The It's Kind Of Personal (Complete 6 Book Series)ies

by Anna Brooks

I nod and walk out the door, his words adding to the inner turmoil already weighing me down.

  * * *

  “Hey, man. Good flight?” Jamie asks as I step onto the bus.

  “Sure. It was fine.” I walk past him, but he grabs my arm then uses both hands to grip the side of my head. I try to push him away, but he slams me against the wall and forces my head up. I keep my eyes closed. I know what he’ll see—the guilt, the embarrassment—and I’m not ready to go there yet.

  “Fuck me. Lee, what in the fuck are you doing?” He slaps the side of my face, and I slowly open my heavy lids.

  Once his eyes meet mine, he curses under his breath again and pushes my shoulders. “Liam, Jesus fuck. You visit your old man while you were there? Meara know you’re back into this shit?”

  I don’t confirm or deny but push off the wall. “I need to get ready for the show.”

  “Fuck the show! I’m not gonna stand around and do nothing this time.”

  Mike and Gabe appear out of nowhere and stare at me.

  “Yes, you will because there’s nothing for you to do anything about.”

  My shoulder knocks into my brother on my way to the bathroom. I splash cold water on my face but refuse to look into the mirror. I take a quick shower and throw on a pair of jeans and t-shirt then my boots and a hat. The guys are waiting for me outside, and without making eye contact, I hop in the waiting SUV and pull the brim of my hat over my eyes.

  The ride to the venue is quiet, and as soon as we pull up, I hop out and head to the dressing room. A bottle of vodka is already waiting for us, and I grab it and take some long pulls.

  Jamie walks in and looks at the bottle, then me, shakes his head, and walks right back out. Whatever. Everyone likes to act all superior. As if being in this business doesn’t take a toll on them, as if it doesn’t tear them apart. I’m the only one who can admit how fucking hard it is. But because they don’t have a woman who’s waiting for them, they don’t get it. All they have is random pussy.

  The show goes off without a hitch, and I play better tonight than I have in a long time. My solos are spot on, I engage with the crowd, and I even toss my sticks at the end, feeling more alive than I have in a long time. I thought the guys would be happy, especially Mike.

  “Killer show, right?” I raise my hand for a fist bump, but he ignores it and slams the door to our dressing room.

  “What the fuck, Liam?” Mike asks.

  “What? You were giving me shit about fucking up yesterday. I focused, man. I kicked ass … isn’t that what you want?” The high is long gone, but I still feel … on point right now, excited almost.

  “Not like that, Liam. Never like that.”

  I huff out a breath and reach for the bottle, but Jamie beats me to it and knocks it to the floor, its contents pouring out.

  “What the fuck, man?” I lean down to grab it, but Mike pushes me away. When I straighten my back, I see the three men who mean almost as much as Meara does to me staring back. And they’re all looking at me with disappointment.

  “You’re not doing this to yourself again.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not doing anything. ‘Cause I wanna have a fucking drink after the show? Whatever …” I turn around and slam the door on my way out, then walk around until I find who I’m looking for. I don’t know him, but when I raise my eyebrow in question, he looks around and nods, then leads me down the dark hallway.

  Chapter 8

  Meara

  “GUESS WHAT?” I JUMP up and down when Charlotte walks into the pub and grab her shoulders. “Guess fucking what?”

  Her eyes widen. “What?”

  “Liam’s moving back home in six months!” I squeal and jump even higher. It’s the Tuesday after he visited and since we’re closed on Mondays, I stayed holed up in my apartment all day, something I’m not used to at all. I was up late catching up on paperwork though so I could do some looking. I wanted to tell Char in person, so I waited until today. “And I looked at houses all day yesterday. I have a whole day of tours scheduled for next Monday, and you’re coming with me!”

  “Whoa. What?” She laughs and hugs me. “You’re house hunting. That means …”

  “He’s coming home!” The people close to us know our plan, so I finish her thought.

