Tong Lashing

by Peter David

  Even if he’d been inclined to admit to what I wanted him to, pressure from my staff was making it impossible for him to draw enough air to say anything. He struggled in futility, glorious terror reflected in his face, and suddenly I was being hauled off him. Hamunri were on either side of me, and I realized my feet weren’t touching the ground. Esi lay on the ground, gasping, his hand to his throat.

  “I am disappointed, Po,” the Imperior said. “Very disappointed.”

  “This is not my fault, Imperior! I… I’m being set up! This man is trying to get rid of me! To dishonor me!”

  “That is a very grave charge,” said the Imperior. “Do you have any evidence?”

  “Evidence?! There’s a sodding wall there! A wall that exists because of what he did!”

  Esi was managing to shake his head and protest his innocence. Everyone was looking at me suspiciously.

  Part of me understood why. After all, who was the outsider? Who was the one who was unlike the others? Is it not always the unknown and unfamiliar who becomes the scapegoat? Itso Esi had obviously understood that all too well, and realized he could booby-trap me with impunity. And I, the booby, was indeed trapped.

  “You have to be able to see through this, Imperior,” I said urgently. My arms were already starting to go numb because I was being suspended on either side by the much larger Hamunri. “You have to realize that this is… is some sort of trick!”

  “Are you claiming that one who has the divine sight could be tricked?” he demanded. Despite his outward appearance of a feeble man, there was nothing frail about his demeanor or tone.

  “No, I’m… I’m not saying that…”

  “Then how can you possibly claim that trickery is involved, when by definition, I could not be fooled no matter how clever the deception?”

  I had no response to that. No matter what I said, I would only be burying myself deeper.

  “It is your name that is signed upon the designs,” he said. “It is your carelessness that has wasted the time and materials to create this pointless wall. I can see no other way to redeem yourself, Po, than to take your life immediately.”

  “Why?” I demanded. “Your honor hasn’t been besmirched. I’m… I’m from out of town. Truly. I’m not part of your staff…”

  “It was the Imperior who selected you for this task,” Itso Esi said. His voice was raspy, and he looked unsteady on his feet, but deep anger burned in his eyes. He looked as if he’d be all too happy to take whatever measures were necessary to speed along my demise.

  “Since you botched it, naturally it reflects upon him…”

  “I didn’t botch it! I was made to look bad! By you!” I added angrily.

  “That is a lie, and you only dishonor yourself further,” Esi said.

  “Oh, the horror of that notion,” I said sarcastically. “What could the outcome of further dishonor be? Perhaps I’d have to kill myself a second time. Imperior, listen to me… I did nothing wrong. What kind of life is ended because of such unfair means?”

  “Yours,” the Imperior said. And frankly, considering what my life had been, I couldn’t say he was entirely without foundation in his claim. If anyone was going to wind up losing their life over something as spectacularly absurd as this, it would very likely be me.

  “You will have one hour,” he continued, “to take your life. You should know that I do not customarily provide so much time. But you are from beyond our shores, and therefore it is important that I be as generous as possible.”

  “If you were truly going to be generous, Imperior, you could just let me live.”

  He appeared to give that some serious thought, and for an instant my heart swelled with hope. But then all he said was “I could use some tea. Itso Esi, would you like some tea?”

  “That would be excellent, yes.”

  The Imperior looked around. “Anyone else?”

  There were nods of agreement from all around. Naturally. When the man who is offering you tea can have you kill yourself for refusing to join him, that’s going to create a powerful thirst for all concerned.

  And as everyone ran about to prepare tea for the Imperior, I was dragged off to end what I laughingly referred to as my existence.

  They had erected a small tent for me. Very considerate. I’d hate to have to die while a large number of strangers were looking on.

  The only things in the tent, aside from myself, were my weapons. My two swords, my walking staff, and the sai. There was, however, nowhere for me to go. I couldn’t possibly fight my way out. There were far too many guards. I’d be cut to ribbons before I got ten feet.

  I was kneeling, wondering just how best to proceed, when I heard the sound of footfalls from just outside the tent. I had no idea who was about to enter and yet, amazingly, I had a suspicion… which turned out to be exactly right. The tent flaps drew aside and Go Nogo entered, scowling as always.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked. “I thought you were off dealing with the Forked Tong.”

  “I am,” replied Go Nogo. “The Imperior had asked me to meet him here in order to give him an update. Every so often, the Imperior prefers to discuss matters as far away from the palace as possible.”

  “Commendably cautious.” I frowned. “And how is the Forked Tong doing?”

  “That is none of your concern.”

  There was something in his tone, something defensive. Something that alerted me that matters might be more than what they seemed. “Rather curious, Nogo. How you’ve had so long to dispense with the Forked Tong once and for all… and instead they’re still operating. I wonder what could possibly be causing the delay.”

  Go Nogo didn’t seem especially interested in engaging in small talk. His arms folded across his chest, he growled, “Your hour is nearly gone. I am here to oversee your taking of your life.”

  “And a fine show it would be,” I assured him, “but let’s talk about other matters for a moment…”

  “There is nothing to talk about.”

