His face falls a little and I feel bad, but I can't cancel on Daniel again.
"I have a place out east I use when I need to get away. Come stay the weekend with me. Friday night to Sunday night. Just me and you and we can do and go anywhere you want."
My brows lift in surprise. "You mean you don't want me naked and willing all weekend at your mercy? My, James, I'm slightly offended."
He chuckles. "Well, I'm sure I'll have you on your back at some point… But I just need to be around you." He lowers his voice. "You're a ray of light for me, Aubrey. I see things differently, clearer. Things I want, things I need to change. I don't feel stressed when I'm with you. I feel a sense of relief. I feel like I can fucking breathe again."
I smile, though something inside my chest tightens and I can't figure out what it is.
"Better yet, let's go to Aspen for the weekend," he suggests.
"What?" I laugh, a little nervous. "Where did that come from?"
He shrugs. "I have a place there too. We can go skiing and then sit in front of the fire at night."
A huge smile spreads across my face. "Why did I instantly think of an old Harlequin romance book cover?"
We both laugh and he gives me a little nudge.
"What do you say? Come away with me." He doesn't beg, but I can hear the plea in his tone. I want to give in to him. It's too easy with him and I forget I have to be careful.
The temptation to be alone with James all weekend is strong. I want to go, but I hate lying to everyone I care about. But the way my body is craving to be with just him, I realize it’s worth it for me.
"I've never been skiing before," I say quietly. "We might have to use the bunny slope."
"Whatever you want, as long as I can have you to myself all weekend."
Glancing at James, I nod. Our eyes lock, and I feel myself weakening further. I know he sees it, because I can see the same feeling mirrored in his eyes.
My heart is in danger. His heart is in danger. I realized it months ago when we met, which is why I tried to put distance between us, but something as simple as spending a half hour in a little coffee shop solidifies it.
I'm fucked.
* * *
"What do you mean you have plans this weekend? The entire weekend? When am I going to see you again?" Daniel asks, the annoyance in his voice clear. I don't blame him, though, so I don't argue. After all, I'm lying to him and I feel like shit over it.
"I have to work," I say apologetically. "The family wants to go to Nantucket and they need me to babysit. How about Monday after class I come right over and stay the night? I'll go to school from your place the next day."
Daniel places his red wine on the table, but he doesn't let go of the stem. He stares at it, his eyes hard. We just finished eating Thai at this little hole-in-the-wall restaurant and our night was going smoothly until now. Disappointment is written clear across his face. The last thing I want is to dampen the night, so I need to figure out how to make this right.
"I have to work late on Monday, so I won’t be home."
I shrug, trying to find another solution. "So meet me at our coffee place that morning and give me your key. I'll make dinner and have it ready by the time you get home."
He lifts his eyes to mine and a hopeful smile tugs at his lips. "You can cook?"
I flatten my lips, trying not to laugh. "I can barely boil water. I was just going to order out and take the credit for it." I joke, and a huge smile spreads across his face, easing the tightness in my chest. "However, I was going to set the mood for you… Maybe slip into something nice and give you a massage after a long, hard day at work?"
Daniel reaches for my hand across the small table. Lifting it to his lips, his eyes lower as he gives me a little kiss to the top of my knuckles. "A for effort. I'll be counting down the hours until I get to see you again."
Forty-Eight
"Natalie, I'm screwed!" I yell Friday morning.
I woke up early to pack so I'd be ready when I got out of class, but now I'm a frazzled mess and I can't think straight. I'm so stressed about this weekend. My gut is still screaming that it’s not a good idea to go away with James, but my heart is saying to put one foot in front of the other and shut the fuck up. I'm eager to be with him, but I have so much guilt filling every inch of my body that it’s hard to function.
"That makes one of us. What's wrong?" she asks, holding her coffee as she walks into my room. Her eyes widen, taking in the scattered clothes all over the place.
"I have a job out of town all weekend, so I told Daniel I'm nannying in Nantucket. He's not thrilled, so I’m dealing with that, and now I don't know what to pack."
She glares at me. "So? What's the issue? You have to be getting at least twenty grand to do a weekend event like that. Just make it up to him with sex."
"That's the plan. I just feel bad."
The real issue is I need to get my lies in order for her too and that makes me more edgy than anything. In case she sees Daniel by some odd chance, not that I think she will, I need to make sure my double life is lined up on both sides so I don't get caught.
"Why?" she asks. "I'd take the money and lie too. You've been working a lot lately."
It's true. Every night this week Christine has offered me a job, except the night I had dinner with Daniel. I've taken them all, but the last time I spoke to her I told her I wouldn't be available this weekend. Thankfully they’ve all been uneventful quickies, but I've been busy nonetheless.
"I need the distraction, honestly." My cell phone rings. "Hand that to me, please," I say as I lean over one bag to squish it down so I can pull the zipper closed.
Natalie picks up my cell phone and reads the screen. Handing it to me, she says, "Blocked caller? Who's that?"
Blood drains from my face and my fingers start trembling. My heart is racing so hard I feel like I'm going to be sick.
"Are you going to answer it or just stare at it like your grammy found out you bang men with cannibal fetishes for hush money?"
