The Fiddler's Heart

by Dixie Lynn Dwyer

  “What if I’m still too afraid?”

  “Fear is nothing compared to what you took and handled from Zane. Do not be your own worst enemy and defeat yourself before you even take a chance and try. What is there to lose? You had no life, no control. No power for three years. Now you have it all. Whatever you want.”

  Francesca nodded. “You can do it, and Liz is doing a beginner class in two hours. What do you say?” Francesca pursed her lips and crinkled her nose.

  “I can do it with you if you want me to.”

  “You would do that?”

  “Hell yeah.” Francesca smiled, and then walked to Angelina and hugged her. Angelina felt the tears hit her eyes as she squeezed her sister tight.

  “I love you,” she whispered. “I love you too,” Frankie replied.

  * * * *

  Francesca was getting into a bit of a routine going to work at Ciao Bella’s twice a week and going to the beginning training session at Powerhouse Studios. The one thing she wasn’t getting used to was seeing the Buristoff men. It seemed to her that they were making a habit of visiting her at Ciao Bella’s and also coming by the house. Today she was helping out at Warrior’s Way along with her sister and Liz who set up some information for women, and anyone interested in the programs being offered. So far many of the women who approached were dealing with handling their men’s PTSD and also wanting to feel stronger and more capable by taking classes that made them comfortable and not exposed.

  When she spotted Track and Century walking along the pathway with a few other men, she couldn’t help but to take in the sight of them. They really were very good looking, muscular, and seasoned in appearance. She noticed that when they spoke, people reacted, listened, and gave them respect. She had noticed a few times when speaking with them alone that they made her feel a bit intimidated, and on edge with their commanding tones and experienced demeanors. It was hard to differentiate that authority and control as potentially being violent or abusive. She was really feeling a lot of things towards them. There was definitely a connection, an attraction, and that couldn’t be a good idea. One, she had been abused in every aspect of the word, and two, they knew about the abuse and the control. She couldn’t help but wonder if they either felt sorry for her, or perhaps thought she was easy prey. Those thoughts hurt and also made her feel guilty.

  She didn’t mind their touch. In fact she got used to it. They were just so opposite of Zane whom she had found attractive and fell for his charms immediately. Century and Gordon were at least six feet five and they were burly men. They had facial hair, thick, solid muscles, tattoos, and were hard in their deep tones of voices. Track was snappy, kind of overly confident and rough around the edges. She figured he wasn’t used to trying to impress someone or maybe even ensure he made them feel comfortable. He was more like a “I don’t give a shit what you think” kind of guy. Sodo shared the attitude, but it came across subtler. She thought about them a lot. About how they always seemed to be around, to ask her how she felt, if she needed anything, and that comfort zone was expanding.

  As they got closer she wondered if they would ask her what she learned yesterday at the studio, and ask to see some of the moves. It was like they wanted to be sure she was getting them and they were useful. She didn’t know how she felt about that but because they were so dominant she listened. It was in her nature to be submissive and she hoped that they didn’t use that against her. She could pretend to be tough, and in control but with them she felt a bit reckless, and too willing to let them lead. So she decided now was a good a time as any to take a break.

  “I’m going to go use the lady’s room,” she told her sister.

  “Take your time. You haven’t had a break since we got here, and I think we’re going to wrap things up in an hour anyway.”

  “Okay.” She glanced toward the direction she had seen Gordon and Century. Her sister stopped her.

  “Be careful walking around alone. There are a lot of guys around here and I’ve seen a bunch checking you out. Maybe head toward the main house and the buffet they have set up in there.”

  “I was planning on that. I think Catalina is still around.” Angelina gave her a nod and a smile. She grabbed her small drawstring bag and headed onto the sidewalk. It was warm out today, and she wore a khaki skirt, tennis sneakers, and a light green tank blouse that buttoned down the front. Her hair was pulled up into a fancy style she liked wearing when it was warm and also while waitressing. As she walked toward the main house she thought about Bella’s offer for her to waitress instead of bus or host at Ciao Bella’s. She was debating whether or not she had the energy for that because she was still trying to increase her calories, take some classes with Angelina and Liz, and not feel exhausted. She was tired right now, and it wasn’t even one o’clock. She definitely needed fuel.

  As she approached the door to the main house, two men, soldiers she assumed, held the door open for her and smiled cordially as they checked her out. “Afternoon,” one of them said to her and she gave a nod.

  “Afternoon. Thank you,” she told him and they followed her into the main house. Inside there was an entire area made for lounging and just kind of socializing. There were numerous couches and chairs, a flat screen TV and two other smaller ones, maybe fifty-inch, on either side of the room. There was a pool table too, and then to the right was a main dining area, with a couple of huge long wooden tables, and both areas had a decent amount of people in them right now. She looked toward the buffet just as the two men who held the door open for her spoke up.

  “The cooks here are great. You can’t go wrong with anything you choose to eat,” the blond said to her. She looked over her shoulder at him. He was tall, about six feet or so, and looked a bit tired.

  “Oh, thank you. I’m going to check it out and see.”