  “Isn’t there?” I thought I sounded rather crafty, the way I said that. “I’m not stupid, you know.”

  “You’re not?” It appeared to be news to him.

  “No. I’m able to figure things out. To put clues together. To perceive the truth of that which people are not discussing, or hoping to keep hidden.”

  “Are you planning to kill yourself anytime soon?” he asked. “Because I really have other things I must do.”

  I got to my feet. “You tried to kill me,” I said, “because you know of the animosity I bear for the Forked Tong.”

  “I never tried to kill you,” said Go Nogo. “If I had been trying to kill you, you would have been dead. Which would have saved us some time now. If you require a short sword to begin the process…” He pulled a sharp blade from the folds of his kimono and offered it to me, hilt first.

  I didn’t touch it. “You don’t have to pretend anymore.”

  “I don’t?” he said, raising an eyebrow.

  “I’ve figured it out. You are actually in league with the Forked Tong. Or with the Skang Kei family.”

  “Ah. You’ve figured that out, have you.” He spoke with a sort of vague contempt.

  “Yes. And the fact is, I’m very interested in joining them.”

  Now on the surface, that may have seemed a hell of a gamble. But keep in mind the circumstances. I was standing there face-to-face with one of the most formidable warriors in the Imperior’s stable, who was making clear that either I was to kill myself or he would send me to the gods with one swipe of his blade. If I didn’t have the guts, he would spill them for me. I was not being presented with a sizable number of options.

  But if my vague suspicion was correct—if, in fact, Go Nogo was in league with the Forked Tong—then what I was saying might have an outside chance at saving my life.

  “You wish to join the Forked Tong?”

  “That has been my goal for some time,” I assured him. “You see… the ruler I represent has alre
ady discerned who is the true future of Chinpan, and who we should form an alliance with. He’s not interested in forging bonds with the Imperior because he knows that it will be the Forked Tong that will ultimately triumph…”

  “Interesting. You wish to join the organization which attacked you in the marketplace.”

  “Ahhh.” I felt I’d lucked into something from what he’d just said.

  “Now everyone else seems to believe that it was the princess who was the target. But you say that I was the one they were trying to kill. Why would you say that?”

  “Because I can see why anyone would want to kill you.”

  And suddenly his hand was a blur, and the hilt of the blade slammed against the side of my head. I fell over, my skull throbbing, and blindly I reached for the nearest thing I could get my hands on: one of the sai. I yanked it from my belt.

  “You wave a farming implement at me?” Go Nogo couldn’t have been more amused at an offensive tactic if I had turned around and flashed my naked buttocks at him. Then all amusement vanished from his voice as he advanced on me. “My patience is running out, and your insults only elevate the depth of your dishonor—”

  I lunged forward with the sai, hoping to get lucky. I didn’t. Go Nogo was far too quick. He took a few steps back, bumping up against the side of the tent, and he yanked out his sword from its scabbard even as he moved. In one smooth motion he swung the sword, and it was only by a miracle that I moved my hand fast enough to save it from being severed at the wrist. As it was, I lost my grip on the sai and it skidded across the ground.

  There was not a lot of room in the tent. All Go Nogo would have to do is take a step or two toward me, and he would easily be able to eviscerate me with one sweep. “You,” he said, pointing the sword at me, “are a pathetic fool.”

  Suddenly I heard the sound of cloth tearing. He blinked, seemed rather puzzled, and then he looked down.

  A sword blade was protruding from his chest, having penetrated from his back and through out to the front.

  He looked back up at me, his face clouded with suspicion. “How did you do that?” he demanded. Then his body spasmed as the sword was yanked back out through the same means it had entered. He stood there for a moment, swaying, a red splotch spreading rapidly across his chest.

  His gaze remained fixed on me, and he tried to bring his sword up to finish the last job he would ever undertake for the Imperior. But his arms had already gone numb from shock, and his weapon fell from his hand.

  “I have… failed… the Imperior,” he managed to say, blood bubbling up from between his lips. “I have… dishonored him… I must… kill myself… immediate—”

  And then he toppled forward. I slid back as fast as I could and he thudded to the ground, lying there with a look of pained frustration on his dead face.

  “Don’t let me stop you,” I told him.

  Then I looked at the far side of the tent. I could just barely see a figure standing there, outlined against the darkening sky. Then there was another sound of tearing, and a bloodstained blade sliced through the tent.

  A black-clad figure was standing on the other side. I recognized her instantly. Well… not her specifically, but certainly the group to whom she owed allegiance.

  “We meet, and are met, have never met, and will meet again,” said the Anaïs Ninja. I had no idea whether she was the one whom I’d fought back in the village. All I knew was, she was eyeing me hungrily. “My passion is a flame, like a blazing star consuming the heavens.”

  I wasn’t taking any chances this time, nor was I letting myself get caught up in her endless, superreal rants. I yanked out the bird’s-head sword and brought the blade between us. She froze, her eyes staring at the blade hungrily.

  There was something about her. Something almost familiar. Suspicion began to play at the outer edges of my mind.

