by J. M. Snyder
A laugh bubbled out of me as I unconsciously took a step closer. “Where did you hear that?”
“I watch beauty boys sometimes on YouTube.” He sounded completely unashamed, and I knew he wasn’t embarrassed. “I couldn’t have you, but I missed you, and that was the closest thing I could get. You know that seeing you in makeup—especially full glam like this—does it for me.”
I did know that. When I’d thrown my travel kit into my bag, I’d thought Ellie and I could play around with makeup if we felt like it. Even though I hadn’t anticipated Cooper, I was glad I had the bag with me. That first morning all those years ago after he’d spent the night, when he’d seen all the makeup in my top drawer, he hadn’t even questioned it. And when I put it on and showed him what I could do with it, he’d said he’d found a kink he didn’t even know he had. He loved men in makeup, especially when done right. At the time, I’d thought it meant we were perfect for each other.
Today, when I’d decided to do my makeup, I went for a bold, dramatic, colorful eye. Deep reds and oranges faded to yellow and pink on the inside corner. I’d lined my eyes with matte black liner, and put on huge false lashes. The contour made my cheeks look sharp and my nose tiny and straight. I’d gone a little overboard with the highlighter, but it was my favorite part and I wanted to show off my sparkle.
From the way Cooper’s gaze fixed on my mouth, he was really loving the bright red lip.
“You did this for me?”
I shook my head. Then nodded. I met his gaze full on and smiled, though it felt a little tremulous. “I did it for me. And you. Because this—” I gestured to my face “—this was always ours. You never thought it made me any less of a man. You understood right from the start that it was just a way to express myself. And I wanted you to look at me like…like you’re looking at me right now.”
Cooper let out a small moan, barely audible, and closed the remaining distance between us. He lifted his hand, his gaze never wavering, and when his fingers were a scant inch from my chin, he quirked his eyebrow in question. I loved that he was asking, so I gave a small nod.
His grip was gentle but firm as he tilted my head up and to the side. He growled an aroused sound, and shifted his hold until his thumb rested just below my bottom lip.
“Is this transfer proof?” he asked.
My grin turned wicked. “No.”
He groaned, long and low, and pushed against my body. When his dick pressed into my abs, his hardness ratcheted up my arousal.
“I can’t decide where I want to wear it most. My lips or my dick.”
I chuckled, and slid my hands up his arms so I could bury my fingers in the back of his military-short hair. I’d always loved the high and tight he wore, loved rubbing the soft, short bristles at the back of his head.
“If you play your cards right, you can wear it both places.”
He leaned down, and I parted my lips, ready for his kiss. Needing it. Craving it. But he didn’t kiss me. I made an impatient sound. Why was he holding back?
“Can I? I don’t want to assume anything. Not anymore.”
“Yes,” I groaned.
His lips slammed down on mine, instantly possessing and claiming. I melted into him, letting him hold me up as I took his onslaught. I loved the furious, hard kisses. He tasted like beer and him, and I’d missed it so much I nearly cried. Instead, I clutched at him harder and slid one leg up the back of his thigh. I needed to be closer. I needed him all over me.
Cooper ripped his mouth away from mine, and his pupils were blown with lust as he looked at me. I loved the red staining his lips, and knew the lipstick had to be smeared all over my mouth as well.
“Jonah, I want to take you to bed. Will you let me?”
In answer, I lowered my foot to the floor, grabbed his hand, and towed him after me. Cooper crowded up behind me, and latched onto my neck, sucking and biting. I whimpered and whined, and found it hard to walk. That didn’t matter to Cooper. He simply picked me up and walked us the last few feet inside the room and to the bed. He spun me around, and gently pushed me back.
I hung on, wanting his weight on me, but he pulled away. His confident smirk was as hot as it had always been, and he kept his gaze fixed on mine as he pulled off his clothes. Captivated by all the naked skin he revealed, it took a quirk of his eyebrow for me to get with the program. I started stripping, too, and since I hadn’t put on underwear or socks after I’d showered, it was easy enough to pull off my sweatpants and T-shirt.
