Summer of the Loon

by Deanna Lynn Sletten

  Ben glanced at her but didn't reply.

  They continued to walk. Soon, far ahead, Ali saw a faded red barn. "Is that the old dairy farm?" she asked.

  "Yep. We're almost there."

  As they neared the barn, a bellowing sound came from the woods on the left. Ben reached out his arm to stop Ali. "Did you hear that?"

  Ali nodded. She looked around but didn't see anything. "What was it?" she whispered.

  "Shhh. Listen."

  A moment later, another bellowing sound came from the edge of the trees. Ben pointed, and Ali looked in that direction. A large, black bear stood on all fours, staring warily at them.

  Ali's heart pounded. "Should we run?" she asked, keeping her eyes trained on the bear.

  "Nope," Ben whispered.

  "You're not going to shoot it, are you?" Ali asked, afraid he'd use the gun he'd brought along.

  "Of course not," Ben whispered back. "It's not bear season, yet. Just hold on a moment and watch."

  Ben and Ali stood still as the bear stepped farther out of the woods and into the clearing. The bear looked huge to Ali. She'd seen one in a zoo before, but never this close up.

  The bear raised its light brown snout, opened its mouth, and bellowed once more, its large teeth glinting in the sun. Ali thought she was going to faint.

  Slowly, Ben moved his arm and nudged Ali. He pointed in the direction of the old barn. She looked, and then she saw what he was pointing at. Two round, roly-poly bear cubs came bounding out from around the side of the barn and over to their mother. When the cubs were safely by their mother's side, she looked one last time at Ben and Ali, then turned and walked with her cubs back into the cover of the forest.

  When the bears were out of sight, Ali let out the breath she'd been holding. "That was scary."

  "Oh, it wasn't so bad," Ben said as they started walking again. "Just don’t ever get yourself between a momma bear and her cubs or she will attack you."

  "Good to know," Ali said. She didn't intend to go this deep into the woods alone, ever.

  They approached the barn and walked around it. It still looked sturdy, it just had a few missing boards on the sides and there was ivy growing up the walls in places.

  "So this is where the dairy was?" Ali asked. "Was it big? Like, lots of cows?"

  Ben shook his head. "Nah, they didn't have a lot of milking cows, just enough to have milk to sell to a few of the local people. I guess, years before I was born, it was a larger farm with cattle and dairy cows, but through the years, the demand for fresh milk waned and they eventually closed up."

  Ali looked around. "Where's the house?"

  Ben pointed over to an open area a distance from the barn. A few trees shaded the space. "It used to stand there, but it finally fell down and the owners of the land burned what was left of it. All that's left of the house is the root cellar."

  "How come no one lives here anymore? Does the same family still own it like you own your family's land?"

  "There's not much money in farming these days, at least not for a small farm. This place only has about three hundred acres. As far as I know, the family still owns the land, but no one ever comes here anymore. So it just sits here, deserted."

  Ali looked around and thought how sad it was that a place like this had been deserted. It was a pretty spot, and it held history. Except the history of it would be gone one day when no one remembered it anymore. Ali smiled over at her grandfather, happy that he'd shared this place with her.

  "So, you really walked all this way to get pails of milk and carry them back?" she asked, and he launched into stories of his childhood when he and his brother used to make the trek for milk for the lodge. Ali listened, soaking it all in. The memories wouldn't die with her grandfather because they'd go on with her.

  After a time, they turned and headed back home. Ben pointed out more wildflowers to her along the way. They eventually grew quiet, until Ben broke the silence.

  "So, is everything going okay with you here? I noticed you and Chase were going to town every so often. Are you meeting other kids?"

  Ali nodded. "Yeah. We've gone to a couple of movies and play pool with his friends at The Loon's Nest afterward. Kat's been nice, too. I still think it's weird that kids are allowed in a bar at night. My friends and I would never have been able to do that back home."

  "Yeah, there's really no place for kids to go in this small town. The owner there is pretty careful about who he serves alcohol to, so it's safe. He doesn't want to lose his license." Ben hesitated a moment. "How about around here? Is your room okay? Do you need anything?"

