Living My Best Life

by Claire Frost

  ‘Big Ted can keep us warm,’ Wolf had said solemnly. ‘He’s very furry and when I hug him in bed he makes all my face go hot after a while. Mummy, can you come in the pool with me today?’

  ‘I haven’t brought my swimming things,’ Millie had replied with a sad shake of her head (of course she hadn’t brought them, she had no intention of swimming in that pool until the summer – and maybe not even then!). ‘But maybe when you get really good at swimming, you can teach me how to do it and then I’ll come in the pool with you – deal?’

  ‘Deal, Mummy. Aren’t you going to put your hand out – we have to spit on our hands and then shake them when it’s a deal, remember.’

  Damn Louis for teaching Wolfie that, she’d thought. ‘Later, darling,’ she’d said. ‘Look, we’re here now so you can get in the pool and show me how well you can kick those legs.’

  Wolf hadn’t been in the pool long before Millie felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She pulled it out and saw Louis’ name on the display. She contemplated not answering, but decided to get whatever it was he wanted out of the way now. Waving at Wolfie – who was happily playing in the shallow end and seemed to be getting on well with a little girl, the two competing to make the biggest splashes – she stepped away from the noise of the pool and jabbed at her phone. ‘Louis?’

  ‘Millie, how are you?!’ Louis bellowed down the phone. It sounded like he was in some kind of tunnel that was full of people. ‘Is Wolfie there? We just drew one-all with Everton in the cup and I’ve got Shane Lowe next to me and he wants to say hello to Wolf – he’s Wolfie’s favourite player, after me, of course.’

  ‘That’s a lovely idea,’ Millie said calmly. ‘But I’m afraid he’s swimming at the moment so can’t come to the phone.’

  ‘Can’t you just go and get him?’

  ‘Not really, no, I’m afraid. He’s playing with a friend.’

  ‘What friend?’

  ‘A girl. I’m not sure what her name is.’

  ‘You’re letting our little boy play with random children you don’t even know in the swimming pool? For god’s sake, Millie, next you’ll be sending him out to buy sweets from the shop on his own. He’s only four. Is he okay?’

  Millie turned towards the pool, which she’d wandered quite a way from, and just made out Wolf still splashing away. ‘He’s five. And of course he is! I can’t believe you’re questioning my parenting. Again,’ she hissed into her phone. She walked a few more metres away from the pool in case Wolf’s super-powered hearing could detect she was having another argument with his dad. ‘You’re unbelievable, Louis.’

  ‘I’m unbelievable? You’re the one putting our kid at risk!’

  ‘How dare you!’

  There was a beat of silence.

  ‘Look, Millie,’ he replied, his voice lowering, losing its sharpness and taking on a honeyed, syrupy tone. ‘Let’s rewind, hey? I just want to speak to my son and give him the surprise of talking to his favourite player. Could you possibly see if he can get out of the swimming pool and come to the phone?’

  ‘Okay,’ she sighed. ‘Hold on and let me see what—’

  ‘Muuuuuuuuuummy!’

  ‘Shit, I have to go, Louis, I’ll call you back.’

  ‘But—’

  Shoving the phone into her pocket, Millie spun round and ran towards the pool area and the direction of the screams. ‘Wolfie?’ she cried.

  ‘Mummy!’

  Wolf was on the poolside, far nearer the deep end than when she’d seen him splashing about in the water just minutes earlier, and wrapped in an unfamiliar towel as an unfamiliar woman inspected several grazes on his knee.

  ‘Wolfie, what on earth has happened? And who are you?’ she asked the woman sharply. ‘Come here, Wolf.’

  ‘The lady is called Bell and she picked me up when I felled over,’ Wolfie announced proudly. ‘She says I’m really brave as I hardly cried at all.’ He wiped his arm across his eyes and Millie couldn’t tell whether they were wet from tears or just from being in the pool. ‘Look at my leg, Mummy! There was loads and loads of blood, but it’s all gone now.’

  ‘Don’t worry, there was hardly any blood really,’ smiled the lady. ‘Just a few tiny drops. But Wolf was right about my name – I’m Bell. And you’re Millie, aren’t you?’

  ‘How do you know my name?’ All the adrenaline of the last few minutes was draining out of Millie’s system and she felt herself sway as she clutched Wolf tightly, but she didn’t want the other woman to see any weakness.

