A Love Hate Thing

by Whitney D. Grandison

  “It’s not like that.”

  “Yeah? I doubt that.”

  “I get that it was hard for you to break up with her, so I’m sorry about that.”

  “Or maybe I just beat Nandy to the punch. The way I see it, we broke up, but whose shoulder is she crying on, Shayne’s, Erica’s, or yours? Sometimes there’s no getting around the inevitable.”

  “You should’ve fought for her,” I came out and said. The thing about Asiah, I knew she loved me, and it was harsh, but I knew I didn’t love her, at least not in the same way she loved me. Or I would’ve fought for her.

  If Chad really cared about Nandy, he would’ve fought for her, or at least broken up with her less dramatically. Instead, he’d chosen to be petty. Hurt or not, he’d acted childishly.

  Chad’s eyes blazed as he glared at me. “It’s pretty fuckin’ hard to fight for someone who’s eyeing another team.”

  “Again, I’m sorry about that. And about the way I’ve treated you since I got here. We don’t have to be friends, but it doesn’t have to be an issue, either.”

  Chad’s angst dissolved just a little and he went back to his car, saying nothing.

  I took that as my cue to move on toward Matt’s house.

  “I’m sorry, too. See you around school,” Chad said from behind me.

  I turned back and lifted my chin at him in acknowledgment. We wouldn’t be friends, but for Nandy’s sake, I didn’t want to hate the guy or keep on with the bullshit.

  Matt’s mother answered the door and let me in, telling me the boys were up in Matt’s room.

  Matt was at his desk, Skyping Ben. Travis was lounging in a chair watching videos on the flat-screen.

  I waved to Ben and greeted Matt and Travis before taking a seat on Matt’s bed.

  “Chad still out there?” Travis asked as he tossed a foam football in the air and caught it. “He was getting ready to wash his car when I came over.”

  I nodded. “Yeah, we had a few words.”

  Travis frowned. “Prick.”

  “Be nice,” Ben said from Matt’s laptop. “The guy just lost his girl. He’s going through a lot. No offense, Trice.”

  I shrugged. “None taken.”

  Travis rolled his eyes. His hatred for Chad ran deep, just like Chad’s for him. “Ask me if I care. The guy acts like he owns this place and I’m supposed to bow down to him.”

  Travis was wearing a tank top, accentuating his arm muscles and ability to protect himself. The way he and Chad often bickered, I was surprised they hadn’t brawled.

  Ben sighed. “Chad’s made it clear he doesn’t want to be friends—”

  “Then fuck it.”

  “Yeah, but you could still be nice,” Ben insisted.

  Travis smirked and gestured toward Ben. “Ben’s a pansy.”

  On-screen Ben flipped him off. “Blow me, Trav.”

  Travis scrunched up his nose. “I would, but then what would Matt say?”

  That was one of the first things I’d learned about Travis. You couldn’t outtalk him. You couldn’t win in an argument no matter how hard you tried, because nobody talked shit like Travis did.

  Travis stood from the chair and threw the football at Matt’s back. “Come on, Trice, let’s get out of here. I can tell Ben’s anxious to whip it out, so let’s give them some space.”

  Ben was somewhere out of reach, so because I liked him and Matt, I shoved Travis for his bluntness as we exited the room.

  “I’m starving. Wanna hit the Shack?” Travis asked as we headed to his car.

  “Definitely.”

  He let the top down so we could bask in the hot July summer sun. Travis sat back and relaxed as he drove with one hand while Kendrick Lamar killed his “Control” verse through Travis’s speakers.

  Travis bobbed his head, looking my way. “This shit right here, this is real music.” He shook his head. “I don’t get to listen to this at home without headphones. My mom straight trips when she hears swearing, or any type of hip-hop beat. I guess it helps to like a lot of alternative stuff too, and some R & B. But when I’m in my ride, I make sure to blast this shit as loud as I can.”

  Another song came on, and he immediately turned up the volume. I recognized “Switch Up” instantly and admired Travis’s taste in music. I could only imagine his mother clutching her pearls at the likes of Big Sean’s raps or even Kendrick’s.

