by J. M. Snyder
“Uh…Jo?”
Uh oh. What was that in her voice? I sat up fast and squinted. “What?”
“There’s, um, a huge storm. Like, travel bans and everything. No unnecessary travel for about seven counties. You’re right in the middle of it.”
“What?” I shrieked.
Pounding feet, then a knock on the door. “You okay in there Jojo?”
“Go away!” I shouted at Cooper.
“Ow, that was loud,” Ellie said.
“Tell me you’re okay, and I will,” Cooper directed.
“I’m fine. Go away.”
Cooper didn’t say anything else, and after a moment, I heard him leave. I shook my head again, confused and upset, then flopped backward once again. “Ellie!” I whispered harshly, not wanting to draw Cooper’s attention. “What am I supposed to do?”
“Well, you’re stuck there until it passes, because it’s supposed to dump at least twenty-four inches of snow in the next forty-eight hours. After that, you’ll have to dig out. But the roads should be clear.” She made a sympathetic sound. “You can deal with it for that long, can’t you?”
“I don’t know,” I said honestly.
We were both silent for a few, long moments. Then finally Ellie spoke. “I’m sorry, Jo. I know I was being sneaky and underhanded—”
“You really were.”
“But,” she continued as if I hadn’t interrupted, “maybe it’s a good thing. If you’re stuck there, you have to talk to him, right?”
“Not right. This house is pretty big. And with the cell tower, I have access even with the storm. I could work for three days straight and stay hidden in my room.”
She clucked her tongue. “But you shouldn’t.”
“You’re not the boss of me.”
“Yes, I am.” She laughed.
“Ellie. I don’t…”
“Yeah, I know. Honey, just talk to him. It doesn’t have to be tonight. You’re both going to be there for a few days. Get your thoughts and feelings in order. And then talk.”
“We’ll see.”
She sighed heavily. “Jonah…” She made a noise. “I love you, yeah?”
“Yeah.” I smiled in spite of…well, everything. “I love you, too.”
We ended the call, and I tossed the phone onto the bed. Fuck a duck. My emotions were in turmoil, but I was going to take one bit of her advice. I certainly wouldn’t be talking to Cooper tonight.
I changed out of my jeans and into a pair of sweatpants, then slid beneath the covers and did my best not to think.
Chapter 4
The smell of coffee lovingly pulled me from sleep. I stretched and sniffed, confused about who the hell could be making the delicious brew in my house. But then I remembered. I was at the cabin, and Cooper was stuck here with me. I contemplated going back to sleep, or at least pretending, but my growling stomach and full bladder wouldn’t allow it. Reluctantly, I got out of bed, visited the bathroom, then shuffled into the kitchen.
Cooper stood at the stove and gave me a wide smile when he noticed me. Then his eyes heated, and I dropped my gaze and beelined for the coffeepot.
“I always did love you all rumpled from sleep.” His voice was deep and growly, the way it used to get before he fucked me senseless.
The thought made me jerk, and I splashed hot coffee over my hand. I yelped and quickly set down the pot, lifting my burned hand to my mouth.
Cooper was at my side in a flash. “Here. Let me see.”
I backed up until I hit the counter, pulling my hand out of his reach. “I’m fine.”
He studied me a moment, peering into my eyes, then nodded once and stepped back. “Okay.”
“Thank you.” For the first time, I was glad he understood me, because I didn’t know how to put into words how much it hurt when he got like that. I picked up my mug and crossed to the table, sitting in the chair furthest from him. “You’re cooking?”
“I figured you’d appreciate a break.”
“Thanks,” I said again, feeling foolish. I cleared my throat, and sipped from the steaming mug, relishing the slight burn as the coffee slid down my throat. “Have you checked the weather? How bad is it?”
“Pretty bad.” He flipped a pancake with practiced precision. Cooper wasn’t a great cook, but he excelled at making a few dishes including pancakes, so it didn’t surprise me those were on the menu this morning.
