Shattered Chaos (Steel Roses Book 1)

by Samantha Bee

  “Just after her eighteenth birthday,” he starts.

  “No, she had already disappeared,” I interrupt.

  “No,” he corrects, “It’s why she disappeared. It’s why I never told you I knew where she was. They knew you had a relationship with her after you stepped in to defend her when those guys were harassing her.”

  I know what he’s talking about, it’s how I got the scar on my cheek, I’m just not sure how that escalated to someone trying to kill her. Luca was the oldest of us three and left the group home first to get his own little apartment about a half hour away from the home. Every Friday Letty and I would meet to get cookies and take them to his apartment to catch up.

  When I aged out and moved in with Luca, we kept up the tradition. One Friday, she didn’t show up to the bakery that we always met at. I hadn’t heard from her since that morning, so I had gone looking for her.

  When I found her, she was surrounded by four guys wearing uniforms from her school. One of the mother fuckers had her pressed up against the wall with his hand sliding up her thigh and under her skirt. One of the other guys had his phone out and was taking photos of the scene. As I ran up to them, Letty’s eyes snapped up to mine, they were filled with pure unadulterated terror, blood dripping down her chin and neck from a busted lip. Something inside of me just snapped.

  I had always been labeled as a troubled teen. Got kicked out of more foster homes than I could even count. Letty and Luca were the first people to ever really see more than just my rough exterior. Luca because he was the same as me, we were cut from the same cloth and understood each other in a way bred only from similar circumstances.

  But Letty. Fuck. Letty.

  She was all that was good in the world and she somehow still saw the good in me. She never wanted to change us, she just accepted us and loved us for who we were. All of the ugly bits, all of the things that made other people turn their backs on us, she just accepted with this quiet ease. Letty had always been my light in the darkness, for a lot longer than even she realized.

  Seeing her helpless and terrified made me see red. I ripped the fucker off of her and threw him onto the ground, after that I don’t even really remember what happened. I remember smashing the phone and flying fists, the sound of crushing bones, and blood spattering. The next thing I knew I was walking back to my car with Letty cradled in my arms as she wiped up the blood off my cheek.

  It wasn’t long after that incident that she disappeared. I never heard from her again until tonight. I’m still trying to reconcile the quiet, shy Letty I once knew with the sexy, brazen Scar I met tonight.

  I just stare at my oldest friend waiting for more of an explanation. We both know he’s going to tell me the whole story before I leave, and I’d rather get it all out there before the woman we’re talking about comes back in here.

  “That night her mom snapped,” he starts, and I nod to show I recall how the daughter of a wealthy socialite and politician ended up in foster care with us.

  “There’s more to the story than what the media portrayed,” he continues, and I just nod along. I always had the feeling there was more to the story. “Scar found evidence of her father’s illegal activities and let’s just say the evidence wasn’t pretty.”

  Well, I was not expecting that. The official story was Scar’s mom found her husband abusing their eldest daughter and she snapped and shot the whole family before setting the place on fire and turning the gun on herself.

  She shot Scar in the chest and she just barely survived the surgery. Her younger sisters weren’t so lucky, both girls died instantly.

  A neighbor called the fire department when they saw the smoke. Thankfully, Scar was on the other side of the house from where the fire started and was able to hold on until they got there. A fireman carried her unconscious body out of the house and to safety.

  “That’s why he beat her?” I ask, referring to Scar’s father, “Was he intending to kill her?”

  Luca shook his head, “There were four other men with her father when he found her with the evidence. He fed her to the wolves. Served her up on a fucking platter as ‘punishment’,” he puts his head in his hands and shakes it back and forth.

  I reach out and grab the bottle off his desk and start drinking it down as he continues, “She doesn’t remember all of it. She had a lot of head trauma; she was in and out of consciousness throughout the entire assault. But after they left her on the floor, broken and bleeding, her father stood over her fragile body and told her it was her own fault, and he couldn’t protect her now. He then threatened her sisters getting the same treatment if she ever breathed a word of any of what she saw to anyone. Before stabbing her in the stomach,” he exhales, and it sounds like the world is weighing on his shoulders.

  Scar’s story is much darker than I ever could have expected, and I know I still don’t have the full scope of exactly what happened that night. It makes sense now how she seemed so fragile and quiet when she first showed up at the group home. I thought she was just grieving her family, but she was grieving everything she thought her life was, she was probably grieving herself.

  “Her mom walked in as her father slid the knife into her stomach,” he finishes the story. “That’s what made her snap.”

  We both sit quietly as we pass the bottle back and forth between the two of us. I keep running through the few months that I knew Letty before she disappeared and thinking about the story Luca just told me.

  “So, it’s the men that assaulted her that came back to try and finish the job?”

  “That’s the assumption we’ve made.”

  “Well, who the fuck are they?”

  He sighs, “That’s the problem. Scar can’t remember. She’s not sure what the evidence she saw was and she can’t be sure of who the men were. All we know is that they are involved in the skin markets, so we’ve been working on trying to dismantle as many sex rings as possible and take down every person involved in them.”