  Ali tilted her head and gazed at her grandfather. She could tell he wasn't used to having to worry about anyone else's needs, but his questions seemed sincere. "I like my room. I've got everything I need," she told him. "Well, except electricity whenever I need it," she teased.

  Ben slid his eyes over to her. "Just let me know if you need something. I'm not such a grouch that I would have you go without." He grinned. "And you get all the electricity you need."

  Ali laughed.

  "Have you been going through your mom's things?" Ben asked.

  Ali nodded.

  "Anything interesting in those boxes?"

  "Pretty much what you said there would be. Some old books, a few school yearbooks. I've been looking through those to see what she was like in school. I didn't know Mom was a cheerleader in school or that she played volleyball. I guess there's a lot I didn't know about her early years."

  Ben beamed. "Yep. She made good grades, too. She never had too many friends though. Guess she was too busy with her activities and helping out at the resort. Most kids around here back then worked in their parents' businesses, so it wasn't unusual. She was a good girl, never going out to parties or getting in trouble."

  Ali grew silent as the unsaid truth floated between them. Never in trouble until she got pregnant with me.

  Ben cleared his throat. "Tell me about your mother. Was she happy? Sad? From the sounds of it, you didn't have an easy life. I'd like to know what she was like after she left here."

  Ali kept her eyes on the ground. She didn't want to say anything that would make her mother sound terrible. She'd loved her mother, despite her problems. "I really don't want to talk about her right now," she said.

  "Okay," Ben finally conceded. "But when you're ready, I'll listen. And I won't judge her."

  Ali heard him but didn't respond. His last words, 'I won't judge her', spoke volumes to her. That was her biggest fear, him judging how his Jen, her mother, had turned out.

  "Can you just tell me more about the plants and trees?" Ali asked.

  Ben nodded, and began telling her names of flowers and showing her how to distinguish different varieties of trees.

  Chapter Fifteen

  The Fourth of July holiday came and went in a blur. Jo had been right, the resort, as well as the surrounding resorts and the town, had been bustling with activity over the entire week. People were everywhere. The night of the Fourth, there were fireworks in town so Chase and Ali went to watch them. Ben and Jo stayed back at the resort, even though most of the guests were in town. The tiny town was packed, and street vendors were selling popcorn, mini-donuts, sodas, hot dogs, and a variety of other foods along the street. The bars were hopping with activity, and a group of Girl Scouts were selling plastic glow-in-the-dark necklaces, bracelets, and rings as a fundraiser. Ali couldn't believe how crazy it was in the small town. The people of Auburn, young and old alike, all came out for the fun, and the tourists mingled among them.

  The next week, it was a relief to be back to a normal busy for Ali. On Thursday in the late afternoon, Ali and Chase played hooky, with Jo's permission, and lounged around the lake in the canoe. Ali hadn't seen her grandfather all morning since breakfast, and thought he might be out on a fishing trip with guests. She didn't really give it much thought the rest of the day.

  Ali and Chase checked on two of the loons' nests and found them both abandoned. Chase e
xplained that meant the eggs had hatched and now the family of loons would be on the lake and not return to the nest. Ali was excited, hoping she'd see a baby loon, but they never came near any all day.

  Ali and Chase came in to help serve supper and Ali was surprised that her grandfather wasn't there. "Is grandpa out with a fishing group?" she asked Jo. Jo told her he was busy with a project and he'd probably be by later to grab a bite. After supper, Ali and Jo cleaned up and then Ali and Chase took a walk to the point where they sat on the boulders and enjoyed the end of the day. Guests were milling about, heading to and from their cabins, so it wasn't the quietest place to be, but the view was always beautiful.

  Sunset came late in July and Ali and Chase headed back to the lodge by nine o'clock before dusk fell. Ben had been keeping the generator running a little later since the days were longer, so Ali was surprised to see the cabin was still dark. Chase walked with her up to the cabin as dusk settled in.

  "Looks like no shower tonight," Ali told Chase. "Grandpa must have come up early to bed."

