by A. Zavarelli
His words make me nervous, and I cling to his hand. But he still doesn’t move. His other hand comes up and untangles my hair, opening my face to him.
“I want you to know the level of my devotion to you,” he states. “I don’t ever want you to question it. The things I have and will continue to do to protect you. To avenge you. They are dark things. But that darkness is my burden to carry, and it always will be.”
His voice is so impassioned. So filled with strength that there is no question in my mind he means what he says.
“Show me,” I tell him.
He reaches for the door, his grip on me firm. Anchoring me to his body as he leads me inside. Until I freeze at the sight before me.
I’m in shock, I think.
But even after I blink several times, the image in my eyes does not change.
It is Dmitri.
Bound, gagged, and naked on a wooden sawhorse. There is a man behind him. A big man. Huge. His shirt is off, and all he wears is a pair of leather pants. But the room reeks of sex and sweat, and it is obvious what has taken place in here already.
“Talia,” Alexei’s voice cuts through my thoughts. “This is Boris. He will be seeing to Dmitri during his stay here.”
His words from the corridor outside make sense to me with shocking clarity. He is avenging me. He is going to make Dmitri suffer for what he did to me.
I wait for my mind to tell me that this is wrong. Or sick. Or that I shouldn’t feel any enjoyment when I look at Dmitri, knowing what awaits him.
But none of those things happen.
I do feel enjoyment. I feel some sense of justice. The scales finally being tipped back in my favor if only a little.
He is the reason I have no trust. No hope. He is the reason I am dirty and ashamed. Touched by men who had no right to. The reason I struggle to look in the mirror most days. He handed me to Arman on a silver platter and made me wish I was dead every day.
So it should not surprise me when my lips tilt into a smile, but it does surprise Alexei. And relieves him.
“Go,” he tells me. “Say whatever you would like to say to him. This is the last time you will ever see his face, Solnyshko.”
I move to step away, and Alexei hesitates to let me go. And it is only then that I realize he is struggling with this too, in his own way. Knowing that Dmitri has had me before. There is a possessive gleam in his eyes as they move over my body. My body that is filled with his come and his child inside of me, which he does not yet know. My skin, that smells of him. And my face, which no doubt does little to hide my swollen lips from his kisses or tangled hair from our romp.
He has marked me as his own. As though to rub it in Dmitri’s face.
As if he would ever care.
He sold me.
Ruined me.
And Alexei is putting me back together. Piece by piece.
I stretch up on my tiptoes and kiss him on the lips. And then I give him the thing that he needs.
“Come with me,” I tell him. “I need you with me.”
My words set his worries free, and he takes charge, leading me in front of Dmitri so that I can meet his eyes. His cold, lifeless eyes.
They were never that way before. That is how he tricked me. He was so good at making me believe.
But not now. The horror of his experience is only just beginning, and it is written on his face for me to see. I savor that. I soak it all in, and I smile right at him.
Even if Boris used him a hundred times over, it would not equal the torment this man has caused me. But it does not matter. Because I have peace, now. And so there is only one thing I have to say to him. The same thing he said to me when I discovered he had sold me.
I lean forward so that I’m right in his face. My eyes unmistakable in the truth that I feel nothing for this man anymore.
“You better get used to it, kitten,” I mock him. “The pain is going to be your new best friend.”
His eyes plead with me, even though the gag in his mouth prevents him from speaking.
But there is no mercy to be found here.
Not with me, and certainly not with Alexei.
He makes a gesture to Boris, who moves behind Dmitri again. Unzipping his pants as he steps between Dmitri’s spread thighs.
“Enjoy yourself, Boris,” Alexei tells him. “He’s yours to play with for the week.”
35
ALEXEI
MY BEAUTIFUL SOLNYSHKO.
The moment we are back into the corridor, I cannot contain myself.
I kiss her. And touch her. Pulling her body into mine.
So brave. So vicious.
I am harder for her than I have ever been. She knows this. And she climbs up my body and into my arms. So small and vulnerable and mine.
“You feel safe with me,” I tell her.
“Yes,” she answers.
I groan. Because I want her to. Even if it’s wrong. Even if I am defective. She does not see that when she looks up at me. She does not care. She only sees my body around hers, sheltering her. The blood I spill for her. She does not see anything else.
“I want your pussy wrapped around my cock,” I demand. “Right now.”
Her arms come around my shoulders and hold me tight as I unzip my pants and she wraps her legs around me. She is soaked for me.
Soaked in lust and want for me. Soaked in the thrill of Dmitri’s blood which will soon coat my basement floor.
She is a siren. A filthy angel. But only for me.
She will only ever have me.
I tell her so as I thrust up inside of her, possessed by my madness for her. The door behind us is not all the way shut. And I know she can hear Dmitri’s cries.
She is getting off on it. His pain and her pleasure.
I finger her and fuck her at the same time. Playing with her tits. Rubbing her body all over me.
