The It's Kind Of Personal (Complete 6 Book Series)ies

by Anna Brooks

  A walk around his house confirms he’s not here, so I clean up the cans and empty the ashtrays. One swipe of my arm and the entire week’s worth of stale food lands in the bag as well. Once I get back from taking that to the overflowing trashcan outside, I wash the few dirty dishes in the sink. Just as I’m putting them away, he stumbles in with a woman and I grit my teeth.

  This, right here, right now, makes me question why I even bother. Why I force myself to visit him. What’s the point of trying to have a relationship with someone—blood or not—when they’re so high they don’t even remember you coming over.

  “Hey, kiddo.” His words slur and he sways. The woman, frail and clearly strung out, tries to steady him, but they fall and end up laughing uncontrollably on the floor.

  I throw the rag on the counter and step over him. “Just wanted to make sure you were still alive. I’m leaving in a week, so I thought we could hang out. But I can see you’re busy. I’ll come back.”

  My feet can’t get me out of there fast enough, and when I finally get to my car, I exhale a gigantic breath and rest my head on the steering wheel. That is what I don’t want to become. A drugged-out loser who can’t even take care of himself. A lonely man who threw his entire life away because of a stupid ass weak addiction.

  I’m glad my mom got rid of him when she did. Best decision she ever made. But I’m left with the wake of his destructive behaviors because he has nobody else. No family, no true friends … not even a damn job.

  My biggest fear in life is becoming like him. Meara’s only met him a few times because I’m embarrassed for her to see this part of my life. She’s never seen me clean up his puke or carry him to bed. I don’t want her to know how many times I’ve dumped out bottles of vodka and filled them with water or thrown drugs and needles into the trash.

  This part of my life won’t touch her. She’s too good—too clean and pure and beautiful to deal with this shit. Instead of lying, because I swore I never would lie to her, I just avoid the subject. She thinks he’s just a crap dad. If she knew the truth, she’d never look at me the same. Who would want to be with someone who comes from… that?

  The past four years have been awesome. We’ve just been having so much fun and the fact that I get to say she’s mine—there are not even words. And sex. Yeah… it’s so much more than everyone else says. Everything with her is so much more.

  I pull up to a parking spot and grab the necklace I bought for her out of the glove box. It’s her graduation party tonight and only a week until I leave.

  My friends from school, Mike and Gabe, and my stepbrother, Jamie, make up our band Reason to Ruin. Meara always gave me crap for banging on things, but we’re going to see if all that noise will pay off. When I talked to her about us going on the road to try to pick up some gigs, she didn’t hesitate to encourage me. I’m going to miss her. Just her. Everything about her. But it’s a dream of the band, so we’ll try it for a year and see what happens.

  There’s a bonfire on the beach and a bunch of people from school running around like idiots. I spot her right away talking to one of her friends, and she waves at me. I angle my head at the logs around the fire, and she nods in acknowledgment.

  “Hey, man. How’s it goin’?” Mike bumps my shoulder as I sit.

  “Good.”

  “One week, dude. I’m so fucking stoked!”

  “Yeah.” I stretch my legs out and watch the flames fight with each other.

  “Krissy just gave me the eye. I’m out.”

  I laugh at him and try to avoid conversation with anyone else. Visiting my dad always winds me a little tight. The flames flicker and the blue blends with the orange. Red and yellow twirl around until they reach the top and a spark flies off.

  A squeal that I’d recognize anywhere forces me out of my trance, and Meara is jumping up and down while hugging her cousin, Charlotte. In an instant, I’m smiling again when her laughter hits my ears.

  The girls walk around for a bit, and after about an hour, they part and Meara runs over to me and falls onto my lap. She plants a loud kiss on my cheek. “Hey, sexy.”

  “Hi, princess.”

  “Having fun?”

  “Of course.” My voice is flat, and like always, she senses my somber mood.

  “You don’t look like it. Everything okay?”

  “Yeah. Just trying to not think about the fact that we’re leaving in a week.”

