“Call me by my name,” she begs, her voice low and broken, “before you kill me.”
I stumble a step back as her features sharpen until I recognize her. She’s older, more tired. Angry. Lonely. In pain.
But it’s the same girl. The same girl I’d promised to kill so many times before.
A dagger appears in my hand, and the voice issues a new command. “Choose.”
Choose? I thought it was supposed to tell me what to do and I obey? I could obey. I could drop the dagger. I could stab her through the heart.
But... choose?
I look her in the eye. My breath shakes, so confused by everything I’ve seen. That beautiful young girl was her? My brother... did he really do that? Is that why she killed him?
My heart aches terribly as I stare at the dagger.
“Caelynn.” My voice breaks as I say her name for the first time.
“Choose,” the echoing voice says again, more firmly. I’m running out of time.
I choose.
Caelynn
Brielle gasps beside me as we watch Rev shove a dagger into some invisible form. “Was he supposed to do that?” she whispers.
The strange part about this challenge is not knowing what they’re commanded to do. Rev walks out of the orb on his own, and I let out a breath. Why did I care? I should want him out of the competition, right?
His hands are shaking as he approaches the benches, his brow pinched with stress. Who had he killed?
The crowds cheer heartily as the challenge ends, but not one of the champions smiles. I don’t suspect I’ll be the only one heading back to the estate immediately. No private bath time today.
We quietly march through the crowd full of people asking questions. Drake is the only one to stop and talk with his court. Everyone else shoves off the attention and moves along.
I don’t know what all of them faced, but clearly it was intense for us all.
RAVEN IS THERE TO GREET me on my windowsill as I enter my room and fall into the bed. I wave my hand, and she pops back into her human form, black hair disheveled, and eyes wide.
She’s quiet for a moment, watching me lie there. “What did you see? What was that?”
I shake my head. Maybe one day I’ll tell her about it, but not today. Today, I just can’t. “A nightmare.”
I crawl under the silk covers and curl into fetal position. She joins me, curling up so her chest is against my back, her arm over mine, her chin on my shoulder, breath tickling my ear. Her warmth fills me, and tears well in my eyes.
“You’re the only good thing I have,” I tell her.
“You deserve more, you know that?”
I pause. Silences stretches between us for a long while. I don’t believe that, but I love that she does, so I don’t tell her otherwise.
“So do you,” I whisper. She deserves so much more than I could give her. More than this world has given her. I don’t know how to make her life better. I don’t know how to force the world to shift under her feet the way it should. Keep her hidden from the foster system for the final year of high school? At the end of the day, even if I could set her up for life, with a career and money, it’s relationships that make life worth living.
That, she’ll have to do on her own.
“Are you going to align with the golden-haired douchebag?”
“Probably. It’s the only way I can make it through the next challenge.”
She sighs. “Why are you doing this?” Her breath tickles my ear.
“Doing what?”
“These trials. They’re awful. Those people hate you. That trial today was... cruel. Why put yourself through that?”
I swallow. “That’s a complicated answer.”
“You want these people to love you? You want them to forgive you?”
“No, I don’t deserve that.”
“Then what? What are you looking for?”
“Punishment. Pain. Facing what I’ve done so that I’ll never forget it.”
Her arms tighten around me. “Stop it,” she says, her voice breaking. “Stop punishing yourself.”
“Maybe I do want some kind of redemption. Maybe... it’s appealing to do something good for a world that I destroyed pieces of, by doing something that causes me pain.”
“Punishment veiled as reward.”
I smile. “I can’t go back to what I once was. I can’t be a leader or hero. I’m a villain, and I’ll embrace that forever, but maybe my villainy can have a form of power to it. Maybe I can alter my legacy just a little bit. So, instead of a banished murderer, I can be notorious for several things. Good and bad.”
Her soft lips press gently against my shoulder.
She stays like that, lying with me, not speaking for the entire hour it takes for my mind to finally succumb to the darkness and fall asleep.
Rev
The next week is fairly uneventful. Brielle has scarcely talked to me in days, but that wasn’t overly uncharacteristic for everyone after that challenge. I swear, the emotional challenge was more draining than the physical one. So, I didn’t push her, but it’s been days, and she still hasn’t looked me in the eye. Our next challenge is only two days away, and it’s important she and I are on the same page.
I spent most of my family time asking questions about Reahgan. About his character and what he was like. He was nearly twenty years older than me, and I idolized him. I thought he was good through and through, but I’m still not sure what to make of that vision. Was it real? Was it a trick?
Nothing my parents tell me adds up with the vision.
“Why are you asking this all of the sudden?” my mother asks one night at dinner.
“I just want to remember him,” I say. The lie drops in my stomach like iron. But I can’t tell her the truth. I won’t. Especially because I don’t know if it’s real or not.
I SLOUCH ON THE CUSHIONED chair by the dim fire in the champions’ common room. “Brielle still won’t talk to me,” I tell Rook.
“Yeah, she’s been weird since that last trial.”
