The It's Kind Of Personal (Complete 6 Book Series)ies

by Anna Brooks

  “We also need to address the loss of your sister and your parents.” I part my lips to argue, but she shakes her head. “We’ve already talked about this, the suppression of your feelings of loss. If you’re ready, we’ll talk about that next week, too, alright?”

  “’Kay, thanks,” I mumble. “Sorry I yelled at you.”

  “Don’t apologize for feeling, Charlotte. I think you’re really starting to heal, and that makes me happy.”

  As I’m driving back home, I stop by the lake. I take off my shoes and drag my feet through the sand to my spot, the place where I first met Travis. Remembering that summer always brings back so many emotions. Looking back, I recognize the seventeen-year-old me didn’t know shit. She was naive and immature. There are so many things I would change about my life and the path I’ve chosen. I have remorse for lying to him, but regret? Nope. If anything, I wish I could have had more time with the man I hold on a pedestal.

  It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him, and I was worried he would have changed. The intensity in his eyes, how he sees through every thick layer I’ve ever built, the way he makes me feel safe. My heart smiles when I realize he’s still the same man I fell in love with. Once he finds out what I went through with Todd, I’m not sure he’s going to look at me as the sweet girl he used to know. The thought of him leaving me like everyone else has me guarding my heart even more, because I don’t think I could lose him again.

  I lay on a large, smooth, gray rock on the shore and close my eyes.

  I wake up to the sound of my phone ringing and reluctantly pull it out of my pocket to answer. It’s a number I don’t recognize, so I swipe my finger across the screen and ignore the call, and then put my phone on silent. My heavy lids have no problem closing again, even in the cooler weather.

  “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.”

  I wake to the sound of a very angry Travis and quickly open my eyes. As I take in my surroundings, I realize the sun is now setting. That’s another thing I love about living here, the sunsets. Nothing is more beautiful than watching the blazing bright sun fade into nothingness behind blue water. It’s indescribable. I have yet to see a picture that does it justice.

  “Hey,” I mumble, sitting up.

  “Hey? You’re sleeping on a fucking rock. Alone, Charlotte. What the hell is wrong with you?”

  I tilt my head and see his jaw clenched and fists at his sides. His telltale sign when he’s pissed. He only ever calls me Charlotte when he’s mad at me. Apparently, today is no exception. My own anger builds quickly, and my refusal to be walked over again burns bright in the forefront of my mind. I will never let another man tell me what to do or be controlled. Ever. Including Travis. The initial shock of seeing him had me pliant, but not anymore. I vowed to be stronger.

  Standing on the rock makes me taller than him, and I use that to my advantage. I plant my feet, put my left hand on my hip, and point down at him with my right, much like a parent scolding a child.

  “Excuse me? What’s wrong with me?” Instead of letting him answer, I continue with my rant, “I’m an adult, Travis. I’m perfectly capable of making my own decisions.”

  “Do you have any idea what could happen to you? Your decision, as you like to call it, is stupid.” He has sincerity in his voice, which makes me feel bad for a moment, but that’s quickly ruined when he calls me stupid.

  “I’m fine. Nobody ever comes over here. And I don’t appreciate being called stupid, you asshole.” I cross my arms and rub away the chill that’s hit them, but refuse to look away from his eyes, which now reflect confusion.

  “What happened to you?” His voice is a mere whisper as he sees right through this fake persona I’m trying to play off. I’m a very non-confrontational person, and yelling at someone and calling them names makes me feel like a bully. This is not me, and he knows it.

  Instead of answering, I turn away from his questioning gaze and sit back down to watch the rest of the sunset. He curses, and I hold my breath when his booted feet hit the rock and land on either side of me. Strong arms wrap around from behind, and warm, minty breath fans the side of my face. I cherish the security he brings and lean into him.

  When the sun makes its final descent, I decide to answer his question.

  “After I left that summer, I made a promise to myself I would come back when I graduated high school. I wanted to believe you and I were meant to be together, that my lying to you didn’t ruin what we felt for each other. I’m so ashamed I lied to you. I want you to know how sorry I am for that.” Turning my head, I make sure he sees the truthfulness on my face. “I never meant to hurt you.”

