A Love Hate Thing

by Whitney D. Grandison

  * * *

  Xiu Yee was out walking her family’s dog as I took a stroll through my neighborhood.

  She came to a stop in front of me, offering a polite wave as her cocker spaniel, Penny, came closer and sniffed at my legs.

  The girl in front of me scoffed, tugging on the leash in an attempt to get her dog away from me. “Sorry about that.”

  “It’s nothing.” I noticed that I’d arrived at my destination. “So,” I turned back to Xiu, “I meant to tell you, you looked amazing at cotillion.”

  I’d seen pictures online, along with an impressive video.

  Xiu’s cheeks reddened. “Oh, thank you.”

  Xiu was usually just Erica’s quiet and shy cousin, but at cotillion she’d been a showstopper. With a gorgeous white dress, red lips, and curled hair, Xiu was a star that night.

  Her brother, Geordan, had been her escort, as Xiu also didn’t have a boyfriend, but that didn’t matter, because they’d done a cute little dance come time for their skit after Xiu’s debut.

  “You had the best skit,” I told Xiu. “I didn’t know you danced, too.”

  Xiu immediately bit into her lip. “I... I don’t. I mean, not like Geordan and DEFCON Yee.”

  “Looks like they need to add a new member to the crew.”

  Xiu fiddled with her leash. “Geordan would never let me dance, and neither would my parents.” She offered me a half smile. “I’ll see you around, Nandy. I gotta get Penny to hurry up and pee.”

  I said goodbye and walked over to the Bradleys’ house. Doom and gloom seemed to wash over me. I wasn’t ready to face either Mrs. Bradley or her son.

  I didn’t get the chance to brace myself or prepare what I’d say after I rang the doorbell. On this rare occasion, Mrs. Bradley actually came to the door instead of her housekeeper.

  She wasn’t thrilled to see me. “Oh look, you do know how to show up for something.”

  I would have to endure. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Bradley.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Are you? You were the most important deb, and you let us down.”

  She knew how to rub it in.

  “Leave her alone, Mom.” Chad’s voice, tired yet strong, broke through the awkwardness, sending goose bumps across my flesh. This was it.

  He came to the door, wedging himself between me and his mother.

  Mrs. Bradley put up no fight before leaving us be.

  “She’s just giving you shit because it’s convenient. Like three other girls didn’t show up for various reasons.” Chad offered a lazy shrug. “I think Mischa Wilson’s pregnant or something.”

  So Shayne and I weren’t the only ones who’d missed out. It wasn’t the end of the world.

  Chad stood before me looking drained but comfortable in his T-shirt and sweats. The shirt was one I’d gotten him, and I forced myself to stare into his wounded blue eyes.

  “Can we talk?” I asked.

  He surveyed the area behind me before coming back to me, crossing his arms. “About what?”

  Being brave, I said, “Why it’s over.”

  Chad pulled his front door shut and sat on his front step.

  “I’m sorry,” I said from behind him.

  No matter what, I should’ve been honest with him when my feelings started to change.

  Chad rested his elbows on his knees as he stared out at the street. “Sorry doesn’t change a thing.”

  Never the emotional type, I was shocked to find myself tearing up and choking on my words. “I am, Chad.”

  “Fucked him yet?”

  It was a jab. “No.”

  Chad looked down. “What’s stopping you?”

  “Give me some credit here. It’s not about that.”

  “You sure stopped messing around with me. Shit, that I don’t mind, but when you emotionally and mentally checked out on me, that’s when I knew we were over. You started avoiding me, Nandy, making up shitty excuses to keep us apart. And don’t get me started on that kid. One minute you hated the guy, the next you were all about him and pouting over seeing him with Shayne,” Chad said. “I knew I lost you the night of Boys Versus Girls. But I was so stupid, I thought we had a chance to be us at cotillion. But you showed up with him. You constantly defend him. You were out of this relationship a long time ago.”

