Epic Zero: Tales of a Not-So-Super 6th Grader Books 1-3 (Epic Zero Box Set)

by R. L. Ullman

  I stare her down like a lion at an antelope convention. “Of course, dear sister,” I answer, shoving the bread basket into her hand. “It’s no trouble at all.”

  “So, there’s one thing I still don’t understand,” she says, chewing with her mouth open. “How did you manage to defeat this villain who was so powerful he captured the entire Ominous Eight all on your own?”

  “I already told you,” I say, digging into my spaghetti. “I didn’t defeat him. Somehow he teleported away. Trust me, if that didn’t happen, he would’ve crushed me. After all, he is Meta-Taker’s son.”

  Suddenly, I hear forks clanging on plates. I look up to see that everyone’s stopped eating.

  They’re all looking at me.

  “I did mention that, didn’t I?”

  “What do you mean, he’s Meta-Taker’s son?” Mom asks.

  “Well,” I say, “he told me Meta-Taker was his dad. I mean, he looked just like Meta-Taker. But a lot younger.”

  “Why didn’t you mention this before?” Dad asks sternly.

  Uh-oh.

  “I … I thought I did,” I say. “I mean, so much was happening when you got there. I thought I told somebody. I mean, I told one of you guys, right?”

  But all I get back are blank stares.

  Oh boy.

  “Whoops,” I say. “Sorry.”

  “Whoops?” Mom repeats. “Sorry? Not only were you impulsive, reckless, and obstinate …”

  There’s that word again.

  “… but you also forgot to mention the most important part—that he’s the son of the most powerful Meta we ever faced? Elliott what’s gotten into you?”

  “I-I don’t know,” I say. “I guess it slipped my mind when you grounded me.”

  “Yeah,” says Grace. “Along with your brain.”

  “Stuff it!” I snap.

  “You stuff it!” Grace fires back.

  “Enough,” says Mom. “Both of you.”

  Shadow Hawk stands up. “I think we should head back down to that warehouse and look around some more. There may be some clues we missed.”

  The rest of the team rises in agreement. Grace shoots me a sly smile. I’m all alone at the table, except for Mom who hangs back for a minute.

  She looks at me. “Elliott, why don’t you clear the table, and go to your room. We’ll talk more when I get back.”

  “Awesome,” I say, “I’ve been trying to go to my room for hours.”

  “And no shenanigans,” she adds, before leaving.

  I throw my hands in the air. Yep, that’s me, Captain Shenanigans. I put everything away, grab the basket of garlic bread, and head for my room.

  I mean, c’mon! It was an innocent mistake.

  You can’t tell me they haven’t made mistakes before. Granted, I’ve made a whole bunch of mistakes in a really short timeframe. But I’m a kid. I’m supposed to make mistakes!

  I stop in the middle of the hallway, listening for the pitter-patter of furry feet, but don’t hear anything. I guess Dog-Gone isn’t coming either. That’s fine. I’d rather be alone anyway. Besides, he hogs the bed.

  I slam the door behind me, flop down on my bed, and stare at the ceiling. If I’m stuck here for a month I’m going to go nuts. Maybe I can create a hologram or a paper mache version of myself. Then I can go out and live in the real world while my doppelganger gets stuck in here serving out my punishment. Yeah, wouldn’t that be grand.

  Just wonderful.

  BOOM!

  Suddenly, the whole room tilts right, throwing me off my bed. Everything not nailed down to a surface crashes to the floor. Then the room levels off again.

  What the … ?

  “Waystation breached!” blares the Meta Monitor. “Repeat, Waystation breached! Automatic emergency response system activated! Repeat, automatic emergency response system activated!”

  I spring from the floor. Did that just say ‘breached?’ That can only mean one thing—the Waystation’s been invaded!

  Suddenly, I feel really hot, beads of sweat trickle down my forehead. How is that even possible? I mean, we’re hundreds of miles from Earth. Who could possibly board the Waystation?

  I run to the porthole. From my window, I have a partial view of the Hanger. I look outside and do a double take. To my astonishment, attached to the end of the Hanger is some kind of a ship!