  “I know, sweetheart.” He kisses my cheek, and I turn in his arms so I can rest my head on his chest.

  “My dad had a heart attack. He was washing the car in the driveway and collapsed. We don’t know how long he was laying there before my mom found him. It could have been an hour or five minutes, but the agony in her cry… I didn't even have to see to know what was going on.” I wipe an unchecked tear that rolls down my cheek. “The look on her face when the doctor came to talk to us will be burned into my memory forever. It was like her soul left her body. She was a shell, empty and lifeless. I had to do everything, Travis.”

  “What do you mean everything?”

  “Everything. I planned the funeral, did the laundry, paid the bills, grocery shopped, cooked, did all the yard work. I had to get two jobs to help make ends meet.”

  “Why didn’t you call me? Christ, Char, I would have dropped anything to be there for you.” The fury in his voice makes me flinch. His brows furrow together, and his cool finger makes a path down the side of my face. “Don’t. Don’t you ever be scared of me. I’d never hurt you, you know that. I’m mad you felt like you were alone.” I lift my head, and he assesses me, looking for more. “If not me, why not your family?”

  “I didn't want that. I didn't want anyone to drop anything for me. She was my mom, my responsibility. I already put you at risk by lying about my age. There’s no way I would have had you drop out of the academy to help me take care of her. I guess it was the same for my family. Mom refused to talk to them, and I didn't want to burden anyone else. I ran interference and played everything off the best I could.”

  “But—”

  I cut him off with a finger to his lips. “No, no more. I don't want to relive everything. I’m still working through some stuff. I’m tired. So damn tired, Travis.”

  “Of course, if that’s what you want. Can I ask one more question?” After nodding my answer he continues, “Why were you here for so long without anyone but Meara knowing? How the hell did you manage to pull that off?” His lips turn up, and I can’t help but giggle at his question.

  “I had everything delivered, and if I left the house, I went to another city. I wanted some peace. Some time to myself…” What I really needed was time to put on my big girl panties and face the facts. I was manipulated by a man, and he destroyed what little hope I had for a normal life. By nineteen, I had already lost my sister, father, and mother… I was doomed for failure. Todd made sure to deliver my fate on a silver platter. Slowly, but surely, I’m building up my confidence again, turning into a woman my parents would be proud of.

  I take in the small waves crashing against the shore. Being held by Travis again makes me feel whole. I’m still not sure what I want to do with my life, but I do know I want this man, whose mere presence makes me actually feel again, to be at the crux of it.

  Chapter 11

  Travis

  THIS SECRETIVE BULLSHIT IS really starting to piss me off. First, I find her alone, sleeping on a rock. Does she know what kind of sick fucks are out there? And I get that she had a rough time with her mom. Alone and scared with so much to deal with at such a young age. I imagine that’s part of what she’s talking about. I know there’s more to it, though. She flinched when I raised my voice. My fearless girl, who chased after me in the lake, was scared of me. That’s something I have to fix. I sw
ear if that blond douchebag hurt her…

  Once the sun completely sets, I hold her for a little bit. It’s starting to get colder out, and I don’t have a jacket to give her.

  “Hey, let’s get you home,” my gruff voice breaks the silence.

  Char stands in agreement and a slit of skin above her jeans is exposed when she raises her arms above her head to stretch. It’s taking all of my restraint not to touch her more than I already am. My dick twitches in my pants, and I quickly stand and concentrate on stepping down the jagged rock before her. Once on the sand, she grabs my outstretched hand, and we walk to my car together. Her grip loosens as we get closer.

  She looks nervous. “I guess I’ll see you later.”

  “I’ll drive you. Brandon and I will get your car tomorrow.” Any excuse I have to be with her, I’ll take.

  “How is your brother?”

