Too Wise To Wed?

by Penny Jordan

  To fly home. Kyle was going to be away... How long for? Just...just for the weekend or for longer...? Star didn’t like the ominous way her heart lurched and then started to beat far too fast. Kyle had said nothing to her about being away.

  But then, why should he?

  ‘I’ll try to make it for four.’ She gave in unwillingly. It wasn’t that she didn’t have anything to show Kyle, she acknowledged ten minutes later as she started to gather together her new story-boards. She did. And it wasn’t even that she was afraid of him rejecting her work. So what was she so afraid of, then? Kyle himself? Why should she be?

  Her face burned as she recalled exactly why she felt so reluctant to face him. How could she account for her ignominious flight from his bed this morning? After all the things she had said to him...all the taunts...all the insults...that she should be the one to cry craven, to say stop... And why had she?

  She shook her head, still not ready to answer that question, even to herself.

  ‘Kyle will see you now.’

  Star squared her shoulders and nodded tersely in acknowledgement of Mrs Hawkins’s statement as she stood up and gathered her work together.

  As Star headed towards Kyle’s office his secretary reflected that she looked as though she was about to undergo a gruelling ordeal, rather like her own dreaded visits to her dentist, and yet, personally, Mrs Hawkins found working for Kyle one of the most serendipitous experiences of her entire working life. He had that American way with him of somehow getting things done, of removing obstacles and barriers almost instantaneously and yet, at the same time, always remaining calm and polite.

  Tim was a lovely man, of course, gentle and thoughtful, but he had lacked Kyle’s resolution, his ability to insist on high standards and good workmanship. Mrs Hawkins had noticed already the drop in complaints from their customers, just as she had noted and approved of the firm way in which some of their less than efficient fitters and technicians had been dealt with and the way far more stringent standards and checks had been established for those who had taken their place.

  Kyle reached the door before Star did, opening it for her and ushering her inside, watching her gravely.

  How on earth was she supposed to concentrate on her work, Star wondered wretchedly, when all she could remember, all she could think about was that this morning she had been in Kyle’s bed, had lain in his arms, and his touch had taught her things about herself that she had never dreamed existed—things she wished passionately that she had not discovered existed?

  How could she concentrate on her work when she was still trying to deal with the aftershock of those discoveries?

  ‘I’ve rewritten the proposed advertising copy, taking into account your criticisms,’ she began stiffly as she lined up the story-boards.

  Even with her back to him, she could sense Kyle moving closer to her to study what she had done. Quickly she moved out of the way. Kyle had stopped in front of the first board and was examining it. Making sure she kept a safe distance between them, Star waited until he had examined all of them.

  ‘I like it... It’s very good,’ he told her when he had finished.

  ‘It doesn’t have the same punch as the other ideas,’ Star asserted.

  ‘No, perhaps not,’ Kyle agreed. ‘It is gentler, less hard-hitting, but in my opinion that won’t detract from its overall impact.

  ‘Don’t forget that in the main we’re selling these systems to men, not women, and most men, although they might be loath to admit it, do feel intimidated by and are antagonistic to what they see as domineering or aggressive women—women in control of themselves and their own lives...’

  ‘Now who’s being sexist?’ Star couldn’t resist saying grimly.

  ‘I didn’t say those were my feelings,’ Kyle pointed out.

  ‘Your father rang me this afternoon, by the way,’ he told her in a different voice. ‘He wanted to check that we were definitely going to the wedding. He said he’d tried to ring you but that you were engaged.’

  Star stiffened.

  ‘What did you say?’

  Kyle shrugged. ‘I confirmed that we were going and—’

  ‘What?’ Star demanded in disbelief. ‘You can’t possibly want to go.’

  ‘No? How could you know what I might want, Star?’ Kyle asked her drily. ‘You don’t even know what you want yourself.’

  Star stood and stared at him. She could feel the blood draining out of her face and then flooding back into it again in a hot burning tide of self-conscious colour and she knew that she couldn’t do a damn thing about it or what it betrayed about her.