  It’s silver and sleek looking, with a long cylindrical body, and a narrow tower jutting up from its center. Thin, fins run along it’s sides, and it’s capped at the rear by large, powerful-looking jets.

  How did it get through our sensors without being detected? That shouldn’t be possible!

  But, now’s not the time to worry about that.

  Someone’s on the Waystation!

  I need to think. I can either stay here and wait to get whacked, or I can try to make it to a Freedom Ferry and get out of here.

  Then, I remember Dog-Gone! He’s alone out there!

  I dig through my closet, grab a baseball bat, and head for the hallway.

  Immediately, I’ve got problems.

  The residential wing is cut off by a thick, steel barrier. This must be one of the emergency response actions the Meta Monitor executed. Basically, all it serves to do is keep me trapped like a sitting duck until whoever’s here comes to find me. I can’t let that happen.

  Fortunately, I know a workaround.

  “Override ZY78840C,” I yell.

  The barrier retracts into the ceiling. It’s a good thing I proofread all of TechnocRat’s manuals. I’ve got to find that mutt and get out of here.

  Now where would I be hiding if I were a dog?

  Of course!

  I sprint up the West Wing staircase and hit the most logical place possible—the Galley.

  I enter to find something I’m totally not expecting.

  Sitting at the end of the table, eating our leftover spaghetti, is a monkey. He’s black, and furry, and absolutely stuffing his face.

  Our eyes meet, but he keeps shoveling in as many noodles as possible. He doesn’t even react to me.

  Gross.

  Whoever it is that’s invaded the Waystation owns a pet that’s more interested in raiding my refrigerator than Dog-Gone. I have no clue who this monkey belongs to, but that person must be here somewhere. I scan the room, but there’s no one else around.

  And speaking of Dog-Gone, I don’t see him anywhere. I’ve got to find that flea bag before I take off. I just can’t leave him here to be captured. Or worse ...

  I’m about to head out, when …

  “Excuse me,” comes a gravelly voice from behind.

  I turn, baseball bat fully extended. My eyes dart back and forth, but there’s no one here. It’s just me and the monkey.

  “I said, excuse me,” comes the voice again.

  “Who’s there!” I yell. “Come on out!”

  “Are you blind?” comes the voice again. Out of the corner of my eye, I see the monkey waving at me with his long, hairy arm.

  No. Freaking. Way.

  “Ah, yes, now you see me,” says the monkey. “I was a bit worried for a moment.” He stares at me with his large, brown eyes. As I look closer at his face and ears, I realize he’s a chimpanzee.

  “You did this?” I ask. “Who are you?”

  The chimp picks up a long noodle and slurps it into his mouth. “Oh, this is so good. I haven’t had food from my world in such a long, long time. You wouldn’t happen to have tabasco sauce, would you? I used to love tabasco sauce.”

  “Um, no,” I answer. “Look, I don’t have time for this right now.”

  “No, you don’t,” says the chimp. “I suppose you’ve been invaded, haven’t you?”

  “I’ll ask you one more time,” I say, waving the bat. “Who are you?”

  “Very well,” says the chimp. “They call me Leo. Now perhaps you can answer a question for me. Are you Elliott Harkness?”

  The sound of my name coming from the mouth of a monkey takes me aback for a second. �
��Um, yes,” I answer.

  “The Orb Master?” asks Leo.

  Orb Master? What the heck does this monkey know about the Orb of Oblivion?

  “I … I guess so,” I answer.

  “Excellent,” says Leo.

  Suddenly, I hear a THWIP, and feel a sharp pain in my left leg. There’s a small puff of smoke floating up from beneath Leo’s table.

  I look down to see a dart sticking out of my leg!

  Then, I look back at Leo, who’s busy slurping up another noodle.

  And everything goes dark.

  I THINK I’VE BEEN ABDUCTED BY ALIENS

  “We should kill him,” comes a girl’s voice.

  Well, that didn’t sound neighborly, especially since I suspect whoever said it is talking about me! I only regained consciousness seconds ago, and I have no clue where I am, or what’s happening around me.

  Whatever that monkey hit me with was pretty potent, because my eyelids feel like they’re stuck together with crazy glue. Fortunately, my ears are working just fine. So, for the moment, I figure my best bet is to play cadaver and collect intel.