And then I had his body on mine, all his heat and skin and muscles pressing me into the mattress. I groaned and sighed. My body remembered this so perfectly. Three years had passed, but oh, God, had I always loved having his weight pressed against me. Keeping me safe and warm.
No, I wouldn’t go there. This was about right now, not back then. I wanted this moment, even though a part of me knew it couldn’t last.
I reached for him, wanting more kisses, but he evaded my hands and pushed himself up so our lower halves rubbed together. We both moaned, and I wasn’t sure if it was his pre-cum or mine that was slicking our stomachs. Probably both.
“You said…” Cooper took a breath, his gaze never wavering. “I want you to suck me. Just like this.”
“Adrian.” I’d breathed out his first name, the one no one ever used. Except me, when we were like this. He shuddered, leaving no doubt he was as turned on as I was. He loved it when I called him by his name.
But he still didn’t move, so I did, wiggling down a little so that my head was flat on the mattress. Then I reached for his waist and tugged, telling him with actions that I wanted him to move up so I could get my lips around him.
Cooper didn’t hesitate, and used his finely honed reflexes and skills to move quickly. In a blink, he was kneeling by my head and his fat cock dripped as he pointed the tip at my mouth. I licked the slit, and was rewarded with another shiver. Then I opened my mouth and he slid in.
I loved his taste and the weight of him on my tongue. Cooper started to thrust—shallow, little movements—and I licked and laved, making the suction strong every time he pulled out. I knew what he liked, and the muscle memory came back in seconds. I knew how to make him come within seconds, if I had to. But I wanted this to last a little longer than that.
“Look at you,” he murmured, his throat full of gravel. “All flushed, lips red and swollen. And your lipstick on my dick. God that’s…Jojo, so fucking hot.” He thrust a little harder and I took it, swallowing around the head when it hit the back of my throat.
Cooper moaned long and low, and I did it again and again until he finally gasped. “Tell me if you want me to pull out, baby, because I’m about to blow.”
I sucked even harder, and Cooper gave a full body shudder as he shouted and poured his seed down my throat. I swallowed fast, but it was too much, and I choked a little on the excess. Cooper pulled back, and his last spurt landed on my lips.
Without wasting a second, Cooper dove in and kissed me hard, licking and tasting, making sure he could get every drop of himself left in my mouth. He’d once said that tasting himself in my mouth was one of the things he loved the best, and it seemed that hadn’t changed.
I tried to catch my breath when he pulled back, but Cooper wasn’t done. He kissed his way down my body—fast, nipping kisses that were more teeth than lips—then lifted my hips and attacked my hole.
I screamed, and his chuckle against my ass cheeks made me squirm in his hold. But his grip was tight, his hands strong, and I wasn’t going to be able to get away. Not that I wanted to. He was making a meal out of me, and the sensation drove me higher and higher. My dick was dripping constantly, and when he pushed his tongue past my rim, I nearly came.
“Adrian. God, please. I need…Adrian!”
He slid a finger inside next to his tongue, then pulled away his mouth to stare up at me. I couldn’t focus, my world graying at the edges. I wanted him inside, to fuck me hard and leave me sore and sated. I opened my mouth, ready to beg,
but then he took my cock into his mouth at the same time he rubbed my gland and I shot.
I lost time. When I came back to myself, he was peering down at me with a satisfied grin, and my wet, limp cock lay spent on my stomach.
“You were perfect, baby. I’ve been dreaming about that for years.”
“I…” I didn’t know what to say. A thousand thoughts ran through my brain, but they felt too heavy to discuss when we were naked and spent in bed. So instead, I tried to keep it light. “Just that?”
Cooper laughed, a deep rolling sound, then he collapsed next to me. I shivered, both from his nearness and the cold, now that we were no longer going at it, and he immediately wrapped me in his arms, sharing his warmth.
“No, not just that. I dreamed about watching detective dramas with you on the couch. And quiet breakfasts. And you, like this, all made up for me because you look so beautiful. And fucking you until neither of us could walk. Jonah, I dreamed about it all.”
