Hush, Hush

by Franco, Lucia

  "Let's play a game," Natalie says, taking me away from my thoughts.

  My eyes light up. I already know where she's going with this. She orders us another round before we start. It's Bottomless Mimosa Saturday, which means anything is possible.

  "Are you going first, or am I?" I say.

  "You."

  I scan the sea of tables and point to a guy. Natalie studies him then gives me a side-eye smirk.

  "He's a yuppie writing a book to Justin Bieber’s music that's set in seventeen-twenty but found a way to time travel to his concerts. He swears it's going to win the Nobel Peace Prize."

  I stare at her, perplexed. I'm at a loss for words and just start laughing. "Where do you come up with this stuff?"

  She giggles. "I have no idea. It was my first thought. Okay. My turn."

  Natalie looks around and points to an elderly woman with pale blue hair wearing a save the whales shirt.

  "Too easy."

  I finish off my champagne and orange juice and pick up my fresh one.

  "She used to be an astronaut but never made it to space, only worked on the shuttle. She dyes her hair the color of her favorite planet, Neptune. She's even named her kids after the planets, which her husband hates. She said, 'I pushed the kids out of my hoo-ha, I pick the name,' and the husband decided he wasn't going to argue with her."

  "How…nerdy. Kinda cool. Kinda agree with her."

  We both laugh and I pick a guy out this time.

  Natalie says, "That's my future ex-husband times two."

  I shoot her a confused look. "Times two?"

  She smiles. "He won't be able to get enough of me and will marry me twice, only to see that I'm still the crazy fucking lunatic he married the first time and divorces me twice. Still calls for one-night stands."

  I study the guy she picked out for me, how he's alone and taking pictures with an expensive looking camera.

  "He's a serial killer but just hasn't gotten caught yet. He pretends to take pictures of nasty pigeons but he's really scoping out his next victim. You know how people say you walk past at least one murderer in your lifetime? That's him. I bet you’re his next victim."

  Natalie glares at me for a long period of time. "Bitch, please."

  I laugh out loud, loving this game.

  "You'd kill him first."

  "That escalated quickly," she says, and laughs.

  "How about her?" I say, pointing to a girl with large gold hoops and gorgeous, shiny black curls.

  "She looks like she fucks her best friend's dad."

  I give her a bland stare. "You're such a fucking asshole."

  Natalie's head falls back as she cackles. "What! She does."

  "You had to go there, didn’t you?"

  Her lips twitch like she's trying not to smile. She doesn’t understand that her joke makes my heart ache, but I smile anyway.

  "I couldn't resist," she says.

  I look back at the poor girl. "If the dad was as hot as yours…I don't blame her. I'd bang him until I couldn’t walk and I have to sleep for a week."

  "Ahhhhh my innocent ears!" she cries, covering her ears with her hands.

  I feel a little better seeing that we can finally laugh about what happened. I thought it would be a sore subject between us for the rest of time, but I got lucky. Mainly because we haven't spoken about it much, but if she can be playful like this, then I know everything will be okay in the long run.

  "Can I ask you something?" she says, and I nod. "Why don't you ask about my dad?"

  My smile vanishes, my heart clenching. I reach for another drink. She doesn't normally bring him up and now I'm getting nervous, wondering why she wants to know. I don't want to say the wrong thing, but I don't want to lie either.

  I look at my flute, unable to make eye contact with her. "What good would it do? Chicks before dicks for life. I made that mistake once and I learned my lesson."

  "Do you ever think about him?"

  I lift my guarded eyes to meet hers. I'm a little nervous and tap my foot incessantly on the floor.

  "Why are you asking me this? I really don't want to fight, Nat."

  "I'm honestly just curious. It's been almost two years since you guys were actually together. After everything I know and what we've talked about, I'm just surprised you never ask to see how he is."

  I swallow hard, trying not to get emotional. I don't ask because it will just hurt.

  "Yeah, I do. I think of him a lot and I try not to," I admit, my voice low. "But it doesn't do me any good to talk about him, so I don't." I attempt to change the subject. "How's your mom?"