Blinking a few times, my jaw bobs until something pops into my head. I offer a courtesy laugh and quickly switch my phone to silent.
"Ah, it's no one. Just some telemarketer that keeps calling. They leave messages in Spanish, so I know they have the wrong number."
I pocket the phone and prop my hands on my hips and exhale a sigh, avoiding her gaze.
"Why don't you skip class today so you can pack and then go to a spa to relax before you leave? I can feel you from here and you're stressing me out."
I drop my arms. "Can't. I have to go to class. One of the professors is going over what’ll be on the final exam and I need to take notes. I'm just nervous to be going away with a client for the weekend.”
“You have any Percs left? Want mine? Maybe you should take one now.”
My eyes light up. “I do! That’s a good idea. I think I have two left. I’ll have to get more from Christine soon.”
Going to my desk drawer, I take the bottle out and break one in half. I wash it down with a sip of my coffee and pack the rest.
“Okay. I think I have it all set until I get home. I can’t help but feel like I’m forgetting something. I need to get to class.” I look at her. “Will you be here when I get back?”
“No, I have three jobs tonight back-to-back-to-back and I'm booked all weekend."
My brows shoot up. "How are you going to manage all that?"
She gives me a sly smile and I shake my head. Natalie walks over to me and I give her a big hug.
"I'll see you when I get back."
Her eyes twinkle with trouble. Turning away, she walks out of my room, but not before saying, "Don't do anything I wouldn't do."
* * *
"You rented a private plane for us?" I ask as we take our seats. I look over at James in surprise.
"I want you to myself the entire weekend. That means no one breathing over us in first class."
My cheeks flush. "You already have me. You didn't have to do th
"I know you've never been on a plane before. I wanted the first time to be a memorable one."
I study him, my heart melting at his thoughtfulness. It had to cost an arm and a leg to charter a private plane and yet he seems okay with it. Doesn't even bat an eye.
"I've never left New York," I say. "Do you rent private planes often?"
"Only when the time calls for it, and before you ask—no, I don't do it for the others at Sanctuary." My brows drop, eyes lowering to slits. I definitely was thinking that. "I know you're the possessive and jealous type—"
I gasp. Reaching over, I cover his mouth with my hand. His beard tickles my palm. James grabs my wrist, grinning, and pulls me closer to him.
Eyes wide and playful, I say, "You bite your tongue, Mr. Riviera. I am not either of those."
"You're such a liar," he teases, pulling my hand down. "So you're saying that if I took another girl from Sanctuary Cove to, say, Hawaii next week on a private plane, you won't have an issue?"
Okay. Maybe I am a little possessive over him and I didn't realize it until now. The thought of James with another escort seriously chaps my hide and makes me furious. I can feel my heartbeat speeding up and it makes me want to slash tires. I need to act cool and reserved to play it off. I don't want to be that girl, even though I kind of am.
Sitting back, I brush the nonexistent lint off my jeans and then look ahead at the ivory bucket seats, purposely avoiding him. My voice is quiet, scornful, with a hint of mockery, even though I try to mask it.
"Hey, what you do in your spare time is none of my business. If you found another girl who can take care of you better than I can, more power to you. Get it, baby."
He's quiet for a moment. "Get over here."
"No." I purse my lips and fold my fingers together.
"Aubrey—"
"No."
"Get. Over. Here. Now."
I don't respond and James gets out of his seat to kneel down in front of me. He spreads my knees apart and scoots until he's as close as he can get. Leaning back casually in my chair, I wonder what he's doing. I'm annoyed, and I know it's because of my feelings for him. The lines have blurred and there's no sharpening them. I shouldn't care that he could be with other girls, but holy shit does it do something to my heart that I wish it wouldn't.
James grabs my wrists and pulls me to him so I'm sitting only a few inches from his face. We're about the same height at this angle.
"I'm just playing with you. I think at this point it's clear where you stand for me, but it's nice to see where I stand with you. Makes me feel good."
I swallow hard and lick my lips. It hits me that I've never really said how I feel about him, but that's because I've been trying to keep it separate and not get too invested for obvious reasons. Everyone needs to be reminded that they mean something, and now I think I should tell him.
Or maybe not.
"If you need someone—"
"All I need is you, and I mean that," he murmurs, cupping the back of my head. He kisses me, bleeding his words into me so I feel them. And damn, do I ever. "I don't need, or want, anyone else but you."
My heart is pounding so fucking hard that I cave.
"I like you, James, more than I thought I did. More than I should, and it’s killing me inside. If you want to hire other women, obviously I can't say anything since this is just a deal we have going on, but that doesn't mean I wouldn’t want to carve her eyes out with a plastic spoon and offer them to you on a platter to show you that I'm better than her."
His chuckle is raspy. "I think we both know this is far more than just a deal, sweetheart. Tell me, if there was no money, no friend or daughter, and I met you at a bar without going through Sanctuary Cove on a random Tuesday night, would you still be here with me?"
I nod without hesitation, my gaze vulnerable.
"You know damn well I would be."