I blinked. Cooper had taken it there, but I wasn’t ready, so I ignored it.
Well, mostly.
“Why didn’t you?” I couldn’t help snuggling closer, because he was a fucking furnace and I was suddenly freezing. “Fuck me, I mean. I wanted you to.”
Cooper’s eyes went wide, and I recognized that look. He thought it should be obvious. But I didn’t understand so I kept quiet until he finally explained.
“Because we didn’t talk about that, and I didn’t want you to regret anything between us. Even if you agreed in the heat of the moment, I didn’t want…” He shrugged one huge shoulder, then scooped me against him so he could wiggle the blankets out from beneath us. It took some finagling, but he finally got us covered. And as my body warmed, my eyelids began to droop.
He kissed my forehead, then murmured into my skin, “We have enough regrets between us, don’t you think?”
Cooper was probably right about that. But I wasn’t going to admit it. Instead, I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep until the act became reality.
Chapter 7
I woke to an empty bed. I wasn’t surprised. Two decades in the Army had made Cooper an early riser by necessity. His internal clock always woke him before the sun. I’d gotten used to it during our time together, and if he had still been in bed, I would have thought something was wrong.
I needed to get up anyway. My bladder was screaming at me, and I knew my makeup was smeared all over my face. I shouldn’t have slept in it, but I’d been too busy hiding from reality to get up and wipe it off.
After rolling out of bed, I stretched and yawned, and was halfway to the bathroom before I realized I didn’t have dried cum on my stomach. Huh. Cooper must have cleaned me up at some point. Also not that big of a surprise. He’d always been considerate.
What was a shock was the bare skin of my face staring back at me in the mirror. My makeup was gone, carefully wiped clean so not even a speck remained. Had Cooper done that, too? He must have, because I sure hadn’t. My heart melted a little at the thoughtful gesture.
Or maybe it was my bladder reminding me that I had to pee.
I headed back to the bedroom to pull on sweats, then made my way to the kitchen. The house was silent. That was weird. I would have thought Cooper would be reading or sitting at the table, drinking coffee. But he was nowhere to be found.
He’d left. That fucker had left again. Without a word this time. Not even telling me we were over.
As soon as the thoughts ran through my brain, I knew that couldn’t have happened. Cooper never ran from confrontation. He’s shown that three years ago. So he had to be somewhere.
And then I heard it. The distinctive sound of a motor and scraping snow.
Relief flooded through me. He was outside, clearing the drive. I padded to the front of the house and looked out the window. There had to be at least two feet accumulated, and halfway down the drive, I saw the tractor plodding along. From the spray of white, I figured there had to be a snow-blowing attachment on the front.
If Cooper had woken me, I would have helped him. The snow was still falling, but in a lazy, easy way now. Before long, it would stop altogether. Or at least be light enough that the county could clear the roads.
Since Cooper was doing the hard work, I beelined for the kitchen. I knew he’d need something warm and filling when he got done, and I had the perfect idea.
* * * *
Two hours later, the yeti was back. I smiled warmly as Cooper divested himself of his outwear. He grinned at me as he toed off his boots.
“Something smells good.”
“French toast casserole.”
Cooper let out a decadent groan. “And coffee?”
I laughed. “Of course.”
“God, I love you.”
I chose not to respond to that. He was talking about the food. That was all. I gestured to the table. “Sit down. I’ll plate everything up.”
Instead of heading for the table, he veered off course so he could wrap me in his arms and kiss my cheek.
I shivered. “You’re cold!”
Cooper chuckled. “Mmm. You’re not. Though I am surprised you’re up this early.” He glanced at the clock. “Or rather, early enough to have this done when I came in.”
I shoved him playfully—he really was cold—then nudged him toward the table.
“I got up to pee and take off my makeup. But then I saw you outside, so I made breakfast.”
“I already took off your makeup. I know you hate to sleep in it. It’s not good for your skin.”