  “I fucked up, and I’m sorry. Do you think I like this? I feel awful about what happened between us.” There were no words or gestures that could fix what I’d done and how I felt, and that’s what hurt us both the most. It was done, irrevocably.

  “I don’t care.” He stood and prepared to go back inside.

  “Chad,” I pleaded, trying to keep it together and avoid a breakdown. I’d known he would be angry, but I wanted to make amends. I wanted it to end better than this.

  His eyes glistened in the night as he glared at me. “What do you want me to say? And don’t think this is me wishing you the best, because I don’t. I hope it crashes and burns and it hurts just as much as this does. I loved you.”

  “And I loved you,” I said back. “I don’t know how this happened, but I’m sorry that it did. I’m sorry that you got hurt and that you made the choice for us on how to handle the situation. I’m sorry our friends probably blame you. I’m sorry I fell for someone else. You deserve better, and so do I. I can’t be what your parents want.”

  “I never asked you to be,” Chad said.

  I shook my head. “But we never fought it, either. We went with the image and the flow. Tyson and I might crash and burn, but I’ll learn from it. We have one more year to be kids, and then we’re on our own. I wanna prepare to live a life on my own, doing what I want, not what I think is expected of me. I wanna work on that most. You should, too.”

  There was nothing more to say, so I turned and prepared to head home.

  “Hey, Nandy?” Chad asked from behind me.

  I faced him one final time. “Yeah?”

  “I said I want him to hurt you, but I don’t mean that. Maybe he’s better for you, maybe not, but if he does hurt you, I’m going to kick his ass, okay?”

  I managed to smile and left with a lighter step. Despite it all, he still cared, just like I still cared for him. If Tyson hadn’t come to Pacific Hills, maybe we would’ve made it. Even if we’d ended on our own, at least we would’ve given it an honest effort.

  * * *

  Tyson’s serious concentration face was adorable. Back home, he was at the kitchen table scribbling in his composition book, and I kept sneaking peeks at him. I had my own notebook out, but really, it served no purpose beyond an excuse to be in the same room as him.

  Being playful, I went old school and wrote down the age-old question: Are We Friends? And then I drew three boxes, one for yes, another for no, and a last one for maybe.

  I slid him the sheet of paper and laughed when he mean-mugged me.

  Instead of checking a box, Tyson scribbled a note and passed it back to me.

  Friends don’t kiss

  He had a cocky look on his face as he continued to write in his composition book.

  “Do you want to go for a swim?” I asked. It was late, but the day had been long and emotional. Unwinding in the pool sounded perfect.

  Tyson shut his composition book. “Any excuse to not wear clothes, huh?”

  “Don’t act like you don’t like it,” I teased as I stood from the table.

  The thoughtful expression on his face left me wondering what he was thinking as I went up to my room. At the model home, he’d told me my butt was cute, which also left me wondering what all Tyson had noticed about me and my body. I could admit that everything about his left me intimidated. So broad, so tall, so manly, and not to mention his intellect. The attraction wasn’t all about hormones and getting physical with Tyson. I was most obsessed with his personality and mind-set. I admired all that he’d become.r />
  In my room, I dug out a navy blue bikini and quickly put it on before going down to the pool, where Tyson was already waiting. I turned on some music at the entertainment center, and we were soon serenaded by an R & B song that was cozy and great.

  The pool was warm enough for a few laps and maybe some splashing around, but I didn’t want to play around or get fully wet.

  Tyson was relaxing against the pool wall, watching as I waded over to him. “How’d things go?”

  I didn’t want to talk about Chad. It was obvious Tyson would never understand him, and Chad would never get Tyson.

  “He’s hurt,” I said. “I really messed this up. I can only hope that in time he can forgive me and we can be friends or something.”

  Tyson made a face, as if thinking over his words. “He probably does need more time. This’ll smooth over. You live and you learn.”

  I agreed. “Thanks for taking me to Lindenwood.”