His eyes soften and he looks at me with a tenderness that shouldn't be there. The truth is, I would be here with him, and I would still want more with him. I have deep feelings for James I've refused to acknowledge because I know nothing good can come from them. They're rooted to the walls of my ribs, the feelings growing stronger every day and wrapping around each bone and locking him in for good.
"I wanted more before I knew the truth of who you are, and now it's only intensified into something bigger that won't stop growing. I hate that we're stuck and that nothing more can come out of this, because I like you too much, James. It's God's honest truth, I fucking like you so much and I can't bear to lie to you and say that I don't." I pause, then say, "I'm not going to hold back how I feel anymore. Not while we’re together. And I promise not to get all Fatal Attraction on you either."
James captures my lips with his and kisses me deep, full of untamed passion. I know I’m falling in love with this man.
My arms wrap around his shoulders, fingers threading through his aged hair, and I put all of myself into him and our emotional kiss, letting him see and feel just how much he means to me.
Breaking the kiss, James gets up and scoops me into his arms. He takes a couple of steps and lays me down on the bed in the back of the plane. He gets comfortable between my legs and stares into my eyes. His gaze is piercing my heart because I know he feels the same way for me as I do for him.
"No one has ever done it for me the way you do,” he says. “The universe is cruel for putting us together, but I don't feel bad because what I feel when I'm with you is what I've been wanting all along, I just never knew it until I met you."
I blink a few times, breathing a little harder. I need this man something fierce.
"James?"
"Hmm?"
My jaw trembles. "Make love to me?"
"Sweetheart, I've been making love to you all along."
Forty-Nine
I nestle closer to James, smiling against his neck. I'm sitting on his lap naked and wrapped in a flannel blanket. We’ve been watching the snow fall for a few hours now with the most incredible snowcapped-mountain view. I've never seen anything so pretty and serene before.
We both woke early and reached for each other without uttering a word. In the mornings, I find I like to give him a slow ride, and at night I like when he sets the pace. It works for us, especially since he loves sex just as much as I do. I feel like I'm back to enjoying it the way I did before I became an escort, only it's better than ever before, and I have James to thank for that.
"I can feel you smiling," he says, his voice like gravel.
I pull back and look at him, grinning from ear to ear.
"I'm really happy," I say. "I know this sounds stupid, but I could sit here all day with you and just watch the snow fall. We can drink coffee, or hot chocolate, and maybe some cognac later in front of the fire when the snow is really coming down. It's just so peaceful and relaxing, and being in your arms just makes it that much better."
He kisses me. "I like this no holding back. Tell me more."
I laugh. "No, your head is just going to get big. What are we doing today?"
James eyes my bare shoulder and fixes the blanket so it's covering me. We're sitting in the coziest kitchen nook I've ever seen with plush pillows all around us. It's heated, and the cushions are so large and filled it's like being on the couch.
"Well, we can stay here if you want, or use the bunny slope I rented for us."
My brows raise. "Just for us?" He nods and excitement rolls through me. "I can't ski to save my life, so this is going to be fun! When do we leave?"
He grins and it melts my heart. "Anytime you want."
"Really? Can we spend all day on it?"
"Yes," he says.
I'm so ecstatic that I lean in to give James a big smacking kiss. God, I love that he always kisses me back, meeting my need. Swiveling my hips, I move to straddle his hips, but he stops me.
"You don't have to give me sex every time I do something for you," he says, frowning. "Seeing you happy makes me feel good. I don't expect anything in return." The way he speaks, sounding pained, means my actions hurt him and I don't like that.
Still, I take his thick cock and align it with my pussy, teasing the tip. His nostrils flare as he guides my hips down. Eyes locked, our mouths fall open and we both sigh in bliss. I rock my hips slow over him, feeling him swell inside me. We can't look anywhere else but at each other.
My hands move to his shoulder and chest. "I like having sex, James, and I want to have sex with you. I think about it all the time, how you make me feel when we’re together, how you make me see stars," I say, moaning, feeling the desire rise. "Sometimes I can't even concentrate on anything else but you and the way our bodies move together." I lean in and say against his lips, "Damp sheets, flesh against flesh, your cum dripping out of me…" He growls, and I fucking love the sound of it. "I know this makes you happy, and it's what I want to give you, because that makes me feel good. It's called working together." I lean in to tug his bottom lip between my teeth. "And honestly, I just really love the way you fuck me. I was kind of hoping you'd use your belt again later."
"Where have you been my entire life?" he says before slamming his lips to mine and leaving me breathless on the kitchen table.
* * *
"How can you balance in five-inch heels but barely stand in skis on a baby slope?"
I laugh so hard I have to grab his arm to steady myself. "Skills. I got skills, baby," I say, standing up. "I feel like I'm going to slide everywhere."
"Did you ever play sports? Ballet?"
"Nope. My grammy couldn't afford it. I can't throw a ball and I can't catch one. The only balls I can handle are the big ones hanging between your legs. The only rhythm I have comes from drinking tequila and then I'm suddenly a backup dancer for Beyoncé. I can twerk with the best of them, that's about it."
"What the fuck is twerk?"
I can’t help the laugh that erupts in my throat.
"What?" he asks, confusion etched on his face.
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