  “He’s good. He only has another couple weeks here before he transfers to Chicago.” I’m really proud of my brother. He followed in my father and grandfather’s footsteps and made detective. He just accepted an opening in Chicago. I never had the desire to be a cop. Always wanted to be a firefighter. My family supports me and has never made me feel less because of it. My dad was paralyzed when I was fourteen from a gunshot wound, and that kind of put the kibosh on any pressure I felt to join the force.

  “That’s nice. I’m happy for him. I’m fine, Travis, I’ll drive.”

  I can tell she’s not going to change her mind.

  “Alright, sweetheart.” I kiss the top of her head, and after she pushes the button on her key fob, I open the door for her. Once inside and buckled, I close it and hop in my car to follow her home. The tires slow under me as I pull up to the curb and watch her shapely body get out of her car. She blows a kiss at me, laughing, before entering the building.

  * * *

  Since I’m off today, my brother roped me into helping him move. He already has a place back in Chicago and wants to get it set up. We’re in the U-Haul driving south on I-94. I’m rubbing my aching shoulder when Brandon starts talking.

  “Dude, I thought I had it.”

  “Yeah, well, you’re lucky I had my balance, otherwise I would have fallen down the stairs. Shit, man, don’t you have any friends? Any guys you work with to help you move this heavy-ass shit?” Adjusting my neck, the popping helps alleviate some of the kinks from all the heavy lifting this morning.

  “You don’t have to be such a baby about it. I said I was sorry, like ten times.”

  “I’m not being a baby; you dropped a two hundred and fifty pound solid wood dresser on me!” He didn’t actually drop it; more like it slipped, but we should have had another guy to help us. Apparently, this dresser was my great grandparents’ or something, so it’s fucking heavy. I like to rile him up. For as big of a guy as he is, he’s actually a sensitive prick.

  Aside from the occasional squeak of the brakes, silence fills the cabin of the truck the rest of the hour and twenty-five minute drive. I feel like we’re kids again, having a silent contest. He’s pissed at me when I’m the one who was slammed with the dresser. I’m not really mad, I get that his hands slipped, but that shit hurt.

  The silence is fine with me, though. It gives me time to think about how to get Char to open up to me.

  Box after box is unloaded into his first floor studio apartment, silent treatment still in effect. We avoid eye contact as we carry the dresser to his bedroom. I accidentally push a little harder, making him stumble. Smirking, I do it again.

  “Stop that shit. Jesus, man,” he yells at me.

  “How’s it feel to have all this wood shoved at you?”

  “For the last time, Travis, I said I was sorry! I told you I’d take bottom. If you would have taken top, I would have been the one with the huge piece of wood slammed into me, and I wouldn’t have to listen to your dumb ass!”

  “I didn’t want top! You’re more flexible than me!”

  “Next time, you don’t have a choice, you’re getting top, and I’ll take bottom so the wood hits me!”

  “Would you two like to be alone?” My dad’s booming voice filters through the room, and we both drop the dresser, muttering profanities. He and our mom are in the archway, both shaking their heads. Dad in his wheelchair, and Mom with her skirt and cardigan, like always. Her short hair shakes with laughter, and she grabs Dad’s shoulder for support.

  “He dropped a dresser on me!” I shout.

  “I said I was sorry!”

  We argue until a firm ‘smack’ upside our heads echoes around the empty room.

  “Jesus, Ma,” Brandon and I both say, rubbing the backs of our heads.

  “I thought my two grown sons, one a detective and the other a firefighter, had outgrown these childish arguments.”

  I try to defend myself, since I’m always the one in trouble, even though he started it, but the ‘Mom look’ she shoots in my direction has me snapping my mouth shut like I’m a kid again.

  “Now, tell me what happened, so we can talk through it.”

  “Nah, it’s all good. Right, bro?” The last thing I want is to get into a talk with my mom. We’d be here all day, and someone would end up crying. She has a way about her.

  “Yeah. We’re good.” Brandon’s fist taps mine a little harder than necessary, and I pat him on the back with a little too much force.

  “Good, now that that’s settled, let's unpack.”

  God, nothing like feeling like a kid again.