  She nods and moves to sit next to me on the log then leans her head on my shoulder. We wrap our arms around each other, and pretty soon, the worry dissipates and I’m left with the happiness and contentment that my girl brings me.

  Meara

  I’m trying not to break down. He needs me to be strong for him. I will be strong for him. He’s been the strong one over the past four years, the one I’ve leaned on. He’s helped me study for tests, made me feel beautiful when I felt out of place with my looks, showed me what it really felt like to be loved, and supported me no matter what. Now it’s my turn to try to be that for him.

  It’s going to suck so bad when he’s gone. Although I’m young, I’m not stupid. He needs to do this, and the band needs to do this. I’ve never met such a dedicated group of guys in my life. For the past year, they’ve been saving every last dime they have to pay for their yearlong road trip. They’ve even lined up some small shows already. Liam doubts they’ll be successful, but I know they will be. They are super talented. And not like ‘oh that’s nice’ but really, really talented. So while every fiber of my being wants to be with him, I know I can’t. I refuse to hold him back. I’ll wait as long as it takes for him to come back. He hasn’t even left yet, but I already miss him.

  When he asked me how I felt about them going, I didn’t hesitate to tell him it was a great idea. If he didn’t go, then somewhere down the line he’d resent me for it. He needs to live his life. I love him and want to be with him forever. But sometimes love means letting go when all you want to do is pull so hard your skin breaks instead of your heart.

  “You ready to get outta here?” He nudges me with his shoulder.

  “With you, yes.”

  “C’mon.”

  Our hands reach for one another automatically and when our fingers link, he contracts his grip. On the way to the car, the muscles in his forearm flex as he loosens and tightens it again. I follow his lead and stay quiet on the way back home.

  My parents are always at the pub until at least two in the morning, so Liam and I are always able to sneak in some alone time before they get back. His mom is lenient, and he never really had a curfew as long as she knew where he was.

  I don’t ask him questions when he pulls in front of my house and parks. He walks around and opens my door then takes my hand again for the short walk to the front door.

  He’s not usually quiet like this, but with him leaving next weekend, I’m just assuming it’s about that. I set my purse on the kitchen island, the sign to let my parents know I’m home, and lead him up to my room. He shuts the door behind me and twists the lock. His eyes lock with mine and he walks until his breath fans across my face.

  “What’s wrong?” I whisper, and raise my palm to rest against his cheek.

  He wraps his long fingers around my wrist and uses his other hand to cup my chin. “Nothing is wrong when I’m with you.”

  My shoulders drop out of irritation because something is wrong and he’s pretending everything is okay. We’ve seen each other every day almost our entire lives—the past four years we’ve been inseparable—and in a week, he’ll leave without us knowing the next time we’ll see each other. He doesn’t talk about it, though. After our initial talk, he always changes the subject and avoids any conversation about it, so when he brought it up a little bit ago, I knew he was fighting something.

  “Lee, it’s going to be okay. We’re going to be okay.”

  He nods and reaches behind him and pulls a box out of his back pocket. As soon as the silver necklace is in his hands, he holds up the pendant, a m
oon and star covered in little diamonds. “No matter where I am, know that we will always be looking at the same lights in the sky.”

  He clasps it around my neck and presses his lips against mine, moving them in an unhurried kiss that makes my knees weak. I walk us back a few steps to my bed and as I sit, he puts a knee on the mattress and lays me down. I unbutton his shirt and push it over his shoulders until it falls down. He leans back to remove it the rest of the way and places his hands under my tank top. His fingers press into my skin and find their way under my bra.

  He twists my nipples lightly and pushes the cups up to expose my breasts. With my shirt and bra at my collarbone, he leans down and traces every inch of my soft flesh with his tongue, then sucks each pebbled tip into his mouth.

  My back arches and he reaches behind it to undo the strap. He takes everything off so I’m naked from the waist up. Needing to feel him against me, I wrap my arms around his back and pull him close until he’s lying on top of me, chest to chest, our heartbeats in sync.