  Travis knew all the words and rapped a few lines as he continued to cruise through the streets of Pacific Hills’ quiet community, blasting music that had those on the sidewalks staring at us with wide eyes.

  I admired Travis’s fearlessness. He wasn’t afraid to be himself and didn’t put on an act for anyone, even if he garnered disapproval. With no ties left to Lindenwood, I liked having someone genuine in the Hills.

  It took a lot out of me not to laugh when he pulled into the Shack’s parking lot and an elderly couple looked ready to die of a heart attack at the sound of Travis’s music. The husband held his wife’s waist as she held her hand to her chest, mouth open as she stared at Travis. To make it funnier, he shut off the car, and instead of opening his door, he simply leaned up and jumped over the side.

  The elderly couple were quick to hurry to their car as we walked by them to the front door.

  Travis was oblivious.

  “I gotta stay out of the house for a while. My mom’s interviewing potential babysitters,” he told me after we put in our orders.

  “Landon and London ran another one off?” His twin brothers were a terrible duo; it would take a lot of cash to keep a babysitter for longer than a month.

  “Landon’s not bad until London coerces him into some shit. They’re just kids, though. It can’t be that hard to find a sitter.”

  “That Catalano blood ain’t a joke.”

  Travis smirked. “What’s up with you? Summer school done?”

  I nodded. “I’m officially a Knight.”

  “Bet the Smiths are happy that shit’s done and out of the way.”

  “I’m sure that’s the least of their worries,” I said.

  Our food came and we grabbed a booth and sat on opposite sides.

  “What’s going on?” Travis asked.

  “Parker caught Nandy and me kissing, and he doesn’t approve. Max isn’t so against it, but she’s siding with Parker. They want us to be a family, but I don’t see Nandy that way. There’s always been something there.”

  Travis bobbed his head, taking in my words and thinking to himself. “Okay, before you screw up a good situation, ask yourself, do you just want to smash Nandy, or jump into something serious with her? If this is all just for a taste, well, you may wanna back off. If it’s for something real, why not? Parker’s a chill guy. He may eventually change his mind, as long as it’s real.” He shrugged. “If you want my opinion, go for it. Mancini’s a nice girl, but you turned her down for more than just Kyle. You’re curious about Nandy, so why not?”

  It was honest and genuine. I could only respect all of Travis’s words. I held out my hand. “Thanks for the support.”

  He grinned as he slapped his palm against mine. “Always. You ride for me and I’m ridin’ for you.”

  Loyalty. I could rock with that.

  I spotted Shayne sitting at a table by herself, reading a book.

  “Be right back,” I said as I stood and went to Shayne. Just like Nandy, Shayne had taken out her extensions and was back to her usual self, only she seemed down. Perhaps partly from her father, and partly from me.

  She looked up and barely offered a smile as she noticed me. “Hey.”

  I sat across from her, noting she was reading what looked like a love story. “Hey. I finished summer school. I’m officially one of you.” At least on the outside.

  Shayne nodded. “It’s going to be an interesting school year, I can alread
y tell.”

  “Oh yeah, think of all the fun we’re going to have.” I tried to sound cheery, but it didn’t catch on with her.

  I stared at her as she stared at me, the impact of my rejection etched across her face. From the second I’d met her, she was always smiling, flirty and happy. Now, not so much.

  Shayne chewed on her cheek as she bookmarked her page. “A-are you happy, Ty?”

  “I guess I am.”

  “Then that’s all that matters.” Shayne got this sad smile. “Scarlett O’Hara Trice was just a fantasy anyway.”

  “Nah, I’m sure there’s some guy out there who can give you a true Scarlett you won’t have to adopt. She can still be all those things you imagined.”

  I could see the doubt in Shayne’s eyes. In her mind, I saw her differently than other guys, so the idea of meeting someone else who could see the true Shayne felt flawed. But I knew it wasn’t.

