Lucky and the Drowned Debutante

by Emmy Grace

  Their wedding was scheduled for today.

  6

  My mind is going a mile a minute. I’ve found that it helps me to talk it out when I’m trying to make sense of puzzle pieces like these. “Okay, let’s recap. Drummond Sorensen, bad. Bishop Jameson, bad. Ari Jameson, son of bad. Dahlia Hayes, stepdaughter of bad. Now Dahlia Hayes is Ari Jameson’s fiancée, bad plus bad, and she’s lying in the woods in Salty Springs, South Carolina, on her wedding day. And she’s been strangled or drowned or whatever, and...”

  My pause is long and loaded.

  “And?” Regina asks.

  “Annnnd?”

  “And what?” she prompts again.

  “And where is everyone? Where are all the people looking for her? It’s her wedding day. Hasn’t she been missed? These are high profile families. You’d think there would be word of this, not to mention frantic grooms and mommas.” I pause. “Unless...”

  “Unless?”

  “Unless they know exactly where she is and they don’t want public attention.”

  “You mean… But they’re her family. And what about her mother? Surely she wouldn’t…”

  “Look who that woman married. Would it surprise you if Julianne knew what happened to her daughter? Or at the very least, that maybe she’s too afraid to cross the ruthless arms dealer she sleeps next to every night?”

  “But Dahlia’s her daughter,” Regina argues.

  “Self-preservation is a powerful thing.”

  “Except when it comes to you. You’re the only person I can think of who doesn’t run in the opposite direction when faced with a case involving people like this.”

  “One of two.”

  She knows who the second person is. “He’s as crazy as you are.” She takes a quick breath. “Scratch that. I don’t think it’s possible for another human being to be that crazy.”

  “You flatter me,” I tease.

  “Lucky, maybe you should heed Liam’s advice and sit this one out.”

  “Heed?”

  “Yes, it means pay attention to.”

  “I know what it means. I just don’t know why you’re using it. I’m the one with the word of the day calendar.”

  “That you never use anymore.”

  “I’ve been busy. Or haven’t you noticed?”

  “Haven’t I noticed that bodies are dropping like flies around you? I think everyone has noticed that.”

  I swallow a gasp of deep offense. “You take that back. That’s not funny.”

  “It wasn’t supposed to be. People didn’t start dying until we showed up, Lucky. Don’t you think that’s strange?”

  My best friend is serious. “Regina, what are you saying?”

  She inhales and lets her breath out slowly. “You know that movie we watched where the main girl could have any wish she wanted, but someone had to die for it?”

  “Yeah. I remember it.”

  “I just wonder if…”

  “If what?”

  “If it’s possible that Beebee’s blessing works like that. Your good fortune comes with a price tag.”

  That slams me in the chest like a Mack truck going two hundred miles an hour. “You think I’m responsible for these deaths?”

  “God no! That’s not what I’m saying at all. You’d never hurt a fly. Literally. I’ve never met a less malicious or harmful person than you. But maybe it’s just a side effect of what she did to you. Not your fault, just a…consequence.”

  “Of me being alive?”

  “No, but maybe of you getting out of scrapes the way you do. Maybe keeping you safe costs the lives of other people.”

  “That can’t be,” I tell her, getting up to pace the room. “That just can’t be, Regina. I would never… I mean, I couldn’t live with myself if I thought…”

  My level of upset has risen dramatically. Something like this has never occurred to me.

  “You know what, that’s silly. I was just thinking crazy stuff. I blame you. This is what you do to my brain. But it makes no sense, really. I mean, you didn’t even know these people. You haven’t ever met them or been around them. There’s no way it could have anything to do with you.”

  I hear Regina’s words, and they make sense to my rational brain, but when does rational ever play into my life?

  Never.

  “Lucky, tell me you believe me. Seriously. This can’t possibly have anything to do with you. I don’t know what even made me wonder something insane like that. Right?”

