High October

by Elena Graf

  “Are you on good behavior, Liz? Are you suddenly going to start grunting at the dinner table and ignore everything I say?”

  Liz laughed. “God, I hope not. Jenny and I ran out of things to say after a while, but that’s because our relationship was mostly about sex.”

  “That’s why I don’t want to jump into bed with you. I don’t want our relationship to be about sex.”

  “You keep talking about sex. You must think about it a lot.”

  Maggie looked at Liz sidelong and raised a brow. “I do. Don’t you?”

  Liz laughed softly. “Yes, I do. You have no idea how hard it is to restrain myself.”

  “Oh, I do know because it’s hard for me. But I want to be sure this time, because I can’t hurt you again. I just can’t.”

  There was a little squeak on the floor as Liz pushed her chair back from the table. She rose to take her dishes to the sink.

  Maggie got up to remove the other plates from the table. “Are you worried?”

  “Of course, I’m worried. Getting involved with you is a big risk, but…it’s worth it.”

  When Liz turned, Maggie saw her younger self looking back. She saw the frank attraction in her eyes, but also the tenderness someone only shows a lover. Then Liz’s expression changed. She became the adult, practical Liz once again, guarded and in control. Maggie so wished young Liz with that look of complete devotion and unconditional love would come back.

  Chapter 15

  On Saturday, Tony brought over Maggie’s thrift shop purchases. Ironically, now that her winter clothes had arrived, the temperature had turned unseasonably warm. They sat on the deck to enjoy the nice weather and drink Margaritas. Tony, who said he’d missed lunch, gorged on the salsa, guacamole and chips Liz had set out.

  “This happens every year,” said Tony. “It gets cold enough for frost, and then it’s hot enough for the beach.”

  “Looks like High October fooled us and came early this year,” said Liz, replenishing the supply of corn chips. “I hope it’s this warm when we go to Acadia next weekend.”

  “The warm weather never lasts. Prepare for anything.”

  “It’s Maine. You know what they say: ‘Don’t like the weather? Wait a few hours.’”

  Tony reached for a handful of chips. “So, Maggie, I’m working on the winter schedule for the State Theater. What do you think about a revival of The Glass Menagerie? I think you’d make a superb Amanda.”

  “Oh, Tony! I’ve always wanted to play that part!”

  “It’s a wonderful role. Slightly deranged faded beauty. Perfect for you.”

  When Liz snickered, Maggie gave her a dirty look. Liz ignored her and glanced at her watch. “Tony, why don’t you stay for dinner?”

  “Fred’s down in Boston with some friends, so it’s your good cooking or Lean Cuisine. Guess which I’ll choose?”

  Tony and Maggie kept Liz company on the deck while she grilled curried fish kabobs and vegetables. She listened to them debate the candidates to play the role of Tom.

  Liz covered the fish kabobs with foil to stay warm. Maggie brought in the vegetables from the grill without needing to be asked. Although she overlooked the mess she created in her room, Maggie had a sharp eye for things that needed to be done in the kitchen.

  “This looks delicious.” Tony sat down at the table. “Maggie, you have such a good deal here with Liz. She cooks, provides housekeeping and laundry service, medical treatment. You should consider making it permanent.”

  “She hasn’t asked me to move in, and I’m surprised I haven’t already overstayed my welcome.”

  Liz brought in the rice from the kitchen. “You make a very good guest, Maggie, especially when you don’t decorate the furniture with your clothes.”

  Maggie sighed and looked appropriately chastened. “I’m trying to be better.”

  “I know. Ellie told me there’s been a big improvement.”

  Tony leaned over and patted Maggie’s hand. “I sympathize, darling. I’m the slob in my relationship. Fortunately, Fred’s not the neat freak that Liz is.”

  “She’s not always neat. She tracks in sawdust from her workshop. It drives Ellie crazy.”

  “So, you’re the odd couple,” said Tony heaping food on his plate. “All the more reason you should move in together.”

  “But what would I do with my apartment in New York?”