“Fuck,” I whispered.
He shot me a grin. “It’s coming down hard with no plans of letting up. They’ve closed the highway to all vehicles except emergency.”
“That’s just great,” I muttered.
Cooper filled a plate with freshly golden brown pancakes. He set it down before me. Though he’d already put butter and syrup on the table, he stayed close. Finally he reached for my cheek, but I moved away before he could make contact.
He let his hand drop. “Is it really so bad? Being stuck with me?”
I opened my mouth to tell him it was, but what came out was, “I don’t know.”
“I’ll take it.”
A few minutes later, he joined me at the table with his own stack. He began eating, and within a few bites, he’d cleared half his plate. I would have laughed, remembering all the times he’d devoured his food, but that was yet another memory I didn’t want right now.
Without my permission, my mind wandered back to our first morning together. We’d hooked up a few times by then, but neither of us had stayed the night. The first time he’d slept over, I’d been expecting him to leave in the early hours. But I’d woken with him still wrapped around me. We’d had another round of fucking, then showered. While I’d brushed my teeth, Cooper had headed into my bedroom
“Hey,” he had called. “Mind if I borrow a pair of socks? I can’t seem to find mine.”
I’d chuckled, almost choking on toothpaste, and spit into the sink. “Sure. In the top drawer.”
I’d just set my toothbrush on the edge of the sink, when panic set in because I remembered what was also in my top drawer.
I’d raced into the bedroom, only to find him staring at the contents. My heart had pounded hard enough to break my ribs, and I’d tried to get my mouth to work, but I hadn’t known what to say. In the end, it hadn’t mattered. Cooper just picked a pair of socks and shut the drawer and—
“Hey, you okay?”
“Hmm? What?” I blinked, trying to focus. His voice pulled me out of the memory, and suddenly I was back in the kitchen and staring at his concerned expression.
“You stopped eating and were kind of zoned out. Are you all right?”
Did I tell him what I’d been thinking about? I couldn’t seem to bring myself, so I nodded. “Got lost in thought for a moment. Thank you for cooking. These are good.”
“You’re welcome.” Cooper still eyed me, as though expecting me to have an attack or something. “I’m glad you like them.”
We finished the meal, and when Cooper insisted on cleaning up, I didn’t protest. Instead, I wandered to the front door.
As soon as I opened it, I regretted it. The snow was at least a foot deep and still falling so hard and fast I couldn’t see the trees. I shut the door again with a loud snap, and barely refrained from cursing. How was this my life?
“Hey.”
I jumped because I hadn’t heard Cooper come closer. I turned and there he was, hands shoved into his pockets and looking nervous. It felt odd to see that expression on his face. He was a captain with the US Army, and I’d never seen him anything other than completely confident.
“Yes?”
“Jonah, look, can we talk?”
But I wasn’t ready. My insides remained in turmoil. And I still wasn’t sure I wanted to hear whatever he had to say. I stared at him as my thoughts chased each other. “I…I have a lot of work to do. You know how it is.”
“Jonah.”
But I was already racing down the hall, escaping the whole situation like the coward I was.
* * * *
I really did try to work. First, I had to leave the safety of the bedroom because I didn’t have a place to set up my laptop and the reception was spotty. But even after I set up in the kitchen, my focus was shot. Cooper was being a good boy, sticking to the living room and letting me work. But the downside of the open floorplan was that I could still see him.
He’d stretched out on the couch with his e-reader propped up on his belly, one arm bent behind his head so his biceps bulged enticingly. I caught myself staring more than once. Not just at the beautiful picture he made, but also because of the memories. How many times had we spent evenings just like this? Whenever he didn’t have to be on base, he’d been at my house, reading while I worked until it was time for us to crawl into bed.
