Epic Zero: Tales of a Not-So-Super 6th Grader Books 1-3 (Epic Zero Box Set)

by R. L. Ullman

  Whoever did this wasn’t looking to steal anything.

  They were looking for something.

  My eyes immediately zoom to the end table. The miniature model of the Statue of Liberty is lying on its side, the giant mirror nearby is cracked from top to bottom. I feel short of breath. Someone has found the Transporter.

  Then I remember Dog-Gone.

  “I’ve got to go!” I say, rushing inside.

  “I will go with you,” K’ami says, quickly following behind.

  I pull the statue and the giant mirror slides up into the ceiling. Behind it is the Transporter. If it’s damaged in the slightest, my atoms could be transferred to Pluto! It looks fine, but then again, I don’t know the first thing about teleportation tube maintenance. There’s no doubt this could backfire in a big way.

  “What is this primitive device?” K’ami asks, looking inside.

  “It’s a teleporter,” I answer. “It transmits to our secret headquarters in space. Look, I appreciate you saving me and all, but I can’t guarantee this thing still works. So if you want to back out now, I’ll completely understand.”

  “Elliott Harkness,” K’ami says with a look of utter disbelief. “Do you really think that after being captured, tortured, and escaping from the clutches of the Skelton Empire that I’m going to let a potential sub-atomic mix-up scare me away?”

  “Um, right,” I shrug. “Okay then, let’s go.”

  We enter the chamber and the door closes behind us. We watch the overhead console move from red to green. Although my stomach starts to get that funny feeling as the Transporter does its thing, my mind is racing trying to figure out who ransacked the Prop House and, more importantly, what’s waiting for us on the other side.

  In a few seconds we’re going to find out, ready or not. The console moves back to green and the doors pop open. K’ami and I jump out prepared for the fight of our lives.

  Except, there’s nothing.

  The room is empty. It’s eerily silent. I hoped Dog-Gone would be there to greet us. Unless he’s here already, but invisible.

  “Dog-Gone,” I whisper.

  But there’s no response. I start walking around the room, feeling underneath the tables to ensure he isn’t hiding. Or sleeping. Or worse.

  “What are you doing?” K’ami whispers back.

  I realize that K’ami doesn’t know about Dog-Gone, and because of that, I probably look like a crazy person. I decide that I’ll keep him as my little secret for now. Just in case she turns on me.

  “Um, nothing,” I answer. “Just looking for a blaster or something. C’mon, let’s go.” Not finding Dog-Gone makes me very, very nervous.

  We exit the Transporter and head for the Meta Monitor. I can just sense that someone’s up here.

  “Welcome home,” comes a voice dripping with malintent.

  Sitting on the bottom stair is a skinny, masked man. He’s wearing a green costume with two white lightning bolts that start at each shoulder and meet in the middle of his chest. His hair is white and spikey, like he just stuck a knife in a toaster. I know immediately that it’s Taser!

  I turn to escape, only to find an enormous brute filling the entranceway behind us. His head seems way too small for his massive frame. He’s wearing a burglar mask and a costume with giant spikes on his shoulders. Brawler!

  “The Worm thought you might try to go home,” says Taser. “Nice digs you got here. It’s a little out of the way for pizza delivery, but I could get used to it.”

  “What are you doing here?” I ask.

  “We need to get into Lockdown,” Brawler says.

  “Shut up, you big lug,” Taser barks. “It’s none of your business, kid.”

  “Sorry,” says Brawler, looking like he dropped his ice cream cone in the dirt.

  “Why do you need to get into Lockdown?” I ask. There are only two reasons I can think of as to why a criminal would want to be within a mile of the place: to kill someone inside or break someone out.

  “Well, now that the cat’s out of the bag, word on the street is that you’ve got all the blueprints up here,” Taser says. “Pretty clever, but now that we’re all together I suggest you make this easy and tell us where they’re stashed. Otherwise,” he says, “things may get a little rough for you and your weirdo girlfriend.”

  “K’ami,” I whisper, “Turn into a fly. Save yourself.”

  “No Elliott. I am staying with you.”

