Epic Zero: Tales of a Not-So-Super 6th Grader Books 1-3 (Epic Zero Box Set)

by R. L. Ullman

  Somehow, I’ve got to let her know I’m me, and not her brother, without giving myself away. Then, I’ve got to figure out how to get us out of this mess. Otherwise, they’ll lock me up with her. Or worse.

  “Your Excellency?” Shadow Hawk 2 says, the urgency in his voice signaling me to get on with it.

  “Right,” I say. I guess it’s show time.

  As soon as I stand up, the villains go silent. I look at them, sitting at full attention like schoolchildren, waiting to see what I’m going to do next.

  Boy, I wish I knew.

  I feel totally awkward standing here.

  “I hate you!” Grace 2 shouts, breaking the silence.

  The villains boo.

  “I’ll teach her to show respect!” someone yells.

  Okay, I’d better do something before this gets out of hand. Time to turn on the acting chops.

  “I’m guessing you’re not feeling so glorious now, are you Glory Girl,” I say mockingly, ensuring I can be heard throughout the courtyard. “You may be a member of the Freedom Force, but soon you’ll find freedom hard to come by.”

  The villains roar with approval.

  Okay, not bad. Got to keep going.

  “See, you live in my world,” I continue, “and in my world, heroes are a distraction, and distractions must be dealt with.”

  There’s another cheer, and I feel a strange boost of confidence. Who knew I’d be so good at this evil monologue stuff? Just keep talking. Keep stalling.

  “Take her powers!” someone cries.

  “Take ‘em for good!”

  Oh, geez, that’s what they’re all here to see, isn’t it?

  Okay, think!

  I know I can’t remove her powers permanently, but I can take them away temporarily. That should fool them, at least for now. But before I do that, I need to clue her in as to who I really am. So, how am I going to do that?

  Wait, did I just say clue? That’s it! I can drop in some clues!

  “Now is the time!” I shout. “Now I will remove the powers of this … this … jelly doughnut eating girl.”

  Shadow Hawk 2 shoots me a funny look.

  Okay, I’m probably blowing my cover, but I need Grace 2 to be sure, so I press on. “This terrible fate will befall her despite … having brown hair whereas, she may have been blond if she were born elsewhere. In addition, this punishment will be meted out despite her heroic achievements on Arena World where—”

  “What are you doing?” Shadow Hawk 2 whispers sharply. “Get on with it!”

  I look into the crowd. The villains are getting restless.

  Did she get it?

  I glance down at Grace 2, who’s staring back at me with her arms crossed and a giant smirk across her face.

  I’m taking that as a yes.

  Okay, time to finish the job.

  Pointing down at her, I declare, “Glory Girl, you’ve been a thorn in my side since the day I was born! Now, you will suffer the agony of being a Zero—for the rest of your life!”

  I concentrate, and then wash my powers over her.

  Now for the big finale—the proof.

  “Release her!” I command.

  The villains rise to their feet as the two henchmen rip the cage apart.

  To her own surprise, Grace 2 is totally free.

  “If it’s freedom you want,” I offer, “then go ahead, fly away. If you can.”

  Grace 2 raises her arms to lift off, but she can’t.

  “My powers,” she says. “They’re … gone.”

  The villains erupt in a victorious cheer.

  It worked! It’s over. Thank the stars it’s over.

  “Kill her!” someone yells.

  Or not.

  “No!” I react. “She’s valuable to us. With her as our captive, we can lure the remaining members of the Freedom Force—like Ms. Understood and Captain Justice—to their deaths. Now, take her to a cell. Make sure she’s as … uncomfortable as possible.”

  Grace 2 looks back at me, eyebrows raised, as the henchmen grab her arms roughly and drag her back inside Lockdown. Hopefully, she’ll forgive me. But I had to look convincing. Now, I’ve got all these bad guys to deal with.

  “This demonstration is over,” I command. “Go back to your territories. All of you.”

  “Bow before your liege!” Shadow Hawk 2 orders.

  All this pageantry is wonderful, but I’m not planning to stick around for tea and biscuits. Instead, I whisper to Dog-Gone 2, “Get me out of here.”

  Dog-Gone 2 scratches behind his ear, and then hops off the podium. I follow him to a large door on the far side of the courtyard. It’s different than all the others, made from steel and surrounded by cameras. Dog-Gone 2 presses his nose against a touch screen which scans his schnoz. As the door slides open, I try to make sense of what I’m seeing.

  Instead of a dull, dreary prison, I’m looking into a brightly lit, marble-tiled foyer.

  “Is this where your master lives?” I ask.

  Dog-Gone 2 nods and we go inside, the door sliding shut behind us.

  Dog-Gone 2 leads me down a hallway and past several prison cells which have been converted into living spaces of various functions. There’s a game room filled with arcade machines, a recreation room with trampoline floors, a snack room packed with candy boxes and soda machines, and a reading room loaded with comic books and bean bag chairs.