  I glance at my friend and she starts nodding, her expression telling me that she needs me to believe her. Problem is, I’m not sure I do. But I don’t say as much. She’d be devastated if she knew how much the idea of this hurts me.

  “You’re right,” I tell her, attempting a smile. It’s an empty gesture, though. I can’t get her words out of my mind.

  A knock sounds on the door, getting me off the hook. The rap is gentle enough not to rouse my animals, thankfully. Gumbo just gives a sweet snort then lays his head back down.

  I walk on numb legs to peek through the window. I see a familiar trio of old people standing on my porch, so I open the door.

  “Miss Haddy, what are you doing here?” I ask, nodding to her then to Mrs. Stephanopoulos, who’s hovering by her side. Malcolm is behind them, leaning to one side like a withering Tower of Pisa.

  Miss Haddy smiles sweetly. “Hi, sugar plum. May we come in for a jiffy?”

  “Of course. Regina and I were just—”

  “Oh, I know what you’re up to, Lucky, and I’ve come to ask you to stop.”

  She makes her way past me. I watch her as I hold the door for the other two, closing it when they’re all inside.

  “But why? Did Liam—”

  “He did, sugar, but for once I’m in agreement with him. This is too dangerous. These people… You don’t want no part of ‘em. Believe you me.”

  “I’ve dealt with dangerous people before, or are you forgetting Leopardo?”

  That’s the cartel name of a drug dealer I helped nab. He was terrifying, but I managed not to get killed.

  “I haven’t forgotten, but he wasn’t out to get you specifically.”

  “Wait, are you saying that these people are?”

  “I’m saying they could be.” I stand, slack-jawed, as Miss Haddy makes her way to the couch, Mrs. S and Malcolm right on her heels. The trio eases their bodies down onto seats before she continues. I’m practically hopping from foot to foot waiting for her to explain. “You see, Dahlia was Liam’s first love. Everyone in town knew he liked her back in his high school years, but she had a boyfriend you see, so he dated her best friend instead. Not one of his shining moments, I’m afraid,” she adds.

  “But what does that have to do with me?”

  “Well, Dahlia always strung him along. She knew she could come to him for anything, including help. She was from around here, so she knew he went off to work for the FBI. Unfortunately, when she came back here recently—”

  “Came back here?”

  “Yes, siree.”

  “Are you saying she came to see Liam?”

  “She sure did.”

  “How do you know? Do you know that for sure?”

  Miss Haddy glances over at Mrs. Stephanopoulos, who’s sitting slumped on my couch like an angry bullfrog.

  She’s an older, female Liam. I swear she is.

  “We know people. And people see things. Then the people who see things tell us about those things,” Miss Haddy finally says.

  “Oh, well thanks for the clarification.”

  My tone is snide. I admit it.

  “Listen to me, Lucky. When Dahlia came here, she drew the attention of that undesirable family of hers.”

  “I still don’t understand what any of this has to do with me.”

  “If they believe she told Liam something important, anything at’all, they’ll come for him. But these people are smart. Devious. They know there’s only way to break a man like Liam Dunning. They can’t come at
him straight on. They’ll have to get to him another way. Like through a weak spot.”

  “I hate to tell you, but he has not weak spots. Believe me.”

  I snort.

  Classy broad that I am.

  “Oh, he has one that I know of for sure.”

  “What would that be? Because I’ve never seen it.”

  “No, you don’t see it at all. You blind, sugar?” She leans in to look closely at me.

  I resist the urge to pick up an old lady and shake her until she starts making sense. That wouldn’t be a good idea. Even if I could pick her up, which I doubt because she’s pretty hefty, Mrs. Snuffleupagus would probably shoot me for touching her friend. Despite the fact that we’re spitting distance from her back door, I’d bet all my grocery money that my landlady is packing heat anyway. “I didn’t think I was blind or crazy until about two minutes ago.”

  “They’ll use someone he cares about.” Miss Haddy says it like that explains it all.

  But does that explain it?