  Tony raised his shoulders as if the solution were obvious. “Rent it. I bet you could get nice money for it. It’s close to campus. Rent it to faculty instead of students. Then you won’t need to worry.”

  Liz was amused that they were making plans for Maggie to move in without even consulting her. She decided to stay out of the conversation to see what developed.

  “Liz might need that downstairs room for her strays,” Tony continued. “You could move up to the second floor, now that your leg is mostly healed. That way, you can keep your mess contained and no one will see it. Or maybe you want to move to the third floor for the view.”

  Maggie frowned. “Tony, you know there’s only one bedroom up there, and that belongs to Liz.”

  “I know.” Tony poured himself another glass of wine.

  “And who are these strays Liz takes in?”

  “I’m exaggerating, of course. I don’t know of any but one, my friend who had prostate cancer. He couldn’t work because the chemo made him too sick, and he lost his apartment for back rent. Liz took him in. No questions asked.”

  “Well, he’s your friend, Tony. I didn’t take in someone off the street.”

  “Maggie, I’m telling you, she fed the guy, gave him free medical care, waited on him hand and foot. He’s doing great now.” Tony crossed his fingers. “But you never know with cancer.”

  “Stop, Tony.” Liz engaged his eyes to make sure he understood her message. “Chris is doing really well now. Let’s be optimistic for his sake.”

  “You’re right. Why even think the worst? Bad luck.”

  “Luck has nothing to do with it,” said Liz, serious now. “One way a cancer survivor’s friends can show support is by not talking about how bad things could be.”

  Tony squirmed under Liz’s scolding. He nodded, but he obviously couldn’t wait to change the subject. “So, Maggie, how about Amanda?” He picked up his fork and dug into his food.

  “Amanda in Menagerie and then Nettie in Carousel? That will keep me busy for a while. I’ll have to talk to my agent.”

  Tony’s face darkened. “Leave him out of it. Let’s keep this between us.”

  “Tony, you know I can’t do that. I’m under contract.”

  “I hate dealing with agents. They’re all bloodsuckers.”

  Liz interrupted. “Don’t push it, Tony. Maggie wants to do the right thing. I don’t think it’s about the money.”

  Tony gave her a sly look. “Of course not. It’s about the accommodations. Are you going to invite her to stay, or what?”

  The direct question surprised Liz, and she didn’t appreciate being forced to make a formal invitation, especially not in front of company. She glanced at Maggie who wouldn’t look at her. “You’re welcome to stay, Maggie. As long as you want.”

  Maggie seemed to sense Liz’s discomfort. “We’ll see,” she replied vaguely.

  ***

  Tony finally left around midnight. Liz wearily thought of the prospect of a pre-dawn date with the crew at Awakened Brews. Since Billy’s death, she’d lost some of her enthusiasm for seeing them, but she pushed herself, knowing they were hurting too.

  She was locking the doors to the deck and the porch when Maggie came out from rinsing the dessert dishes.

  “It was kind to invite Tony to dinner. He’s such a nice man.”

  “Yes, and a good friend. You know, he’s right. You could stay with me during your plays. In fact, you can stay the whole wint
er, if you’d like. I’d be glad for the company.”

  Maggie smiled. She reached up and took Liz’s face in her hands and drew it down to hers. “You’re generous and very sweet, but I don’t want to take advantage of you.”

  Take advantage of me! Liz thought loudly in her mind.

  “You want me to kiss you, don’t you? Come here, you.” Maggie pulled Liz’s face closer. She opened her lips as Liz’s mouth touched hers. Liz put her arms around her as Maggie’s tongue played in her mouth, but then Maggie released her lips. She leaned against Liz and nuzzled into her shoulder. “I’m sorry, Liz. My leg is feeling better, but I still can’t stand long.”

  “Maybe we should sit down.”

  “Maybe we should each go to our own bed before we get into some mischief we might regret.”

  “If that’s what you want.”

  “No, I want something else, but I’m not sure it’s a good idea.”

  “I’ll follow your lead.”

  Maggie gave her a quick, dry kiss. “Sleep well.”

  Liz watched her walk down the hall to her room. She wished Maggie would turn around and invite her in. When she didn’t, she toyed with the idea of inviting herself.