  ‘That’s not true,’ she managed to deny unevenly, and then, unable to bear it any longer, she moistened her suddenly dry lips with the tip of her tongue and told him angrily, ‘That’s typical of a man... Just because a woman says no when she...’

  ‘When she means yes, or rather—’

  ‘I did not mean yes,’ Star denied. ‘How dare you imply that I did? That’s the oldest trick in the book so far as your sex is concerned—clairning that you know a woman means yes when she says no and using that as an excuse to force her—’

  ‘I didn’t force you to do anything, Star,’ Kyle pointed out gently. ‘I do understand, you know,’ he told her softly. ‘I know you were afraid—’

  ‘Afraid?’ Star tensed. ‘What have I got to be afraid of?’ she demanded acidly. Her eyebrows rose mockingly. ‘You?’

  Kyle cursed himself under his breath. He had said too much but he had spent the whole damn day thinking about her, worrying about her, wanting to go to her and yet guessing how she would react if he did. And he had been right. But, tempted as he was to let her off the hook, to make it easy for her, he couldn’t let himself lose the small piece of ground he had won, for her sake as well as his own.

  ‘No, not me,’ he acknowledged. ‘What you fear, Star, is yourself, or rather your own emotions. That’s what you’re afraid of—needing someone, wanting someone... loving someone...’

  ‘Loving someone!’ Star exploded scornfully. ‘Oh, come on...please...’

  She managed to make her mouth curl in a creditable display of contempt, but inside she was shaking so much that she dared not close her mouth in case her teeth started to chatter.

  Panic—something she had spent virtually all her life suppressing and hiding from others—suddenly overwhelmed her and snapped the bonds she had used to tether it as easily and mockingly as the Incredible Hulk bursting out of his shirt. The incongruity, the ludicrousness of it should have made her laugh; instead she felt half-paralysed with terror.

  ‘I’m flying out to the States on Friday,’ she heard Kyle adding casually, just as though those few hauntingly destructive sentences had never been spoken. ‘Why don’t you come with me and we can take these—’ he pointed to the story-boards ‘—with us to show Brad? He’ll be keen to see what you’ve come up with while he’s been away on honeymoon.’

  ‘No...’

  The panic hadn’t just escaped into her body, it had escaped into her voice as well, Star recognised as she fought to control it.

  ‘I...I can’t,’ she stressed shakily. ‘I...I’ve got some other work I need to do...’

  ‘All weekend?’ Kyle queried.

  ‘I don’t work nine to five,’ Star snapped back at him. ‘If something urgent comes up—’

  ‘Of course,’ Kyle agreed soothingly, walking past her to his desk, where he picked up his diary and, to her consternation, told her cheerfully after studying it, ‘Well, it doesn’t matter. I can reschedule my trip for after your sister’s wedding, to fit in with you. Do you have your diary with you?’

  ‘No, I don’t,’ Star told him through gritted teeth. ‘And she is not my sister.’

  ‘But she is a part of your family, and your father is still your father.’

  ‘I’m not going to the wedding,’ Star told him determinedly.

  Kyle gave her a tolerant smile. ‘Of course you’re going,’ he told her in a kindly vo
ice, adding more firmly, ‘We’re both going. Now, about this campaign... I’d like for Brad to see what you’ve come up with as soon as possible.’

  ‘Then why don’t you take the story-boards with you this weekend? I could redraw everything on a small scale if you—’

  ‘Fine,’ Kyle agreed. ‘I’ll let Brad see this first version then I’m sure he will want to go through the whole thing with you himself,’ he added. ‘Could you also come up with some idea of the kind of scheduling and media scope you envisage using for the campaign?’

  ‘A TV slot would have the greatest impact,’ Star told him, ‘but of course it would be expensive...’