  No. Not so much.

  “O-kay,” is my only response. I still don't understanding what she’s getting at.

  “Lucky, that means you.”

  “What? That’s ridiculous. Liam doesn’t care about me.”

  “Of course, he does. Surely you know that.”

  “Well, yeah. I mean, duh. I know he cares about me, but Liam doesn’t, like, care about me. Not like that. Not enough to give up important information to some sort of evil conglomerate.”

  “Conglomerate?” Miss Haddy chuckles. “Sugar pie, you watch too much television. This is real life. This is about some ruthless types that don’t stop when the director says ‘cut.’ And Liam knows that.”

  “I’m sure he does, but I still don’t—”

  “You don’t have to believe he cares about you for it to be true. I’m telling you, just this one time, don’t be quite so nosey and determined.”

  “That’s easy for you to say, but Miss Haddy, if Dahlia came to Liam and now she’s dead, that means he could be in real danger. This is the one time he might actually need me. He doesn’t have the FBI to back him up anymore. It’s just Liam. And despite what he thinks, he’s not invincible.”

  She starts shaking her head. “You two are like peas in a pod. Neither one knows when to quit. And both so willing to protect the other.” She sighs deeply. “I knew it wouldn’t be easy to talk sense into you. No easier than it was talking sense into him. Best I can do, then, is to offer you my help. I don’t know what I can do, but if you think of anything, you know where to find me.”

  “I’ll be fine, Miss Haddy. Don’t you worry about me.”

  We lapse into silence for nearly a full minute before Regina speaks up. I think we all forgot she was here.

  “I feel like I’m on the set of one of those reality shows. But a completely insane one. You people are all crazy. You know that, right?”

  Four pairs of eyes turn her way. There’s another long pause, during which Regina’s expression gets more and more desperate.

  Then, at the exact same time, we all start laughing.

  This is My Ridiculous Life, coming to a cable channel near you.

  7

  It’s dark, so I see the reverse lights on Liam’s truck flip on just as I pull in behind him in his driveway. They are replaced by the brake lights as he shifts back into park, so I know he sees me. I can practically hear him grumbling up there, fussing about me being hardheaded or something like that, but I don’t care. I will not be dissuaded.

  I have a bone to pick, and pick I will.

  I get out and slam the door behind me, stomping over to the driver’s side window. At first, he doesn’t roll it down. He just glares at me through the glass.

  I shift my weight to one hip and cross my arms over my chest. I can do this all day long.

  Okay, not really. The day is long gone. It’s already night and I’m in need of a good night’s sleep. But I knew Liam wouldn’t let this rest, so I came racing over here as soon as the Trio of Terror left my house.

  I tried to get Regina to come with me, but she made up a pathetic excuse about not wanting to be shot or strangled or drowned.

  Wuss.

  Finally, Liam presses the button and his window glides smoothly down into the door.

  I start in immediately. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Why didn’t I tell you what?”

  “Don’t play dumb with me. You’re not blond enough.” At that, he smirks. “Why did Dahlia come here? Did she want your help?”

  “Lucky, I told you—”

  “Save your breath. You know I’m not great with following directions.”

  “Really? I had no idea.”

  Again with the sarcasm. I both hate and love it, all at the same time.

  “If you don’t tell me, I’ll just find out on my own.”

  “Good luck with that. I can tell you one thing for sure: You won’t know where to start. Whatever Miss Haddy told you, she doesn’t know either.”

  “Miss Haddy just told me to stay out of it.”

  His brows snap up in surprise. “Seriously?”

  “What did you think she’d tell me?”

  “Knowing her, it’s hard to say. Something she shouldn’t, probably. She’s as bad as you.” A pause. “Almost.”

  I will take exception to that later.

  “So you’re really not going to let me help?”

  “I’m really not going to let you help.”

  “What if you get in trouble and need back up?”