  The two said goodnight and Chase left as Ali went inside. She'd had a wonderful day spending time with Chase out in the canoe, and she felt happy and carefree. Even though Chase hadn't tried to kiss her again after Jake had teased them that day on the boat, she knew he cared about her and she anticipated their first kiss. She knew it would be dreamy and romantic, either out on the lake or at their favorite place on the point. She was flying high with these thoughts as she quietly entered the house to use the bathroom before going up to bed.

  Ali was startled by the dark figure slumped in a chair at the dining room table in the nearly darkened house. After a moment, she recognized it was her grandfather sitting at one end of the table, his head in his hands.

  "Grandpa?" she asked hesitantly. "Are you okay?" As she drew nearer, she saw what sat in front of him on the table. A half-empty bottle of whiskey.

  "Just go on to bed," Ben said, sounding hoarse and tired. He didn't even look up at her when he spoke.

  Ali stood there, stunned. She hadn't seen her grandfather drink one ounce of alcohol the entire time she'd been here, not even a beer. And here he sat with a bottle of whiskey. Anger rose inside her. All the years of watching her mother drink herself into oblivion. All the nights of having to help her to bed. All the unpaid bills because drinking and drugs got in the way of her mother working. It bubbled up inside of Ali until she couldn't hold it in any longer.

  "Oh, my God," Ali exclaimed. "You're just like her. You're a drunk, too. She got it from you!"

  Ben raised his head a little and in the fading light, Ali saw his bloodshot eyes and the dark circles surrounding them. "Just go on to bed," Ben told her again. "Leave me be."

  Tears formed in Ali's eyes despite her anger. She wouldn't do this again. She'd had enough. "I won't live with a drunk, do you hear? I won't. I can't do this again. I won't do this again!" Before Ben could reply, Ali turned on her heel and ran out of the cabin with tears streaming down her face. She ran all the way down to the lodge and in through the kitchen door.

  Jo was kneading bread dough at the island when Ali burst into the kitchen. Ali ran to her and Jo folded her into her arms.

  "What happened?" Jo asked. "Are you okay?"

  Ali pulled away. "He's drunk. He's sitting up there in the dark, drinking whiskey. There's only half a bottle left. I can't do this, Jo. I can't live with a drunk. I won't!" Tears spilled down Ali's cheeks as she spoke. She was shaking in Jo's arms.

  Jo sighed. "It's okay, dear. I promise you, everything's okay." Jo wiped the flour off her hands on her apron and led Ali to the table.

  "No," Ali insisted, wiping away her tears with the tissues Jo had handed her. "He's just like my mom. I don't know how he's hid it all these weeks, but he is. I just can't live with him." Ali broke down in sobs and Jo comforted her, rubbing her back and telling her everything would be okay. Finally, when Ali's tears subsided, Jo looked at her with compassion and spoke.

  "What you saw up there, dear, wasn't what it looked like. I had hoped that this year would be better, but when Ben didn't come down here at all today, I'd feared he'd locked himself away for the day, and apparently, he had."

  Ali frowned. "What are you talking about? What do you mean it isn't what I thought? I saw him sitting in front of a bottle that had been drunk down halfway and he had red eyes. He was drinking."

  Jo sighed. "Ali. Today is the anniversary of the day your grandmother Lizzie died."

  Ali sat still a moment, letting this new information seep in. "But that doesn't excuse the drinking," she said.

  Jo nodded. "I agree. But I also know that Ben hasn't had a drink of alcohol in seven years. Not since he stopped after a six week binge the year Lizzie died."

  "But he had the bottle right there!" Ali insisted.

  "Did you see him take a drink out of it?" Jo asked.

  "No. But it was half-empty."

  "Ali. What you saw was Ben sitting with a bottle of whiskey, staring at it, not drinking it. He does that every year on this day. That bottle has been half-empty since the day my husband told Ben he could no longer mourn Lizzie by losing himself in a bottle. He hasn't taken a drink from that bottle ever since."

  Ali stared at Jo, confused. "I don't understand."

  Jo ran her hand down Ali's hair, smoothing it in a comforting gesture. "I'm sorry, dear. I should have told you about today. I had hoped that Ben wouldn't fall into his grief this year, now that he had you here. You see, the day his Lizzie died was the worst day of his life. Actually, the second worse day of his life. Losing his Jen was the first. But Lizzie, why, he loved her so much, he couldn't bear to lose her. Even though he knew that day was coming, it still hit him like a brick. The very day he laid her to rest, he started a drinking binge that we thought for sure would kill him, too.