  Tyson recoiled. “Nah, I’m sorry about that.”

  “No, I get it now. It’s a place with real people, and no matter what the media says, it’s not all bad. There are good people and good things happening. You’re living proof. I can see why you’d want to go back there. I liked Alma and her family, especially Prophet. But I can see why you can’t, either.”

  “Temptation is a powerful drug.”

  There was a chance that Lindenwood could still be a haven for Tyson. Although, with its painful memory of losing his mother, I could see why Tyson was better off someplace new.

  “What are you doing tomorrow?” I asked.

  “I’ve got a meeting with Lydia to work out my schedule for senior year, and then I’m supposed to meet up with the guys.”

  School was approaching fast, and I couldn’t help but imagine Tyson roaming the halls of Cross High. Or better yet, needing someone to show him around, and I was the go-to girl for that kind of thing.

  “Are you good in school?” I wanted to know.

  Tyson shrugged. “When I go to school.”

  Oh yeah, he lived a different life before. “Well, you certainly will be going to school here.”

  I didn’t miss him rolling his eyes. “There goes that bossy ass again.”

  His smart mouth caused me to park myself in front of him, staring him down. “And you like this bossy ass.”

  “I don’t recall saying that.”

  He never did admit to having feelings for me in the way that I had feelings for him. He’d told me he liked my crazy and wanted me to know him, more than he ever had Asiah or Shayne. I knew that counted as much as the words he hadn’t said.

  He’d told me I always got what I wanted, and that had been true when we were younger. If he really believed it for a fact now that we were seventeen, well...

  I moved closer to him and wrapped my arms around his neck.

  Tyson instantly had his hands on my waist, almost pushing me away, but not with enough fight. “What are you doing?”

  I smiled, eyeing his mouth. “Getting what I want.”

  This time I kissed him, and it wasn’t for a hunch.

  Tyson leaned back as I hovered over him, his gaze locked on my mouth as he licked his lips as if to tempt me. “I can’t.”

  My heart fluttered. “Why?”

  He peered up at me. “I don’t want to be a rebound.”

  I came closer. “Then it’s a good thing I don’t play basketball.”

  Tyson bore an adorable expression on his face. “You’re corny.”

  “And you’re cute.”

  I went in for another kiss, one he was willing to return.

  Tyson was a tease, playing with my lips slowly before giving in and relinquishing his self-control and just kissing me back with all that he had.

  Still, he tried to fight it. “This is wrong.”

  “Yeah, I know,” I said before going in for more.

  His arms circled my waist and held me in place, and I enjoyed the feeling of being brushed up against him as the power and intensity of his lips sucked me in. He kissed me deeply so that my heart and soul could feel it and tingle, too. His strength and gentleness were two contrasts that made me admire him to my core. Tyson was such a complex individual that it was no wonder I’d fallen for him the moment he returned to me.

  “We really shouldn’t be doing this,” Tyson said as he pulled back once more.

  Deciding to play along, I kept back. “Why not?”

  “Because you might get caught.” A third voice entered the pool area, bringing an icy chill to the heated moment I was sharing with Tyson.

  I looked up to discover my father standing at the edge of the pool. He looked every shade of pissed off, and I knew to back away from Tyson even as I felt his grasp leave my body.

  “You, up to your room, now,” my father said as he pointed at me. He faced Tyson, and his anger increased. “You, in my office, now.”

  My father didn’t wait for either of us before storming inside.

  29 | Trice

  Parker was pissed.

  Nandy got out of the pool first, shaking due to the cold air her father had left behind. She gathered her towel before looking at me one final time. I could see the fear in her eyes as she turned away and slipped inside.

  Watching her walk away, I didn’t want, nor like her leaving. All I could think about was her lips on mine and the feel of her body against mine. That hadn’t been just a taste, like at the model home. It had been more, so much more. I’d known we were exposed, but fighting the temptation was hard, especially with her eagerness to latch her lips to mine.

