Dirty Swedish Player: A Big Stick Novel
Page 18
Twenty-Six
Sierra
“How are things going with school?” Aunt Becca asks, as I sit across from her at the kitchen table making jewelry. Since she was sick, she’s fallen back on her orders. It’s my third time over here this week making jewelry.
“Same old. I’m working on a big assignment. It’s pretty cool. We have to create an addition to a house. It can be anywhere in the house,” I explain.
“Which area did you choose?” she asks.
“In the drawings they gave me, the kitchen was super small. The space wasn’t functional at all. I created an addition to the kitchen using all glass walls. I also included some solar panels on the roof. Environmentally clean building is the way of the future,” I say, trying to sound cheerful.
“I like your optimism. Still with all the high-rises being built, we are a long way off from sustainable architecture,” Aunt Becca replies.
“Agreed,” I say, and pick up a stone. When I look up, I see concerned hazel eyes watching me.
“Do you want to tell me what’s going on with you? I mean, I could guess. And don’t get me wrong—I love it when you come over—but sitting here for hours on end making jewelry isn’t like you. What happened to your job? Did you get fired?”
“I didn’t get fired. I’ve been calling in sick,” I admit, my shoulders hunched forward.
“Are you okay?” She furrows her brows.
“I’m not sick. I ended things with Nils,” I say, as the all too familiar burn rises in my chest.
“Oh, honey.” She stands and walks around the table to give me a hug. I force the tears to remain at bay. “What happened?”
“Nothing.” I throw my hands in the air dramatically. “He didn’t want to commit, and I told him I couldn’t do what we were doing any longer.”
“What did he say?” she asks.
“He didn’t want things to end, but he also didn’t want to commit. That was two weeks ago. I was hoping he would have a change of heart and realize he can’t live without me, but clearly he can, so . . .”
“Breaking up is hard to do.” Aunt Becca’s lips turn down. “I had a beau once. We were best friends, and it turned into more. Then we went off to college and went our own separate ways. We drifted apart. I began traveling; he joined the workforce. I checked him out on Facebook a while back. He’s a CEO of some corporation.” She laughs. “Could you see me with a CEO?”
“Yeah. I mean, why not? Don’t they say opposites attract?” I ask. Nils and I were nothing alike and somehow, we worked. The chemistry between us was undeniable, or so I’d thought.
“In certain cases, and in others, not so much,” she says.
“Is the guy married?” I ask.
Her nose scrunches up. “I don’t know if he was married but his relationship status showed single.”
“You should totally reach out to him. What happens if he’s the one?” I ask.
She shakes her head, laughing. “You’re such a romantic, dear niece. Life isn’t a romance movie. We aren’t just going to pick up where we left off. Besides, I’m pretty sure that certain relationships have an expiry date.”
She’s cynical, and it reminds me how I used to think in the pre-Nils era when I didn’t believe a relationship could last. When I didn’t want to get myself in deep for fear of getting hurt. Somehow, Nils got me to overlook everything I believed. We are two opposites who meshed. Only, it wasn’t lasting. Nothing ever is.
Twenty-Seven
Nils
It’s Thanksgiving, and I find myself sitting at Oli and Sloane’s dining table with the rest of the usual gang, minus Sierra. Oli and the guys know we broke things off. The ladies know, too. Sloane called me out just before Halloween. Told me she thought I was a wuss. I didn’t argue with her. I just didn’t say anything at all, so she dropped it.
During our hearty turkey dinner, I lift my beer. “Thanks, guys, for having me over again. I’m thankful to have friends like you,” I say to Oli and Sloane.
They both smile and mutter something along the lines of me being family.
After dinner, the kids are playing with toys in the family room while the adults sit back, too full of all the good food. A memory of Sierra having dinner here the weekend of Oli and Sloane’s wedding pops into my mind. The ridiculous dancing we’d done with Quinn. The way she came to help me get Mata to her hotel room when she was stoned off her ass. The way Sierra just seamlessly fit into my life.