  ‘I’ve, erm, seen you around.’ She saw Bell’s cheeks flame. ‘And I, erm, follow you on Instagram.’

  ‘Mummy, I’m cold! I think I’ve done enough swimming today. Can we get changed and go inside and get a drink and a treat, pleeeeeease?’

  ‘Yes, yes, of course, Wolfie. Erm, thank you, Bell, for looking after him. What do you say, Wolfie?’

  ‘Thank you, Bell! Do you want to come to the swimming café with us? Mummy might even let us all have hot chocolate with marshmallows in it if we’re good.’

  ‘Well, that’s very kind, thank you, Wolf, but I’m not sure your mummy . . .’ She tailed off, clearly embarrassed.

  ‘Of course, let me buy you a hot chocolate – or any other drink, obviously – to say thank you properly,’ Millie said politely. The last thing she wanted right now was to have to be nice to some random woman, but the random woman had looked after Wolfie and he clearly thought they were all best friends, so she couldn’t really refuse.

  ‘Well, if you’re sure?’ Bell said tentatively as Wolf cheered.

  Millie nodded. ‘We’ll see you in the café in the main building when you’re ready.’

  She decided Wolf could do without a shower for once and he was so excited about his promised hot chocolate that he got dressed without his usual dawdling, which meant Millie could get him settled at a table in the café before Bell made an appearance.

  ‘Ooh, now that hot chocolate does look special!’ Bell grinned at Wolf when she came and joined them a little while later.

  ‘It is de-licious!’ Wolf declared, smacking his lips together then spooning another huge mound of cream and marshmallows into his mouth.

  ‘Mind you don’t make yourself sick,’ smiled Millie, stroking his hair, just glad that the little boy seemed largely unaffected by what had happened at the pool. ‘Bell, what can I get you to drink?’

  ‘Well, I think it would be rude not to indulge in a hot chocolate when they look like that, wouldn’t you say, Wolf?’

  Wolf nodded seriously at her and said, ‘Yes, maybe it would be rude to the lady behind the counter if you didn’t have one, cos she had a big smile on her face when she squirted the cream on top in a big whooshy way like this!’ He made a very flamboyant show of spraying cream and waving his arms around to demonstrate.

  ‘Careful, Wolfie. Right, hot chocolate coming up for you, Bell, and maybe I’ll even have one too,’ Millie said.

  ‘Did you enjoy your swimming today?’ Millie could hear Bell asking him while she went to get the drinks.

  ‘Yes, I did, thank you. Me and Martha were seeing who could do the biggest splashing and I kicked my legs really, really, really hard and all the water went all over her. It was funny!’ he grinned. ‘But then I couldn’t see Mummy so I went up the steps to find her and got a bit scared. And then I fell over and you saved me.’ He gazed up at Bell with huge chocolate-brown eyes.

  ‘Here you go,’ said Millie, placing a steaming mug in front of Bell. ‘There’s enough sugar in there to keep us all on a high for the next half an hour!’

  ‘Thanks so much, Millie,’ Bell smiled across at her. ‘Wolf was just telling me how much he likes swimming. Have you been coming to the centre for a while?’

  ‘No, only a few weeks, really. I hadn’t realised it was an outdoor pool so it was a bit of a shock at first. Although I’m not as brave as you and Wolfie. I haven’t actually managed to get in the water myself yet.’

  ‘Mummy’s scared of the cold water,�
�� Wolf confided in Bell.

  ‘I’m not scared, Wolf, I’m just waiting till the weather’s a bit warmer.’

  ‘It’s okay to say you’re scared, Mummy, remember?’

  Millie had to laugh. ‘You’re right, Wolfie, it is okay, and yes, maybe I’m a little bit scared. But when the sun comes out, I’ll definitely come in the pool with you. Now, do you want to have a play with the toys in the corner there while Bell and I finish our drinks? I thought I spied a Spider-Man baddie in the toybox.’

  ‘Yes!’ Wolf shouted, and then lowered his voice a tiny bit when Millie shot him a warning look. ‘I hope they have a Batman too.’ And then he ran off to find out.

  ‘He’s such a sweetie,’ Bell said as they both watched him excitedly pick out figurines and cars from the box and plonk himself down on the playmat.

  ‘Well, some of the time,’ Millie grimaced. ‘Anyway, do you live locally?’