  His hardness presses between my legs and I rock my hips slightly against him. Our lips find each other’s again, and when his tongue swipes against mine, wetness begins to gather beneath my thong.

  Abruptly, he sits up, rips the rest of my clothes off, and throws the rest of his on the floor in a pile next to my bed.

  I’ve been on birth control for a couple of years now, so he wastes no time in running the velvety tip of his hard length against my swollen and wet sweet spot. I moan and press my feet flat against the mattress to raise my hips to get more, and he thrusts himself into me in one movement.

  The gasp that comes from my lips is one of pleasure, but he pauses. “Fuck, sorry. You okay?”

  “Yeah. I’m more than okay.”

  He sits me up then rolls to his back so I’m on top and grabs my hips. “Ride me, princess. I want to see you. I want to memorize how your face looks when I’m deep inside you. I need to remember what you look like so every time I touch myself, I can imagine you just like this.”

  I rock my hips slowly against him, reveling in the sensations of Liam that have become such a part of me I don’t know how I’ll live without them.

  “You’re so beautiful. Your face flushed like this. Your perky tits bouncing above me. Your tight, wet, pussy sliding against me.” He grits his teeth together and presses himself against me so, so tightly.

  The muscles in my lower stomach spasm, and I rock faster, harder. Needing more, but not wanting this to be over. Wishing we could stay like this forever.

  “You’re so perfect, Meara. God, everything about you is fucking perfect. Do you feel what you do to me? Can you feel how hard I am? How fast my heart is beating?” He grabs my wrist and moves it from his shoulder to the center of his chest.

  My head falls forward. My steady movements become frantic, and the throbbing and tingling between my legs builds until I’m vibrating from the inside out. My legs shake and my arms give out, and I collapse onto his chest.

  While I’m still in the aftermath of my orgasm, he flips me over and raises my hips so he can slide inside again. With a kind of edge I’ve never seen from him before, he pounds into me … fast, hard, rough. And I love it. My forearms support my upper body and I look over my shoulder to see him staring at where we join. Watching him fuck me. His eyes whip up and lock on mine. “Good?” He grunts without stopping.

  “Yes. So good.”

  “Wish it could last forever.”

  “Me, too.”

  “Come with me?”

  I nod and when he spanks my ass, I lose eye contact because each nerve in my body combusts at the same time. He grabs my hips and pulls me to him as he comes inside me. “Fuck, princess.” The heavy and sweaty weight of him presses me further into the mattress.

  We lie in silence, catching our breath, him running his hands up and down my arms and me smiling into the pillow.

  “Be right back.” He shuffles with his clothes and grabs his boxer briefs from the pile then disappears out of my room and comes back a minute later with a towel. I roll to my back and after he wipes the sweat off his head, he uses the cloth between my legs and tosses it on the floor. I push the sheets back and we climb under them together. We set my alarm on the side of my bed to go off in an hour and a half so he can wake up before my parents get home.

  He curls his entire body around me pulling me close. “I love you, Meara.”

  “Love you, too.”

  “No.” He almost sounds angry but continues before I can say anything. “I love you. I don’t want to leave you. I don’t want to risk losing you—”

  “You won’t.”

  “Promise?”

  “Yes, Liam. I promise.”

  “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  “You don’t have to wonder. I’ll always be here for you. I’ll wait for you, Lee. Forever if I have to.”

  One week later.

  Liam

  Meara finally fell asleep about forty-five minutes ago and even though we’re leaving in less than six hours, I can’t doze off. I’ve tried … so hard the past week to pretend they were just normal days, but as each minute ticked by, it was one I’d never get back with her. And for each one spent together, there are going to be so many apart—too many for me to accept right now.

  I don’t want to let her go, but I can’t just lie here. We’re sleeping in the empty apartment above the pub so we could be with each other until the moment I leave, but it feels like something is crawling under my skin and tightening around my throat. I need to move; I’ve gotta get some fucking air.