Memories assailed me. We’d had a lot of good years together. At first, we’d had to keep things quiet because “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was still in effect. But we’d been together for almost a year when it had been repealed, and Cooper had come blazing out of the closet. He even had the bi flag tattooed next to the eagle on his back. He’d proudly shown me off, taking shit from his fellow soldiers, but never letting them go too far. Adrian Cooper, then a first lieutenant, hadn’t shied away from his sexuality. He’d even insisted I attend his promotion ceremony when he made captain, still one of the proudest moments of my life.
We’d been really and truly happy. And that day, when he told me we had to talk, I’d been foolish enough to think we were finally going to discuss marriage. Instead, he told me his regiment was being deployed and that we were through.
But now he was here. And I owed it to both of us to stop hiding and have the conversation.
I closed my laptop with a snap, loud enough to make him look up. He watched me over the top of his tablet as I crossed to the fridge and pulled out two beer bottles. I left the caps on the counter, and walked over to him.
He sat up, making room for me, and took the bottle I held out. And kept staring, not speaking as I sat down.
“Okay, Cooper. Let’s talk.”
“Finally,” he whispered.
Chapter 5
“It’s your show, Captain. The floor is yours.”
Yes, I was ready to have this conversation, but that didn’t mean I was going to make it easy for him. This had to be on him.
“What do you want me to say?”
I shrugged and leaned back, then took a long pull from the bottle. “I don’t want you to say anything but the truth. About what happened back then and why you’re here now.”
“I’m here because I missed you. Because I was wrong to push you away and break things off. I knew by the time we went wheels up that I’d made a huge mistake.”
“But you didn’t say anything. You could have right then. But you didn’t.”
“No, I didn’t.” Cooper leaned forward, resting his forearms on his thighs and dangling the bottle between his knees. “I was still being deployed. I was still going to be gone for two years. My heart was broken, but I hoped you would move on and find happiness with someone else. Even though when I thought of this unknown man, I wanted to kill him.”
I offered him a tiny smile, mostly because I knew that statement was true. “You walked away, Cooper. You don’t have the right to kill my boyfriend.”
His head snapped up. “Ellie said you weren’t…I mean, do you have someone?”
For just a second, I thought about making him suffer. But I’d never lied to him, and I wasn’t about to start.
“No.” I didn’t elaborate. I didn’t tell him I’d had only a handful of dates in the past three years and that no one had caught my interest for long. I didn’t want him to think it was because I was pining for him. And while that maybe had been true in the beginning, it wasn’t anymore.
He blew out a relieved breath. “Okay. Because I wouldn’t have tried if you were happy. I wouldn’t be here if you were dating someone. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy, Jojo.”
I let the nickname go and instead focused on the rest of it. “And that’s why you broke my heart? Because you wanted me to be happy?”
“Jesus, Jo. Okay. Of course you weren’t happy then. But after. I didn’t contact you the whole time I was overseas because I’d hoped you’d moved on. I was shitty for ending things, and I wanted you to…” He waved his hand in the air, as though he couldn’t find the words.
“Did you really think about me, Cooper? Or is it that you’re stateside again and I’m here and available and easy and comfortable?” I did my best to keep any accusation out of my tone, because the truth was, I could understand that. We had a lot of history, he and I, and it would make sense that he’d want that.
His eyes blazed and he breathed hard through his nose. “Not think of you? Christ, Jonah. You were all I thought about!”
I dropped my gaze but didn’t respond. I couldn’t trust that statement. There’d been a time when I’d have believed absolutely anything that came out of his mouth. But we’d been apart a long time, and I wouldn’t put it past him to say all the right words just for another chance. The trust we had between us was gone.
Soft fabric hit me in the face, and I reared back, realizing it was his shirt. My gaze shot to his.
“This is how much I thought about you!” His words sounded harsh, guttural, and it took me a moment to realize he was pointing at his chest.
I was distracted for just a moment by his defined pecs and the smattering of dark hair across them. But then my breath caught in my throat. Right over his heart, in elegant script, was my name.
Lord love a duck.