  “Now, what say we make this easy?” Taser says.

  “What say you shove it!” I shoot back.

  “So that’s how it’s going to be, huh?” says Taser. “You heard him then, fellas. Waste ‘em.”

  The villains start to close in, but there’s nowhere for us to go.

  We’re trapped.

  I LIED, NOW I GET THE SHOCK OF MY LIFE

  “Elliott Harkness, use your powers!” K’ami yells, pressing back to back with me.

  I’m now staring down Brawler, who’s filling the doorway behind us with his ginormous muscles, while she faces Taser, who’s blocking the stairs and gearing up to unleash an up-close-and-personal display of pyrotechnics.

  “What are you talking about?” I say. “I don’t have powers.”

  “Use them,” K’ami orders. “Now!”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about!” I scream back.

  Then, I hear a crackling noise. I peer over my shoulder and see electric volts leaving Taser’s fingers. They’re white and stringy and heading straight for K’ami.

  I expect her to get out of the way, but she doesn’t move. Without thinking, I pull her by the elbow and wheel around in front of her. I feel an intense, burning sensation on my chest, and then the currents arc over my head and strike Brawler square in the face, stopping the big man in his tracks.

  “Ouch,” Brawler says. “That hurt!” He’s clearly dazed, but tries to take another step. Then his massive muscles start contracting violently. “W-W-W-Why d-d-did you hurt m ... ” His eyes roll back in his head, and he comes toppling down with a tremendous thud. His body convulses on the floor for several more seconds before stopping.

  He doesn’t move again.

  I look down at my chest. My shirt is singed black, but it’s like the volts never even touched me. I look up to find everyone staring at me with their jaws hanging open. Everyone that is, except for one.

  “Well done, Elliott Harkness,” K’ami says. “Now it is my turn.” Then she morphs into a fly and makes a beeline for Taser, hitting him with such force that he smacks his head against a stair tread and lands in a crumpled heap. But, before he can rise, K’ami is on him like a winged whirlwind, landing blow after blow until Taser’s eyes go white and he’s down for the count.

  It’s over.

  “Impressive,” came a nasally voice. “But you’re still going to die.”

  I spin to find a small man stepping out of the shadows. He’s got an egg-shaped head, dark glasses, and wears a doctor’s coat over his green, surgical scrubs.

  It’s Dr. Demento! He’s a Meta 1 psychic, which means that he’s about to throw a royal mind-bender our way! There’s no time to react!

  I brace myself, when suddenly, Dr. Demento is slammed from behind with incredible force. He flies forwards, hitting his head against the underside of the stairwell and falling to the ground unconscious.

  Just then, Dog-Gone appears in front of me, his tail wagging.

  I wrap my arms around him. “Good boy! I’m so happy to see you.” He licks my face over and over. I feel tears sliding down my cheeks, because I realize this fleabag is all the family I have left.

  As K’ami glides over, Dog-Gone begins to growl.

  “Can this creature be trusted?” she asks, returning to her natural appearance.

  “I think he’s wondering the same thing,” I answer, shielding my face as I wipe the tears away. “Why did you just stand there when Taser attacked? You could have been killed.”

  “But you did not let that happen,” she repl
ies. “Did you?”

  “Well, no,” I say. “I wasn’t going to sit back and let you fry.”

  “Just as I had hoped,” she says. “If you are going to save the universe, you must show no weakness.”

  “Universe, shmooniverse,” I say, feeling my chest. I look down my shirt to see if I’m injured, but there are no marks on my skin. “Why didn’t I turn into toast back there?”

  “I was hoping you would tell me,” K’ami says. “After all, it was you who did it.”

  “That’s the thing,” I say. “I don’t know what I did or how I did it. The volts hit my shirt, but then they just sort of bounced right over me. They never even touched my body. What kind of power is that anyway?”