“Come for me,” I tell her. “Come, so that he can hear you being fucked by me. So that he will know who you belong to when he dies.”
She moans into my right ear. The sound is distorted. But there. It vibrates down my spine and all the way into my cock. She thrashes in my arms, crying out as the orgasm rips through her body.
So beautiful. So violent.
So perfect for me. This damaged angel.
“Lyoshka,” she whines into my ear.
“I know what you need,” I tell her.
I thrust harder, faster. “And I will give it to you.”
I come inside of her again. Balls deep, stuffing her full of my come.
It has not sated me at all. And already, I want to take her again. I want Dmitri to hear her cries all night long as she bounces on my cock and I fill her with everything I have to give.
These are the thoughts going through my mind when I pulse inside of her, emptying every last drop.
“What about Arman?” she asks. “When will he die?”
I blink at her, and struggle to come up with a lie. She will not understand.
“Is my little sun so bloodthirsty already?” I ask.
“Yes,” she answers without hesitation. “I want him dead too.”
She looks so hopeful, and it is in this moment that I realize, I will have to kill Arman. Despite Viktor’s wishes. I will have to find a way. To please my wife. To keep my word to her. To avenge what was done to her.
“He will take longer,” I answer her with a kiss. “But he will die too, Solnyshko.”
She smiles, looking at me like I am her hero. The way nobody has ever looked at me before. And then she speaks. And everything changes.
“I’m pregnant, Lyoshka.”
36
TALIA
HE PULLS BACK to look at me, his grip taut on my chin.
“What?”
“I’m pregnant,” I repeat.
Relief flashes through his eyes, and I swear that I can see the weight of his worries floating away into the distance.
“That is good,” he tells me in a dazed tone. “Such a good girl.”<
br />
He kisses me and then strokes my face.
“This will change everything.”
And that’s when I see it. Behind his relief, I see his true motive. And for a split second, there is a stab of betrayal at the realization.
“You did this so I wouldn’t hurt myself.”
He looks up at me and lies right to my face. “I want a family, Solnyshko. It is time.”
“But you also believed that this would fix things,” I press. “That it would fix me somehow.”
“You are going to be an excellent mother,” he tells me. “I have no doubts.”
“How can you not have doubts?” I argue. “This doesn’t fix my broken mind, Alexei. It only means you have bought a lifetime of certainty. Because you know now that I wouldn’t do anything. But what if you’re wrong? What if I…”
I can’t get the words out. What if I’m insane? What if I hurt the people I love too?
“You are not your mother,” he answers. “You are nothing like her. You are so much stronger.”
“You didn’t know her.”
“I don’t need to. I know you.”
“Hardly,” I reply, wiggling my way out of his arms.
I’m angry at him. And I don’t know why. I can’t sort out my emotions anymore. It’s been so long since I felt real emotions. Besides numbness and pain. This is something else.
All I can think of is that he did this with one intention in mind. It wasn’t because he wanted to start a family… with me. It was because he married me and I’m broken and he needed to fix that and so this was his solution.
“It wouldn’t matter,” I say stupidly. As though I didn’t already know this. “This was your plan.”
He doesn’t deny it. “I told you I wanted a family.”
But he doesn’t say the words I need to hear. I’ve been so confused, thinking that maybe this meant something to him.
“How will this work?” I ask.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean… it’s an arrangement to you. It’s not like this is a normal marriage. So how will it work?”
“I provide for you,” he answers. “And you will be a mother and wife.”
He doesn’t get it. And I’m not even sure what I need him to say. But I need there to be… more. It’s hope again. Niggling at me. Telling me that I should be able to have it all. But that was never true.
“I don’t even know what you do,” I blurt. “On the computers all day.”
“I run gambling operations for the Vory,” he answers. “And the Irish as well.”
“So what does that mean?” I ask. “It’s illegal. You could get caught. What happens then?”
“I will never get caught,” he scoffs and actually looks insulted. “I am the Ghost.”
His answer doesn’t reassure me, so he tries to.
“I am the best at what I do, Talia. This is why I am invaluable to Viktor. To the Vory. There is nobody else with my skill set. I can assure you of this.”
I do believe him. I’ve seen him work. And I know there is something dangerously genius in that brain of his. But it’s all settling in on me. What I’ve done.
I’ve married into the mafia. Signed a contract that I can’t take back. And now I’m having his baby. This man who has also given his assurances that he could never love me. I didn’t think I would want it. But now… I fear that he is right. That it will never happen.
And I will be lost to him. To this world.
“You spend all day in your office,” I tell him. “Drinking. Working. Playing chess. Is that going to change?”
His brows draw together. “I will help with the baby,” he answers. “It will be our child, Talia. Shared responsibility.”
I swallow, tapping my fingers against my thigh. He doesn’t get it.
“And will we eat dinner together? Go on vacations together? Watch movies, play games…”
Now he is the one who is getting uptight. Every word makes his posture more rigid.