  She rolls her eyes dramatically. "Better than ever. She's been hooking up with some pool guy she hired. It's crazy. I've never seen her so happy."

  My brows raise. She can't live in the city if she has a pool, but I'm relieved to hear her mom is doing well. Makes me feel better, in an odd way.

  "Where does she live now?"

  "Out in Suffolk County. She bought a small house with an above-ground pool. I met the guy. He's a widow and doesn't look like he could hurt a fly. They play cards together on the weekends."

  "Awe, that's good. I'm happy to hear that."

  Her mouth tugs to one side and she smiles. Natalie's phone dings and she picks it up to read an incoming text message. "Yeah, I'm honestly really happy for her," she says, her fingers skating over her phone. When she's done, she takes a deep breath and squares a look at me, and I frown.

  "You know I'm on good terms with my dad now, right?"

  I nod. James and Natalie hashed things out shortly after we reconciled our friendship. I didn't ask questions, just took what she offered. Listening to her tell me how they talked made me so happy for her, even if I was dying inside missing him.

  "I know. That's one positive thing that came out of what I did at least."

  She checks her phone then says, "Listen, I'm not pushing for this because it's just fucking weird, but I'm so sick of seeing you and my dad mope around like lovesick losers. You're killing yourself with work, he's depressed and acts like his life is over. I know you're sad and haven't dated anyone since lame Daniel. I know you miss my dad, just like every time he asks me how you are, I know he feels the same way and misses you. Obviously you guys had something that was real, no matter how disgusting I think that is."

  "He asks about me?" I say, too quickly and too hopeful.

  She rolls her eyes. "All the time. That’s kind of why I'm asking you about him."

  I shake my head, trying to stop her. My heart is pounding in my chest and I'm worried this kind of conversation is going to cause a fight. It's the last thing I want. It's too good to be true.

  "Natalie, it's fine. Really. Why are we even talking about this? Just let it go. I'm never going to put us in that situation again. I promise. Your friendship means more to me and I don't want to lose you."

  She gives me an exasperated look. "Will you shut up for a second?"

  I sit up a little straighter, nervous as shit, wondering where this is going.

  "I haven't seen him. I haven't spoken to him. Nothing, Natalie. I swear."

  "I'm gonna throw my mimosa at you."

  I purse my lips together. "Go on."

  "Like I said, I'm not pushing for this because it's just weird as fuck if I did, but I'm tired of seeing you guys look the way you do. I know you're hiding it from me how you feel about him, and he's as obvious about his love for you as the air we breathe. He asks about you constantly. If you want to talk to him…you can. I won't be upset."

  I just stare at her, unblinking, trying to figure out if this is a joke. My heart is hammering like a beat to a techno song against my ribs. All I can hear is the pounding in my ears and feel the pressure building.

  "Say something."

  "I'm not ruining our friendship again. It's fine. Thanks, but no thanks. I won't do it."

  She leans in, her brows furrowed in disbelief. "I just told you I give you my blessing to bang my dad."

  "It's not wo
rth it," I say. I just can't risk losing her or going through the heartbreak again. It's too much suffering for one person to handle twice.

  "I've given it a lot of thought. Everyone is in a good place right now, and I don't see why I should stop you guys from being together, if it's what you want."

  I'm at a loss for words. I'm not sure what to say and I'm having a hard time concentrating.

  "Talk about things escalating quickly. What if it leads to something more?"

  "Well, I'm not gonna fucking call you Mom if that's what you're asking." She scoffs and takes a sip. "And I sure as fuck don't ever want to hear about sex shit with you guys, like ever. I have to draw the line somewhere."

  A surprised laugh escapes me, and she grins. Happiness surges through me, but I fight to keep it at bay. I'm not getting my hopes up, even though I can feel happy tears burning behind my eyes.

  "Are you sure you're okay with this? Like really okay?" I ask, my voice hopeful. I'll ask a hundred times if I have to.

