The Complete Ruby Redfort Collection

by Lauren Child

  ‘You have to remember, Clance, it isn’t like normal life. LB does this kinda thing every day – for her it’s probably no biggy.’

  ‘No biggy!’ said Clance. ‘You save the Jade Buddha of Khotan and it’s “no biggy”?’

  ‘Well, my folks will be pleased, anyway,’ said Ruby, ‘not that they will ever know of course.’

  ‘Yeah,’ said Clancy, ‘that’s the problem with being a super hero, no one ever knows how super you are.’

  When Ruby got home she went to find Hitch. He was packing up his room.

  ‘Leaving already?’

  ‘Not right away but soon – just waiting to get my orders.’

  Ruby looked around – there wasn’t a lot to pack up, yet somehow, as he moved his things into boxes and trunks, the soul seemed to disappear from the room.

  ‘So what’s happening at Spectrum? You must be lining up some heavy duty security for this whole museum launch.’

  ‘Apart from the laser lockdown system we are about to install, we also have the whole security team which was assigned to the bank, and of course Spectrum agents will be infiltrated among the guests – oh yes, and Ambassador Crew has generously lent the museum his personal security staff.’

  ‘Clancy’s dad is lending his security staff? Wow, this Buddha must be important.’

  ‘Well kid,’ said Hitch, lightly punching her on the arm, ‘I don’t know if you’ve heard, but it is the Jade Buddha of Khotan.’

  ‘Oh yeah, now that you come to mention it, I think my folks might have said something about that.’

  He winked and continued to slip shirts from hangers.

  ‘Anything you need me to do?’ asked Ruby hopefully.

  ‘I think you can consider yourself off the payroll kid. You did what needed doing, somewhat unconventionally it must be acknowledged, but we folks at Spectrum are grateful to you. Now you can go back to what you do best.’

  ‘Yeah, and what’s that?’

  ‘Bugging the heck out of poor Mrs Drisco.’

  ‘Oh, sure that’s what I live for.’

  Ruby went upstairs to the kitchen and whistled – from nowhere Bug was by her side wagging his tail.

  ‘At least I still have my old pal Bug, I don’t suppose you’ll ever dump me right? At least, not while there’s food in the refrigerator.’ Bug licked her on the cheek.

  ‘Your breath could be fresher but thanks anyway.’ She scratched him behind the ears.

  Ruby and the dog made their way down the back stairs and left the yard by the back gate. It was a beautiful evening. The sun was getting ready to set and the breeze that touched her face was warm – but for Ruby it might as well have been thunder and hail, for she felt nothing but cold stinging disappointment, a feeling Ruby Redfort was simply not used to.

  And just like that, Ruby’s life in the fast lane had hit a dead end.

  Chapter 29.

  A Regular Girl

  RUBY WAS GLOOMIER STILL when she arrived at school the next day only to find Clancy off sick.

  ‘Toothache,’ said Red.

  ‘But they extracted it, how can he have toothache?’

  ‘Infected,’ said Mouse. ‘That’s what I heard Mrs Bexenheath saying to Mrs Drisco.’

  ‘Tooth decay: one of the top ten reasons for all absent days,’ said Del.

  ‘So what, now you’re some kind of tooth statistics expert, Del?’

  Del put her hands on her hips and looked hard at Ruby. ‘Redfort, what’s your problem? You’ve been acting sorta weird for a while and now you seem to have a bug in your behind.’

  Del liked to use last names when she was making a point.

  Ruby was annoyed. She was annoyed with Del and she was annoyed with Clancy. No one was saying that was fair, ’cause it wasn’t, but that didn’t stop her from being annoyed. As far as Ruby Redfort was concerned it wasn’t fair that she had managed to work out what eight top undercover agents hadn’t been able to work out – yet where had it gotten her? Hanging around at school, every day the same.

  After class Ruby walked out of the gates and saw her mom parked across the street. Why is she here? Darn it! Ruby had planned to head over to Clancy’s.

  ‘Hey Mom, what’s going on?’

  ‘I thought we could go shopping – I want you looking pretty at the museum do,’ said her mother. ‘And it wouldn’t hurt to get something for our party tonight – heaven knows what you are planning on wearing.’