“You want to come outside?” Oli stands and asks me.
“It’s freezing,” I say.
“We got heaters on the deck. It’s a nice night,” he says. He tells Dave and Myles to join us.
We sit in a row on his Adirondack chairs and stare out to his backyard. It’s big with lots of greenery, considering how close it is to the city. I take a deep breath and inhale the cool, crisp air.
“How are things going?” Myles asks, looking at me.
I sip my beer. “Alright.”
Silence ensues. It lingers a while longer than I’d expected it would. These guys are usually a talkative bunch. If we have nothing to discuss, we talk hockey, plays and what to watch out for next game.
“Nils, don’t take this the wrong way . . .” Oli breaks the silence.
“Okay.” I laugh at the serious look on his face.
“You think that maybe you were affected by the whole Sierra breakup . . . like, a little more than you’re letting on?” Oli continues hesitantly, like he’s walking on eggshells.
My brows knit together. “We were never together. It wasn’t a breakup.”
“Your game has been off,” Dave says.
Don’t I fucking know it. Coach came down on me this week. Asked if I was drinking and partying again.
“I just haven’t been sleeping well,” I answer easily, leaving out the part that I miss Sierra. I won’t admit those words out loud. I don’t need her. I’m used to being on my own.
“Is it because you’ve started hooking up again?” Myles asks. “I’m only asking because I care, man. We all see something off with you.”
“Why does it matter if I’m hooking up with chicks?” I ask, instead of answering. I don’t want to admit that I haven’t had sex in weeks because the only girl I want has booted my ass.
“It doesn’t matter,” Dave says, trying to maybe ease the tension I feel building in the air. “It’s just that you’ve missed plays, you’ve lost the puck way more than you usually do, and your stats are down.”
I shoot out of my seat. “Thanks for bringing my flaws to my attention. It’s not like you guys don’t have bad weeks. Why are you raining down on me? It isn’t exactly fair.”
Oli stands from his chair. “This isn’t an attack. We think you’re hurting over Sierra. Sloane said she ended things between you guys. It wasn’t you.”
“So?” My voice grows louder, as my irritation heightens. “Why the fuck does it matter who ended things? It’s over. I had nothing to offer her. I have to focus on my career. I was almost booted from the team. I almost lost my spot in the NHL. My life was this close to going down the drain.” I pinch my pointer finger and thumb together.
“I get that, man. I do. We are all human. Fuck-ups are part of the game. But for me, when I’m having a lagging week, it’s because Sloane is sick, or Quinn had a fever the previous night. I also need to be on top of my game because I have a family to support, and hockey is all I know. I can’t afford fuck-ups either,” Oli says, staring me down.
“Fair enough. That’s why we work our asses off,” I say.
“Yeah, but having a woman in your life doesn’t prevent you from being at the top of your game,” Dave says. He was the first of the guys to get married and have kids. He’s also a few years older than us.
“I get what you guys are saying. I appreciate that you care, but I’m fine. Sierra and I are very different people; it would never work,” I say, feeding them the line I’ve been feeding myself. I barely believe it. The truth is, we worked just fine.
“Have it your way.” Oli claps me on the shoulder and sits back in his chair. I take a seat too, and we discuss next week’s games, which are out of town. I enjoy the night with my friends and tell myself it’s enough for me. I don’t need any more than this.
It’s a lie.
Twenty-Eight
Sierra
It’s a week before Christmas, and I walk down the busy streets, getting my shopping done after class. Half the year is over. Another half to go, and I will officially graduate.
Dad had called last night to ask if I would come home this year for Christmas, but I wasn’t in the mood to spend the holidays with a man who didn’t give me his love and support when I needed it most. Besides, flying home costs money I don’t have. Even though I’m sure Dad would pay my ticket if I did decide to go home. I just feel like I don’t want to go out of my way to see him. Especially when I have Aunt Becca here in the city. She has a group of friends who spend Christmas together, and so I’ll spend the holiday with them. It’s what I do every year.