“This is almost two years old.” His voice held a note of pleading, and none of the vehemence from just a minute before. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Loving you. And even if I never got another chance, even if we would be apart forever, I needed you here. Right here. On my heart.”
I opened my mouth. Shut it again. Made a strangled noise, then rubbed a hand over my face. This was so much more than I’d ever expected. But I shouldn’t have been surprised. Cooper had been surprising me from the moment he’d walked in the door, soaking wet and covered in snow.
“You’re my heart, Jonah Lyons. And even if you can’t forgive me for what I did—and I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t—that’s never going to change. You hear me? I will go through my life with you tattooed on my skin. Even in the unlikely case I find someone else, they won’t be able to take your place.”
I made a noise that sounded suspiciously like “meep.”
He smiled and leaned closer without touching me. “I know you. I know what you like, and dislike. I know the heart of you. I know your biggest passion, and remember how readily and easily I accepted that.” He leered for a moment, then his expression softened. “Maybe you can’t forgive me. Maybe it’s never going to happen between us. Maybe you’ll find someone who can love you just as much as I do. But I want that someone to be me. I want to be your forever.
“I’m sorry for how badly I hurt you. Hurt myself. I was wrong. All I want is a second chance. I want you to learn to trust me again. I’ll do whatever you want, Jonah. You know that. But please, honey, give me a second chance. Can you do that?”
He was killing me with this. I thought this was behind me. I thought nothing he could say would make that change. But now, he’d given me all the right words. And what was more, I could see just how much he meant them. He’d tattooed my name on his chest, for fuck’s sake. He was serious, right down to his bones, and I should have realized that he’d never have shown up in the first place if he hadn’t been.
Three years could change people. But not that much. Cooper was loyal and loving, stalwart and true. And yes, he’d made a huge mistake where we were concerned. But he was owning his responsibility and trying to make amends. He’d apologized, and the sincerity of that rang in my soul.
Now it was my turn. I either had to accept his truth and move forward, or tell him it was too big a thing to get past and move on. Sitting there, staring at h
is imploring gorgeous brown eyes, I had no idea what to do. I wanted to throw myself at him, because he was the man of my heart. But I didn’t know that I could truly forgive him, and if I couldn’t, this would never work.
I had to be sure.
“I…” I croaked. I cleared my throat and tried again. “I need to think.”
Cooper smiled slowly as he sat back. “You do that, Jojo. You know where I am when you’re ready.”
Once again I fled to my bedroom. I paced. I sat and stared. I kept running everything over in my head. Could I trust him? Could I forgive him? My heart was screaming “yes,” but my head urged caution.
And then, just as quickly, everything inside me calmed. We were stuck together for at least another couple of days. And one thing he said was true—he knew my biggest passion and loved me for it. Had never even blinked and just embraced it. Our history was rocky, but even though he should have talked to me instead of breaking things off, I knew, deep in my soul, that I could trust him.
With a smile, I opened my duffle and reached for the bag at the bottom. Then I went into the bathroom, shut the door, and got ready.
Chapter 6
I peeked around the corner to see Cooper once again lounging on the couch. I took several deep breaths, deliberately lowered my shoulders, and stepped out of the hall into the living room. Always aware of his surroundings, Cooper snapped his head in my direction. For a split second, surprise registered on his face. And then a slow grin spread and he made a low, appreciative sound.
“Oh, there’s my pretty baby.”
I thought about correcting him, telling him I wasn’t his baby anymore. But the way he was looking at me, with all that lust and affection, trapped the words in my throat. I watched as he slowly stood, then crossed the floor to stand in front of me. He stopped a scant foot away, close enough to touch. I felt the heat pour off him.
“Hot damn, but, Jonah, you look amazing.” His gaze roamed my face. “You were always good, but you’ve gotten even better. I’m loving the dramatic, glam eye. Those colors really make your blue pop.” His grin grew. “And your nose is looking snatched.”