  It’s like walking through heaven.

  I follow the mutt into a large room at the end of the hallway, where I’m stopped in my tracks. I can’t believe it.

  It’s my bedroom!

  Or rather, it’s exactly like my bedroom back on the Waystation. It has the same blue-and-white bedspread, the same Batman posters on the wall, the same desk, the same cabinets, the same everything! There’s just one big difference. His walls are covered in black marker scribblings.

  But stepping inside, I realize they aren’t scribbles at all—they’re equations! Hundreds of them, all over. So, here’s another mirror-universe difference between Elliott 2 and me: he’s a math whiz, and I’m allergic to algebra.

  What’s with all the formulas? It’s obvious he was trying to solve for something, but what? The only thing I know is there’s not a snowball’s chance in Hades I’m gonna figure it out.

  Then, something catches my eye. It’s an illustration of a bunch of tiny, irregular circles packed tightly together around a much larger circle. The little circles form a barrier of sorts. It looks strangely familiar.

  It looks like … an asteroid belt?

  “Feeling better?”

  I jump out of my skin.

  Shadow Hawk 2 is standing in the doorway, arms folded across his chest. He steps inside. “Nice performance out there. Despite whatever you were doing to spoil the occasion.”

  Uh-oh, I need to be careful here. Shadow Hawk is no dummy. He knows something’s up.

  “So,” he says, “did you make it?”

  Make it? Make what?

  “After all, you didn’t think I’d ignore the fact that one of our Freedom Flyers went missing? Or did you?”

  Oh, geez! This is worse than I thought.

  “Based on the maps decorating your walls, I assumed you took the Freedom Flyer to reach that planet you were so desperately searching for.”

  Planet? My eyes dart back to the asteroid belt and the circle inside of it.

  O! M! G!

  I know exactly where Elliott 2 went!

  “Well?” he asks. “Anything you’d like to share?”

  My heart is racing but I try to stay cool. “Not really.” The longer I stay in Lockdown, the faster he’s going to find out I’m a phony. I stretch into a fake yawn. “You mind if we pick this up later? I’m wiped.”

  “Certainly, Your Excellency,” he says with a bow. “Let’s do that. When we regroup, I’d love to hear the story of how you returned to Earth … without the Freedom Flyer you departed in.” And then, he leaves.

  He knows! Time to make my exit. But firs
t I need to collect something.

  “Dog-Gone, take me to Glory Girl’s cell.”

  He looks at me funny, and then cocks an ear.

  I guess some things never change, even in a mirror universe. “Fine, I’ll give you five doggie treats. Now do it!”

  Dog-Gone takes off like a rocket. I chase him outside, back through the courtyard, and into the prison wing Grace 2 was dragged through. I get plenty of odd stares along the way, but I just smile, point to Dog-Gone and say, “He loves a brisk walk.”

  He leads me into a small corridor that’s empty save one prison cell and two large goons guarding it. I notice there’s no window in the cell door which is good news for what I’m planning. So, here goes nothing.

  “Open the door,” I command.

  The goons bow, and then swing the door open. Dog-Gone 2 and I step inside, and I instruct them to close it behind us, shutting us in.

  The cell is dark and cramped. Slivers of daylight stream through a barred window up high. Grace 2 lies bundled in the corner beneath a blanket—motionless.

  I hope she’s not dead.

  “Grace,” I whisper.

  “E-Elliott?” she says meekly, raising her head. Her face is bruised.

  “Are you okay?” I say, kneeling down beside her. “I’m sorry they were rough with you, but I had to act the part.”

  “I-it’s okay,” she says. “I can take it. I-I knew it was you. Although I still can’t believe it. What are you doing here?”

  “I’ll tell you later,” I say. “Right now, we’ve got to get out of here.”

  “But you took my powers,” she says. “I-I can’t fly.”

  “That’s temporary,” I say. “Your powers will come back. But that’s not going to help us now. We’ve got to get out of here. I have an idea. Hang on to your blanket.” I look over to the German Shepherd. “Dog-Gone, vanish.”

  He cocks another ear.

  “Fine, I’ll give you a bag of treats! Whatever!”

  As soon as he disappears, I put my plan into action.

  “Help!” I yell.

  The door opens and the henchman burst in.

  “My Lord?” says one.

  “Are you okay?” says the other.

  “I’m fine,” I say. “But you’re not.” I concentrate hard and take away their super-strength. “Dog-Gone!”

  Suddenly, both thugs are knocked to the ground. I grab Grace 2’s hand and pull her out of the cell. As soon as Dog-Gone materializes next to us, I slam the door shut, locking the guards inside.

  “Let’s go,” I say.

  “But where?” Grace 2 asks.

  “I know where your brother is,” I say. “But we’ve got to get off this Earth. I need a ship.”

  Dog-Gone barks, and nods his head.

  “What’s he saying?” Grace 2 asks.