  ‘What are you saying? What’s wrong with my clothes?’ said Ruby indignantly.

  Sabina looked at Ruby’s attire. ‘Where to start?’

  ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

  ‘Oh honey, do you have to wear those T-shirts? You could look so like a regular girl if you tried.’ Today Ruby’s T-shirt bore the words, a bozo says what.

  Ruby got into the car.

  ‘What?’ said her mother staring hard at the words on Ruby’s shirt.

  ‘Exactly,’ said Ruby.

  ‘What does that even mean?’ sighed Sabina as she pulled away from the kerb and into the traffic. ‘I have the prettiest daughter in town and all she wants is to look “different”.’

  ‘Why would I wanna be the same?’ said Ruby.

  ‘I’m not saying exactly the same – just a bit the same.’

  ‘A bit the same?’

  ‘More normal, like other people want to look,’ said Sabina, firmly.

  ‘You want me to look more like her?’ said Ruby pointing out Vapona Bugwart’s best friend and sidekick Gemma Melamare, a glossy girl with shiny blonde hair and more make-up than a department store cosmetics counter.

  Sabina shivered. ‘No siree Bob.’

  They drove in silence for about fifteen seconds, before her mother perked up again. ‘Oh yes, Ruby I have to tell you – turns out there is a rumour going around that there was a big conspiracy to steal the Jade Buddha of Khotan, can you believe it?’

  ‘Are you kidding?’ said Ruby.

  ‘Yes, it wasn’t the bank at all.’

  ‘So, what, will they be bringing in some top security staff?’

  ‘Oh yes! Only Ambassador Crew’s top expert people, that’s how important this…’

  ‘Yikes Mom!’ screamed Ruby, as a maroon car overtook them at great speed and swerved into the gap in front of them.

  ‘Jeepers!’ screeched Sabina. ‘Some people’s driving! What was the point of that?’ She honked the horn to show her displeasure. ‘Anyway, as I was saying, it is now absolutely impossible to break in to the museum now they have all these lasers and the lockdown system. Isn’t that something?’

  ‘Yeah,’ said Ruby.

  ’I’m so excited! Your father’s going to bid for a chance to look the Buddha in the eye at the stroke of midnight. It’s the chance of a lifetime – imagine, not only the opportunity to halve his age but the chance to double his wisdom. What do you think, Rube?’

  ‘Will we even notice?’ said Ruby.

  Sabina looked in the mirror – there was a black car edging closer and closer to their bumper. ‘What’s that nut behind me doing? She’ll end up in our trunk if she gets any closer!’

  The black car started honking its horn.

  ‘Heavens!’ exclaimed Sabina. ‘The standard of some people’s driving is just criminal!’

  ‘You can say that again,’ said Ruby.

  Suddenly they felt their car jerk forward as the one behind rammed into them.

  ‘I’ve got nowhere to go lady!’ shouted Sabina loudly. The maroon car had them boxed in.

  ‘Mom! We’re gonna end up inside that parked truck if you don’t get us outta here fast!’

  It was true: they were heading straight for the open back of a large green truck. It looked like it was deliberately waiting to swallow them up.

  Ruby grabbed the wheel and screamed, ‘Step on it!’

  Her mother floored the gas pedal and they shot through a gap in the traffic – her eyes closed, expecting the worst, as the car careered across the freeway, tyres scre
eching, vehicles honking, and…

  …somehow they made it safely off at the next exit.

  ‘I would suggest that crazy redhead remove her enormous shades and take a proper look where she is going!’ said Sabina, gulping in air.

  Ruby glanced in the mirror, but the black car was nowhere to be seen. Yet she had a strong feeling the woman’s poor driving had nothing to do with her eyesight.

  ‘So now they’re dropping you?’ Clancy was having a hard time taking this news on board. He had come over as soon as he got Ruby’s message. ‘First of all they barely thank you and now they drop you?’

  ‘They haven’t dropped me, they just needed me to figure something out and now that I have that’s that.’ Ruby was trying to put a brave face on it but Clancy wasn’t giving up.

  ‘Oh fine, so you work out the whole thing and they just give you your marching orders like they never needed you in the first place.’

  ‘No Clance, you got it all backwards…’ argued Ruby, but Clancy was just warming up.