  “You here with family?” the brunette asked and licked his lower lip. He was a bit thicker in build compared to the blond guy and she felt a little uneasy because of what her sister said.

  “I’m actually helping with one of the tables outside.”

  “Oh yeah, which one?” the blond asked.

  “Powerhouse Studios and the one giving information for services to women in need.”

  “The domestic violence one?” the brunette asked and he looked at her differently. It made her feel on edge, scared but then angry. She squinted at him.

  “All good things a woman should know and be aware of. There are a lot of assholes out there, and it can be pretty scary for a young woman on her own,” he added.

  “Have you taken the self-defense classes yourself?” the brunette asked and the way he looked at her made her feel like he could tell she wasn’t trained. It made her fear go up a notch. Why did men have to be like this? So pushy and ready to put a woman down or point out her weaknesses?

  “Well, that’s what the classes are for and the information is all about.” She went to turn and the blond touched her hand and she froze.

  “How about we join you for lunch? I’m Brad and this is Kever,” he said to her and she froze in place. She was scared, insecure, unable to handle this. Her heart pounded inside of her chest and she submerged the tears and opened her mouth to just say no thank you politely when she heard the deep, hard tone.

  “She can’t. She’s with us.” She widened her eyes. She recognized that voice and tone immediately and turned as the blond released her hand and Gordon and Century were there. Century slid his arm around her waist and pulled her close. He leaned way down and kissed her neck.

  “Hey, beautiful,” he said and she could hear Gordon tell the guys that she was with them and then she felt the hand on her shoulder.

  “You okay?” Century asked and she pulled herself together, stunned still from Century’s move, and she looked away from his dark green eyes and nodded.

  He reached out to cup her cheek. His hand was huge, her heart was racing, and she stared up at him. His fingertips touched her neck beside her cheek, he was so big, and she reached u
p to hold on to his wrist that felt hard and big too. She was a peanut compared to him. She went to step back.

  “Easy, baby. We wanted to make sure those guys weren’t bothering you. What are you doing walking around alone?” he asked and slowly released her cheek but not before he stroked her skin. That suave, experienced move affected her way too much. She was completely attracted to him, to Gordon too, and that shocked her. She couldn’t handle a regular guy, even one her age like those guys who just flirted, so how could she handle men like Gordon and Century? She couldn’t. They would handle her. Control her, manipulate her, oh God, hurt her, they were so big and filled with muscles and attitudes. So why was she not running? Why were her nipples hard and why did her pussy clench from this scene? She was losing it. Was she glutton for punishment or what? She looked away. “I was getting something to eat.”

  “Well then we’ll come along. Track and Sodo should be heading this way soon too.”

  She could do this. She could casually have some lunch and then look for Catalina or head back to the table to leave with Angelina. As they walked toward the buffet Century kept a hand at her back and hip and Gordon helped her with her plate. By the time they got to a table to eat they spotted Sodo and Track. Track looked upset but she wondered if that was his normal everyday expression. Then he got a hug and back slap from two other men before they left him and Sodo alone.

  “Shoot, I wonder how things when with Davie?” Gordon asked.

  “Looks fine,” Century replied and she didn’t ask any questions. Sodo and Track got their food and then joined them and smiled at her. Track took the seat next to her on her other side. Gordon sat on the left of her.

  “How was class this morning?” Track asked.

  “Fine,” she whispered softly.

  “What did you learn?” Track asked and took a bite of his sandwich.

  She explained a little.

  “We’ll go over it after lunch,” Track said to her as if it were an order, or he was in charge of her or something. Like he had something to do with her learning these things. She squinted.

  “What do you mean go over it after lunch?”

  “To make sure you got the moves right,” Sodo added, and his tone made her feel like she was stupid for even questioning them. She was confused. Were they trying to take over her life, to submerge themselves in her business? Shouldn’t she be concerned? That was kind of how things got started with Zane. He would show up when she was working and even out at parties. He would intervene when some guys started to flirt and he would act protective. She felt sick to her stomach. Was that what these men, much older men were doing to her? She was getting emotional and she couldn’t even eat as they talked about the other events and then about plans this evening. Her mind was now on them going over the moves with her. They would touch her, use their strength on her, and show her how weak and incapable she was.

  “You should come out to Mulligan’s with Angelina and the guys.” Gordon interrupted her thoughts and she had to try and refocus on the conversation and put the fears and confusion in the back of her mind so she wouldn’t seem stupid or like she couldn’t even hold a conversation with them because she was weak.

  “I don’t think so,” she told them and wiped her mouth then took a sip from the bottle of water Century had gotten her.

  “Why not?” Sodo asked.

  “Not really interested in hanging out at a bar or whatever.”

  “Well, it would be nice to see the back room and get a feel for the place and spend time with us. Ya know, in case you decide to knock them out with some fiddle playing in the near future,” Gordon teased her and gave her side a nudge. Did he slide in the comment about spending time with them? Or was he saying they were being supportive like she needed four super huge soldiers, law enforcement guys to protect her even when at the local bar? This was maddening. Then to add in more confusion, his nudge left these sensations lingering against her skin.