  “If I get into the kind of trouble that I need back up, it would likely be something you couldn’t back me up on anyway.” I can’t help that my face drops into a pout. “And I don’t mean to hurt your feelings. It’s not an insult. It’s just that these aren’t the kind of people who play nice.”

  “I’m aware of that.”

  “You might think you are, but you aren’t. Not really. Now, please, for the love of all that’s holy, get in your car and go back home to your zoo. It’s the best place for you. I promise.”

  I pause, but just for effect. He needs to think I’m grudgingly going to do what he’s asking.

  Which I’m totally not.

  “Fine, but promise me that if you need any kind of help at all, you’ll call me. Day or night.”

  He rolls his eyes. “I’ll call you if I need help.”

  “Liar.”

  “A man’s gotta say what a man’s gotta say when Lucky Boucher is blocking his way.”

  I stick out my tongue and stomp off the way I came. I get in my car, shift into reverse, back out of the driveway, and speed off down the road. In my rearview mirror, I don’t see him move until I’m almost out of sight. That’s when I pick up my phone and dial Regina.

  “He’s leaving now. I don’t see his headlights, so he must be going the other way. Pick him up at the other end of the road. I’ll circle around.”

  “Roger, Catfish.”

  “I told you I’m not going by Catfish. That’s a terrible code name.”

  “It’s revenge for the Pukey McGee thing. If you don’t accept this one without further complaint, I will apply myself to coming up with one that’s even worse. Take it or leave it.”

  I sigh audibly. “Fine. Call me back when you have a clear direction.”

  The line crackles with Regina’s pause. “Say it.”

  I look up at the ceiling of my car. “Catfish out.”

  I hear her giggle.

  Then I hang up.

  I drive back toward town, make a left at the end of Main Street. The road ahead goes in basically two directions—east and west. When Regina calls with the turn Liam finally takes, I’ll know which way to go.

  There are no other cars around, so I shift into park, and just let the engine idle as I sit thinking about my plan. I throw my head back and let out my most maniacal laugh I can conjure. It’s a good one, too.

  Too bad no one else is around to appreciate it.

  L
iam thinks he won, but there is no way in heck I’m letting him kick me off this case. I’m the one who found Dahlia Hayes, and whether he wants to admit it or not, I’m pretty good at this. I could actually be of help. If he weren’t such a stubborn donkey’s butt.

  He was right about one thing, though. I really don’t have a place to start. I mean, Dahlia’s family didn’t bother to sound the alarm when she missed her wedding day. That says something. But that also means I can’t really go rolling up in there to ask questions, which is probably what I’d normally do.

  That leaves me a little bit stuck unless I call Felonious to get her to look into some things for me. And as usual, I’d rather leave her as my last resort. I get into enough trouble without adding her antics to the mix. If she’d accept money for favors like a normal person, I would’ve already called, but noooo. She has to be a mischievous teenager who thinks pranks are the food of life.

  Although, to be fair, if I weren’t the one on the receiving end of them, I’d probably feel the same way.

  And besides all that, I have a bone to pick with that girl. She tricked me into thinking she was Tabatha. I’m sure she thought that would be a big lark, too.

  Devil child.

  Plain and simple.

  Yeah, avoiding Felonious might be wise right now. I figured I’d be better off just tailing Liam first. See where he goes. If I can’t pick up the scent of something from his first stop, I’ll move on to Felonious.

  Please, Liam, give me something to work with.

  My phone rings. It’s Regina. “Catfish, we have just turned onto Highway 16 East. Repeat, we have just turned onto Highway 16 East. Over.”

  “I heard you the first time,” I tell her as I shift into drive and tear off down the road heading east.

  “Can you repeat that, Catfish? I didn’t quite catch it, over.”

  “You heard me just fine. You’re just abusing CB talk.”

  Regina makes a crackling sound with her mouth, and I can’t help grinning. “You’re breaking up, Catfish. Repeat. Over.”

  “I’m on my way to you, Pukey. Catfish out.”

  I can practically hear her pout. “You’re no fun.”