross, Catalano.”

  “The man had dreams about us, Edi!”

  By now all of us were laughing at Travis’s mock angst and a few pointed out that Edi didn’t exactly fit the description of MLK’s dream.

  “Whatever, I reject you and you run off with someone else,” Edi pointed out.

  Travis snorted. “Well, yeah, I’m not going to sit around waiting forever for you.”

  Warhol shoved Travis, and the game went on.

  “Bradley, you go,” Travis said as he eyed my boyfriend.

  “Uh, truth, I guess,” Chad said.

  Travis got this naughty look on his face and I knew Chad had chosen the wrong option. “Does Nandy ever talk dirty or get kinky in bed?”

  All of the guys eagerly anticipated Chad’s answer, and I cringed.

  “Travis,” Matt chastised in my defense.

  While I let it go with a shrug, I was appreciative of the gesture.

  “I mean...” Chad stopped to laugh. “She definitely gets more fun when she’s a little drunk.”

  “Wow, I’m boring when I’m sober, huh?” I mumbled as I picked at my nails.

  It was no big deal, right? It was just a stupid question with a stupid answer. Only, I felt weird about Chad’s answer. He was all that I’d known, and if I got more fun only when drunk, what did he think of me when I wasn’t?

  Chad leaned down and kissed my temple. “It’s not like that, Nan. I’m just saying you let go a little when we’re wasted.”

  I rolled my eyes.

  “Nah, you meant that, man.” Oliver egged him on, causing Chad to flip him off. “Your girl’s a prude.”

  “Screw off, Ollie!” Chad warned.

  I sank lower into my spot against Chad, feeling more uncomfortable.

  “Or maybe Nandy has to get drunk to go there with Bradley,” Tyson spoke up in my defense.

  The air got cold and silent quick as everyone froze.

  I couldn’t believe Tyson had said it, even as I looked at him, seeing the defiance in his eyes as his gaze met mine.

  He should not have said that.

  Chad’s arms tightened around me, and I could only assume he was shooting Tyson a matched cold glare.