12 Men for Christmas

by Phillipa Ashley

  She swallowed. Why on earth was she even here? What had she come for other than to say goodbye and be said goodbye to? Maybe she wouldn’t wait for either of those things. Once she’d heard from his own lips that he was fine, she was out of here for good.

  He leaned against the pillow. “Emma, thanks for coming.”

  “Does it hurt?” she asked.

  “No. Not now,” he lied.

  Suzanne shook her head grimly. “We had to give him nitrous oxide and half the morphine supplies.”

  “You didn’t have to cut my bloody trousers off!” Agitation made him grimace in pain.

  “Standard procedure, Will. You know that. Quickest way to get the morphine in.”

  “You know damn well you didn’t have to stick it in my arse. You know bloody well you could have done it IV.”

  Suzanne smiled broadly as she picked up the chart at the bottom of his bed and scanned it cursorily. “Just be grateful I was there. Otherwise, Bob would have had to do it, and believe me, he needs an awful lot of practice.”

  “Glad you find it funny,” he croaked and sank back down onto the pillow.

  “I see you’re on the mend. And they’ve taken the IV away. Much better for you,” she said, replacing the chart. “So I’m off. I want to see how one of my patients is getting on in geriatrics, and then, thank goodness, I am going home to my other half.” To Emma’s surprise, Suzanne squeezed Will’s hand and kissed his cheek. “You’ve got some things to sort out, I expect. And, Will darling, when you have sorted things out, try and get some rest and stop making such a nuisance of yourself.”

  “I’m never going to hear the last of this, am I?”

  “Probably not.”

  “You should work on your bedside manner, Dr. Harley!” he called as Emma hugged her friend goodbye and whispered “thanks” into her ear.

  So, she thought, his sense of humor was back: he’d survive. The door closed with a quiet click. Outside, she could see Suzanne saying her farewells to the staff. Now, Will and she were alone together in the overheated, stuffy room. Emma hugged her bag to her and stood a few paces from the bed. The moment had to be put off as long as possible.

  “Nice room. Lucky to get your own.”

  “Sit down,” he ordered, no longer looking so vulnerable.

  “I won’t, if you don’t mind. I’m not staying now that I know you’ll live.”

  He ignored her. “I said sit down, Emma. This is going to take a while.”

  “Are you sure you’re up to it, Will? It could be painful…”

  “Who for?”

  “Both of us.”

  “You’re not going to get hurt by what I have to say. Me, that’s a different matter, but I probably deserve everything I might get.”

  Her heart pattered lightly. This was the start of it, then, but he was wrong if he thought she wasn’t going to get hurt. Too late for that—way too late. Dragging a chair closer to the bed, she sat on the edge of the vinyl seat, with her bag on the floor and her hands in her lap. She studied the floor for a moment before she could face him.

  “How on earth did you let this happen?” she asked eventually.

  “I was stupid.”

  “You seem good at that,” she muttered.

  “You’re probably right, but I was obviously extra stupid today. I seem to have made a big mistake…again.”

  “Not like you to make a mistake,” murmured Emma.

  “I wasn’t thinking straight,” said Will, reaching over to take her hand.

  Emma kept both hands resolutely in her lap, so Will laid his fingers resignedly back on the cover.

  “My mind was on other things, Emma. You know damn well why,” he said, grimacing as he tried to subdue the pain shooting through his leg.

  Seeing his expression, Emma tried to resist the temptation to fling her arms around him, to kiss him and hold him tenderly. She stayed stiff and upright in the chair, determined that Will would never get close to her again.

  He tried again. “There’s something I need to explain…something you didn’t give me a chance to tell you back at the cottage.”

  Though he was right next to her, his voice came from a long way away. Her stomach began to knot again. “I said I didn’t care.”

  “I think you do. I hope you do, Emma.”

  “Will, I didn’t come here to hear your platitudes or your excuses. I came to see you because you’d had an accident. I’ve done my duty, and now I’m going.”

  Going home and leaving Bannerdale. Back to the city where I belong.

  She should be saying it out loud. Shouting it, but the words died on her lips.

  He’d had enough for one day. She’d had enough. She reached down to pick up her bag from under the chair, but Will’s strong fingers closed around her wrist. He was half leaning out of the bed now.

  “Emma, you’re not going anywhere. You’re going to bloody well sit down right now and hear me out. Or so help me, I’ll get out of this bed and make you stay!”

  “Don’t be ridiculous.”

  Take your hand away, she told herself. Pull it out of his.

  But she kept it there, in the grip of the man she loved, still loved more than anything else in the world.

  “Listen to me. I’d have been with you this afternoon if this stupid thing hadn’t happened. As soon as you left, I had to go. You know the rest.”

  “Will—”

  “Shut up, sweetheart. Just for a moment—please.” He gritted his teeth as he struggled to get up but kept her wrist in a tight grip.

  “You’re hurting my hand.”

  He released the pressure a fraction. “I know what you must think.”

  “Do you, Will? Do you really? What would you think? I know this much. That you will never commit to a woman. Not to me, not to Kate, not to anyone. You asked me for time and space, and I’m giving it to you. I’m going home!”