  ‘Mmm...I guess it would, but if it were timed to fit in with us getting into place the new fitting and technical people we’re subcontracting to... Leave it with me. I’ll have a word with Brad about that whilst I’m over there—’

  He broke off as the phone rang, excusing himself as he went to pick it up. As he answered his call Star started to gather together her work but even though she wasn’t deliberately listening she couldn’t avoid hearing the warmly excited female voice exclaiming in a transatlantic accent, ‘Kyle, I’ve just heard that you’re coming home! That’s wonderful. You can be sure there’ll be a warm—a very warm—welcome waiting for you...’

  Star could hear Kyle clearing his throat before he said quietly, ‘I’m not sure exactly what time I’ll be flying in and so—’

  There was a giggle and then Star heard her saying, ‘Well, that’s OK. After all, I’ve still got my key...’

  Picking up the last of her story-boards, Star gave him a bitterly corrosive glare before opening the door and walking through it.

  It was obvious that some women...some relationships were exempt from his proclaimed desire for emotional commitment and intimacy. Unless...

  She stopped abruptly in the outer office and frowned so horribly that Mrs Hawkins wondered uneasily just what on earth was wrong.

  Unless the woman at the other end of the telephone was someone special, someone whom Kyle did want to make a full commitment to...

  Well, if she was, then what the hell had he been doing in bed with her? Star wondered angrily as she stamped out of the office and headed for her car.

  CHAPTER NINE

  ‘KYLE came round last night. He wanted to know if we had any messages for him. He’s flying out to the States today.’

  ‘I know,’ Star told Sally shortly in a tone that warned her that it wasn’t a subject she wanted to pursue.

  But Sally either didn’t pick up on that warning or chose to ignore it, because she continued, ‘Oh, heavens, I nearly forgot—Kyle asked me to remind you that the two of you have still got to sort out a wedding present for Emily. Is there anything you want to tell me?’ she asked mock-innocently.

  ‘Nothing,’ Star denied.

  ‘I see,’ Sally commented judiciously. ‘One moment you detest the man so much that you can’t stand the sight of him, the next he’s going to Emily’s wedding with you...’

  ‘It was an accident... a mistake,’ Star protested crossly. ‘I told him there was no need for him to interfere, to get involved, but he wouldn’t listen and now there’s no way I can get out of going without looking... If I back out now, everyone is bound to think that it’s because I’m jealous of Emily...because she was always Dad’s favourite...’

  ‘You mean because she always made a point of making sure she was his favourite,’ Sally corrected her roundly. ‘I’ve never been able to understand why men are so blind to that kind of manipulation and false flattery.’

  ‘Haven’t you?’ Star asked her sardonically. ‘It isn’t their eyesight that’s the problem, it’s their ego.’

  ‘Mmm... Well, as for people thinking you’re jealous of Emily, she was always the one who was jealous of you. Why else do you think she made such a big thing of ingratiating herself with your father?’ Sally challenged her when Star started to shake her head.

  ‘She’s everything that I’m not—the kind of daughter that Dad always wanted. Not that it really matters now,’ she said.

  ‘Mum’s getting married again, by the way,’ she added, and rolled her eyes slightly as she told Sally, ‘In the Caribbean and to Brian, of all men.’

  ‘Brian? Oh, but he’ll be perfect for her,’ Sally enthused. ‘He’ll spoil her and look after her—and you’ll be able to stop worrying about her and don’t pretend that you don’t. I know you too well,’ Sally challenged her. ‘You know, your father really does have a lot to answer for, Star,’ she told her more gently.

  ‘Yeah... Me for starters,’ Star mocked back.

  But Sally shook her head and continued firmly, ‘You know that wasn’t what I meant. He caused both you and your mother a lot of pain; he—’

  ‘Mmm...well, that’s men for you.’ Star shrugged cynically.

  ‘No.’ Sally corrected her, ‘That’s some men, I agree; some men are vain and egotistical and uncaring of the hurt they inflict on others, the damage they do to other people’s lives, but then so are some women. Not all men are like your father, Star,’ Sally told her. ‘Look at Chris...and James...and Brad...and Brian. Look at the way he’s gone on loving your mother—’

  ‘Aren’t you omitting someone from this list of supermen?’ Star asked her wryly. ‘Kyle,’ she prompted, when Sally looked puzzled. ‘Surely you weren’t going to miss an opportunity to point out to me what a truly wonderful, caring, sincere specimen of male perfection he is? If I were Chris I think I might be getting rather worried.’