  Not that I could do anything about my situation even if I wanted to. I’m lying face up on a cold table and my wrists and ankles are locked down tight. I hear loud shuffling to my right and then—

  “Kill the Orb Master?” comes a raspy-voiced response. “Gemini, you’re insane.” I know that voice. It’s that monkey that shot me—Leo.

  “I’m not insane,” Gemini replies. “I’m practical. Everyone in the universe is looking for him, which means everyone in the universe is now looking for us.”

  Um, what does she mean by everyone in the universe?

  “We’ll never survive an onslaught,” comes a new voice—female, but deeper.

  “We won’t have to, Taurus,” comes yet another voice, this time confident and male. “Don’t forget, we’re in the Ghost Ship. No one can track us.”

  “Right, Scorpio,” says Taurus. “You be sure to tell them that when your molecules are scattered all over the galaxy. Besides, look at him—so puny and weak. I think we jacked the wrong human.”

  Ouch—now I’m captured and offended.

  “We need answers,” Scorpio says. “When is he going to wake up?”

  “I’ll stick him with a stimulant,” says Leo. “That’ll get him up.”

  Wait? What? “Hold your horses, Curious George!” I yell. “I’m up! Don’t stick me with anything!”

  With all of my might, I force my eyes open. Everything’s blurry for a few seconds, and then my vision begins to clear. To my surprise, standing over me are a bunch of … teenagers?

  Alien teenagers—about my age.

  They’re staring at me warily, like I could bust out of these shackles, and steal their lunch money.

  If they only knew …

  I take in my captors.

  In the front is a pretty girl with green skin, orange eyes, and two antenna stalks poking through her long, black hair. She’s wearing a bodysuit that’s color-split down the middle—one half blue and the other half red. On her belt is a symbol that looks like a mathematical pi sign. Guessing by her irritated expression, she must be Gemini.

  Standing behind her is the largest girl I’ve ever seen. She has a round face with strange blue markings all over it. Her hair is pulled up in a samurai-like bun. Her arms are ripped, and she’s reaching down towards two long swords at her hips—her fingers twitching nervously. On her shoulder plates is a symbol of a creature with gigantic, violent-looking horns. I’m pegging her as Taurus.

  On the other side is a red-skinned dude with cables running in and out of various parts of his body. He’s staring me down through a pair of blue goggles. He looks wiry, but that’s not the part that worries me. Behind his back I see a large mechanical-looking tail waving menacingly back and forth. He’s got to be Scorpio.

  And finally, crouching in front of him is my old pal, Leo. He’s brandishing a gigantic syringe with the business end pointed at my leg. There’s a spaghetti noodle dangling from the fur beneath his chin. Nice.

  “Well,” I say, “this has been fun, but if you don’t mind I’m kind of tired. So, how about we swing by my place and drop me off?”

  “Sorry,” says Leo. “But you’re not going anywhere.”

  “Enough stalling,” says Scorpio, “Tell us, where is the Orb of Oblivion?”

  So the chimp wasn’t lying. This really is about the Orb.

  Okay, so what the heck do I do now? If I tell them I blew up the Orb along with a Skelton warship they’ll probably kill me on the spot. But, if I make up some story about the Orb being hidden or lost or something, maybe they’ll keep me around for a while—or maybe they’ll kill me on the spot anyway. Decisions, decisions.

  They’re staring at me intently, hanging on whatever I’m about to say. Then I realize I’ve got something they want. Maybe I’m actually in the power position here.

  So, I get bold.

  “Why should I tell you?”

  Taurus grabs a metal bar, rips it off the wall, and snaps it in two.

  “Hey!” Leo shouts. “Don’t break my medi-wing!”

  “Okay, I see your point,” I say. “But I really can’t think straight when I’m all pinned down like this. The blood is flowing away from my brain and I think my feet are asleep.”

  I watch their eyes drift to Scorpio.

  Now I know who’s in charge.

  “Unshackle him,” says Scorpio.

  “What,” says Gemini. “Are you nuts?”

  “Scorpio, please—,” Taurus starts.

  “I said, unshackle him,” Scorpio repeats firmly.

  Leo hops on the table and releases my arms and legs.