My cell rings in my coat pocket. The weather is below freezing. Sloane’s name lights up my screen and, as I say hello, my breath mists the air in front of me.
“Hey, babe,” she says.
“Hi! I’m out Christmas shopping. Why did I leave it to last minute?”
“Because you’re a rock-star student. How was the model you built?” she asks.
“It was freaking amazing. I’ll have to send you pictures,” I say.
“Please do.” She pauses. “I don’t want to keep you. I just wanted to see if I could convince you to spend Christmas with us.”
She asked me a month ago for the first time. Now she calls me at least once a week to see if my decision has changed.
“You’re so funny. I do appreciate your efforts, but it would be really awkward,” I say. Nils never contacted me after our dinner together. I told him we were done, and he was out the door. No way do I want to see him. At least not for a few years.
“I get it. I do. Maybe if you bring a date it wouldn’t be so weird,” she suggests.
“Only I’m not dating anyone,” I remind her.
“What about that friend of yours from school? Klause,” she says. She knows he’s a German citizen and that he’s here on a student visa, meaning he has no family or ties to the city.
“I wouldn’t want to give him the wrong impression. He tried hitting on me when we first met, and I put him in the friend zone,” I explain.
“That’s perfect, then. Bring him as a friend,” she says.
“I promised Aunt Becca I’d do Christmas with her and her friends,” I counter.
“Aunt Becca was doing Christmas with her friends before you ever moved to the city. They won’t miss you” She giggles.
“Gee, thanks,” I say in mock offence.
“Oh, you know what I mean.” She sighs. “You can’t hide from him forever, and we want to spend time with you. Kelsey and Flynn were just asking about you too,” she says, pulling out the big guns.
I cave. “Okay. I’ll come. It’s nice of you to include Klause. I don’t think he had anywhere to go. I’ll ask him and get back to you.”
“Yay,” she squeals. “It’s going to be awesome. Seriously. We do Christmas special around here.”
I don’t ask her what she means, but my heart feels warm and fuzzy from her words. I like spending time with them.
“I can’t wait,” I say.
“Me too. I’ll call you soon with the deets,” she says.
“Thanks. Take care.” I end the call.
Now I have more gifts to add to my list. After finding gifts for Aunt Becca, Sloane, Oli, and Quinn in a department store, I bump into Sunny.
“Fancy meeting you here.” She’s holding hands with a guy.
“Reed, this is my roommate, Sierra,” she says, and her cheeks are flushed. I had no clue she was seeing someone.
He shakes my hand.
“Nice to meet you,” I say.
“You, too,” he says. He has a kind smile. He looks like the bookish type—the complete opposite of Declan, who was rougher around the edges, with tattoos and a chip on his shoulder.
“Reed was just helping me pick up some presents,” Sunny explains. I know she’s heading home on Friday.
“Yeah, I was out doing some shopping myself,” I say holding up all the gift bags in my hands. The moment is kind of awkward. I want to ask her why she would hide her new relationship from me, but it will have to wait. She gives me a half hug, since I have my hands full, and tells me she’ll see me later.
I walk home, since I don’t mind walking in the cooler weather and taking my car would have been a disaster with parking this time of year. I call Klause on my way. He’s initially hesitant about joining me, but when I mention having Christmas with famous hockey players, he says it sounds like an experience he will never forget. I don’t say it out loud, but I think it’s going to be an experience I will never forget either.
Twenty-Nine
Sierra
I’m lying on the couch having a How I Met Your Mother marathon on Netflix when Sunny slips through the door. She tiptoes to the kitchen. I pause my show.
“Oh, no,” I call out. The girl has some explaining to do. She pauses mid-step. “Get yourself over here and tell me who that boy was, and why you were holding hands,” I say with a playful tone.
She pinches her lips together and gives me a look that oozes guilt.
“I can explain,” she says, batting her eyelashes while using that sweet southern accent of hers.
I lie back on the couch. “I’m all ears. This should be good.”