  ‘Yes, I’m not far. I didn’t realise this place was here at all until I started doing photography classes here in the evening, and then I saw the pool and couldn’t resist – though you’re right to wait till it gets a bit sunnier as the water is pretty cold!’

  ‘Oh, I didn’t know they did evening classes, too. I’d love to do a dressmaking course or something, although obviously with Wolfie that’s impossible. Not that I mind,’ she added quickly.

  ‘Does his dad not live nearby then?’ Bell asked. ‘Sorry, that was really nosy of me – tell me to mind my own business if you want!’

  ‘It’s fine, don’t worry. No, he lives in Birmingham, which is where Wolfie and I lived too – until I needed to put some distance between Louis and me. We came down here a few years ago as I thought it was near enough to London if I needed to go there for work, but not too close, you know? Louis still sees Wolf for a weekend every month, though he’s not the most – how should I put this? – reliable. But he does love Wolf and Wolf adores him, so it could be worse, I suppose.’

  ‘It doesn’t sound much fun, though.’ Bell wrinkled her nose. ‘Have you got family close by who can help out with Wolf?’

  ‘My dad lives in Wales with his new wife and they’re getting on a bit, so sadly not, and I don’t have a great network of friends here either. So, yes, it’s not always much fun. But enough of my moaning! Have you lived round here long?’

  ‘Yes, about eight years. I used to live with my boyfriend, but now I, erm, don’t.’

  Millie glanced at her. ‘You can also tell me to mind my own business if you want, but there’s clearly a bit of a story there . . .?’

  ‘Well, same old, same old, I’m afraid: I think boyfriend of ten years is about to propose at long last, instead he’s about to tell me it’s all over. Then I see him on Facebook cosying up to his junior colleague. Cliché central!’

  ‘God, what is wrong with them?’ Millie sighed. ‘Although me and Louis were never really going to last after he started playing in the Premiership. There were too many temptations and he was just too young and too weak. And I had to focus on Wolf at that point.’

  ‘You must be so proud of Wolf, though, he’s so well-mannered and polite.’

  ‘I’m glad you think so, though if you spent ten minutes with him at home you might change your mind! But I shouldn’t be hard on him, he is really well-behaved most of the time and he’s had a lot to deal with since me and his dad split up. I wish he was as happy at school as he is at home.’

  ‘Does he not like school then? He seemed happy enough chatting away to other kids in the pool.’

  ‘I don’t know, not as much as he did when he started, anyway. He never really talks about his class or his teacher, unless it’s to do with football, of course, but he’s definitely quieter than he used to be after school.’ Millie sighed. ‘But you know what kids are like . . . How many have you and your ex got?’

  ‘Oh, well I don’t have any children myself, but my niece and nephew keep me on my toes! I’ve just spent the weekend with them and, much as it’s fun, I was quite glad to leave them with my sister and brother-in-law and head back home – I love them but they’re exhausting!’

  ‘Sorry, I didn’t realise; you were really good with Wolfie, so I could tell you’d clearly been around kids quite a bit.’ She stopped, embarrassed that she’d only known Bell two seconds and she’d already put her foot in it.

  Bell waved her away, before suddenly frowning. ‘Wait, rewind a little. Did you say Wolf’s dad’s a Premier League player?’ Millie nodded a little warily as Bell gawped. ‘Ooh, who is he? Who does he play for?’

  ‘Was a Premier League player, yes. Nowadays he’s a bit too old and his Achilles is a bit too weak for him to be in the top flight. But he does okay. And, yes, he’s still often to be found in the gossip pages with his arm round another blonde reality star with plumped-up lips and overly whitened teeth.’ Millie half smiled, half grimaced.

  ‘Ha! Glad to see he too is living up to the clichés!’ Bell laughed.

  ‘Oh, yes. His mates used to call him King Louis because he “ruled” the pitch, but now I secretly call him that because, like King Louie in The Jungle Book, he’s the King of the Swingers, always swinging from one girl to the next! God, Wolfie loves that film, but I can barely watch it anymore because all I can think about is him!’

  ‘That’s hilarious – King of the Swingers, love it!’

