The Battle of the Books and Other Short Pieces
Page 5
concerns. It relates to Partridge, the almanack-maker. I have
consulted the stars of his nativity by my own rules, and find he
will infallibly die upon the 29th of March next, about eleven at
night, of a raging fever; therefore I advise him to consider of it,
Get any book for free on: www.Abika.com
The Battle of the Books and
Other Short Pieces
and settle his affairs in time.
The month of APRIL will be observable for the death of many great
persons. On the 4th will die the Cardinal de Noailles, Archbishop
of Paris; on the 11th, the young Prince of Asturias, son to the
Duke of Anjou; on the 14th, a great peer of this realm will die at
his country house; on the 19th, an old layman of great fame for
learning, and on the 23rd, an eminent goldsmith in Lombard Street.
I could mention others, both at home and abroad, if I did not
consider it is of very little use or instruction to the reader, or
to the world.
As to public affairs: On the 7th of this month there will be an
insurrection in Dauphiny, occasioned by the oppressions of the
people, which will not be quieted in some months.
On the 15th will be a violent storm on the south-east coast of
France, which will destroy many of their ships, and some in the
very harbour.
The 11th will be famous for the revolt of a whole province or
kingdom, excepting one city, by which the affairs of a certain
prince in the Alliance will take a better face.
MAY, against common conjectures, will be no very busy month in
Europe, but very signal for the death of the Dauphin, which will
happen on the 7th, after a short fit of sickness, and grievous
torments with the strangury. He dies less lamented by the Court
than the kingdom.
On the 9th a Marshal of France will break his leg by a fall from
his horse. I have not been able to discover whether he will then
die or not.
On the 11th will begin a most important siege, which the eyes of
all Europe will be upon: I cannot be more particular, for in
relating affairs that so nearly concern the Confederates, and
consequently this kingdom, I am forced to confine myself for
several reasons very obvious to the reader.
On the 15th news will arrive of a very surprising event, than which
nothing could be more unexpected.
On the 19th three noble ladies of this kingdom will, against all
expectation, prove with child, to the great joy of their husbands.
On the 23rd a famous buffoon of the playhouse will die a ridiculous
death, suitable to his vocation.
JUNE. This month will be distinguished at home by the utter
dispersing of those ridiculous deluded enthusiasts commonly called
the Prophets, occasioned chiefly by seeing the time come that many
of their prophecies should be fulfilled, and then finding
Get any book for free on: www.Abika.com
The Battle of the Books and
Other Short Pieces
themselves deceived by contrary events. It is indeed to be admired
how any deceiver can be so weak to foretell things near at hand,
when a very few months must of necessity discover the impostor to
all the world; in this point less prudent than common almanackmakers,
who are so wise to wonder in generals, and talk dubiously,
and leave to the reader the business of interpreting.
On the 1st of this month a French general will be killed by a
random shot of a cannon-ball.
On the 6th a fire will break out in the suburbs of Paris, which
will destroy above a thousand houses, and seems to be the
foreboding of what will happen, to the surprise of all Europe,
about the end of the following month.
On the 10th a great battle will be fought, which will begin at four
of the clock in the afternoon, and last till nine at night with
great obstinacy, but no very decisive event. I shall not name the
place, for the reasons aforesaid, but the commanders on each left
wing will be killed. I see bonfires and hear the noise of guns for
a victory.
On the 14th there will be a false report of the French king's
death.
On the 20th Cardinal Portocarero will die of a dysentery, with
great suspicion of poison, but the report of his intention to
revolt to King Charles will prove false.
JULY. The 6th of this month a certain general will, by a glorious
action, recover the reputation he lost by former misfortunes.
On the 12th a great commander will die a prisoner in the hands of
his enemies.
On the 14th a shameful discovery will be made of a French Jesuit
giving poison to a great foreign general; and when he is put to the
torture, will make wonderful discoveries.
In short, this will prove a month of great action, if I might have
liberty to relate the particulars.
At home, the death of an old famous senator will happen on the 15th
at his country house, worn with age and diseases.
But that which will make this month memorable to all posterity is
the death of the French king, Louis the Fourteenth, after a week's
sickness at Marli, which will happen on the 29th, about six o'clock
in the evening. It seems to be an effect of the gout in his
stomach, followed by a flux. And in three days after Monsieur
Chamillard will follow his master, dying suddenly of an apoplexy.
In this month likewise an ambassador will die in London, but I
Get any book for free on: www.Abika.com
The Battle of the Books and
Other Short Pieces
cannot assign the day.
AUGUST. The affairs of France will seem to suffer no change for a
while under the Duke of Burgundy's administration; but the genius
that animated the whole machine being gone, will be the cause of
mighty turns and revolutions in the following year. The new king
makes yet little change either in the army or the Ministry, but the
libels against his grandfather, that fly about his very Court, give
him uneasiness.