  No, you said you’d follow her lead.

  Chapter 16

  Maggie’s thrift shop purchases would only get her so far. Although she was anxious driving the Audi, she took it into town to shop. To accommodate the summer tourists who were its best customers, the little department store stocked a little bit of everything from enamelware to deodorant. Among the varied offerings was overstock from top-name brands. Most of it was high-end sportswear for the outdoors. Maggie filled her cart with wool socks, long sleeve tees, flannel nightgowns, thermal underwear, and polar fleece zips. While she waited on the checkout line, she realized her purchases looked like she was planning to winter in Maine.

  Maggie couldn’t decide what to do about Liz’s invitation, although she couldn’t deny that her stay had been productive. She’d drafted the first third of her book and sent it off to her editor. The slower pace of life in Hobbs was conducive to research and writing. She felt calmer there, less likely to need a pill to soothe her nerves in order to fall asleep. The quiet and perfect darkness of the Maine nights quickly lulled her into deep, restorative slumber.

  In Maggie’s shopping basket were a few things Liz had asked her to pick up for their camping trip: skewers, box matches, and three sizes of batteries. These items would be added to “the camping box,” a re-purposed copy-paper box with a lid. The contents were so tightly packed that it held a surprising amount, including table ware, enamel cups, aluminum foil, an ingenious index of herbs and spices with small portions of all their favorites, as well as cooking utensils. Liz went through the items carefully, checking them off her list. “The preparation is half the fun of camping,” Liz explained to Maggie.

  “Only to a Virgo.”

  Liz laughed. “You’re probably right.” She gave the camping box a final once-over. “Can you think of anything else we should bring?”

  “Your guitar.”

  Once everything was packed and stowed by the garage door for a quick departure in the morning, Liz made a fire in the wood stove. To benefit from the warmth, Maggie sat on the love seat in front of the stove to read, while Liz stretched out on the sofa to read on her tablet. They almost never turned on the enormous television in the media room except to watch British dramas, old movies, and some sword opera series Liz was following. Their evenings were civilized and quiet, almost old fashioned, despite the tablet on which Liz read. Maggie preferred to read ink on paper, real books that she could touch.

  The scene reminded Maggie of Liz studying in their dorm living room. Then, as now, she liked to gaze over the top of her book and watch her friend unobserved. Stretched out on the sofa, Liz rested with an easy grace, looking perfectly relaxed. The little beer belly she liked to joke about was hardly noticeable when she was lying down, but her breasts made a discernible soft mound that looked very inviting.

  Maggie imagined joining Liz on the sofa and nudging her arm around her. She wanted Liz, which she’d proven to herself many times when she awoke feeling the need to give herself pleasure, but she didn’t lust for Liz like an adolescent. Perhaps that was the one gift of menopause—sex was important, but not the only thing. It wasn’t a goal to strive for at the expense of all others. Things were moving in that direction. Maggie was confident that it would happen when the time was right, and then it would be deep, unhurried, and exquisitely sensual.

  As Maggie continued to steal little glances at Liz over the edge of her book, she wondered why she was depriving herself. Why not enjoy the simple pleasure of Liz’s arms around her? Maggie put her book aside and got up.

  Ever the attentive hostess, Liz instantly sat up. “What do you need?”

  Maggie shook her head. She took Liz’s iPad, tugging gently because Liz, staring at her in confusion, wouldn’t let it go. Finally, she did, and Maggie set it down. “Move over and give me some room.” Liz rolled on her side to make more space. Maggie lay beside her and insinuated herself into the curve of Liz’s body.

  “What’s this about?” Liz gently brushed Maggie’s blond hair away from her face and curled it behind her ear.

  Maggie shrugged. “I want to be close to you. You’re nice and warm.” Liz draped her arm around Maggie’s waist and settled down behind her. “Remember how we used to do this and listen to music for hours?” Maggie asked.