  “Holy crap, this is so exciting!” She bounces with me and when she pulls back, she wipes her eyes.

  “Don’t cry. Why the hell are you crying?” I reach behind her, grab a small square napkin with the Kelly’s Pub logo on it, and hand it to her.

  “I don’t know. It’s just you’ve … you’ve waited so long for this and you look so happy.”

  “I’m always happy.”

  “I know, but this is different. Ignore me, I’m overly emotional.” She sniffles and starts laughing as she wipes her eyes.

  “Can you come with me on Monday? We can bring Caroline with us.”

  “Of course, I’ll go, but I’d rather leave her with a sitter since Travis is working. I don’t want her breaking stuff and getting in the way. Your parents might be able to.”

  “You know they will.”

  “Let me call them real quick just to make sure.”

  I pour another for the guy who has the same hat as Liam. He’s come in at least once a week since then and is always quiet but polite. I apologize to the customer who had to wait for her drink through that ordeal. Her blond hair is in perfect waves and she has a friendly smile on her face.

  “Sweetie, it’s fine. It sounds like your man is coming home. Is he in the service?”

  “No, he’s in a band, actually.” She tries to hand me money, but I shake my head. “No, keep it. You had to wait way too long.”

  “Well, thanks.” She leaves a dollar as a tip on the bar and puts the rest in her purse. “My husband was in the Army. I got excited just like that when I knew he was coming home.”

  “Oh, I bet. Is he still?”

  Her face falls and I feel mine do the same. “No. He passed away.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “Thank you. It’s been a rough time, that’s for sure.”

  “I can’t even imagine. You look so young, too.”

  “We were only twenty when we got married.”

  “Wow.” Watching this woman brave enough to talk about her husband, imagining what she went through, really puts my ass into perspective. I’ve no right to complain about being apart from Liam when so many other women don’t even know when their husband is coming home. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Please. Don’t say anything. Except …”

  “What?”

  She waves me off and shakes her head. “Never mind.”

  “No. What were you going to say?”

  “You don’t have any clue if they’re hiring, do you? I just moved here … I needed to get away from the memories, the house, the mistakes I was making.”

  I prop a hip against the counter and cross my arms. I like this woman. She’s tough. She might not look it, but having gone through what she did so young, and having the courage to start over somewhere else, I have to give her credit. Big time. And I really could use some help around here. It’d be nice to have someone else who could close for me.

  “I think they are, actually.”

  “Really?” She sits up straighter. “Do you have an application or anything?”

  “No. But if you want, I can introduce you to the manager.”

  “That would be awesome. You have no idea how much I appreciate this. I promise I’m a really hard worker and I can work whenever, I’m totally flexible.”

  “That’s great.”

  I stick my hand out and she raises an eyebrow.

  “I’m Meara Kelly.”

  She places her hand in mine and tilts her head. Her eyes look over my shoulder and widen when I know they found the plaque of the bar along with a family picture.

  “You’re …”

  “The manager slash soon-to-be owner. And I’d like t
o hire you.”

  Her smile is somehow even wider now, and she laughs. “I’d love to work for you. I’m Lisa.”

  * * *

  “This is the one.”

  “I knew you’d love it. It just came on the market yesterday.”

  I walk around the old farmhouse and run my fingers across the stained glass on the staircase-landing window. I haven’t even been upstairs yet, but there’s just a feeling in my gut. I’ve been looking at houses for a couple of months, and nothing seemed good enough. This one, though… it’s perfect.

  “You guys are going to have some work to do.”

  “I don’t care.” I walk away from my realtor and open the first bedroom door. My breath hitches in my lungs and tears well in my eyes as I hold a hand to my stomach. Light pink walls, lacy white curtains, a mobile with pink zoo animals hanging from the ceiling where a crib would be. It’s obvious no one has used this room for quite some time by the amount of dust, but it has so much potential.

  “I want it.”

  “Okay. As soon as I get back to the office, I’ll get the papers drawn up. I can e-mail them to you.”