Why did that caused butterflies in my stomach? I wasn’t going to examine it. Not now. I didn’t have the brain to sort that out at the moment. So I gave him a smile instead. “Thank you.”
He grinned again. “Thank you for breakfast. This is awesome.”
Awesome? What had gotten into him? The Cooper I knew would’ve never used that word in this context. And while I assumed some things had changed in the intervening years, I was pretty sure he hadn’t changed that much. For a moment, I contemplated calling him out on it and making him tell me what was going on. But in the end, I decided I wanted a peaceful breakfast in the happy bubble we’d created. I ignored his weirdness, sat with my own food, and changed the subject.
“Has it stopped snowing yet?”
He shook his head, finished chewing, and swallowed. “But it’s pretty light now. I cleared the worst of it, and got my truck out of the snowbank. I’ll probably have to clear it again before we leave, but the tractor does a good job, so it won’t be a big deal.”
“That’s good.” I took a bite and savored the cinnamon and vanilla. “Have you checked the weather? Any news on when it’s supposed to clear up?”
“Report said tonight. I checked the county website, too, and they’ve started clearing major and necessary roads. Won’t be long before they veer off the highway and up here.”
“So we can get out of here maybe as soon as tomorrow?” My stomach did a weird flip. Was it relief? Or regret? Honestly, it was a bit of both.
“Probably,” Cooper said carefully. He took a sip from his mug, his gaze never wavering from my face. “Is it so bad? Being stuck here with me?”
“No,” I murmured, giving him the truth. “I just…there’s things, my life, that I need to get back to. You know?”
“Yeah.”
That was all he said before he applied himself to his breakfast with gusto. I let him eat, glancing at him every once in a while. Cooper enjoyed every meal as though it was his last, and watching him was a great pleasure.
The rest of the meal passed in silence, and Cooper got up to take care of the dishes as soon as I’d taken my last bite. He was quick and efficient as always, and when he was done, he turned around and held out a hand. I quirked an eyebrow at him.
“You know what I’d like? I’d like to start a fire, and sit with you in front of it.” He walked closer, and I tilted my head so I could keep his face in sight. “Just like we used to. Remember our first winter together? When i
t was so rough, and we used to sit in front of the space heater in your tiny apartment and pretend it was a fireplace?”
The memory washed over me hard. We’d been together for several months at that point, and any time he could get off base, he was there with me, keeping me warm in the crap hole I’d lived in at the time. He would give me all the pretty words about someday we’d have space and a real fire. I’d believed him so completely.
I hadn’t thought about that in years. Hadn’t let myself.
But he was offering it to me now, and whatever happened in the future, I wanted this moment. Just like I’d taken last night.
“Shall I make hot chocolate?”
Cooper’s eyes lit up. “The real stuff?”
I scoffed. “Of course.”
“I’ll get the fire going.”
I laughed as he hustled into the living area. By the time I was done and had two steaming mugs, Cooper had settled himself into the corner of the couch and the fire was dancing merrily behind the grate. I handed Cooper his mug, and he took it as he slid apart his thighs, letting me know exactly where he wanted me. I didn’t hesitate.
As soon as I settled into his embrace, he pulled the afghan off the back of the couch and tossed it over our laps. Within minutes, I felt toasty warm and cozy. Every one of Cooper’s exhales ghosted along my neck, and his even breathing was comforting beyond words.
I was content. Happy even. And I so badly wanted to trust it.
It would be so easy to pretend the past three years hadn’t happened. That Cooper hadn’t decided he’d rather break my heart than have me worry about him deployed in a warzone. Trust had been broken, and I couldn’t forget that just because he’d won some of it back.
“I can hear you thinking from here.”
“Not thinking,” I lied. “Not a thought in my head.”
“Liar,” he teased. He circled one arm around my chest and snuggled me closer, then kissed the back of my neck. He went right for the spot that always made me shudder, and when I did, he gave a smug chuckle.
I sighed and leaned my head onto his shoulder. “I don’t want to think.”