  ‘I can’t believe they would just use you like this, pick your brains and kick you out.’

  ‘Clance it’s not really like that.’

  ‘You must feel terrible Rube, all wrung out like an old dish rag.’

  ‘Clance…’

  ‘Dumped in the trash with all the rotting garbage.’

  ‘Thanks Clance,’ said Ruby, ‘I feel a whole lot better talking to you.’

  ‘Sorry Rube, I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad, it’s just I hate to see this happen to you.’

  ‘I know,’ said Ruby, ‘I guess I thought they might keep me on, get me to do other things… it woulda been fun.’ She sighed. ‘Look, let’s forget about it – let’s just hang out OK?

  ‘OK, but how about we get some pizza?’

  ‘I thought you had a tooth infection?’

  ‘Nah, I was faking it, I haven’t done my French assignment, so I kinda skipped school. My dad’s gonna kill me if I flunk again.’

  ‘Clance! Why didn’t you say? Look, I can help you with that this week sometime.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Sure I can – do it in my sleep.’

  ‘Thanks Rube, let’s go find Ray’s Pizza Van – I’ll even pay.’

  ‘Friend, you got yourself a deal,’ said Ruby.

  Chapter 30.

  Room Service

  CLANCY CREW AND RUBY REDFORT were hanging out in Twinford Square eating two slices of pepperoni anchovy cauliflower pizza they had just purchased from Ray’s Roving Pizza Van.

  ‘Good combination Clance, weird but yet, somehow, good,’ mumbled Ruby through a mouthful of pizza.

  ‘Yeah, well, you know, I thought the crunch of the cauliflower would perfectly compliment the saltiness of the anchovy, and the sausage would give it a sort of sausagey flavour.’

  ‘And you’re not wrong my friend,’ said Ruby. These highbrow pizza discussions could go on for some time, but today something else had caught Clancy’s attention. As he ate he was watching a red-haired woman taking photographs of the Square – it was a nice spring evening and the Square was looking particularly pretty but this woman was taking a lot of photographs and they weren’t just of the trees and the flowers. She had a camera with a long lens and she was slowly moving around photographing every single building in the Square – almost like she was documenting them.

  ‘Hey Rube, that lady with the red hair – the one taking pictures – I swear I’ve seen her somewhere before.’

  ‘Yeah, you could have seen her anywhere, lot a people in Twinford, Clance.’

  ‘Yeah but Rube this is different, I’ve seen her before but not in Twinford.’

  ‘So? You saw her somewhere else.’ Ruby was concentrating on getting a piece of stringy melted cheese into her mouth.

  Clancy didn’t take his eyes off the woman. ‘She’s taking an awful lot of pictures.’

  ‘No law against it,’ said Ruby.

  ‘I’ve seen her with a camera before – I know I have. There’s something about her that’s giving me a funny feeling.’

  Ruby gave him one of her sideways stares. ‘You sure Clance?’

  ‘Yeah, I got one of my hunches Rube, trust me on this.’

  ‘I trust you Clance – never doubt the Clancy Crew funny feeling is what I always say.’

  Clancy nodded. ‘You think we should follow her?’

  ‘Why not?’ said Ruby, flicking crumbs from her jeans.

  They waited until the woman had got halfway across the tree filled square before they began to tail her. It wasn’t difficult because it was a sunny day and there were lots of people out strolling with their dogs and this provided good cover.

  They followed the woman until she disappeared into the revolving doors of the Grand Twin Hotel, and sneaked in behind a young couple and their four arguing children. Ruby noticed the concierge give the redhead a key to room 524 and watched as she made her way to the elevators. As she disappeared from view Ruby spied an unattended room service trolley in the corridor – it looked like it was on its way to someone’s suite, though the waiter was nowhere to be seen. Without saying a word Ruby walked over to it and pushed it towards an open elevator. Clancy followed nervously.

  ‘Stop twitching, Clance, you’ll get us caught – confidence is everything.’ She pressed the button for the fifth floor.

  ‘Now what?’ said Clancy.

  ‘Now, take off your sweater.’

  ‘Why?’ asked Clancy.

  ‘Because you got a white shirt on that’s why and if you wrap this tablecloth around your waist you’ll look like a waiter – see?’