  I nod along with him. I’m partially grateful she doesn't remember everything but at the same time, it would make it easier if she knew who her attackers were.

  “She said she was very familiar with at least one of the attackers, so she knows it's someone she had contact with more than in just social settings. She remembers cold, ice blue eyes, she described them as hard and lifeless.”

  “Okay, well that’s not much to go on.” I take a deep breath before slowly exhaling, “I understand why she disappeared, but I still don’t see why you never told me you knew where she was,” I can’t help but point out. It’s hard to not be upset about when I’ve spent years thinking she was happy only to find out she’s been running for her life.

  “They connected you with her!” he says exasperated with me but I’m already shaking my head because that’s not everything. I know there has to be more.

  “You still could have told me.” He knows I never would have put her in danger. I would have helped in any way that I could, even if that meant acting like she never existed, “No, there’s more to it than that. Own up to it,” I demand.

  He looks up at me and meets my eyes, “Fine. You were in love with her,” he grits his teeth before continuing, “I was eighteen and stupid. I wanted to be the one to save her. I wanted her to rely on me. I convinced myself it was the right thing to do, convinced myself and her that she would be safer, that you would be safer. That it was the only choice.”

  He looks at me and braces himself like he’s ready for me to punch him. Truthfully, a few years ago, that’s exactly what I would have done. I probably would have done the same thing in his shoes though, so I’m willing to leave it in the past. It was probably all for the best. I could never be what Letty needed. It’s just not in my DNA.

  He starts to shake his head back and forth, “It killed her to leave you behind,” he whispers, “She fucking hated herself for abandoning you. But by then, I really believed it wouldn’t be safe for her to contact you.”

  “So, what’s chan
ged?” I ask, wondering why he’s suddenly owning up to this and letting me back into her life. Even encouraging her to sleep with me now. That’s a hell of a leap.

  He just stares at me like he’s trying to figure me out, but I’m examining him the same way. Trying to figure out his motives and his end game here.

  “You’re in love with her,” it’s a statement, not a question.

  He just nods solemnly, “Probably for just as long as you have been.”

  “I have so many questions,” I say shaking my head. How has he had her this whole time and never made a move? Why is he so determined to keep her at arm’s length?

  He just gestures with his arm to go on. “Okay, well first, why now?”

  He nods to himself like he was expecting that, “We are getting close to some answers but the closer we get the more risks we have to take. The more exposed she becomes.”

  “Someone figured out you guys are looking into them?”

  He nods, “They don’t know who was looking into them, just that someone was poking around.”

  “They’re coming after her?” I ask but I’m fairly sure I already know his answer. I rub my hands down my face trying to figure this all out.

  “If not already, then soon,” he sighs, “It’s time to bring in more backup. Her safety is my priority. But Scar,” he hesitates, shaking his head, “her priority is revenge. I don’t think she cares if she makes it through this. As long as she takes them down with her. I need someone I can trust to help me protect her. From them and from herself. I can’t lose her now. Not after everything she’s survived.”

  I nod, acknowledging his words and agreeing to have their backs. He knew I would, even if he's been a dick about the whole situation. I can barely wrap my head around what he just said. I never thought the Letty I knew would have such dark thoughts. I can’t respond any more than that single nod. There really aren’t any words I can say right now, not while I’m trying to process everything he’s told me tonight. Trying to reconcile Letty with Scar. It’s a lot to take in.

  After a few minutes of heavy silence, passing the bottle of whiskey back and forth between the two of us I finally continue the conversation.

  “So why are you telling me to fuck the girl that you’re in love with?”

  “Did you hear what I said to her? Before…”

  “Before you mauled her? Yeah, I did. You said a whole bunch of nothing that basically amounted to you can’t be with her. I’m asking why.”

  “I’m not what she needs,” he answers and shrugs. “There’s something you need to understand, tonight was abnormal. We aren’t like that,” he hesitates, “she isn’t like that. Whatever your impression of her was before you saw us together? That was probably more like how she is normally.”

  I think about our first interactions before I knew who she was, how she wrapped those red lips around her cigarette, the sexy little smirk she gave me when she realized I was interested in her, the confidence in which she moved, and the way she threw her head back when she laughed. “So flirty, witty, and seductive as fuck?” I ask.

  He laughs, “Yeah, basically that sums up Scar. She doesn’t do serious, doesn’t do complicated, and definitely doesn’t do feelings. She’s all about having a good time. The only time she is serious is when I send her on jobs or when she is working on her revenge.”

  I’m starting to get it, “Ahh,” I exclaim as I gesticulate up and down in his direction, “So she doesn’t need Mr. Dark and Broody. Got it.”

  Surprisingly enough, Luca laughs with me, “That’s about the gist of it. Now you, on the other hand, all the fun and charm and,” he pauses choking on his laughter, “preppiness, our girl needs.”

  I crack up laughing with him, still shocked she called me preppy.

  “You really going to be okay with that?”

  “Fuck no, I’m going to go home and drink myself into oblivion, but I’ll live,” at least he’s honest with his response.

  “So why?” I ask again, still not understanding how he’s pushing me towards Scar.