  As quietly as I can, I untangle our limbs and slip on a pair of shorts, a tee, and shoes. I grab my hat off the kitchen table and write a note in case she wakes up, then lock her door and head down the stairs and out into the alley.

  The chilly air electrifies my nerves and I shiver. It’s almost three am, so it’s pretty much desolate right now. I shove my hands in my pocket and pace a little bit, but soon find myself walking further down the dark, damp alleyway.

  All I want to do is wake up and have this all be over. The band will have gone away for a year, have fun playing music, but we’re done and ready to be back home. I had reservations about leaving, but as the time nears, I’m downright petrified. Part of it is the fear of the unknown, but it’s mostly her. And I’m trying really damn hard not to appear too much of a pussy to her.

  The soles of my shoes vibrate against my sockless feet with each step and I come to an abrupt halt when I round the corner and see a familiar figure.

  “Dad?”

  He turns his head and the woman huddled into his side squeals and runs away. When he begins to walk this way, he stumbles into the wall but rights himself. “Hey, Liam. Whatcha doin’ over here? Ain’t no place for my boy.”

  “I needed air.” And a distraction, which it seems like I got it. “Who was that?”

  “Her? She’s nobody. Just a broad who … Let’s just say we exchange what the other needs.” He actually looks away and appears nervous, unsure. That look quickly changes when he pulls a joint out of his pocket and lights it. “You leave soon, right?”

  “Yeah.” I step back and try to get out of the line of smoke.

  “Then why aren’t you with that girl of yours?”

  This man is not father material. He’s a lowlife druggie who should probably be in jail. But he’s my dad, and something about him always made it easy to open up to him. It might be because he doesn’t usually remember our talks. Who knows?

  I sigh and squat against the wall and sink down until my butt hits the concrete. “’Cause I couldn’t think. Everything in my mind is a fucking mess. I mean, why the hell do I feel guilty for leaving her? She’s fine with it. I want this. I want to go with the guys and play music.”

  “Can she come with you?”

  “No, she doesn’t want to. She wants to get the whole college thing over so she can start taking over the pub from her parents. Besides, where the hell would she sleep
? We have a conversion van with a damn trailer.”

  “Hmm.” He sits next to me and nods, ashes falling with the movement.

  “I’m just so fucking stressed.”

  His hand disappears in his pocket and he pulls out a baggie filled with pills. He digs around and offers them to me.

  “Nah, I’m good.” The last thing I need is to become like him.

  “It’s nothing bad. Just a little something to help with the nerves. It’ll help take the edge off.” He pushes them toward me. “You don’t have to take ‘em, but if it gets too bad, know they’re here for ya.”

  I reluctantly accept them and drop them into my pocket.

  “Well, good luck, son. Be sure to visit.”

  We both stand and I put my hands in my pockets, fingering the tablets. “Take care, Pops.”

  He nods and we turn our backs to walk back where we came from. I went a little further than I had realized, so by the time I get back, the sun is just starting to creep up. Once I let myself in, I quietly shut the door and kick off my shoes.

  “Feel better?”

  Meara’s angry voice makes me jump, and I take a step toward the kitchen where she’s sitting at the table, spinning my note.

  “Sorry. I just needed-”

  “A minute? Yeah. I got it, Lee. I had no problem reading your note. Where’d you go?”

  “Just a walk.”

  “Hmm. Alone at four in the morning.”

  The thing about Meara, she has a temper. She does not take shit from anybody, least of all me. Her bubbly personality can change to spitting fire in a matter of seconds, and you do not want to be on the receiving end of it.

  “I’m sorry, Meara. This is harder for me than I thought.”

  She huffs out some air and crosses her arms. “Right. Like I don’t know that. Do you think for a second maybe if you fucking talked to me then maybe you’d feel better? That maybe I’m feeling the exact same way and it would be great if we could talk to each other about it? God forbid, though, you tell me how you really feel.”

  “I did tell you last weekend. And you can always talk to me about it.”