  Now Parker was upset, extremely.

  I should’ve gone to Parker immediately, but then I thought maybe it would be more appropriate to dry off and put on a shirt before facing his reprimand.

  And perhaps I could think of what I would say to him, to ease his angst against what he’d seen.

  Although...I wasn’t exactly sure what it was that Nandy and I had. One minute I wanted to kill her; the next she was making me face the reality of a future, of progressing after what I lost. I wanted to be angry, and she was patient enough to tell me I would be angry, but not forever. This was different than with Shayne, where everything we’d talked about had felt like make-believe. This was real.

  I just didn’t know about Nandy, and kissing didn’t make it any less complicated.

  Parker was waiting for me in his office, too riled up to sit still. The moment I stepped into the room, he stared me down.

  “Sit,” he ordered. When I didn’t, he lifted a brow as if questioning my being insubordinate. “Sit, Tyson, now.”

  I guess I had an authority issue, because still I stood. He had every right to be mad, but the magnitude of his anger made me cautious and curious. “Are you kicking me out?”

  Parker squinted, as if confused. “Because you kissed my daughter? No.” He shook his head. “Now sit down. I won’t ask again.”

  This time I sat, calmed knowing that he wasn’t going for the extreme. “So you’re mad,” I pointed out. “I get it.”

  Parker breathed out through his nose, his shoulders rising and falling. He was beyond mad. “That won’t happen again, do you understand? You two are not about to start messing around.”

  “Why?” I asked.

  “Because you live in this house, as a member of this family. We took you in to be with us. You and Nandy can’t be together like that.”

  “Family?”

  Parker nodded. “If you were a year younger, we would’ve officially adopted you.”

  I knew Parker meant well, but he was pushing it. “You’re a little late to the party to rescue me and be my parents, don’t you think?”

  Parker sighed and sat on his desk, scratching his head. “Listen, Trice, I’m not trying to replace your parents and what you had, but I want to give you a true fresh s
tart. It was always a pleasure having you around when you were younger, just like it’s been this summer. We’re building a family here, and that means Nandy is off-limits.”

  “No disrespect, Parker, but I’m not going to look at Nandy like my sister.”

  He shrugged. “That’s on you, but like I said, it’s not going to happen. Whether you view her as a sibling or not, that’s how we’re looking at it in our eyes. Do not touch her again, are we clear?”

  His reasoning sounded so simple, and yet I held some doubt. “If I lived in Lindenwood, would this be a problem?”

  Parker made a face. “No, because you wouldn’t be under this roof. You’d be her boyfriend who lived elsewhere.”

  Maybe it was that simple for Parker. He didn’t want us messing around, because he wanted us to be family. If that was his only reason behind being against Nandy and me, I could understand.

  “You care about what the neighbors would think, don’t you?”

  “Along with the fact that I just don’t think it’s appropriate, yes. I’m not running a house that operates loosely, and I don’t need it to appear to be, either.”

  It was funny how life worked out. We had freedom of choice, but we didn’t have the freedom to make said choice without judgment or having to explain. Ain’t that fucked up?

  “Well, I’m sorry for disappointing you and kissing your daughter, Parker,” I said as I stood from the chair, ready to go on up to bed.

  Parker stood, too. “I mean it, Trice.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “There are nice girls in this town. When school starts you’ll be so busy you won’t even remember this night,” Parker insisted.

  He meant well, but it wasn’t going to happen that way. Other girls? I had tunnel vision for one girl only. Somehow, I had to make it work so that we could see where things could go.

  I went up to my bedroom and tore off my shirt, aiming to take a shower. Maybe it would help clear my head, or maybe not.

  Between kissing Nandy and Parker’s warning, I didn’t know what I was doing.

  My bedroom door opened, and I turned to see Nandy coming inside. She closed the door behind her and pressed her back to it, staring me down with nothing but curiosity.