  He shrugs, “I guess I love her enough to give her what she needs. Even when that isn’t me.”

  Before I have a chance to respond to that declaration, our girl walks back into the room. Well, she doesn’t really walk anywhere but rather struts in a way that denotes her confidence. Red heels clicking on the floor as she makes her way over to Luca’s desk, eyeing the Jack and licking her lips. This girl really is sinfully sexy I think as I run my eyes up and down her body for the millionth time tonight. Fucking A, she still has her jeans unbuttoned and I can see the red lace of her underwear. I can feel myself getting hard as I stare at the red piece of fabric peeking out of her jeans.

  She notices where my eyes are glued and teases, “Like what you see, Stranger?”

  “For the love of all that is holy,” I exclaim, “button your damn pants up, woman.”

  Her and Luca both crack up as she bats her lashes at me, “Yes, sir.”

  Fuck. Yeah. There’s no getting anymore. I’m definitely hard now. I’m still hesitant if I should really take this girl home but I look over at Luca and notice that he’s watching both of us with a small smile on his face.

  “Break your record?” Luca asks as we both watch her adjust her pants before buttoning them back up.

  She beams at him, “I did, I did.” I’ve never seen a grown woman look so damn smug as she takes wads of cash and places it on his desk. Luca notices the question in my eyes as I watch her place her tips on his desk.

  “She donates all her tips she makes from dancing to fund classes and dance studios in low-income areas.”

  I tilt my head to the side studying her. That’s not what I would expect of the woman I met outside or watched dance on a stage suspended over a nightclub. It’s exactly like something Letty would do though.

  She rolls her eyes, “Sure, tell him all my secrets why don’t you?”

  Luca and I exchange worried looks that she may have overheard some of our conversation.

  “Oh please,” she scoffs looking between the both of us, “I just know you told him. You obviously had a reason for reconnecting us tonight.” I laugh at how well she knows Luca and how well she read the situation.

  She looks at me accusingly, “I’m not talking about it, so save your questions for boss man. Got it?”

  “Yes, ma’am,” I nod teasing her. Honestly, I’m shocked at how lighthearted and teasing she’s being. I guess Luca was right and she really does just tune anything serious out. Just turns off any depressing thoughts and lives to have fun. I can work with that.

  “I think we need shots!” I blurt out as I jump out of my chair and reach for the Jack. “You know to celebrate breaking your record,” I explain.

  We laugh as we take a few shots together with Luca before he shoos us out of his office claiming he has work he needs to get done and we are distracting him. As we turn to leave, he calls out, “Shit, wait Scar.”

  She turns back around as he reaches out to her with a piece of paper, “I almost forgot, your next job,” he explains, “It’s not a priority but I need this guy vetted before we do business with him.”

  She nods, tucking the paper into her bra, “On it.” she says.

  The shots have slowed down my mental functions, so it takes me a minute to understand what just happened.

  “Hold the fucking phone!” I shout, “This is your fucking genius hacker?” I ask pointing up and down at Scar.

  Luca just laughs and pushes us out the door. Some silent communication happens between the two of them. I think she is double checking he’s okay with her leaving with me. It’s sweet that she cares so much about his feelings, and I’d be lying if I said that didn't just make her more attractive to me.

  He gives a small nod to her before saying, “Have fun tonight,” with a real genuine smile on his face. She must feel the truth behind his words because she’s smiling when she whispers back, “Yes, sir,” as the door to his office closes.

 
; Scar and I have been having a great time since we left Steel Roses. We decided to go to a small dive bar where we ate greasy food, drank a lot more whiskey, and danced. We don’t talk about Luca, our past, her job, or anything remotely serious. We’ve gotten lost in music and alcohol and each other.

  This is a dance I’ve done a million times with a million different girls. It's a distraction. A distraction from anything that’s real, anything that hurts, everything that seems to be too heavy to carry the weight of on your shoulders.

  Scar deserves the break.

  She deserves to be able to turn off the pain.

  She deserves to have the meaningless fun.

  If this is how she’s been coping for the last eight years, who am I to judge?

  I’ve been doing the same thing.

  I can be her distraction.

  I can be the fun guy, the body she gets lost in.

  Maybe I can be what she needs this time.

  I pick her small body up and spin her around in circles, engulfing us in the sound of her laughter as her long black waves swirl around us. I put her down with my arms wrapped around her waist, dipping her back and leaning over her. Some of her hair landed over my shoulder, almost acting like a curtain between us and the rest of the world.

  “We should get tattoos!” I grin maniacally at her.

  She wraps her arms around my neck and presses her chest against mine grinning and laughing, “Only if I get to pick yours?”

  “Ohhh,” I say as I stand up straight and step back from her a little bit, “well then it’s only fair, I get to pick yours.”

  “Hmm,” she hums as she taps her chin dramatically, like she’s thinking about it, “Deal.””

  I raise my brows at her, I wasn’t actually expecting her to let me pick her tattoo. I didn’t really think she would be down to get ink tonight at all.

  “But,” she interrupts my thoughts, “we get to choose the tattoo, the placement, and it’s a surprise!”