  “No, I’ll come by and take them to Liam. I’m going to see him tonight.”

  “Okay. Sounds good.”

  “Okay,” I whisper.

  She walks out of the room and leaves me alone with my thoughts. The timing is perfect. Everything is just so perfect right now. We weren’t exactly planning to get pregnant this fast, but it happened. I’m super excited and I know Liam’s going to be ecstatic. I can’t wait to surprise him tonight with the news that he’s going to be a father.

  I meet the realtor downstairs, and we walk around outside together. She explains that the owner of the house was an older man who couldn’t bear to part with his family’s land but neglected the almost ten acres he had left. At one point, his father owned over a thousand acres, but as the years went on, they slowly sold off parts of the land.

  “Where is he now?”

  “He went to a nursing home.”

  “Aww, that’s so sad. And his kids didn’t want the house?”

  “No, apparently not.”

  “I don’t even know if we’d need to get this fenced in. It’s so big.” More or less, I’m saying this to myself because I know privacy is important to Liam.

  “What was that?”

  “Oh, nothing. I’m just talking to myself. God, can you imagine what this will look like once it’s cleaned up?” I point at the overgrown backyard. Huge weeping willows are off in the distance, a row of evergreens taller than the house line one side, and on the other, a row of apple trees.

  “I can only imagine. It’s a great property.”

  “A great place to raise a family.”

  She laughs. “Yes, it is. I would have loved to have had this much space as a kid. Did you grow up in the city?”

  “Well, the suburbs, but it was an older subdivision so the homes still had land surrounding them. Liam actually lived next door to me.”

  “Really? That is so cool. So how long have you guys been together then?”

  I walk down the back steps and push the tall grass down with my wedge sandals until I reach the side of the house with the evergreens. They’re so tall, so beautiful.

  “The question is really how long have we not been together.” I laugh. “We grew up together, literally. We’re only a couple of months apart and our moms are friends. There has always been something between us since I can remember. God, I think I was like twelve when I first realized I was in love with him.”

  “Wow. That is such a neat story. I’m so happy for you guys.”

  “Yeah, me too.” I smile and rub my belly, anxious to start the next part of our lives together.

  Chapter 9

  Liam

  “OH, MY GOD, LEE. I found it.” Meara’s smile is evident in her voice and I walk off the bus away from the noise so I can hear her better. It’s been two and a half months since I last saw her. And since then, she’s found something wrong with every single house she’s looked at. She’s constantly sending me links to houses, and most of them look fine to me, but when she gets back from a showing, she’s always pissed because there was something wrong.

  I was completely serious when I told her I didn’t give a shit what the house looked like. Yet, she insists on sending me pictures and asking what I think. It could be a mansion or a shack, and I honestly could not give one fuck.

  Her frustration lately with not finding one has been hard for her. I wish I were there to help. I even told her to wait for me, but she’s determined to have a home for me to come home to instead of her apartment.

  “Which one?”

  “You haven’t seen it yet. It just came on the market last night and I did a walk-through this morning. It’s perfect. Ten acres!” She laughs. “So, it’s definitely private. It’s outdated, so we’d have to update everything. I think I could get it done by the time you’re finished with the tour.”

  The fact that she is so damn excited is something that makes me really fuckin’ happy. That’s all I want … to make her happy. “Sounds good.”

  “Lee, I want it.”

  “So take it. E-mail me the papers and I’ll sign them and send ‘em back for the offer.”

  “I’ll just bring them tonight.”

  “All right.” I’m so looking forward to seeing her tonight. I miss the hell out of her and am counting down the days until finally, fucking finally, we can move on with our lives. I’m dying for the day we can wake up in our own house together.

  “Don’t you even want to see it?”

  “Meara, if it makes you happy, I’ll be fine. I’ve already told you I don’t care.”

  “Okay. You’re gonna love it. I just know you will!”

  The guys all pile off the bus and Jamie looks at his pretend watch.

