If You Love Me

by Ciara Knight

  “You didn’t do anything at all.” She returned to the storefront and scrubbed the tables he’d cleaned. “No worries. Our business hasn’t changed.”

  He wanted to tell her he wasn’t talking about their business, but he needed more information before he swam deeper into those dark waters. “Then why are you avoiding me?” He nudged her to face him. “If it’s about the photo shoot on Friday, I promise I did everything I could to have it focus on Jacqueline only, but Knox has his heart set on you. I thought by sharing the segment, it might make it easier on you.”

  “I know. And I appreciate that. It’s just, I don’t want to be in the spotlight at all. I remained at this bakery all these years for a reason. I didn’t want to have attention or connect with anyone but my town family. And now…”

  “And now?” Drew took her hand. “What are you saying?”

  “I’m saying that putting myself out there is frightening. The last time I tried to have a life beyond here, it was a disaster. Opening myself up like that again is cripplingly difficult. Especially when it’s…possibly someone…something I could—”

  “You could?” He squeezed her hands to encourage her to continue. Wanting to know what she was thinking and feeling. For once, he didn’t want distance, he wanted to know more, explore more with this woman.

  “Nothing.” She retracted from him. “I know I said we’d meet today, but I didn’t know the bus would be here. I’ve got to get to the courthouse for a meeting and then help Stella with something at the garage.”

  He didn’t want to go. Not like this. Not when he knew she had more to say to him. “We need to talk, Carissa.” His pulse revved, his stomach tightened. “Not just about the project.”

  Her eyes snapped to him, and that’s when he saw the fear. He’d always been able to read women and avoid any mess, but with the woman in front of him, he wanted to be elbow deep in flour and conversation. He wanted to know more about her and to spend time with her. “I want you to know that I’m not the man this town thinks I am.” He dared to step closer to her and was thankful when she didn’t retreat behind the counter again. “Something about this town, about you, has me caring more about the people here than about the job getting done. That’s a dangerous thing for a man in my position, but I won’t stop.”

  She grabbed onto the counter as if to remain standing. “Care?”

  “Yes, I do. I’m not sure what that means right now, but what I do know is that I’d like to explore things further. If you knew how opposite that is from my norm, you would be shocked.”

  Silence filled the room between them, neither daring to speak, and for once he didn’t want to talk about anything, or plan anything, or organize his thoughts. All he wanted to do in that moment was to kiss Carissa Donahue. The disorganized, unpredictable woman he worked with who could ruin his career and his perfectly constructed world flaked off his dried-up painted wall he’d constructed years ago.

  The door flew open, sending Carissa scurrying away. Mary-Beth stopped in her tracks with wide eyes. “I came to see how you fared, but I’m leaving now. Sorry.”

  “No, stay.” Carissa turned her attention to wiping out the display cases. “Mr. Lancaster was leaving so he could take a call from Knox. They need to work out the details. Hopefully Jacqueline will be the star of the opening segment.”

  In that moment, he wanted to urge Carissa to open her mind and heart to the possibility of a life outside her bakery. On a segment that would win America over the way she’d won him over and to open to the possibility of something more with him. But he saw in the way she turned her back to him that she wouldn’t, and the more he pushed, the more she’d run. The only thing he could do was let her go if that was what would make her happy. “Don’t worry about the segment. I’ll make it work with Jacqueline. No need to put you through any more.”

  “I don’t want to be difficult or cost you your job.” Carissa stopped scrubbing and looked at him with her deep green eyes with the yellow highlight.

  “Don’t worry about my job, and as for the project, trust me, Knox will love Jacqueline. You’re off the hook, Ms. Donahue. I wish you the best.” He turned on his heel and left the bakery and any possibility of the crazy idea that Carissa was the woman who could give him a real heart. Now, he needed to go fire Lori for putting the idea in his head.