  “Thanks,” I say, rubbing my sore wrists. “Now we’re getting somew—”

  Suddenly, Scorpio’s tail is inches from my face. It looks like a red battering ram perched on a slinky. Then, the tip turns bright orange and starts radiating heat. It feels like my skin is melting!

  “Let’s come to an understanding,” he says. “We need something from you, the Orb of Oblivion. And you need something from us, your life. So, in order for you to get what you want, you’re going to give us what we want. Is that clear?”

  The temperature coming off his tail is so intense, sweat starts pouring down my face.

  Its impressive. But I have powers too.

  “I hear you,” I say. “But I think it’s only fair if we start from an even playing field.” I concentrate, and bathe him with my negation energy. I hope this works! Seconds later, his tail snuffs out.

  Scorpio looks stunned.

  “Scorpio!” Taurus says, moving forward.

  “Wait, Taurus,” says Gemini. “He has power.”

  Than it hits me. Scorpio? Taurus? Gemini?

  “Hang on,” I say. “Aren’t your names, like, the signs of the zodiac? But aren’t there twelve signs?”

  “We were twelve,” says Gemini, sadly.

  Then, I realize there’s only four of them. I look at Leo. “Hey, and isn’t Leo supposed to be a lion? You know he’s a monkey, right?”

  Leo raises a fist.

  “Leo, no!” Gemini orders.

  “So, where are the rest of you?” I ask.

  “Pisces and Sagittarius are piloting the vessel,” Gemini answers. “Aries … disappeared. The rest are dead.”

  They all look down. It’s quiet for a few seconds.

  “Look, I’m sorry to hear that,” I say. “And I’d love to help out in any way that doesn’t involve my captivity. But, I really have no idea what I’m doing here. Or what you want the Orb for.”

  Gemini looks over to Scorpio who nods his approval.

  “We’re the Zodiac,” she starts. “A band of survivors—vigilantes—bonded in a shared quest to destroy the one who annihilated our worlds.”

  “Annihilated?” The words shock me for a minute. “Y-you mean your world was … destroyed?”

  “Not world, Orb Master,” Gemini says. “Worlds. M
y planet was called Gallron. It was beautiful, with bright purple skies, and rolling seas. At night, the moons would glow, illuminating the seven kingdoms filled with a peaceful people. But now … now it’s gone. If I wasn’t sent into space on a scientific expedition moments before it happened, then I’d be gone as well.”

  “And it’s the same for me,” says Taurus. “I hail from Pollux, a planet covered with mountains and forests. The weather was harsh, but the people hardy. I was on orbital patrol that fateful day. There was going to be a celebration. But it never happened.”

  I look over at Scorpio, but he’s silent. I can see his pain through his goggles.

  “And what about you?” I ask Leo. “Didn’t you say you were from Earth?”

  “I did,” says Leo, breathing out deeply. “This may be hard for you to believe, but …”

  KABOOM!

  Suddenly, the ship turns upside down, sending all of us crashing into the ceiling. Then, the ship rights itself, and we smash to the floor. Leo is lying on top of me, his tail planted squarely in my mouth.

  I push him away, spitting out a mouthful of fur. “What was that?” I ask.

  Suddenly, I hear clopping, like a giant horse is racing through the ship. Just then, a bearded figure appears in the doorway. At first, I think it’s a man, but then I realize it’s a muscular kid’s upper body attached to the lower half of some kind of six-legged creature! He stares at me with his emerald eyes.

  “Sagittarius!” Scorpio says. “What’s going on?”

  “We were hit with a concussion blast! That was only a warning shot,” Sagittarius says. “It’s a warship. They say if we don’t land immediately, they’ll destroy us.”

  “Impossible!” Scorpio exclaims. “The Ghost Ship can’t be tracked!”

  “Told you,” Taurus says. “What are we going to do now!”

  “Where’s the closest landing point?” Scorpio asks.

  “There’s a small moon below us,” Sagittarius says. “But we aren’t faster than the warship.”

  “Whoa!” I say panicked. “Wait a minute. If the Skelton find out I’m on board, they’ll kill me for what I’ve done!”

  “Oh, they’re not Skelton,” Sagittarius says. “They’re much, much worse.”