  “I’m thinking about asking Max if I can stay with you guys for a while. Maybe just a week, though,” Shayne said.

  “Why?”

  “I’m still mad at Daddy. Between him being gone all day and my stepmonster’s antics, I’d just rather be with the Smiths.” Shayne shrugged. “It’s not like I have anyone else.”

  She had her friends, and me—if she’d let me—but I wished she had someone else. It was becoming clear to me how a relationship worked, because when you needed affection and love, a significant other could be just as important as family and friends.

  The type of bond that love brought could heal tension and pain. I could tell by looking at Shayne that she felt alone, and I wished more than anything that she could open her eyes and see—

  Speak of the devil. Kyle sat down beside me. He nodded at me before focusing on Shayne. “Hey.”

  She smiled politely. “Froggie.”

  It was like she was blind. Kyle’s mother could be in the room, and Kyle would still greet Shayne first.

  Kyle flicked his hair out of his eyes. “I, uh, got some shots from cotillion if you want to see. I know you missed it, but I figured you’d want a look.”

  He held up his phone, and Shayne’s gaze fell upon it and lingered.

  Her own phone let out a chime, and she read its screen before shaking her head. “Sorry, I have to go.” She waved her phone. “SOS from Erica. I’m sure your pictures came out nice, though. I bet they’re going to look real good in the school newspaper.”

  “Yearbook,” Kyle corrected.

  Shayne smiled, and Kyle’s eyes lit up at the sight of it. “Yeah, that.” She faced me and waved. “’Bye.”

  Kyle was on cloud nine as he followed me back to Travis. You would have thought Shayne had agreed to go out with him or something.

  “Things still awkward?” Travis asked.

  “A little,” I confessed.

  Travis shook his head and peered at Kyle. “Dude, you gotta put your foot down and make Mancini yours.”

  Kyle blinked. “I—I mean... You know... She’s like...complex. You don’t just walk up to Shayne Mancini and ask her out, you have to have flair.”

  “I was once like you—skinny, terrible taste in clothes—and then I got laid,” Travis said.

  I rolled my eyes. “Trav.”

  He cracked a smile. “Actually, I’m kidding. I was never like you, but that’s a good thing. Guys like you, you notice stuff. People like when you notice the small things. You should talk to her one day and casually bring up books or something.”

  Kyle toyed with his phone. “Maybe.”

  I reached out and patted Kyle’s back, feeling hopeful. Going forward, nothing was certain, but I was beginning to realize that there was beauty in uncertainty. Maybe Nandy and I would make it and be strong, and maybe Shayne would see Kyle and realize he was perfect for her. It was the third week of July, and we still had all of August. There was a lot of summer left—who knew what could happen.

  30 | Nandy

  I’d been in the middle of lying out by our pool when Erica sent me an SOS text, leaving me to drop everything and race to her.

  After stopping by the store to grab two quarts of Moose Tracks and some of Erica’s favorite soda, I went straight to her house, where her mother let me in.

  I grabbed some spoons from the kitchen before making my way up to Erica’s room. She was sitting on her bed with music playing in the background.

  “What’s up?” I asked, taking in the scene before me. Erica was surrounded by the girls: Shayne, Edi, and Xiu. And on the surface, I couldn’t tell something was wrong.

  But then they all looked at me and I realized what was up.

  Edi patted the space left for me on Erica’s queen-size bed. “Come on, Nan, we gotta talk.”

  I brought over the ice cream and soda and set it in the middle of us before sitting cross-legged between Edi and Shayne. “So...” I stretched out the word. “What’s up?”

  All at once my friends mirrored the same look of annoyance.

  “Really?” Edi asked.

  “What?” I asked innocently.

  “Don’t ‘what’ me. You weren’t at cotillion, and then you were off-the-grid, not returning texts or phone calls. What’s the tea, sis?” Edi demanded to know. “And for the record, I always told you Captain Ginger was no good.”

  All eyes were on me, and I wasn’t sure how to explain the end of Chad and me, and the possible beginning of Tyson and me.