“I don’t know,” he answers. “I am a busy man.”
“Right.” I take a breath and gather my thoughts. “So it will be like it is now. I’ll stay in my room all day. You’ll stay in your office. At night you will fuck me, and we will have a child together, who we share responsibility for.”
He seems confused by my anger. “Is this not what we agreed on? I don’t understand, Solnyshko, what is upsetting you so.”
“I don’t either.” I stare up at the ceiling and rub my temples. “You wanted me to get better. And maybe I have. But you haven’t changed.”
“Why would I change?” he asks, finally getting the point. “This arrangement works for us. It is less messy. No emotions, no feelings. We can both be happy.”
“Right.”
Only, I’m not anymore.
Maybe that’s not fair. Maybe I’m too fucked up and my hopes are too high.
Alexei seems agitated. Anxious to get back upstairs and pour himself another drink. Hole himself away in his office with only his thoughts to keep him company.
“No,” I agree with him. “I think you’re right. I think it’s best this way.”
He nods, content. Relieved. Relieved that I’m asking for nothing from him in this way. That we can carry on as we have been. As though nothing will change. Or has changed.
But everything has changed.
“It’s probably best if I stay in my room,” I tell him. “To keep things the way you want them. Less messy.”
He frowns, but doesn’t argue.
“It’s for the best,” I repeat again.
37
ALEXEI
“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE NOW?” Magda asks me after she sets down my breakfast.
“I don’t know what you mean,” I answer, turning my attention back to the computer.
She taps on my desk to let me know she is not through.
“You have not spent any time with Talia in over two weeks. She is slipping, Lyoshka. Slipping back into her sadness.”
“She wants things I cannot give her.”
“That is ridiculous,” Magda replies. “You are supposed to give her everything. She is pregnant. Now is the time when she needs you most.”
“I have done everything I can for her. I have scheduled doctor’s appointments. Ensured she is eating the best food. I have given her free rein to decorate the nursery any way she likes. What else can I do?”
“Perhaps pull your head out of your ass,” Magda suggests.
I blink at her, sure I misread her. But I did not.
Magda has never spoken to me that way. Not since I was a young boy in her care.
“You have a dinner party this evening,” she reminds me. “It is supposed to be a celebration. What excuses will you give for the frown on your wife’s face?”
Perhaps the same as my own since she has not allowed me to touch her since that night. She has made excuses of not feeling well, and I did not press. After the second time, I did not bother returning to her room at all. She has not come to me either. And we are at an impasse.
I am irritable already. And Magda is not helping matters.
“She will get over it,” I tell Magda in an effort to appease her. “It’s just hormones.”
She curses me in Russian. And then says the thing which she knows will affect me the most.
“I am disappointed in you, Alyoshka. And I’m beginning to think that you are not up to the task of marriage. Or fatherhood for that matter.”
“That is enough.” I slam my hand on my desk. “You will not speak to me that way.”
“I will speak to you any way that I choose,” she replies. “I am not one of your Vory. I am the woman who raised you. And if you cannot share your heart with Talia, then how on earth do you ever intend to share it with your own child?”
With those words hanging between us, she leaves.
Talia is in her room when I step inside. Dressed for the party. In a designer dress and heels. Just as a Vor’s wife should be.
I can hardly even look at her. Look at what I’ve done to her all over again.
“You are beautiful,” I tell her.
When I kiss her on the forehead, there is no reply. She nods and meets my gaze.
“Is it time?”
“Yes.”
I want to stop her when she moves towards the door. I want to make her smile again. I want to tell her that I’ll cut out Arman’s heart and give it to her on a silver platter, if it would make her smile again.
But that isn’t what she wants right now.
She wants a piece of me. She wants more than I offered her. She is changing the rules of the game halfway through.
I reach for her arm and halt her, and she looks up at me with a blank expression.
“Don’t worry,” she says. “I won’t embarrass you tonight.”
Her words cut me. And she does not give me any time to make amends. I don’t blame her. But when we move downstairs, I’m on edge. I like to feel as though we are a team. Like before. But now we are as separate as two people can be.
Just as I told her I wanted.
Magda has already greeted our guests when we reach the bottom. A close party of the other Vory and their family members. Everyone is here to celebrate my wife’s pregnancy. Including Sergei and Katya.
It is ridiculous, considering the sour expressions on their faces when I see them. But it is tradition. Viktor is very traditional in this regard. Every season, every change… there is a party.
“Lyoshenka.” He greets me with a firm handshake. “What is this frown on your face? Have you heard the news already?”
I blink at him, unclear what he is referring to.
He pulls me aside and ensures we have privacy while the other guests congratulate Talia.
“Tonight is a celebration,” he says. “I don’t want to dampen the mood.”
“Just tell me what it is Viktor,” I insist. “I won’t relax otherwise.”
“We have a complication,” he announces. “Arman is stateside. With both shipments and an additional for our troubles.”
“He wants Talia back,” I state.
