Dancing Days
Page 45
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Helicon was all cobwebs and jack-o-lanterns on Halloween night. It seemed that everywhere Nora turned, she saw posed skeletons and fake blood. She knew there was a haunted house in the architecture enclave, and that the main fire pit had been decorated for a huge party. She could hear the music from here. Apparently, on Halloween night, the music enclave went in favor of electric instruments, so guitars wailed in the night air. Muses walked by in clumps in elaborate costumes and face paint. It was like a carnival fun house. The air was crisp, and the scent of caramel caught her nose.
Nora was doing her best to avoid Sawyer. She had no desire to go to the Halloween party. She wanted to fade out, to disappear. What was the point of celebrating when she had nothing to celebrate?
She ended up in the woods, staring through nearly-bare tree branches that crisscrossed the night sky, making the full moon resemble a skull and cross bones. She’d hide here until she was sure there was no one left in the tweens and rebels enclave. Then she’d go back and curl up on her hammock with Catling. She’d try to go to sleep. Nora had been sleeping a lot these days. It was the one thing she still seemed to be able to do well.
“Nora,” said a voice.
Dammit. She wasn’t alone. She turned to face the voice, ready with the excuses she would pour onto Sawyer until he gave up, but it wasn’t Sawyer. It was Owen. He was dressed as a vampire, complete with a black cloak and a painted-on widow’s peak. His blue eyes twinkled in the moonlight.
“Go away,” she said.
Owen’s shoulders sagged. “I only wanted to see how you were doing. I heard from Maddie that you weren’t doing too well.”
“I don’t want to talk to you,” said Nora.
“I’m not doing well either, to be honest,” said Owen. “I miss you so much.”
She didn’t need this right now. She especially didn’t need Owen to look so sad and pitiful. She forced herself to remember him dangling her over the edge of Helicon, asking her what would happen if he dropped her. She forced herself to remember him yanking her close to him at May Day, screaming at her not to walk away from him. She squeezed her eyes shut. The nice stuff’s all an act, she reminded herself.
“Seriously, Nora,” said Owen. He studied his hands. “I’ve been doing things. Things I’m not proud of. It’s so much easier to do them when you’re not around. Sometimes I wonder if you kept me sane or if you kept me tethered somehow.” He turned away. “I don’t know what’s happening to me.”
She didn’t care. She really didn’t. “Poor Owen,” she said, keeping her voice sarcastic. “He’s bad, and he doesn’t know what to do. Here’s a hint. Why don’t you stop doing bad things?”
He turned to her sharply. “Not that easy. What if I told you to just start creating? Push through it? You think that would work?”
She folded her arms over her chest. “What do you know?”
“Only what Maddie tells me. That you feel like you’ve lost all your creativity. That you’re sad and depressed. That you spend all your time hiding from everyone, alone.”
“What are you doing to Maddie, anyway?”
Owen heaved a huge sigh. “Why are you suspicious of me? You never used to be suspicious of me.”
Nora shook her head. She’d walk away from him. She’d go back to the tweens and rebels enclave. Maybe if she was around other people, he’d leave her alone. Of course, that might mean she’d have to put on a costume and fake happiness for a few hours, but if she could get away from him, it would be worth it.
He followed her. “I shouldn’t have done what I did with that fairy. I know that. It was wrong. I got...confused. I let myself get angry with you. With you. I never used to feel that way about you. Nora, it was all my fault.”
Well, that was a strange expression to come out of Owen’s mouth. But she kept walking. It was a trick. She couldn’t let him get to her.
“But maybe the fact that we’re both worse off without each other is a sign. Maybe we belong together. Are you happy without me?”
Why did he have to do this? Why did he have to make sense? How was it that he was always able to get inside her head and know just what to say? She faced him. “It doesn’t have anything to do with you.”
“Are you sure? Because I feel empty ever since you left. I’m not saying I’m perfect. I know you deserve better than me. But maybe we could try it again. You could move into the muse police enclave if you don’t have any muse powers. Maybe if we’re together, they’ll come back. But even if they don’t, you’d have a place to belong, and... please give me another chance.”
Nora squeezed her eyes shut.
Owen grabbed her hand. “Do you remember when we were kids and we were lost in the woods in the winter? You were cold, and I wanted to make you warm. I couldn’t handle the fact you were suffering. And I found that abandoned house. We made a fire. We huddled up in blankets, and I told you—”
“You’d never let anything hurt me,” said Nora, hating him for bringing up their childhood, hating him for making her remember what he’d been to her.
“I made that promise,” he said, “and then I broke it. Because I hurt you. Me. You mean everything to me, Nora. When I think about what I did, what I’ve done...” He clenched his hands in fists. “Sometimes I get so scared. I don’t know who I’m becoming. I remember when I used to get scared like that before, you’d tell me it wasn’t true. You’d remind me that I was good. But you don’t think that anymore, do you?”
Was he really hurt? Was he really upset? Or was this all posturing to try to get her to do what he wanted? She didn’t know. She couldn’t trust him anymore. “No,” she said. “I don’t.”
Owen took a step backwards. He looked so hurt, as if her words had punched him in the gut. He gazed at the ground. “Yeah, I’m not sure if I think it anymore either.” He scuffed his toe against the ground. “Have a happy Halloween, Nora. I do still love you.” He turned and walked away.
She watched him fade into the darkness, wondering if she’d done the right thing. Had he ever walked away from her before without getting what he wanted?