  With a few taps on her iPad, Liz began streaming some easy jazz. She reached around Maggie to put the tablet on the table. When the warm arm returned, Maggie pressed it closer and snuggled deeper into Liz’s surrounding body. The soft music was mellow and calming. After a while, Maggie’s eyes closed.

  When she opened them again, it was dark in the room. The timer had switched off the lamps. Behind her, Liz was breathing deeply, sound asleep. Maggie gently patted her thigh to wake her.

  Instantly, Liz sat up. She looked around, then sighed. “Good. No emergency.”

  “I would have let you sleep, but I didn’t think you’d want to spend the night on the sofa.”

  “I was pretty comfortable, although I don’t usually like people touching me when I sleep.” Liz yawned. “I guess you’re the exception.” She got up. “We should go to bed. Early morning tomorrow.” She reached out to help Maggie up and offered a sleepy embrace.

  “You don’t know how hard it is to let you go,” said Maggie, clinging tightly to hold her there a moment longer.

  “Oh, I do,” said Liz, holding her closer. She kissed her forehead.

  Reluctantly, Maggie released her and headed to her room.

  Chapter 17

  “Maggie,” called a soft voice, reaching into her dream. Maggie opened her eyes. Although it was still dark, Liz was fully dressed. “I know it’s early for you, so here’s a cup of coffee to get you started.” Liz left it on the bed stand. She went out and closed the door.

  Maggie drank the coffee to clear her head. What a luxury to have coffee delivered to her bedside. She realized she’d been dreaming of sleeping in Liz’s arms. The thought made her feel cozy and warm even though it was frigid in the room. Then she remembered there had been more to the dream, but there was no time to explore the sensations it had aroused. Liz was obviously in a hurry to leave, so that would have to wait.

  After she finished the coffee, Maggie took a quick shower. She dressed, smiling as she laced up the new hiking boots Liz had picked out for her. They fit perfectly.

  The drive north to Bangor provided a stunning view of the brilliant fall colors at their peak: vermillion, gold, deep maroon, incandescent red. Maggie’s eyes couldn’t get their fill of the visual feast.

  “Oh, look at that one!” she cried, pointing.

  Liz patted her thigh affectionately. “I saw it. Let me drive.”

  Check-in was at
three, so they had hours to spend exploring the park. After they took a ride around the park loop road, and took in all the vistas, they had popovers and tea at Jordan Pond.

  “Yours are better,” Maggie said.

  “You’re so loyal.”

  “No, truthful.”

  They headed to the sand beach. It was warm enough to set up their sling chairs and enjoy the early autumn sun while they ate their sandwiches. Maggie was careful to cover herself with sunscreen without any instigation from Liz. She had adopted Liz’s wide-brimmed fishing hat as her own. Liz had never asked for it back, so Maggie had decided to keep it.

  They had pie and tea in Bar Harbor and afterward, browsed the shops. That is, Maggie browsed the shops. Liz accompanied her to the first few, hovering impatiently while Maggie inspected the wares. Finally, Liz announced that she was going outside. Maggie guessed she would find someplace to sit and surf the internet while she waited. Less than twenty minutes later, Liz was back, looking insufferably bored.

  “How many clothes do you need?” she asked, surveying the pile in Maggie’s wagon. “Are you moving up here?”

  Maggie turned to her with a little smile. “It’s getting cold. I need something to wear.”

  They headed to the campground to check in. The miniature log cabin was even cozier than Maggie had imagined from the pictures on the website. She put the perishables in the refrigerator while Liz brought their bags into the bunk room.

  Liz groaned as she threw the last of Maggie’s bags up to the top bunk. “Still packing rocks, I see.”

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to turn you into a pack animal. I can help.”

  “When your leg is completely healed, you can be the pack animal.”

  “Somehow, I don’t think you’d ever let that happen.”

  “Probably not.”

  While Maggie put away the kitchen items, Liz went out to start the fire so they could have dinner before dark. The night before, Liz had carefully prepared their first camp meal: shrimp, andouille sausage, corn on the cob and red potatoes, all carefully seasoned and wrapped in foil. Once the coals were the right temperature, she placed the packets on the grill. Maggie poured wine and handed a glass to Liz.