  Chapter Sixteen

  The quiet afternoon sounded like a punctuation to Carissa’s loneliness. The morning had been full of life, baking for people, watching their bright faces, and listening to their thanks and praises. And there was Drew. He’d remained by her side all day, chipping in baking and cleaning. The man she’d pegged as uppity and difficult brought more softness to her than she’d felt in over a decade.

  His touch made her feel like a fresh-out-of-the-oven chocolate chip cookie. Warm and gooey on the inside with an aftertaste of homey joy.

  Standing in the middle of the bakery, she began to dream of possibilities. The kind that were dangerous and scary. The kind that could shatter her world when she didn’t expect it.

  The front door opened, startling her from her musings. In stepped Jackie with her laptop bag, high heels, perfect hair, and Blue Ridge Mountain–sized attitude.

  Shock of her ex-best friend on her turf caused a surge of overprotective, this-is-my-space anger. “What are you doing here?” She tried to soften her tone, but they’d agreed a long time ago on their businesses being off-limits to each other. It had been Jackie’s idea when she returned to Sugar Maple. Probably her way of making sure Carissa didn’t keep reminding people of why she’d run off in the first place, since people of Sugar Maple valued honesty and friendship.

  She ignored Carissa’s question and sauntered into the center of the bakery as if she belonged. Her gaze traveled over the wood panel and exposed brick walls, the display case, and the bistro tables. One finger at a time, she removed her gloves. “Quaint. It’s perfect for your shop.”

  “Get to the point. I have work to do.”

  Jackie did her hair flip, snicker move before she set her bag on the table. “I came for a chat. And to offer you a solution to get out of the Knox Brevard project.”

  “Maybe I want to be a part of it after all.” Carissa thought about amending her statement or smacking herself for saying something so idiotic, but Jackie brought out her crazy.

  “Please.” The way Jackie rolled her eyes ignited something inside Carissa.

  “What is that supposed to mean?” She straightened and snugged her apron straps up over her shoulders, ready to go into a baking escape.

  Jackie’s eyes faux softened, as did her plump lips. “All I mean is that you were born for this, not the public eye. You deserve to have your peace and quiet here. I want to help you avoid public humiliation.”

  “You want to help me?” Carissa laughed, a hysterical, you-are-insane kind of eruption of bubbling emotion. “Like you helped me with taking my fiancé away?”

  “You weren’t engaged yet,” she snipped but then recovered with another hair flip. “Listen, I know we have a difficult past, but I still care about you. We were once friends.”

  “Friends? I’m not sure that was ever true. Sure we hung out, but let’s face it, you thought you were better than the rest of us from the time we were in third grade and James Mallet chose you to sit next to at the school picnic.”

  “That was so long ago. You’re not upset about that. We both know that you hate me because Mark wanted out of this town as much as I did and I provided him an escape route.”

  Carissa took in a stinging breath. “You stole the man I was to marry away from me.”

  “He went willingly.” Jackie stood chin to eyes with Carissa as if she actually had a point. “All I’m saying is he had a choice. Now I’m giving you one. From what I’ve heard, if you back out, Drew has to make it work with my dress business, and we all know that I’m the one who needs to be the representative of this town. The town’s struggling, and I have the experience and, let’s face it, the per
sonality to win viewers over. This is a no-brainer. And again, you get to escape the public spotlight. Something you’ve always hated.” She picked up her purse and her gloves. “I’m glad we were able to chat. You should go tell Drew Lancaster that you want out and then everything will be fine.”

  “You’re right. Mark did have a choice.” Carissa fought the lump rising in her throat and the sting in her eyes. “And I have a choice now.”

  “Great.” She slid her gloves onto her hands and headed for the door.

  “I’m in the project, and the great Jacqueline Ramor is out.” Carissa rounded the table and reached Jackie before she finished spinning on her spiked heels.

  “You’re making a huge mistake. How could you be so selfish? I know you hate me, but this isn’t about us. The town needs this win.”