  ‘Chris knows he doesn’t have to worry about me falling for another man,’ Sally retorted firmly. ‘When is Emily actually getting married?’ she asked.

  ‘Next month,’ Star told her.

  ‘Mmm...a September bride... Have you decided what you’re going to wear yet?’

  ‘I haven’t a clue,’ Star informed her in a voice that said that she didn’t really care.

  ‘Doing anything interesting this weekend?’ Sally asked her, changing the subject.

  ‘Nothing,’ Star told her. Kyle would be doing something interesting, though. Kyle would be doing something extremely interesting; at least, he would be if the owner of that husky, feminine transatlantic voice had anything to do with it.

  Kyle—why on earth was she wasting her time thinking about him? And why on earth had she been so stupid as to give in to that ridiculous and unnecessary fit of panic the other morning, when, if she’d stayed, she could have proved beyond any shadow of a doubt that she had been right about him all along?

  And what had he meant anyway by that comment he had made to her about doing some truth-outing of his own? What truth-outing exactly? What truth was there to come out, after all? None... None.

  And of course she wasn’t missing him... Why on earth should she be? He had only been gone a matter of hours, and even if he had been gone days... months...years...it wouldn’t have made any difference—she still wouldn’t miss him, she insisted to herself several hours later as she padded barefoot around her flat and tried to convince herself that the reason she was trying to work out the time difference between here and North America was simply in case Brad should try to get in touch with her to discuss her work.

  In case Brad should try to get in touch with her, she emphasised mentally for the benefit of that small, jeering, disbelieving voice which refused to let her off the hook. For no other reason.

  In America Kyle opened his front door and smiled lovingly at the small, dark-haired woman who was waiting for him, opening his arms wide to receive her as she hurled herself into them.

  ‘And how’s my favourite big brother?’ she asked him teasingly when he finally put her down.

  ‘Your only big brother,’ Kyle reminded her drily.

  She was the youngest of his father’s second family and a gap of over ten years separated them, but she was the closest in looks and temperament to her aunt, his stand-in mother, and he would have loved her just for that if for nothing else.

  ‘You’
ve lost weight,’ she accused him, ‘and you’re not smiling—not properly, with your eyes. Something’s wrong. What is it?’

  ‘Nothing—there’s nothing wrong,’ Kyle denied, but she shook her head.

  ‘Yes, there is. What is it...who is it? Who is she?’ She pounced on him with awesome female instinct, adding as she saw his face, ‘Aha, so it is someone... A woman... The woman,’ she guessed triumphantly. ‘Who is she, Kyle? Do I know her?’

  ‘No,’ he told her, shaking his head, and added under his breath, ‘And, the way things are looking, I doubt that you ever will.’

  He hadn’t intended her to hear him but she had and now she was by his side, frowning her disapproval and her scorn of any woman fool enough not to want her adored elder brother.

  ‘Want to talk about it?’ she offered, but Kyle shook his head.

  He had Star backed into a corner and, like any cornered creature, she was desperately looking for an escape and wildly angry with it. Perhaps the kindest thing to do would be to give her that escape. But to what? He knew that he loved her and he was pretty certain that she felt something for him—something that wasn’t just lust, even though he knew quite well that she would claim that it was.

  He had a strong suspicion that her sister’s wedding could prove to be the catalyst that pushed things one way or the other, that removed the barriers between them or re-erected them and made them even stronger.

  He had unashamedly badgered Sally for as much information as she could give him about Star and her relationship with the rest of her family, and most especially her father, and he thought he understood just why Star was so afraid of allowing herself to love anyone, why she couldn’t even allow herself to accept that such a concept as love could exist between a man and a woman.

  Getting her to relinquish the shield of bitterness and rejection that she had forged to protect herself would be a painful process—for both of them. After all, what right did he have to interfere in her life?