  “Are you absolutely decided on that, Emma? Absolutely sure that nothing I can say will make any difference?”

  What I want, she thought, is so beyond your capability, is so far and away a dream, something I will never have, that it must be impossible.

  “I’m going.”

  “Emma!”

  As he shouted her name, Emma heard a noise outside the door and caught the nurse on duty staring at them in alarm through the window. The door handle rattled, and a nurse walked in briskly.

  “Everything all right in here?” The nurse was at the bottom of the bed now, picking up the chart and frowning. “Are you sure you’re OK, Will?”

  “Fine,” he snapped, letting Emma’s arm drop into her lap but keeping his eyes locked on hers. “Absolutely bloody fine.”

  “We need to check your vitals,” said the nurse, looking at them both suspiciously. “It’s getting very late. I’m afraid you can’t stay much longer, love, no matter what Dr. Harley says.”

  Emma picked up her bag. “I’m just going.”

  “She’s not.”

  The nurse raised an eyebrow. “Staying or going, your girlfriend needs to wait outside for a minute. If you both don’t mind, that is.”

  Emma got to her feet. “It’s no bother.”

  She’d reached the door when she heard Will speak.

  “Wait for me.”

  Whether it was plea or a command, she didn’t know, but she walked away anyway. Quickening her step, she hurried down the maze of corridors, past the coffee machine in the reception area, to the entrance. The doors opened automatically as she approached. Walking briskly through them, she felt the cool night air on her skin and gulped in a breath. The rain had slowed to a drizzle, and the pavement was black and gleaming in the orange glow of the city lights.

  She stood outside, feeling the fine rain on her cheeks, hearing it drip from the trees and shrubs onto the tarmac.

&n
bsp; Don’t you think he deserves more than that?

  That was what Suzanne had said.

  Emma’s eyes were stinging again, blurring the light spilling out from the hospital entrance. Didn’t they both deserve more than this? More than her running away again instead of staying to hear the truth, however painful?

  When the door to the side ward opened again, the staff nurse found her slumped on a chair in the corridor, a half-empty cup of coffee clutched in her hand.

  “I know it’s none of my business, love, but I’d say you made the right decision,” she said kindly.

  Emma got to her feet and threw the cup in a nearby bin. “I hope so. I really do. Are you sure he’s going to be all right?”

  “He’ll be fine, but try to be gentle with him,” the nurse warned, her eyes twinkling.

  Be gentle with him? Emma almost laughed in derision but settled for an ironic smile. As she hovered in the doorway to his room, he was sitting upright.

  Had he expected her to wait? She wasn’t sure.

  “Come over here, sweetheart,” he said gently.

  Part of her hated herself for turning around and giving in, for doing as he asked now and crossing the room to his bed, but out there in the rain, she had decided it was time to be honest, whatever the cost.

  “OK. You’ve got me and you’re right: I do want to know. Why did you leave Kate? You did leave her, didn’t you—on your wedding day?”

  “Who told you that?”

  “That doesn’t matter. I want to know why you did it.”

  “I had no reason,” he replied, making her wince at his brutal honesty. “I had no reason to leave her.”

  Gently, he lifted his hand to her face.

  “She left me, Emma. She left me because she didn’t love me. She had an affair while I was in New Zealand for six weeks before the wedding. She has a little girl called Alice who was conceived while I was away. But things hadn’t been right for a long time, I know that now.”

  “And you told her to go?”

  “No, I begged her to stay.”

  Emma’s eyes widened. She told herself this couldn’t be true and that she couldn’t believe him, because if she did, it meant…

  “I loved her, and I was ready to bring up the baby as mine,” Will went on. “I thought we could put it all behind us and start again, but Kate wouldn’t have it. I thought she was cruel at the time, but now I know she was so right. She loved Alice’s father, not me. It was that simple, but I wouldn’t accept it. Not for months—not for years—until…” His fingers brushed her cheek with infinite gentleness, just like a piece of fine porcelain or an exotic flower. “Until I met you.”

  Emma’s stomach went into free fall. This wasn’t happening to her. Wonderful things like this didn’t happen to her.

  A man she loved couldn’t care about her.

  She snatched her hands away and covered her face to hide from the truth, not daring to believe he could really be saying this, but Will reached up and took away her mask, forcing her to look at him.

  “Emma, I need you to understand this. For a long time now, I haven’t thought about Kate. When I’ve woken up in the morning, I’ve thought about you. In fact, right from the moment I first saw you at the base, then on the mountain, you were driving me wild.”

  “But that day on the cliff when I kissed you, when you walked away…” she whispered. “You hurt me then and today, when you didn’t ask me to stay with you. Will, my world fell apart.”

  He groaned. “Forgive me, sweetheart. I was scared. Of something much worse than my first rappel.” He teased a strand of her hair between his fingers. “I love you. I just needed to take the leap of faith.”

  She forced her eyes to meet his, finding them bright and dark all at the same time. Full of longing—a longing she didn’t dare believe.

  “I’ve been a bastard, Emma, and a coward. To lead you on like that and then pull back was unforgivable. I should have followed my instincts right from the start, and they were telling me to love you.”