  She places her glass down and levels a stare at me. "No. I was just kidding actually. I was seeing where your head’s at."

  My lips part in shock, heart plummeting to the floor. I had a feeling it was too good to be true. I'm a little hurt. I know we joke all the time, but not where it hurts the other person.

  "That was cruel," I say honestly. "How would you feel if I dangled a stack of bills in front of you and then said you couldn't have it?"

  Her lips twitch and now I'm just getting angry. It was downright mean to do that.

  "Would I do that to you? Seriously. I'm just playing with you, Aub. I know I have my moments, but I wouldn't purposely set out to hurt you. I was being real. I want you guys to be together, if it's what you want, and I think you want it." She pauses. "You want it, don't you?"

  I nod, feeling a little torn. "I do. I miss him so much, but I'm worried it'll get weird between us."

  She smiles appreciatively. "As long as we don't hide anything from each other, it won't. Promise. I was serious when I said you have my blessing."

  We talk a little more, and by more, I mean I repeatedly ask her if she's sure she's okay if I speak to her dad. We have a few more mimosas, then pay the tab.

  If someone would've told me that this is how I would spend my Saturday after opening my nonprofit organization—talking about my best friend's dad and how I can see him romantically—I would've laughed in their face. I want to see James as soon as possible, but it's been a long time and he was angry with me when I left him.

  I sigh, hopeful. My heart is a wild mess.

  Leaving the restaurant, we step outside to the curb and hail a taxi. Natalie has a day job with a client and needs to leave to get ready.

  "Listen, I gotta cancel tonight," she says.

  I frown. "Why? We just made plans like an hour ago." I was looking forward to hanging out. Sometimes the nights get lonely, even with all the cats.

  She shrugs and digs into her purse. "I know, but I have a feeling you're going to have plans later."

  I blink in confusion. "What?"

  Natalie looks over my shoulder and a smile tugs at her lips. Her eyes are filled with tenderness and joy that causes me to freeze.

  Just as I'm about to turn around and follow her gaze, I feel him. Lips parting on a gasp, I'm rendered speechless. My hand flies to my stomach and I hold myself. My breathing deepens. Natalie's soft eyes meet mine for a brief second and she gives me a gentle smile.

  James walks up to us and my world stops. I focus on only him, unable to look away. Leaning in, he gives his daughter a kiss on the head and then a hug. They greet each other. I'm in shock, staring, wondering if this is real or not. Natalie finally gets a taxi. We say goodbye, but it's a blur because all I see is him.

  I haven't seen James in so long and I don't know how to react. I don't know what to do, what to say. The only thing I do know is that after nearly two years, he still makes my heart beat so hard, the way it did the first time we met.

  James turns to look at me. He smiles. He looks like he did the day I left him, wearing dark jeans and a polo shirt that cups his biceps. His tattoos are on display and he's still rocking the silver fox and beard look.

  Fucking man is too good-looking for his own good.

  We're standing on a street in one of the busiest cities in the world. People are rushing all around us, cursing that we're standing in their way. Horns are blaring and the ground is vibrating from the underground train. Yet, all I see is him, the man I've loved since the moment I met him. James Riviera.

  He studies me, his eyes roaming my face. He takes a step toward me.

  "Hey, sweetheart."

  I choke back a swallow, eyes softening. My heart is about to pound out of my chest.

  "Hey," is all I can think of saying.

  "I’ve missed you so fucking much, Aubrey. I haven't been the same without you."

  My jaw is trembling and my lips part. I have to replay his words in my head because it's almost too good to be true.

  "I've missed you too. I'm so sorry about everything. I never wanted it to end the way it did, but it had to. And I refuse to lose Natalie again, or go through suffering a broken heart the way I did when we parted ways. So tell me now if you want something more or if this is just for fun, because I have to be honest and tell you I don’t think my heart could handle another hammer shattering it again to a million pieces—"

  James yanks me forward and brings his lips to mine. "Open up for me."

  I don't hesitate.