  “All I can offer is an account of what I have witnessed,” K’ami says. “When I came upon you during the Meta-Taker battle you were in a dire situation. Naturally, I thought the beast was going to destroy you. But, to my surprise, he did not. When he tried to explore your powers there was something deep inside of you that neutralized his, if only for a moment. Of course, at the time you did not realize that Meta-Taker was being controlled by the Worm or that, in turn, the Worm was being controlled by The Orb of Oblivion. So, when Meta-Taker sensed your powers, I heard something I never imagined I would hear in a million lifetimes.”

  “And what was that?” I ask.

  “I heard the Orb scream,” she says.

  “Um, you heard it do what?” I say.

  “I know it may seem strange,” she continues. “But I realized upon landing on Earth, that I had a psychic connection with the Orb. And, although the connection was weak, it was true. Somehow, I could sense its presence. At first, this surprised me. I could not understand how it could be so. But then I came to make sense of it. You see, the Orb had a direct psychic bond with my father, and my father had a direct psychic bond with me. So, by this association, the Orb and I are connected. I would not say the bond we share is strong, but it is there. It is through this connection that I was able to track down the Orb and find you. And, that is how I learned a most surprising thing.”

  “Oh, joy,” I say. “I can’t wait to hear this one.”

  “Elliott Harkness, the Orb of Oblivion is afraid of you.”

  “What?” I laugh. “It’s afraid of me? You’re freaking nuts.”

  “You are the only one capable of capturing it.”

  “Riiight,” I say. “Well, you’ll have to tell the Orb to get in back of the line, because the only thing I’m interested in capturing right now is the jerk who offed my family.”

  “Alert! Alert! Alert!” the Meta Monitor blares. “Meta 1 disturbance. Power signature identified as the Worm. Alert! Alert! Alert!”

  “Speak of the devil,” I say, starting for the Meta Monitor. But then, I realize we can’t just leave these losers lying around. I run to the Equipment Room and grab some industrial-strength cable. In no time, we tie them up.

  “Dog-Gone,” I say, “Can you drag these guys into the utility closet and lock them inside?”

  He looks at the massive size of Brawler and then back at me. He cocks an ear.

  “Dog-Gone,” I start, “Don’t even think about—”

  Then he turns invisible.

  Yep, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. But, I don’t have time to negotiate.

  “Look,” I say firmly, “if you get all these guys locked up, I’ll give you the entire darned bag of doggie treats. Deal?” I can only imagine the mess that’s going to be waiting for me if I survive this thing.

  Dog-Gone becomes visible, his tail wagging.

  “Good,” I say. “And, be quick about it. If any of them wake up before you get them inside, the deal’s off.”

  Dog-Gone licks his lips, and starts dragging Brawler by the foot.

  I turn to K’ami. “Follow me.”

  I lead her up the stairwell and into the Monitor Room. The screens are flashing on Meta 1 alert. I hop into the command chair and take control of the keyboard. After a few commands, I pinpoint the location of the Worm.

  He’s at Lockdown, just as Taser said he’d be. But what did he want the escape plans for? Every horrible villain on the planet is residing there. Who’s he trying to free? Could it be Meta-Taker again? Or Black Cloud? Then I flash back to something he had said in reference to the Freedom Force: Perhaps I could use them as a Meta army of sorts.

  Then a strange thought crosses my mind.

  What if he wants to free all the villains?

  O ... M ... G… !

  “K’ami,” I say, “how powerful did you say the Orb was again?”

  “As I had mentioned,” she says. “The power of the Orb is limited only by the imagination of its host.”

  “Yep, that’s what you said.” I realize that the Worm may be far more imaginative than I hoped. It appears that stopping the Orb has now jumped to job number one. And, lucky me, apparently I’m the only person in the entire freaking universe who can do it.

  I turn to K’ami. “Okay, so how am I supposed to capture the Orb exactly? Is there some instruction manual or something you’re keeping from me? Or, do I just yank it off the Worm’s scraggly little neck?”

  “Unfortunately, it will not be that easy,” says K’ami. “If you touch the Orb directly it will try to take control of your mind. We cannot risk this. Instead, we must find the Shield Box.”

  “What’s a Shield Box?” I ask.