  “Well?” I demanded. “This is it, isn’t it? The blade your people killed my teacher for? My guess, it’s the real reason some of your associates attacked me in the fish market. Why do you want this weapon, eh? What’s its secret? Is there treasure hidden within it? Is it the key to something? Is it magic?” I advanced upon her. She didn’t move. Her eyes, the only part of her face that I could see, remained with their gaze fixed upon the sword. She appeared to be coveting it.

  “Well? Come on! Speak! You couldn’t natter on enough a moment ago. I’ve been through enough in my life to know when people are seeking a talisman. But this time—this time—I’m going to be firmly in control of things! If quests insist upon throwing themselves upon me, then for once I’m going to initiate it, I’m going to master it! I won’t be running five steps behind while everyone else seeks—”

  The Anaïs Ninja brought the tip of her own sword up to her face covering and cut a small hole half an inch under her nose. This permitted her to extend her tongue from behind the covering.

  She laid her own sword carefully upon the floor, then approached the tachi blade and dropped to her knees beside it. “The ocean of my passion crashes within me, like a great wave of orgasmic serenity,” she sighed. Her tongue flicked out and deftly licked the flat of the blade. Then she eased her head alongside it, running her tongue along it while saying, “I feel the heat awakening within me. My moon of ecstasy orbits the sphere of my desire, pulling one upon the other, as the stars burn with—”

  “All right, that’s enough of that!” I snapped as I pulled the sword away and shoved it in the sheath. Then I was appalled at how loud I’d let my voice get, and I looked around nervously. Something was wrong. This crazy woman had cut her way into the tent, which was surrounded by Hamunri and soldiers. Yet no alarm had been sounded. No people had responded to the sound of fighting.

  The Anaïs Ninja coughed deeply, as if trying to pull herself together, and then she spoke in a voice that was husky with emotion, kept focused only through what was clearly a tremendous force of will. “Do you truly wish to join the Forked Tong?”

  “No greater desire beats within me.”

  “Then come. Come. Come,” and her voice began to rise, “come with blinding intensity of crashing blue waves upon a distant shore…”

  “I will hit you if I have to,” I warned her.

  Beneath her mask, she smiled. “Promises,” she said, and then moved out through the hole in the tent. As she did so, she called out, “I am reborn, moving through the opening like a newly spawned child, destined for woman, experiencing the—”

  I wondered if it was too late to stab her with the sai.

  Cautiously I stepped out through the rip in the tent and looked around in bewilderment.

  There were bodies. Bodies everywhere. Hamunri, soldiers, Itso Esi, the Imperior, all slumped over.

  “Did you…” I could barely get the words out. “Did you kill them?”

  She shook her head. “Drugged the tea. They all drank of it. They all collapsed. I could have killed them all. I could have killed the Imperior,” and she looked down at the unmoving form of the divine one. She kicked him sharply in his divine stomach. “But I did not.”

  “May I ask why?”

  She looked at me and said, “Because it is not time yet, although my passion would certainly prompt me to.”

  And at that point, I knew. I knew beyond question, beyond doubt.

  I took several fast steps toward her, or at least as fast as I was able. She looked up at me with luminous eyes.

  “And because,” I said triumphantly, “he’s your father! Isn’t that right, Mitsu!”

  I reached up and yanked the mask away from her face.

  I have to say, that was one damned ugly woman.

  Gorgeous eyes, but flattened nose, scarred and twisted lips, and apparently twice as many teeth in her mouth as normally resided there.

  “Or… not,” I said. She just stared at me. I held up the blade.

  “Would you like to lick my sword some more?”

  Okay, so I wasn’t always right. I’d been wrong about the late Go Nogo, and who this o
dd Anaïs Ninja woman was. Everyone has an off day now and then.

  Chapter 6

  Love at First Wang

  The Anaïs Ninja had certainly come prepared.

  She led me a short distance from the camp, and my horse was waiting there, tethered to a small tree. Standing beside it was the animal I presumed my rescuer had arrived upon. It was truly a magnificent animal. Solid black, with a sleek coat and fiery eyes that bespoke intelligence. Then again, considering some of the fools I’d encountered in my life, it wasn’t that difficult to find a horse with more brainpower than they.

  Having affixed her mask back in place, whilst giving me strange looks as she did so, she vaulted onto the back of the horse so lightly that she seemed almost like a puppet yanked aloft by strings. I, naturally, took far longer to get atop my horse, but soon we were mounted up and riding away from the scene of the calamity. In the distance, I could hear the sounds of building continuing. The lunatics were still constructing the incredibly pointless wall, probably because no one had specifically said to them, “Stop doing that.”

  And we got the hell out of there.

  Night had fallen, which meant we could ride only so fast, lest the horses trip. But we pushed the limit as much as we could. We rode long and we rode hard, and the only thing that made me somewhat insane was that the Anaïs Ninja seemed to be getting tremendous sexual gratification from riding the horse. In fact, she appeared to be bouncing up and down upon the animal with far greater vigor than could remotely have been deemed necessary. “Madam, stop that at once!!” I kept hissing at her. I don’t think she heard me over her constant low moans. On the other hand, I didn’t have to worry about losing her in the darkness. I could have kept up with her if I was blind.