  He thrusts his tongue into my mouth and he kisses me deep, stroking me with untamed passion. We both moan in unison and clutch each other. Strong arms wind around my back and James tugs me closer, kissing me hard, kissing me like we have a lot—everything—to make up for. He presses his body to mine and I revel in it. I want to get lost inside this man like we never left each other. His fingers tangle in my hair, then he fists a chunk of it in his hand. I melt into his chest, kissing him back with the same intensity.

  "God, how I've fucking missed you," he says, breaking the kiss. He's breathing into me just as heavily as I am him.

  I look back and forth into his steel-blue eyes. My fingers are shaking and my knees are weak, but it doesn't matter because I have the man I adore more than anything in the world holding me up.

  "I never stopped wanting you, James. I thought about you every day, hoping I'd see your private call on my phone. It never came." My jaw trembles. "It never came," I say again, this time my voice cracking.

  Aged eyes soften with regret. He kisses my lips once more and I breathe in his woodsy, bergamot scent I've missed so much.

  "You have no idea how many times I dialed your number only to hang up. Every damn day was a struggle to keep my distance. I've been holding out hope that in time we would find each other again."

  Pressing my lips to his, I softly whisper, "We met by a cruel chance of fate. Becoming your lover was part of the job, but falling for you… I had no control. I didn't stand a chance."

  "Do you remember when I told you about moments and how they're priceless?" he asks, brushing his nose with mine. I nod. "I want to make the rest of them with you."

  I draw in a breath before he kisses me deeply, passionately, setting my world ablaze for him.

  "Let me take you to dinner. I know this little underground place where we can sip ridiculously expensive cognac and talk all night long."

  I smile up at him. "I'd love that. And I even have the perfect dress to wear."

  The End

  Turn the page to read the first chapter of Balance, book 1 in the Off Balance series.

  One

  "Absolutely not!" My father's harsh voice boomed around his home office.

  "You haven't even heard what I have to say," I argued my point, not settling for anything less than his full attention.

  "I don't care what you have to say. You can talk until you're blue in the face. You are not moving to New Hampshire. End of discussion."

  "Dad, just lis
ten. Gymnastics—"

  "I've made my decision and it's not changing." He picked up his pen and focused on the papers in front of him. "Now, please, I have work to do."

  Devastation sucker punched me in the gut. I was surprised by how unreasonable he was being in not letting me speak. The East Coast was home to one of the best gymnastics facilities in the country and I'd prove it to him. My weeks of research wouldn't be wasted. I would not give up, I just had to try harder.

  "It's renowned for its coaching and athletes," I pressed on.

  "No." He gave me his infamous look, the one capable of making a grown man flinch.

  My future was at stake and I had to fight for it. As much as I would miss my current gym, it was no longer useful to me. There were only so many extra hours of conditioning and private classes I could take. Advancement in this sport required the proper training, and I couldn't get it at Palm Beach Gymnastics.

  "Transferring to another gym isn't unheard of. A lot of families send their gymnasts to train at better facilities." I stood my ground.

  "Adrianna Francesca Rossi!" His tone and anger bled into my frustration, but it didn't stop me.

  "Just hear me out! Please," I pleaded, on the verge of tears. My mother would no doubt sniff them in the air and be on me like a bloodhound within seconds. Tears showed weakness, and a Rossi was never weak—at least according to her.

  Dad didn't respond. Instead, he stared right through me.

  Blowing out a loud, aggravated breath, I stood up and peered through the large window in his office which overlooked the expansive, lush lawn in our backyard. My gaze drifted over to the right, catching the beautiful colors of the late afternoon sun reflecting off the pool. We lived in one of the most elite neighborhoods on the prestigious Palm Beach Island. We had everything money could buy. Everything except a great one-of-a-kind gymnastics coach that could help push me closer to achieving my dream.

  Turning back to my dad, I took in the flare of his nostrils and stiff jaw. He had become eerily still. The room grew cold and goose bumps broke out on my skin. I knew this side of him, and it wasn't pretty. This was a side nobody dared to test.