  “You don’t care about the town. This is about you.” Carissa swallowed the anger, the hate, the years of torturing herself for not being good enough for Mark to choose her, but she had let him go without a fight. Deep down, she had been relieved that she wasn’t marrying Mark. It was easier to face that her one and only true love ran off with another woman, but it wasn’t easy to face her true friend running off with her man.

  “It doesn’t matter why. Drop out,” she said with a slight shake in her voice.

  “No, not this time.” Carissa untied her apron, invigorated and full of determination. She slapped her baking armor down on the table next to her. “This time I’m good enough. I’m the right person for this, and I’ll be the one to help my town.” She grabbed her coat, her keys, and her hat. “And this time I win. I win the project and the man. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a date with an Executive Production Coordinator to plan my segment.”

  Carissa opened the door and waited for Jackie to catch up on the conversation. She stood there with mouth ajar and bag swinging from her arm until she blinked twice and faced the door and the truth. Not that she’d believe it.

  “You’re making a huge mistake. I’ll be the one in the end with the segment and the man.” Jackie stormed out into the first real snowfall of the season.

  There wasn’t time for Carissa to second-guess herself. She needed to go find Drew and tell him not to report to Knox that she was out, but that she would be the only segment. She slammed the door shut, locked it, and hotfooted it across the town square. Head held high, pulse racing, she kept her eyes trained on the building that once housed the man of her past in order to find her future.

  Out stepped Lori and another man she didn’t recognize. Was that Knox Brevard? Was Carissa too late and she’d actually have to battle it out with Jackie on screen? If so, would Carissa stand a chance?

  The man opened up a trunk and took out a large bag and a camera. A video camera. A camera she’d have to face when she committed to this project.

  Her chest tightened as if the temp had dropped twenty degrees and she was on Mount Everest instead of in the Blue Ridge Mountains. Snow fell hard, distorting her view of Lori and the man, but she managed to see them both go inside. Her pace slowed, her heart slowed, the world slowed. That peaceful, quiet, winter storm sound descended, where all life was gone beyond the blanket of white rain.

  She stopped and collapsed onto a cold, icy bench at the edge of the road. What had she done? Could she really pull this off? A hand on her shoulder drew her from her fear. She turned to find Stella, her good and dependable friend. “I saw Jackie enter your bakery and then storm off. What happened?”

  “I said stupid things. I’m doing the project. I have to make this dessert that’s photogenic, and I have to speak on camera, and I told her that Drew was mine. Drew isn’t mine, we had a moment, but nothing real. I probably imagined it. I mean, what would a man like that see in a small-town girl like me? And me on camera? Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.”

  Stella sat by her side. “Sounds like the most intelligent thing you’ve said in years. This is the first time that I’ve seen the old Carissa. The captain of the volleyball team, debate club, literary nerd who used to make me want to be sick. You were perfect in every way. You dated the star quarterback, ran cross country, straight As on every report card. We were all so jealous of you. Especially Jackie.”

  Carissa focused on sucking in air as if someone had given her a toddler straw to breathe through. “What are you talking about?”

  “That’s what made it even more nauseating. You didn’t even know how amazing you were. A humble, sweet, smart, athletic, beautiful woman who was voted most likely to win over the world never saw the competition. Jackie loved you and hated you for years. She wanted to be you. Now she is you, except for the humble and nice part.”

  Carissa swiped snowflakes from her eyes. “You’re crazy. I’ve always been disorganized. I would forget my homework, lose my shoes, forget my money.”

  “That only made you more real.” Stella pointed at the building in front of them. “I think it’s time you found your old self, girl. I, for one, miss her. Just don’t tell her I said that because it’ll go to her head.”

  Carissa wrung her hands, trying to keep warm and thinking about her possibilities. “I don’t know. I’m not that girl anymore, if I ever was her.”

  A wind sent the last of the dead leaves from the overhead trees. They’d be gone until spring. That’s how Carissa had felt, like she’d lived in hibernation for so many years and now she’d woken up. Only, the world had changed and she was lost and confused. “I don’t know. If I’m being honest, Jackie will win. I’m not real competition for her.”