  She felt that touch everywhere and it surprised her. She looked down and shook her head. “I don’t think I will. I’m pretty tired.”

  “What else did you eat today?” Track asked her and when she admitted to not much, they reprimanded her.

  “You need to fuel your body. You’re working a few days a week and going to the self-defense class,” Century said to her.

  “I might be working more hours at the restaurant,” she chimed in but it was more like to stop Century from telling her she needed rest and to go over her schedule with her. Like she didn’t know her schedule? It was very bossy of them.

  “What do you mean, like they want you to work more hours?” Sodo asked.

  “Yes, to waitress more, and in the evenings when it’s really busy.”

  “You think that’s wise?” Track asked her.

  “I think it’s good to stay busy and to not have so much down time,” she said softly and looked away from them and across the room. There was a double doorway that led out to a porch and back garden area. She reached for her bottle of water but Gordon touched her wrist. She paused and looked up at him. He brought her wrist to his lips as he held her gaze. She noticed the size difference, the way his hand looked so big compared to her arm and wrist. It was kind of frightening.

  “Don’t look at me like I could hurt you. I would never lay a hand on you or cause you any pain. Not ever,” he said firmly then brought her wrist to his lips and kissed her skin. She was shocked at the sensations. At how even his lips felt masculine against her delicate flesh, and like his control over her was instant. At least she labeled it as control. What else could it be? Her lips parted and she blinked her eyes and felt the tears fill them. When Track placed his hand over her thigh under the table she panicked and shoved back from her chair and stood up. Gordon released her wrist and Track stood, but she hurried from the room, out the patio doors, and through the garden. She didn’t even know where she was going or why she felt so scared, she just couldn’t handle the physical contact and the attraction she was feeling. She didn’t know if they were playing a game, or taking advantage of her need to feel safe. It felt wrong to think that, but what did she know? She had no gut instincts. She was raw inside, and unable to process this. She was in a complete panic. Now they would think she was a nut case by the way she reacted and ran. She hurried to the right and it was a dead end against the side of the house. She didn’t know where to go when she heard Track’s voice.

  “Francesca.” He said her name firmly and she froze in place. Saw Gordon, Century, and Sodo. Track closed the space between them and pulled her into his arms. She gasped but gripped onto him. She was lost in his arms, the large embrace, the muscles and the bandage on his arm rubbed under her arm as he squeezed her tighter.

  “You’re safe with us. Always,” he said and kissed her neck. She paused and he did as well. He inhaled against her neck and she inhaled his cologne and felt her heart racing once again. When he used his palm to slide along her ass, she was shocked and also affected by that. His hand was huge and she was so thin still, and the realization of the damage he could do to her made her tighten up. He squeezed her ass and then nipped her jaw, her chin. She tilted upward and he suckled under her jaw and then along her neck. She relaxed a little. Enjoyed his moves, and held her breath wondering what would happen next. She didn’t know. Did she even care? She wasn’t sure. She knew nothing, could make no decision, she was losing her mind. The tear fell. He made his way to her lips and she closed her eyes and he kissed her. She was shocked by his move, never mind the fact that she was letting him kiss her. But was she letting him or was he in complete control here? She could feel how big and hard he was. He could hurt her. Any of them could. She pulled from his lips but she gripped onto his hips as he cupped her cheeks. “You’re crying? Did I scare you? Do you not feel what we feel for you?” he asked her and Track sounded panicked, like he was unsure and he was feeling out of control too. The others gathered closer. When they placed hands on her hips on either side and Sodo placed his hands on her sh
oulders and kissed the top of her head she closed her eyes and tried to breathe.

  “I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t think this should happen. I’m scared.” She blinked her eyes and more tears fell. Track narrowed his eyes at her but then shook his head. “This is special, baby. What we’re all feeling for you, and what you are feeling for us but probably fear. It’s damn special and we’ll talk things through and take the time you need,” Sodo said to her from behind her.

  Track released her cheeks and Century placed his finger under her chin and tilted her head up toward him.

  “You’re so damn sweet and beautiful, and you need protecting.”

  “Protecting from what?”

  “Shoot,” he said and then pressed his lips to hers. It was quick and short, but before she could recover Gordon cupped her cheek and kissed her. Then he released her lips and Sodo turned her around, wrapped her up in his arms, cupped her cheek and jaw, and stared down into her eyes.

  “God knows we don’t deserve you, but I’ll be damned if you think I’ll let any other men but my brothers and I protect you and care for you,” he said and kissed her next, but he was thorough, and he didn’t let her go until they both needed to in order to breathe.

  * * * *

  Sodo held Francesca in his arms and could feel how feminine and thin she was. It just enflamed the need to protect her. He cupped her cheek and held her with one arm wrapped around her tiny waist. “You’re so thin and—”

  “Fragile? Weak?” she asked.

  “No, not weak. You’re strong and determined, and despite your fears, you’re working through the pain and the fears and you will get there, baby. I know you will.” He stroked her jaw. They towered over her, and he realized instantly why she was shaking, and why she looked unsure. They were soldiers, they were older, big, capable men, and they could hurt her. That was what she was thinking and feeling. A fear that they could be like Zane.