  ‘Yep, or KL for short. What a sad pair we are,’ Millie laughed. ‘Here I am in my early thirties, a single mum barely making ends meet, with an admittedly lovely five-year-old son, still pissed off that the only man I’ve ever really loved cheated on me. And you’re in your, what, mid-thirties?, still pissed off that the man you gave ten years of your life to is reliving his youth.’

  ‘True, except I’m in my late thirties, well, very late thirties,’ Bell smiled. ‘And except that you’re also a super-successful Instagram star and I’m also a slightly less successful fashion marketeer. We rock!’

  ‘You work in fashion?’ Millie asked, leaning forward in her seat.

  ‘Yes, for Style It Out? I’m marketing manager there.’

  ‘Oh, I think I met a few people from there a couple of months ago. Joe and Clara maybe?’

  ‘Ciara, but, yes, I remember them being so excited they’d met you and @MAFlash. You must know all those other vloggers and Insta stars too?’

  ‘Aww, bless them! Yeah, I know all that lot. Well, I don’t actually know them, obviously, except Sonya, as we go way back. I know them on social media and I bump into them at events and stuff.’ She shrugged.

  ‘Do you enjoy being on Instagram?’ Bell asked her curiously.

  ‘Well, I guess it’s become my job really, so I don’t know whether enjoy is the right word. Why do you ask?’

  Bell squirmed in her seat and played with the empty cup on the table in front of her. ‘It’s just . . . I’ve read your Instagram and, well, you seem like a different person in real life from the one you come across as in your posts.’ She glanced at Millie, but then carried on, ‘I kind of thought you were this scarily sorted earth mother who had all her shit together and lived this amazing, glamorous life buying the latest must-have dress every day and feeding your perfect son home-made organic food worthy of MasterChef. And, well, without meaning to be rude, that’s not really true, is it?’

  Millie stared at her, then began toying with her own mug, before looking Bell straight in the eye. ‘I can’t believe you’re questioning my integrity like that.’

  ‘I – I didn’t mean to cause offence or anything,’ Bell stammered, before seeming to catch herself and sitting up a bit straighter. ‘But meeting you in real life, well, you’re just not like I thought you’d be. You’re more fun, for one thing.’

  There was a beat of silence, then Mille’s face began to twitch and she let out a honk of laughter. ‘Me, an earth mother? You’re right, nothing could be further from the truth!’ she giggled. ‘Of course it’s all made up – it’s Instagram, that’s what everyone does!’ She could see that Bell was looking c
onfused, so, still laughing, she reached across the table and touched her arm. ‘Sorry, I was only messing with you, I definitely don’t have any integrity left!’ More seriously, she added, ‘But I have to pay the bills and feed Wolfie, and if that means creating a fantasy life then so be it. I mean, everyone uses filters and Photoshops their pictures, right? Whether it’s Insta or Twitter or Facebook or whatever, it’s not real, is it?’

  ‘I guess not.’ Bell nodded slowly. ‘But isn’t it exhausting always pretending to be something you’re not? Couldn’t you just filter real life a little so it’s all a version of reality, rather than another dimension entirely?’

  ‘Maybe,’ Millie said. ‘But I’m not sure that’s what my followers actually want to see. And I’m not sure it’s what brands want to see – and ultimately, they’re the ones paying me to promote their products so I can buy Wolfie new school uniform.’

  ‘Mummy said we have to watch how much money we’re spending,’ said a voice beside them suddenly. ‘But money is not as important as being happy and healthy or as important as me, is it, Mummy?’

  ‘That’s right, Wolfie,’ replied Millie, ruffling his hair and flashing Bell a wry smile.

  ‘Right, I’d better be going. I’ve got a date with my ex.’ Bell grimaced as she gazed around the now empty café. ‘Oops, I bet the poor lady behind the counter has been waiting ages for us to leave so she can have her break, too.’

  ‘God, I can’t believe it’s that late!’ Millie exclaimed. ‘We’ve obviously been yakking for ever, though it only feels like a few minutes.’

  ‘It was fun, wasn’t it? We should do it again sometime.’ Bell said. ‘I’m going to try to come swimming every Saturday afternoon, so if you and Wolf happen to be free to come to the pool around the same time, why don’t we grab coffee again afterwards? Only if you want to, obviously,’ she added.

  Millie was surprised at how much she really did want to. ‘Sounds like a plan!’ she replied. ‘You’ll be able to practise your swimming every week between lessons, Wolfie.’