  “Before my father left Skelton, he told me that he had built a special containment box to house the Orb. He called it a Shield Box. I do not know what it was made of, but I do know that it was effective in keeping the Orb from direct skin contact while also shielding my father from its psychic control. If we can locate the Shield Box, we have a chance at capturing the Orb of Oblivion.”

  Then I remember something the Worm said. About how the alien had given him a box and the Worm had opened it and...

  “I know where the box is!” I say.

  I start punching into the keyboard.

  The Worm’s profile pops up on the screen.

  “The Worm told me he saw your father’s spaceship crash to Earth from outside his trailer. So he lives in a trailer park. And, he said the ship crashed in the mountains. So, his trailer park must border a mountain range.” I triangulate the Worm’s last four weeks’ worth of Meta 1 signatures with the locations of all the trailer parks in the country and their proximity to any mountain ranges. Then I let the Meta Monitor do its work. One minute later a set of coordinates appears.

  Bingo! Grant City Trailer Park. Sixty-three miles west of the Prop House.

  “That is his home?” K’ami asks.

  “Yes,” I say. “But, both of the Freedom Flyer shuttles are trashed. We can take the Transporter down to Earth, but after that I don’t have a way for us to get there. Maybe we can hitchhike or something?”

  K’ami shakes her head disappointingly. “Elliott Harkness, did you forget already?” she says, transforming into a fly. “I have already carried you over one-hundred miles to get us here. What is sixty-three more?”

  I ATTEND AN ALIEN FUNERAL

  We leave Dog-Gone to his job, with an advance payment of ten doggie treats—just to be safe. Then, we return to Earth via the Transporter.

  I strap myself back into the pilot’s seat and then K’ami hauls me sixty-three miles over land and sea without taking a single break. Talk about super fly! Although we cruise along at a good clip, I’m able to get K’ami to answer a few questions that are “bugging” me, so to speak.

  First, I learn that all Skelton are shape shifters. Their genetic makeup is so close to human biology that it’s easy for them to morph into human form. However, transforming into a species with a totally different genetic profile is far more difficult. Most Skelton can only morph into one or two of these other species. Occasionally, a Skelton is born with the rare ability to transform into an unlimited number of forms, but they’re taken from their families at birth to be trained as part of an elite killing force. According
to K’ami, the name of this death squadron translates roughly into English as “Blood Bringers.” That sure doesn’t sound like a glee club.

  Next, I learn that K’ami’s particular shape, the fly, is a more well-traveled pest than I imagined. Flies first made their way to Skelton thousands of years ago as stowaways on scout ships that had visited Earth. Given K’ami’s incredible strength while in fly form, they’ve clearly undergone some improvements since then. But otherwise, their contributions to Skelton society remained similar to their earthen cousins. On both planets, they typically end up beneath someone’s shoe.

  Finally, I dig in a little deeper about this Skelton Emperor. After all, if this guy had been searching for years to find the Orb of Oblivion I have a sinking feeling he’s not just going to fold up the shop and give up on it. And surprise, surprise, the Emperor is not a very nice fellow. As Skelton history goes, he was originally eighteenth in line to ascend the throne, but he murdered his parents and siblings to claim the crown. Then he proceeded to dispose of anyone he thought would oppose him, starting with their heads and working downwards. He rules his world with an iron fist and believes there can be only one master of the universe which, of course, he thinks ought to be him.

  So, the two-part plan is simple.

  First, we need to get the Orb of Oblivion. And second, we have to get it the heck off of Earth as quickly as possible. But, I’ll have to figure how we’ll actually be doing this later, because we finally find her father’s ship.

  Or should I say, what’s left of it.

  For the last several miles we’ve been tracking debris from the crash, we saw bits and pieces here and there, but as we continued to follow the trail the debris was in much larger chunks. When we finally reach the heart of the scene, I feel K’ami shudder. I can’t blame her. The magnitude of the destruction is unreal.

  It appears that upon impact the ship burrowed itself deep into the face of the mountain, like some massive gravy divot in a heap of mashed potatoes. And, just as the Worm described, the cockpit is chopped completely in half. You couldn’t have split it more evenly if you had used a chainsaw.