“I wasn’t hiding Reed from you. It’s just that things are new between us. I didn’t want to introduce him to my friends just yet,” she begins.
“He’s super different from Declan and Tino, and, who was before that?” I tap my finger to my chin.
“He is different. I’m doing an experiment,” she says.
“Care to elaborate?” I raise my brows. This should be good. “I mean, I get it. You don’t necessarily need to have a type. Nils was very different from the other guys I dated.”
She takes a seat beside me on the couch and crosses her legs. She’s sitting sideways, looking at me. “I know,” she says. “But I have a type, Sierra. It’s the bad boys with tattoos who like to party that get my skin hot, but you know what? Those boys only lead to broken hearts, so I told myself I’m changing my type to the bookish guys. No tattoos. No ladies’ men.”
“I get where you are going,” I say. “And you are attracted to Reed?” He isn’t a bad-looking guy, it was just . . . maybe I’m not used to seeing her with that type. It sounds awful.
“Hmm.” Her lips pinch together. “I’m really trying to be. He’s sweet and a gentleman. He wants to see me and spend time with me.”
I call bullshit. Something is off. “He wants to hold your hand. You two looked like the sweetest couple,” I say, mocking her southern accent—which I truly love, so much.
“Ha ha. We’ve been on a few dates. He’s nice to talk to but I don’t feel that electricity with him. Do you know what I mean?” She looks to me intently.
“I do.” I didn’t feel the buzz of electricity like a live wire until I hooked up with Nils.
“I need to tell him that I see him more as a friend. I just really liked the idea of him. If I could fall for someone sweet and dedicated, it would be a dream come true.”
“Yeah, but chemistry is a vital aspect of the equation,” I remind her.
“Fucking chemistry.” She falls back on the couch and kicks her legs out like a toddler. I understand her frustration.
“At least you’re trying to meet someone. That’s a good start. I have no interest in dating at all,” I say.
She ends her faux tantrum and places her hands behind her head so it’s perched up and she can look at me. “I know it’s hard, but you need to get back on that horse and ride.” She stands up and begins to dance and s
ing “Old Town Road” by Lil Nas X.
I burst into laughter. “OMG you’ve totally lost it.”
I’m laughing so hard I can barely breathe but she did get me to laugh. It’s been a while, and it feels damn good.
“Glad to see you smile. Now, get up and join me.” She waves me over.
I can’t leave her hanging, so I stand, and we both sing, “Old Town Road” and dance. If anyone walked in now, they would think we were crazy. Okay, we are crazy.
I tire out first—after we repeat the song five times—and fall back on the couch. Sunny falls next to me.
“I agreed to go to Sloane and Oli’s for Christmas,” I blurt.
Sunny’s eyes widen. “You’re kidding me. Will he be there?”
“Yup. Sloane recommended I bring a friend just so that I have back-up. I asked Klause,” I say.
Sunny gets a knowing look on her face.
“What?” I ask.
“Nothing,” she answers, snapping her mouth shut.
“What?” I nudge her.
“Nothing. I just want to meet Sloane one day. She sounds like my kind of girl.”
“And why is that?” I ask. Sloane is amazing, but I’m missing something.
“Because the girl’s got tricks up her sleeve. I’m digging it.” She begins singing and bobs her head to, “Old Town Road” again and that’s when it hits me.
I’m screwed.
Thirty
Nils
I’ve been lucky to get an invitation to Oli and Sloane’s the last few years for Christmas. Before them, I had spent many alone.
I arrive a little late, since I did my Christmas shopping last-minute. I see Myles’s SUV and Dave’s car parked outside, right beside Sierra’s. I’m surprised she came tonight. I know Sloane invited her for Thanksgiving, and she declined. Sloane hadn’t mentioned that she would be here.
Oli comes to the door wearing a ridiculous red and green Rudolph sweater. He, Sloane, Flynn, and Myles wear the same sweater every year. It looks totally weird, but it gives them a sense of family, and I dig being around that kind of loving and commitment.