I see an express in mighty haste, with joy and wonder in his looks,
arriving by break of day on the 26th of this month, having
travelled in three days a prodigious journey by land and sea. In
the evening I hear bells and guns, and see the blazing of a
thousand bonfires.
A young admiral of noble birth does likewise this month gain
immortal honour by a great achievement.
The affairs of Poland are this month entirely settled; Augustus
resigns his pretensions which he had again taken up for some time:
Stanislaus is peaceably possessed of the throne, and the King of
Sweden declares for the emperor.
I cannot omit one particular accident here at home: that near the
end of this month much mischief will be done at Bartholomew Fair by
the fall of a booth.
SEPTEMBER. This month begins with a very surprising fit of frosty
weather, which will last near twelve days.
The Pope, having long languished
last month, the swellings in his
legs breaking, and the flesh mortifying, will die on the 11th
instant; and in three weeks' time, after a mighty contest, be
succeeded by a cardinal of the Imperial faction, but native of
Tuscany, who is now about sixty-one years old.
The French army acts now wholly on the defensive, strongly
fortified in their trenches, and the young French king sends
overtures for a treaty of peace by the Duke of Mantua; which,
because it is a matter of State that concerns us here at home, I
shall speak no farther of it.
I shall add but one prediction more, and that in mystical terms,
which shall be included in a verse out of Virgil
ALTER ERIT JAM TETHYS, ET ALTERA QUAE VEHAT ARGO
DELECTOS HEROAS.
Upon the 25th day of this month, the fulfilling of this prediction
will be manifest to everybody.
Get any book for free on: www.Abika.com
The Battle of the Books and
Other Short Pieces
This is the farthest I have proceeded in my calculations for the
present year. I do not pretend that these are all the great events
which will happen in this period, but that those I have set down
will infallibly come to pass. It will perhaps still be objected
why I have not spoken more particularly of affairs at home, or of
the success of our armies abroad, which I might, and could very
largely have done; but those in power have wisely discouraged men
from meddling in public concerns, and I was resolved by no means to
give the least offence. This I will venture to say, that it will
be a glorious campaign for the Allies, wherein the English forces,
both by sea and land, will have their full share of honour; that
Her Majesty Queen Anne will continue in health and prosperity; and
that no ill accident will arrive to any in the chief Ministry.
As to the particular events I have mentioned, the readers may judge
by the fulfilling of them, whether I am on the level with common
astrologers, who, with an old paltry cant, and a few pothooks for
planets, to amuse the vulgar, have, in my opinion, too long been
suffered to abuse the world. But an honest physician ought not to
be despised because there are such things as mountebanks. I hope I
have some share of reputation, which I would not willingly forfeit
for a frolic or humour; and I believe no gentleman who reads this
paper will look upon it to be of the same cast or mould with the
common scribblers that are every day hawked about. My fortune has
placed me above the little regard of scribbling for a few pence,
which I neither value nor want; therefore, let no wise man too
hastily condemn this essay, intended for a good design, to
cultivate and improve an ancient art long in disgrace, by having
fallen into mean and unskilful hands. A little time will determine
whether I have deceived others or myself; and I think it is no very
unreasonable request that men would please to suspend their
judgments till then. I was once of the opinion with those who
despise all predictions from the stars, till in the year 1686 a man
of quality showed me, written in his album, that the most learned
astronomer, Captain H-, assured him, he would never believe
anything of the stars' influence if there were not a great
revolution in England in the year 1688. Since that time I began to
have other thoughts, and after eighteen years' diligent study and
application, I think I have no reason to repent of my pains. I
shall detain the reader no longer than to let him know that the
account I design to give of next year's events shall take in the
principal affairs that happen in Europe; and if I be denied the
liberty of offering it to my own country, I shall appeal to the
learned world, by publishing it in Latin, and giving order to have
it printed in Holland.
CHAPTER IV - THE ACCOMPLISHMENT OF THE FIRST OF MR. BICKERSTAFF'S
PREDICTIONS;
BEING AN ACCOUNT OF THE DEATH OF MR. PARTRIDGE
Get any book for free on: www.Abika.com
The Battle of the Books and
Other Short Pieces
THE ALMANACK-MAKER, UPON THE 29TH INSTANT.
IN A LETTER TO A PERSON OF HONOUR; WRITTEN IN THE YEAR 1708.