  “I’ve gotta go. We have an interview before the show tonight.”

  “I’m so excited to see you!” She squeals and I picture her jumping up and down.

  “Me too, princess.”

  “Liam!” Jamie yells.

  I hold up my middle finger at him and he laughs. “I’ve gotta go.”

  “Okay, see you tonight. Love you,” she sings.

  “You, too.” I stumble a bit as I walk over the curb, but Jamie catches me.

  “The fuck, man? You wasted already?”

  “I tripped, Jamie. Get off me.” I push him away and walk toward the radio station. Despite being pissed at my brother for always assuming the worst in me, I inhale the refreshing Midwestern air. We don’t have time to do a song, only a quick interview since the show is in about four hours. The only reason we squeezed this one in was because they were the first radio station that played our music. We try to be as loyal as we can be, especially to those who gave us a chance first.

  The second I walk into the small room, my radar goes off. I’ve never met this DJ before, and something about him rubs me the wrong way. He thinks he’s the shit. He’s got that wannabe rocker look going on—too much product in his hair and a band t-shirt that was reproduced, not actually bought at a concert.

  “Hey, guys.” He sticks his hand out, and we all do the introductions. “I’m gonna introduce you on the air then play a song of yours, then we’ll do a round of Q and A before I play another song. I know you guys are in a hurry.”

  “Yeah, sounds great, man,” Mike says, and we all slide onto a stool and pull on a pair of headphones.

  The DJ, who calls himself Reed, introduces us and thanks us for being here. Mike makes small talk about the tour, where we’re playing tonight, the usual shit. I just sit there and twirl in the chair until the song is over, ignoring Reed’s banter with the rest of the band.

  “And we’re back with Reason to Ruin. We have Mike, Gabe, Jamie, and Liam. So tell me, you guys have been together since what, you were eighteen?” Reed asks, his question directed at Mike.

  Jamie’s the one who speaks up, though. “Actually, we’ve been playing t
ogether since we were thirteen. My brother, Liam, and I started the band out of our garage. Gabe and Mike joined shortly after. Our first song was at our eighth-grade graduation.” We all chuckle and Jamie continues. “But we did it for fun back then. Never would we have dreamed that we’d be where we are now.”

  “Wow, I’d love to see a tape of that. What’s the biggest difference in your music now versus then?”

  “It doesn’t suck now,” Mike jokes. “No, I think … I don’t know, man. We’re older now. Been through some shit. This is a tough industry. We take what we do very seriously and know how easily we can have it taken away from us. We’re definitely more careful with our decisions.”

  “Are you talking about Liam’s near-death overdose a few years ago?”

  My head snaps up, but before I can say anything, Jamie is up and out of his seat. Gabe grabs him, and I squint my eyes at Reed.

  “Partly, yeah,” I admit. I look at Jamie and shake my head; he sits back down and cracks his neck. I don’t know who the fuck this prick thinks he is. “But mostly we’re very careful with who we choose to associate with. Who we trust.” I tilt my head and jerk my chin at him. “Who we do favors for.”

  The threat is clear in my voice, and he looks back at Mike. “What about the groupies? Have you gotten choosier with those as the years go on?”

  “Women are like wine, Reed. They only get better with age.” Mike laughs it off, but I can tell he’s just as annoyed.

  DJ Dickface raises his eyebrows at me. “What about you, Liam?”

  Hell no. Hell fucking no. “What about me?”

  “You’re notorious for not being available.”

  “Right.”

  “That still the case?”

  “Now more than ever.”

  “Still with the same woman.”

  “She’s been my best friend my entire life and I never have and never will want anyone else.”

  “Hmm …”

  My hands start to shake and I’m doing everything in my power not to lean across the table and punch this dickwad in the mouth. But that’s what he wants. So I stare at him. He obviously has it out for me and I have no clue why. Forget that he has a job to do, you don’t talk about another man’s woman or his relationship as he’s implying.