  “I think he wants us to follow him. Is that right?”

  Dog-Gone 2 barks again, then takes off.

  Here we go again.

  “We can’t let anyone see you,” I say to Grace 2. “Cover yourself in your blanket, and follow that fur ball!”

  We attract more strange looks, but I simply smile as Dog-Gone 2 leads us through a series of corridors, and out a side door.

  Within minutes, we’re in the woods, and Grace 2 and I collapse in a heap. We’re out of breath, but we’re safe, at least for the moment. Once Shadow Hawk 2 finds out what I’ve done, he’ll be hot on my trail.

  Dog-Gone 2 marches over to a thicket of bushes and barks again.

  “What’s he saying now?” Grace 2 asks.

  The mutt paws at the thicket.

  “I don’t know,” I say. “I think there’s something in there.”

  He barks again.

  “Okay, okay,” I say, walking over and sticking my gloved hands into the underbrush. As I push the thorny branches aside, I gasp out loud.

  “What is it?” Grace 2 asks.

  But, I don’t have any words.

  I wouldn’t even know how to explain it.

  It’s my Freedom Ferry.

  The one that vanished from my Earth.

  I LOOK INTO A DARK MIRROR

  We hop aboard the Freedom Ferry and blast off before Shadow Hawk 2 shows his beak.

  I’m manning the controls, with Grace 2 and Dog-Gone 2 stuffed into the passenger seat. As we enter outer space, I relay everything I know about the Blur, which quite honestly isn’t very much. But I’m guessing the appearance of my Freedom Ferry on Grace 2’s world can only mean one thing—our two worlds are merging into one.

  “So, why is this happening?” Grace 2 asks.

  “Great question,” I reply. “According to some intel I picked up back home, this whole thing started with the destruction of Order and Chaos on Arena World. Without those two bozos managing the rules of the multiverse, everything has gone whacko.”

  “Wonderful,” Grace 2 says. “So it’s like survival of the fittest, galactic style.”

  “Seems that way,” I say.

  “Well, that sucks,” she says. “By the way, are you ever planning on telling me where we’re going?”

  “Oh, sorry,” I say. “I may be way off here, but based on the graffiti covering your brother’s walls, I think he went to see the Watcher.”

  “The Watcher? Who’s the Watcher?”

  Another great question. I mean, who is the Watcher anyway? The last time I saw that weirdo was when the Zodiac took me to his planet to find out what happened to Aries. But the Watcher had no interest in answering that question. Instead, he tormented me about the location of the Orb of Oblivion—which he knew was inside my body!

  But there’s no need to get into that now. So, I give her the straight answer. “The Watcher is a cosmic entity who’s fated to watch the events of the universe in exchange for immortality. He’s also blind and several fries short of a happy meal.”

  “Wait,” Grace 2 says. “The Watcher is blind? Isn’t that like a total oxymoron.”

  “What did you call me?”

  “Not you, dummy,” she says. “An oxymoron is a figure of speech that’s self-contradictory. Like a ‘cruel-kindness’ or a ‘living-death.’ I mean, how could anyone be called ‘the Watcher’ and be blind?”

  “Oh, I get it,” I say. “Yeah, it’s strange. He said he lost his sight because of something he did, we just never found out what. And something tells me I don’t want to know.”

  “Okay,” she says, “my creeper alert is now on high. Why would my brother want to see this Watcher dude anyway?”

  “Well, they say—and please don’t ask me who ‘they’ are—that the Watcher knows everything. So, I’m guessing your brother had questions and needed some answers.”

  Suddenly, the Freedom Flyer BEEPS and says, “You will arrive at Watcher World in 1000 meters.”

  “Like what kinds of questions?” she asks.

  “How am I supposed to know? Maybe he wanted to know if Bigfoot is real, or why round pizza comes in a square box. You know,” I say, looking up, “meaningful things … like … that …”

  Something’s wrong.

  By now we should have visual confirmation of Watcher World. Yet, when I look out the window, there’s nothing but black space and bright stars. I recheck the navigator.

  “What’s the matter?” Grace 2 asks.

  “Um, I think we’ve lost a planet,” I say. “And it’s not a small planet.”

  “Could it be the Blur?” Grace asks.

  I didn’t think of that. I guess it could have been wiped off the map by the Blur. But if that were the case, why would the navigator tell us we’re almost there. According to TechnocRat, there’s only one thing to do when your electronics go funky. So, I turn off the navigator, and then turn it back on. When it reboots, I re-enter the coordinates.

  “You will arrive at Watcher World in 700 meters,” it says.

  The navigator seems to be working fine. But when I look up, I still don’t see anything. Is this some sort of a trick?

  And then it h
its me.

  It’s a test.

  The last time I was here with the Zodiac, we had to pass through an imaginary asteroid belt. I guess after we cracked that illusion, he created a new one. But this time he’s pretending his planet’s not even there. Nice try.