  “That’s because you’ve never fought to beat her. If you’re completely honest with yourself, you gave Mark to Jacqueline. She didn’t win. You let him go.”

  “What?” Carissa snapped to attention, but at Stella’s nod, she knew her words were true to some degree. “I…maybe, but this is different. Drew isn’t the quarterback of a small-town football team. He’s the quarterback for a famous internet show. One that reaches millions. A man with perfect hair, strong and soft all at the same time. A person who is used to big-city life, not our tiny town, and I don’t want to leave Sugar Maple. I never did. This is my home.”

  “And that’s why you let Jackie steal Mark away. Because you knew if you married him, you’d be forced to leave.”

  Carissa studied her boots covered in crumbs and snow. “I know I can’t remain hidden in my bakery, but I don’t want to put myself so far out there that I make a fool out of myself and the town.”

  “You won’t,” Stella said in an uncharacteristically sweet tone. She cleared her throat. “But if you don’t go home, clean up, figure out what you’re going to make, and storm into that man’s personal and professional life, I will run you over with my 1957 Chevy.”

  “You got that running?” Carissa asked.

  “Nope, but this might just be the motivation I need.” Stella pulled her from the bench and shoved her toward her apartment and bakery. “Go. And Carissa… That man would be insane not to see how amazing you are. You just have to believe it yourself.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  The diner bustled with more activity than normal. Drew only hoped the noise wouldn’t wake Roxy after her three-hour obstacle chase through the office. She stirred in the bag at his side.

  The senior center bus pulled up, and Ms. Gina, Mrs. Malter, and Davey pranced inside. For the first time, Davey acknowledged him without a glower or scowl.

  “Morning.” Drew raised his coffee cup in a toast.

  Davey nodded, tipping his cap to him. If Drew had to guess, that was southern for a respectful good morning.

  Lori laughed.

  “What?”

  “You look like you scored an A on a test. I can only imagine how competitive you were in college.” Lori looked over the one-page, cardstock menu with a maple leaf at the top.

  “It cost me my first college girlfriend. She didn’t appreciate me telling her that she could do better than a ninety if she skipped her sorority social to study more.”

  Lori gasped with an ex
aggerated eyebrow raise. “You dated a sorority girl?”

  “That’s what you got out of that?” Drew set his menu down, deciding on eggs and bacon without asking for anything special. He suspected that he’d get knocked down on the respect list if he asked for an egg white omelet and turkey bacon.

  The young waitress who had to be barely over fifteen bounced up to their table. “Mornin’. I heard strangers were in town. Are you the big-time producer person from Los Angeles?”

  “No, I’m just the event planner, and this is my assistant.”

  Lori quirked a brow at him and buried her face behind her menu.

  “Knox Brevard will be joining us on Friday to supervise the first test segment filming.”

  “Welcome all the same,” she said, as if despite their failings, they were still invited to eat in the diner. “Ohhhhh, how cute is he?”

  “He’s a she, and don’t tell Doris she’s in here, okay?”

  She put her finger to her lips and turned her hand, mimicking a key lock.

  “Your secret’s safe with me. What can I get ya’ll this morning?”

  Lori set her menu down and patted the top of it. “Would it be too much trouble to ask for an egg white omelet and dry wheat toast?”

  The young girl with ”Shirley” on her name tag scrunched her nose. He could almost hear her thoughts of that’s the grossest thing I’ve ever heard. “Guess we better order some avocados. I hear all you westerners like avocados and healthy stuff.” She scribbled something on her notepad. “I think the cook can figure out how to separate eggs. If not, I can show him. What can I get you?” She looked to Drew.

  “I’ll take the number four.” He returned his menu to behind the napkin dispenser.

  She smiled, showing overbleached teeth with a chip in the corner of her left front incisor. He forced his gaze to her eyes to avoid obsessing about the difference in balance of her smile. “Sure thing, sir.” She curtsied like she was addressing the prince of Los Angeles.