“The next one is in two days. We’re in a good position, three against two, now that Caspian is gone, but if Brielle won’t even talk to me...”
Rook leans forward, looking me right in the eye. “She’s fine. She’s with us, I promise. It’s just... weird for her. You know?”
“No.” I say. “I mean yes but no. Did she tell you what she had to face in that challenge?”
“She had to go back and face your brother. Her mate. I don’t know exactly what she saw, but can’t you imagine how awkward that would be? To see him. To be reminded. And then come back to you?”
I purse my lips. “Okay, yes.” I mean, it’s not like we have some sweeping romance but still. It had been ten years since she’d seen him, and she didn’t even know him. So just those few minutes may have been the reminder she didn’t need.
“You’ve talked to her, though? She’s on board for the trial? I hear talk that it’s a long one.”
“Yeah, we got a message this afternoon to pack for a several-day challenge.”
I sigh.
“But yes, I’ve talked with her, and I’ll talk to her again before the trial. It’ll be fine. One of us is going to win this. It’s a sure thing.”
“I hope you’re right.”
Caelynn
Two days before the third challenge I find a note in my room. I look around, uncomfortable with the idea that someone has been in here to sneak it to me—particularly with Raven hanging around.
I don’t know what would happen if someone found her. I do know what would happen if Rev or one of his allies found her—they’d use her against me. And it would work.
I open the note quickly.
Right turret. 22:00
Dammit, stupid military time. That’s ten p.m.?
Drake wants to meet to plan out the next challenge? He lost an ally during the last trial, which means he really may need me in this one. It only solidifies my position with him. Even thoug
h he disgusts me enough that part of me wants to betray him before we even start.
Too bad I don’t have any other options.
I REACH THE STEPS OF the northwest turret of the Flicker estate at nine fifty-five, still hoping I understand military time. An owl screeches in the distance, causing me to shiver. It’s not a pleasant sound.
Shadows cascade over the stone stairway, and I pause, my heart pounding. I shouldn’t be this nervous meeting my “allies.” The rapid fluttering of wings grab my attention, and I quickly shift to the side, into the shadowed alley beside the turret stairs.
The snowy owl crashes into my chest, and I gently cocoon her. “What the hell are you doing?” I whisper, even though I know she can’t respond in this form. “Are you okay?”
Her little bird head bobs up and down, but she clucks nervously. Is she trying to warn me of something?
Footsteps stomp down the spiral stairs I’d just nearly ran up and I pause, holding Raven in her owl form tightly.
“Are you sure about this?” a male whispers.
I swallow, listening and pulling shadows over Raven and I both.
“We have to do it,” a female voice says.
I blink back my surprise. Brielle. That was Brielle’s voice.
Was the note not from Drake? Is this an ambush?
Rook and Brielle march right past us without so much as a glance in our direction and disappear around the corner, back to the Flicker palace.
Raven is the first to move—she leaps from my arms and flutters into the dark sky. I don’t know what would have happened if they saw me, but I don’t suspect it would have been good.
Now, the question is do I still go up? Raven is careening through the sky without a care in the world now. No screeching or squawking, so I’m going to take that as my clue that the danger has passed.
I ascend the spiral stairs slowly and quietly, just in case. The moment I reach the top, moonlight shining down on me, Drake steps forward, followed by Kari, who had been causally reclining on the ledge.
“Hello there, ally.” Drake open his arms dramatically.
I cross my arms but blink in shock. What were Rook and Brielle doing here? Are they Drake’s allies now too? When did that happen? How?
“The game is about to flip on its head,” he tells me with clear joy. “I have some information on our challenge tomorrow and wanted to settle a game plan.”
I purse my lips, afraid to ask too many questions. This alliance is good for me for several reasons, but if Brielle and Rook are now with Drake...that would change things.
I decide I’ll take his information but give none in return. Let him think I’m pliable or stupid. Then decide how to proceed when I need to make that decision.
“Tomorrow’s challenge is going to be a maze,” he tells me.
“The queen announced it would take several days. It’s that big of a maze?” I ask.
“It’s a massive maze stretching hundreds of miles. So, yes, it will take several days, and there will be an element of survival. We’ll also be given free rein to injure or openly kill any champion we desire.”
My mouth falls open.
“Interesting twist, isn’t it? They’re going straight up Hunger Games with us this time.”
I roll my eyes, although I’m secretly impressed he made a human pop culture reference. This certainly changes things and... makes Brielle and Rook’s presence all the more concerning.
“I have a list of supplies you should bring, if you don’t have them, try to get them. As a last resort, ask me and I’ll smuggle you some—but this alliance is to remain a secret until the opportune moment.” He hands me a piece of paper.
“The maze will begin as a scavenger hunt in the desert. Our quest will be to find an ancient well. There will be another clue inside the well, which will take us into the mountains twenty miles beyond.”
How does he know all of this?
“We will ambush our enemy at the well. I’d like for you to bait the other alliance into slowing down so that Kari and I can make it there first and set a trap. Go running off to the east, they’ll chase you for a mile or two, and that should be plenty of time.”