MY LORD, - In obedience to your lordship's commands, as well as to
satisfy my own curiosity, I have for some days past inquired
constantly after Partridge the almanack-maker, of whom it was
foretold in Mr. Bickerstaff's predictions, published about a month
ago, that he should die the 29th instant, about eleven at night, of
a raging fever. I had some sort of knowledge of him when I was
employed in the Revenue, because he used every year to present me
with his almanack, as he did other gentlemen, upon the score of
some little gratuity we gave him. I saw him accidentally once or
twice about ten days before he died, and observed he began very
much to droop and languish, though I hear his friends did not seem
to apprehend him in any danger. About two or three days ago he
grew ill, was confined first to his chamber, and in a few hours
after to his bed, where Dr. Case and Mrs. Kirleus were sent for, to
visit and to prescribe to him. Upon this intelligence I sent
thrice every day one servant or other to inquire after his health;
and yesterday, about four in the afternoon, word was brought me
that he was past hopes; upon which, I prevailed with myself to go
and see him, partly out of commiseration, and I confess, partly out
of curiosity. He knew me very well, seemed surprised at my
condescension, and made me compliments upon it as well as he could
in the condition he was. The people about him said he had been for
some time delirious; but when I saw him, he had his understanding
as well as ever I knew, and spoke strong and hearty, without any
seeming uneasiness or constraint. After I had told him how sorry
I
was to see him in those melancholy circumstances, and said some
other civilities suitable to the occasion, I desired him to tell me
freely and ingenuously, whether the predictions Mr. Bickerstaff had
published relating to his death had not too much affected and
worked on his imagination. He confessed he had often had it in his
head, but never with much apprehension, till about a fortnight
before; since which time it had the perpetual possession of his
mind and thoughts, and he did verily believe was the true natural
cause of his present distemper: "For," said he, "I am thoroughly
persuaded, and I think I have very good reasons, that Mr.
Bickerstaff spoke altogether by guess, and knew no more what will
happen this year than I did myself." I told him his discourse
surprised me, and I would be glad he were in a state of health to
be able to tell me what reason he had to be convinced of Mr.
Bickerstaff's ignorance. He replied, "I am a poor, ignorant
follow, bred to a mean trade, yet I have sense enough to know that
al
l pretences of foretelling by astrology are deceits, for this
manifest reason, because the wise and the learned, who can only
know whether there be any truth in this science, do all unanimously
agree to laugh at and despise it; and none but the poor ignorant
vulgar give it any credit, and that only upon the word of such
silly wretches as I and my fellows, who can hardly write or read.
"
I then asked him why he had not calculated his own nativity, to see
Get any book for free on: www.Abika.com
The Battle of the Books and
Other Short Pieces
whether it agreed with Bickerstaff's prediction, at which he shook
his head and said, "Oh, sir, this is no time for jesting, but for
repenting those fooleries, as I do now from the very bottom of my
heart." "By what I can gather from you," said I, "the observations
and predictions you printed with your almanacks were mere
impositions on the people." He replied, "If it were otherwise
I
should have the less to answer for. We have a common form for all
those things; as to foretelling the weather, we never meddle with
that, but leave it to the printer, who takes it out of any old
almanack as he thinks fit; the rest was my own invention, to make
my almanack sell, having a wife to maintain, and no other way to
get my bread; for mending old shoes is a poor livelihood; and,
"
added he, sighing, "I wish I may not have done more mischief by my
physic than my astrology; though I had some good receipts from my
grandmother, and my own compositions were such as I thought could
at least do no hurt.
"
I had some other discourse with him, which now I cannot call to
mind; and I fear I have already tired your lordship. I shall only
add one circumstance, that on his death-bed he declared himself
a
Nonconformist, and had a fanatic preacher to be his spiritual
guide. After half an hour's conversation I took my leave, being
half stifled by the closeness of the room. I imagined he could not
hold out long, and therefore withdrew to a little coffee-house hard
by, leaving a servant at the house with orders to come immediately
and tell me, as nearly as he could, the minute when Partridge
should expire, which was not above two hours after, when, looking
upon my watch, I found it to be above five minutes after seven; by
which it is clear that Mr. Bickerstaff was mistaken almost four
hours in his calculation. In the other circumstances he was exact
enough. But, whether he has not been the cause of this poor man's
death, as well as the predictor, may be very reasonably disputed.
However, it must be confessed the matter is odd enough, whether we
should endeavour to account for it by chance, or the effect of
imagination. For my own part, though I believe no man has less
faith in these matters, yet I shall wait with some impatience, and
not without some expectation, the fulfilling of Mr. Bickerstaff's
second prediction, that the Cardinal do Noailles is to die upon the
4th of April, and if that should be verified as exactly as this of
poor Partridge, I must own I should be wholly surprised, and at
a
loss, and should infallibly expect the accomplishment of all the
rest.
CHAPTER V - BAUCIS AND PHILEMON.
IMITATED FROM THE EIGHTH BOOK OF OVID.
IN ancient times, as story tells,
The saints would often leave their cells,
And stroll about, but hide their quality,
Get any book for free on: www.Abika.com
The Battle of the Books and
Other Short Pieces
To try good people's hospitality.
It happened on a winter night,
As authors of the legend write,
Two brother hermits, saints by trade,
Taking their tour in masquerade,
Disguised in tattered habits, went
To a small village down in Kent;
Where, in the strollers' canting strain,
They begged from door to door in vain;