  "You see, long ago, when Jen was young, Ben used to drink quite a bit. It never got in the way of his running the resort, and he was never a mean drunk, like his father had been sometimes, but he drank just the same. That's what men did in those days when they were stressed. They drank. Then, finally, Lizzie told him that he had to choose between his alcohol and his family, and he chose them. Lizzie had seen how Ben's father had behaved all those prior years and she wasn't about to have Ben end up that way. So, until the day Lizzie died, Ben hadn't had a drop of liquor."

  Jo took a breath and continued. "Then Lizzie died, and it was more than Ben could take. He sat up in that cabin he'd built for her and drank. Every day my husband, Rick, would go up and check on him and bring him supper. And every day Ben had a fresh bottle of whiskey that he drowned his sorrows in. We had no idea how he got all that booze, he just did. Finally, Rick went up there and told him it was time to stop. Surprisingly, Ben did, and that's when he slowly started helping out around the lodge and started up his fishing and hunting tours again. That bottle you saw was the last bottle he'd opened. Now, every year, he sits up there and stares at it, but he doesn't touch it. Because he knows if he does, he may not be able to stop again."

  "But his eyes were bloodshot," Ali said.

  "Oh, sweetie. His eyes are red and swollen from crying. Yes, believe it or not, he sheds tears for his Lizzie. I know he seems like a crotchety old man to you, but he loved her so much. He lets out his pain of her loss in tears now, not by sinking into the bottle."

  Ali sat there a moment, absorbing everything Jo had told her. She looked up into Jo's kind eyes and saw something there that she'd never before acknowledged. Ali's eyes widened and she gasped. "You love him, don't you?"

  Jo sat back and stared at Ali, stunned. "Why do you say that?"

  "I saw it just now, in your eyes. The way you talk so kindly about him, the way you tease him, even the way I've seen you brush your hand over his arm or back as you pass by him. I just never put it together before. Geez, you even do his laundry. You're in love with him," Ali repeated.

  A smile spread across Jo's face and she chuckled softly. "Yes, sweetie, I do. Don't ask me why, I ju
st do. He's a good man, deep down inside."

  "Does he love you back?" Ali asked, unable to believe her grandfather could truly love anyone.

  "Yes, Ali. He does. But he seems to think we have to keep it a secret until Chase is off to college and you are through high school, so it's best if you don't say anything to him."

  Ali sighed. So many secrets. It made her tired. "You're sure he doesn’t drink, though? Are you positive?"

  Jo nodded. "I believe him when he says he doesn't. Sometimes, you just have to believe in a person no matter what."

  Ali wasn't sure of that. She'd believed in her mother, had hoped she'd be able to one day climb out of the dark hole she'd created for herself, but it had never happened. But if Jo believed in her grandfather, Ali would try.

  Jo rose from the table. "Why don’t you stay here tonight in one of the guest rooms? You can talk to Ben tomorrow with a clear head."

  Ali agreed. She didn't want to go up to the cabin and confront him just yet. As she slipped into the snug bed in the small guest room after Jo had hugged her goodnight, she thought about her grandfather, sitting up there in the dark cabin, all alone, grieving for the woman he'd loved. Ali fell asleep with tears trickling down her cheeks.

  ***

  The next day was chilly and damp as Ali made her way through the darkness to her grandfather's boat dock. She wasn't sure if he'd go out fishing this morning, but just in case, she went down to find out. They had a lot to talk about.

  Sure enough, Ali found him just getting into the boat with a bucket of minnows in his hand. She didn't say a word, just stepped into the boat, slipped on her life jacket, and sat down. They took off at a fast clip across the lake and soon they had their fishing rods out, baited, and their lines in the water.

  The morning was silent. Ali watched as the sun rose through the gray clouds, barely giving off light or heat. The damp day made no difference to the wildlife. One loon flew overhead, singing its crazy song, and another appeared in the distance, gliding gracefully through the water. Ducks flew in, as well as geese, and soon the world around the two silent figures in the boat came to life.