  Emma didn’t dare reply. Otherwise, her tight-wound coil of emotion was going to unwind suddenly and spectacularly. She’d come to hear him say goodbye, and instead, he was saying he loved her.

  “I love you. Did you hear that?”

  “Will—”

  “You don’t have to say it back. I’ll try and understand if you don’t feel the same after what I’ve done to you, but please understand that now, I know what I want. And it’s you. It’s you, Emma.”

  She couldn’t help herself. She knew she shouldn’t do it and they’d be in trouble with the staff, but she had to sit next to him on the bed and put her arms around him. She had to hug him far too hard than was good for him.

  “Will, I want to say it back,” she murmured against the soft cotton of his hospital gown. “I’ve wanted to say I love you. I’ve wanted to trust you for such a long time now, but you’ve made it hard for me. Why let people think you did that to Kate? Why didn’t you tell people she left you?”

  His smile was bitter now, just for a moment. “And be laughed at by everyone for fifty miles? When a woman cancels their wedding and rushes off like Kate did, people put two and two together and make five, and the guy usually gets the blame. And it suited me to be the villain.” His expression softened again. “I’d rather be hated than pitied, Emma.”

  She felt one roughened fingertip trace the profile of her cheek and then his thumb rubbing her lip.

  “Emma, I take care of things. I’m the one people rely on. I take control of my life, and I keep my private affairs just that. Private. There is no way in the world I was going to apologize or explain what happened between me and Kate to anyone. It hurt, Emma. And you’re the only person in the world who’ll ever hear me admit that.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “I’d like it to stay that way, sweetheart. So you’ll have to get used to being seen with the bad guy. You should have known I was never going to be a hero.” He smiled.

  “I wouldn’t mind ending up with the villain, Will,” she whispered.

  Nothing had ever been so true. She didn’t mind ending up with a proud, self-contained man. One who was never going to lie and tell her he agreed with her opinions just to keep her sweet—or to give her spin or slick and honeyed words. She knew she had only the truth now, and she loved him for it.

  His arms felt strong around her, almost crushing her. It must have been hurting him to hold her like this, but it felt so good, and even for his sake, she didn’t want him to stop.

  “For a long time now, sweetheart, you have been the most important thing in my life, and I will understand completely if you don’t feel the same. I don’t deserve you to feel the same way, but I’ve spent too long hiding from the truth. I don’t ever want to lose you. Stay with me, and wake up with me every morning the way you did today.”

  The lump in her throat made it impossible to reply.

  “You know what I’m asking, don’t you? I’d get down on one knee if I could, but that won’t be happening anytime soon.”

  She stopped his words with a kiss and an embrace of such ferocious tenderness that he was left reeling. Pain shot through his leg, but it was drowned by a tidal wave of pleasure, and even through the pain, the agonizing closeness of her body pressing through the thin gown made him dizzy with desire.

  “Is that a yes?” he asked, breathless, when she finally released him and he sank back onto the pillows.

  “Yes,” she whispered, settling beside him, her hand stroking the hair on his chest from where the gown had slipped down his torso. “Are you sure you want to do it—get married again, I mean?”

  “More sure than I’ve ever been about anything, but first, there’s something else we need to sort out.”

  She raised her eyes to him. “What?”

  “Your job.”

  “Will…”

 
“I can’t hold you back, but you know how I feel about you, Emma. I won’t lose you. I’m willing to come to London if you want me to. I’ll leave Ghyllside and run the business from the city. I can’t lose you now, but I also can’t ask you to give this chance up for me.”

  Her heart was racing his to the finish line. Was he really offering to leave his beloved Lakes for her sake? Give up all that for her?

  “Leave Bannerdale?” she asked, incredulous. “You live in London?” She shook her head. “Oh, Will, that has to be the most stupid idea you’ve ever had. You know it would finish you. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with a guy who wants to be somewhere else no matter how much he says he loves me.”

  Even as the words left her lips, she knew she was saying goodbye forever to all that was waiting for her in the city. The high salary, the party lifestyle, the city bars, the bright lights blocking out the stars that shone over the mountains…

  “I’ll do it,” he was whispering to her. “I’ll do it if it means we can be together. Just like you did. You’ve survived, Emma, up here, away from everything you love.”

  “Not everything, Will.” It was her turn to stroke his face now, her fingertips skittering across the grazes on his cheek. “You won’t be leaving Bannerdale because I’m not taking the job. I love you, Will, and though I never thought I’d say this, I love it here. I’m staying.” She touched her lips to the graze and whispered, “On strict conditions.”

  “Anything. Just hit me with it,” he murmured.

  “Don’t ever try and make me go rappelling or climbing or bungee jumping.” Hearing him start to protest, she added a twist. “Plus, you agree to be spokesperson for the calendar. An enthusiastic spokesperson, mind, in the press, on TV, radio—the lot.”

  Will groaned loudly, drawing another disapproving look from the nurses.

  “You drive a bloody hard bargain, Emma Tremayne, but I guess you’ve put me in an impossible position.”

  “Not with that leg injury,” she said. “But in a few weeks maybe… And Will, there’s one more thing…”