  While unpacking, my mother glares at us when Brandon and I continue to ‘accidentally’ bump into each other. We eventually stop, and she pinches our cheeks. Once everything is unpacked, we order a pizza.

  “You ready for this, son?” Dad asks Brandon.

  “I was born ready.”

  We all laugh at him, and Dad and Brandon talk shop while I help Mom throw all the garbage away.

  “What’s with the long face?” she asks in the kitchen.

  “Huh? Nothing,” I lie. She won’t buy it.

  “Liar. What’s wrong?” Her concern is touching, really, but I am not about to tell my mother my relationship problems. “Is it a girl?”

  “Ma, I’m not talking about this with you.”

  “So, there is something going on.”

  “Yeah,” I agree. “But it’s fine, alright. I got it.” I smile and give her a kiss on the cheek.

  “She must be pretty special.”

  “Why would you say that?”

  “Because ever since Tammy, you’ve been closed off. In order to open yourself back up again, this girl would have had to help you realize you’re allowed to move on from your past.”

  Damn, she’s good. “You think so, huh?” I tease.

  “I know so. Is she the reason you decided to drop the construction job and follow your dream?” She smiles proudly at me, and I nod in response.

  “Yeah, Ma, she is. She’s the reason for all that and more.”

  We say our goodbyes, and after folding my Dad’s wheelchair in the car, I meet my brother in the truck.

  “You still pissed about the dresser, or is something else going on?” Always inquisitive, it’s no wonder he made detective so fast. First Mom, now him. I guess I suck at hiding how I feel.

  “How do you get someone to talk to you, even though they don’t want to?”

  “Depends.” He shrugs. “Usually find their weakness and use it against them.”

  “But I don’t want her to tell me under false pretenses.”

  “So, it’s a woman? That’s a whole other ball game.” He whistles, and the strumming of his thumbs on the steering wheel indicates his mind turning. “What’s she hiding?”

  “I don’t know; something bad, something that changed her. I don’t want to push too far too fast and have her close me out completely.” Blowing out a breath, I lay my head on the seat rest.

  “You’ve gotta outsmart her. Ask questions and make her think it’s the answers you’re looking for, but really it’s her body la
nguage you’re after. See if she maintains eye contact or blinks a lot. Does she stutter or answer too fast? Those little clues can help get a perspective of the situation.”

  An idea pops in my head, and I instantly know how to get the upper hand.

  “Thanks, man.”

  * * *

  With a plan in mind, I walk to the entry door and press the buzzer for her place. After Brandon dropped me off Sunday night, I was so tired and sore, all I did was take a shower and fall into bed. I worked forty-eight hours straight after that. We had calls all night, so I didn’t get much sleep. I went home so I could get some shut-eye and change my clothes. After a quick run to the store, I take my chances showing up unannounced. Her sweet, smooth voice fills the intercom.

  “Who is it?”

  “It’s me. Travis,” I add, not sure if she recognizes my voice.

  An ear piercing buzzing is the only response I get so I turn the knob and walk up the four flights of stairs to her door. She’s wearing grey yoga pants and a bright yellow tank top. I stumble when I recognize the shiny blond hair flowing in sexy waves past her shoulders. The smile that forms on my lips is automatic. She looks so much more like herself, so fucking beautiful.

  “Your hair.”

  “Yeah, well, I like my natural color better.” She shrugs, and I follow her inside, kicking the door shut behind me as I set the bags on the floor.

  My body moves of its own accord, and I grab fistfuls of her silky hair and slam my mouth to hers. She lets out a yelp and puts her hands on my chest, grabbing my shirt. Our lips meld together and I lift her a few inches off the ground so I can carry her to the couch. Nothing about this kiss is neat. It’s hungry and fucking hot. Her legs bump against the armrest, and I fall with her on to the couch. Her soft body under my hard one does nothing but turn me on even more. I pull away and look into her eyes, panting.

  “Oh. My. God.”

  My head snaps to the right to find Meara sitting in a corner chair, mouth agape, eyes wide.

  “Shit,” I mutter under my breath and turn back to Charlotte. “You okay?”