Enemy. Singular.
“It should be easy. We will then work together to extinguish the dwarf before we reach the mountains.” He puts his hands on his hips.
I raise my hand like a kid in school.
“Yes, Caelynn?”
He actually called me by my name. Is it another part of his act? Or does he actually respect me? “Why were Brielle and Rook here?” I ask as dimly as I can manage. “Are they... new additions to our alliance?”
“In a way.”
My brow pinches together. I tap my hand on my thigh, considering how to proceed here. Their bloodthirst for me was one of the most compelling reasons I agreed to be his ally to begin with. Surely, he realizes this would be disconcerting for me?
“So, this new challenge, the queen will allow complete amnesty for any champion death?” I repeat. Surely this provision was for the benefit of my enemies. The crown knows they all want me dead, and she’s obliging. “Brielle and Rook were here to discuss killing me.”
“No,” Drake says dismissively. “They have another target in mind.”
What?
“It’s true.” Kari steps forward, her face calm, considering. “I don’t doubt they’ll still want you dead, but we’ve negotiated a truce on your behalf for a short time.”
“Truce. You mean to tell me there is someone Brielle wants dead more than me?” I find that hard to believe. There are very few options here, but honestly, none of them make sense.
“More than you? Perhaps not. Or perhaps yes—scorned women and all.” Drake chuckles, and I hide my cringe. “But this someone, well, it’s in everyone’s best interest to eliminate this target sooner rather than later. Brielle and Rook have agreed to put a hold on targeting you in order to receive help removing the greater threat first.”
The greater threat.
My mind spins. Rev’s own alliance is turning on him.
Drake folds his hands behind his back and begins to pace as he speaks. “Yesterday, we received a message from a high-ranking courtier requesting the death of a specific champion. The reward is large, for you in particular, Caelynn.” He smiles like he’s doing me some big favor. “And it goes above all of our heads, though I admit it’s rather convenient for us.”
They want Rev dead. My stomach clenches, lungs struggle to pull in breaths. Who? Who wants him dead? Who ordered it? I clench my jaw and pull my own darkness tighter around my soul. Keep calm.
Rev wants me dead, I remind myself. He will kill me if I give him the chance.
I don’t have any other choices. If everyone else decides Rev must die, there is nothing I can do to change it. I need this alliance.
“So, during the trial, our first order of business will be to eliminate our opposition.”
“You want to kill Rev,” I say, annoyance clear in my tone. Mostly, I’m fed up with his games, but I have to make him believe I don’t care.
“Yes.”
“What is the reward?”
“Money. Influence. For me, it lands the crown right on my head.”
Obviously. Though, I notice Kari’s jaw clench. She’s placating him too, I realize. She wants the crown.
“And for me?” I ask.
“A promised pardon.”
Chills wash over me. A pardon—meaning all of my crimes would be forgiven. I could go back home and live a normal life, without winning the trials. All I have to do is go along with this plan and survive and I’d have the freedom to return to my homeland.
“The queen promises this?” I ask, prying perhaps harder than I should. There are very few people who could grant such a pardon. Right now, the options are the High Queen or the ruler of the court the crime was committed against—Rev’s father. A third option would be Drake, if he is presumptuous enough to assume I’d wait for him to win the trials, survive the Schorch
edlands, and inherit the crown.
“Yes.”
“How?” I whisper, my whole world shifts under me as I consider this. “Why?”
“She too recognizes the threat this enemy holds over us all, and it’s a worthy sacrifice.”
Rev. A threat to the whole realm. I shake my head, not understanding.
I am Caelynn of the Shadow Court. Murderer of the High Heir. The symbol of rebellion in our realm.
And somehow I am the lesser threat? To other champions, I understand. He’s likely to win. But to the queen?
I’m not sure I believe him. Perhaps he can obtain a pardon, but is it really the queen’s promise? Is this really the reason? I consider the possibility that Drake just doesn’t want to tell me that it’s really Rev’s father orchestrating the hit on his own son. Because that’s what I’m thinking is more likely.
I know one of his secrets. Does Drake now know it too?
“She’ll marry you off to another court,” Kari admits. “You’ll have to agree to this in order to earn the pardon.”
“Ahh,” I say quietly. That’s unfortunate, but it does quiet some of my questions. A marriage to a court official with little power would absolve the rebellion threat. But I would be free.
And trapped in a new way.
The fae take royal pardons seriously. They would assume if I was pardoned, it’s for good reason so the hatred would—eventually—dissolve. Only the Luminescent Court would continue their hatred.
“This is the redemption you seek,” Kari says.
“By killing the other Luminescent Court heir?” That’s how I redeem myself? Kill the male I missed the last time? I pinch the bridge of my nose. This is so screwed up I can’t even think straight.
“Some enemies hide their danger until it’s too late,” she says. I swallow. That’s how I justified Reahgan’s death all those years ago.
“Rev needs to die for the betterment of us all.”
Trial of Thorns (Wicked Fae Book 1) Page 12