  ‘I’m thirteen years old Ruby, and skinny as a string bean, nobody’s gonna mistake me for a hotel waiter.’

  ‘Will you just believe me!’ hissed Ruby.

  ‘OK, I’ll believe you Rube, but I don’t think anyone else will.’

  They wheeled the trolley along the fifth floor corridor until they got to room 524. At which point Ruby crawled under the trolley and hid herself beneath the tablecloth.

  ‘Now what?’ whispered Clancy.

  ‘Knock,’ hissed Ruby.

  ‘I was afraid you were gonna say that,’ said Clancy, before knocking so quietly that it was a wonder anyone heard.

  The door was opened by the redhead, holding a telephone and deep in conversation with the person on the other end.

  ‘Sorry Bobby – someone’s at the door,’ she said into the receiver. ‘Yes?’ She was looking hard at Clancy.

  ‘Room service,’ said Clancy doubtfully.

  ‘I didn’t order room service,’ said the woman, fumbling for her glasses.

  Clancy didn’t say anything until he felt a sharp pinch to his right leg.

  ‘Compliments of the hotel,’ he blurted.

  ‘OK, put it over there,’ the woman said, gesturing over to the far side of the room. She squinted. ‘pretty young for a waiter aren’t you?’

  ‘I’m older than I look,’ Clancy assured her.

  ‘You better be because you look about nine.’

  Clancy decided he did not like this woman.

  She resumed her telephone conversation. ‘Look, I’m going to have to go in a minute Bobby, I need to wash this tint out before my hair turns scarlet.’

  While Clancy was pretending he knew how to set up a room service trolley, the woman disappeared into the bathroom. Ruby hearing the door close and the sound of the shower being turned on stuck her nose out from under the tablecloth.

  ‘All clear,’ said Clancy.

  Ruby looked around. ‘So what are we searching for?’ asked Clancy.

  ‘I don’t know, evidence.’

  ‘Of what?’

  ‘How should I know Clance, you’re the one with the hunch – would you stop asking questions and get looking.’

  Ruby was by now rifling through papers and notebooks while Clancy tried on some overly large tinted glasses he had found lying on the table. There were several pairs, all equally huge but in different shapes an
d colours.

  ‘Cool,’ said Clancy.

  After about five and a half minutes Ruby came to a pile of photographs scattered on the desk – they were pretty boring and they appeared to have been taken in some sort of bar or lounge which looked to be part of an airport. She flicked through them quickly until she came to a picture of some people she recognised standing in a crowd at the bar – even though it was a back view and even though one could only see part of their heads, there was no mistaking that the people in the photograph were her parents.

  It was perfectly obvious that the photographer had not intended to snap the Redforts, they had just gotten in the way. No, the subject was someone else some distance away from the photographer. A small man with a huge grey moustache was staring straight into the camera and when Ruby looked into his eyes she felt a cold shiver shoot up her spine – she had no idea who the man was but the look on his face was one of pure terror. The following pictures showed the man turning, pushing through the crowd, knocking into a woman – her mother? Making for the doors, disappearing from view – and two men in dark suits – were they tailing him?

  ‘Look at this Clance.’ Ruby was holding the photo, the one of her parents. ‘Recognise anyone you know?’

  Clancy stared at the picture for a full thirty seconds before saying, ‘Well yes I do actually – that man in the background, the one with the huge moustache I saw him the other night.’

  ‘What do you mean you saw him the other night?’ exclaimed Ruby, her voice full of surprise.

  ‘It was when I came over – while you were making fruit cocktails in the kitchen. Your mom and dad were going through their slides – boy, were you ever right, it was super boring. Remind me not to do that again… I mean maybe I’m wrong, but to me, one picture of snow looks very much like another?’

  ‘Clance would you just get on with it.’

  ‘Well, this guy with the moustache was in one of the slides – he’s the guy who spilled that drink all over your mom’s jacket.’

  ‘But why would this woman in the shower have pictures of a funny-looking guy like that?’ said Ruby

  ‘That’s the other thing,’ said Clancy, ‘the woman – I’ve remembered where I saw her before, she’s in the background of one of your mom and dad’s pictures.’