  “Chad and I are done,” I announced with finality. “I realized that I was more into the idea of him than actually being with him. I mean, his parents are so overbearing and overwhelming, and Chad’s worst wasn’t something I wanted to be around. Tyson’s been shot, and Chad mocked it?”

  None of the girls disagreed with my decision, but none of them had ever liked Chad to begin with.

  Xiu reached out to offer support. “It’s okay, you just needed time away. This was a big moment for you.”

  It was more than that.

  “I sorta have this thing...with Tyson,” I confessed.

  Edi and Erica both looked shocked as Shayne picked at her nails.

  “That’s foul, girly,” Edi spoke first. She patted Shayne’s back as she shook her head at me.

  “I know,” I agreed. “My parents don’t even approve.”

  Shayne frowned. “No judgment, okay? This isn’t about Nandy and Ty, they’re happy, let them be.” To prove her support, Shayne scooted next to me.

  “At least you’re big enough to admit your faults, and the two of you aren’t fighting,” Xiu reasoned.

  “See, no,” Erica stated, holding up an acrylic fingernail, “we don’t fight over boys. All it does is tear us apart and make them look like kings.”

  “Got that right,” Edi chimed in. “We do queen tingz over here.”

  Together my friends and I laughed, all reaching out to high-five one another. Nothing, especially not a boy, could come between us.

  “Ashley’s hosting this Throwback Thursday event this week. Why don’t we all be each other’s dates? Screw the boys for one day,” Erica suggested.

  I was in, and so were the others.

  Shayne sat up, appearing extra perky. “Okay, we need a candle.”

  “For...?” Erica prompted.

  “To symbolize us burning away all the bad energy and bullshit, and moving forward with positivity and fun,” Shayne explained as she stood from Erica’s bed. She grabbed the black candle from Erica’s dresser and crossed back over to us before lighting it. “Let’s all burn a strand of hair and say what we’re burning, and what we’re moving forward with.”

  It was kinda of strange, and also kind of neat.

  I reached into my hair and pulled out a strand as my friends did the same.

  Erica went first. “I’m burning away any doubt that I’ve ever had in myself with this DJ thing.” She placed the st
rand of hair in the jar and sat back. “And I’m moving forward with the four best friends a girl could ever have.”

  It was cheesy, but the feeling was beyond mutual.

  Edi went next. “I’m burning the drunken mistake of sending Travis that nude.”

  “Edi!” We all yelled in shock.

  Edi shrugged. “Do not drunk text, ever.” She placed her hair into the jar. “And I’m moving forward by steering clear of guys with freaky colored eyes.”

  Xiu went next. “I’m burning my fear, and this year I’m going to move forward and do something that’s been scaring me for a while.”

  Erica eyed her cousin as if waiting for her to continue. Xiu blushed but remained silent.

  Shayne cradled the candle in her hand and carried on. “I’m burning away all guys who disappointed me. And I’m moving forward by being happy for me and embracing my singleness.”

  I was last, and I had so much to burn.

  I placed my strand of hair into the jar and sat back, thinking over what I wanted to say. “I’m burning my image. I’m not going to be who anyone wants me to be. I’m just going to be Nandy. And I’m moving forward by taking risks and learning from them.”

  Done with the ceremony, Shayne blew out the candle and waved it around like sage. “This is the good energy and vibe we have placed into the universe. We will not think of the bad and what we burned. We are moving forward together, and we will enjoy the rest of this summer.”

  It was like a toast, so I reached up and touched the candle. “Hear, hear.”

  Soon, Edi, Erica, and Xiu followed suit. “Hear, hear.”

  We were all different with different hopes and dreams, but at the end of the day, we had each others’ backs and tried to relate and understand each other.

  Nothing beat friendships like this.

  31 | Trice

  Travis led the way to his car. The elderly couple was long gone, leaving no one to gasp as Travis jumped into his ride without opening the door like a civilized person.

  Before I could get in, a patrol car pulled up alongside Travis. A tall guy dressed in a black uniform got out and approached him, staring at him as he gripped the front of his utility belt.