by CJ Embers
He noticed me jump and stopped grooming the horse. “You okay?”
The fact that not only was he actually still here, but he had seen me get visibly spooked by his presence made my cheeks flush.
Still trying to act normal, I said, “Oh, yeah, I’m fine. I just didn’t expect anyone to be here.”
He came up to the stall door and propped his arms on it. “Why’s that? Planning something nefarious?”
My eyes widened in shock before I saw the amusement twinkling within his own; I certainly did come here with nefarious intents, at least according to Karua’s laws.
“I’m just bugging,” he said when I didn’t respond quickly enough. “You here for another ride?”
“No…”
He gave me funny look. “What, then?”
Staring at this beautiful male specimen, and being put on the spot, my brain froze. Feeling overwhelmingly stupid, I silently turned around and started walking away.
Kasiya called out to me, but I ignored him. Footsteps sounded behind me and a hand grasped my arm. When he got in front of me, I stopped.
“Hey, I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable,” he said.
Forcing my frozen vocal cords to move, I said, “You didn’t. I’m just… awkward, I guess.” I desperately wanted to ask what he thought about the Tehji, but the words were stuck in my throat.
Kasiya chuckled, finally, disappointingly, letting go of my arm. “Well, nothing wrong with being awkward.” He paused, then said, “You can stay and chat if you want? Or were you needing to be somewhere?”
I nearly stiffened again. Did him asking me to stay mean anything, or was he just being friendly? Not wanting to be awkward again, I smiled. “No, I don’t need to be anywhere. I’d love to chat.”
He returned the smile. “I do need to keep working, but I will appreciate the company.”
I perked up. “Do you want help?”
When Kasiya looked surprised, I realized my error. Women didn’t do physical jobs. Their main purpose was childbearing and raising, and when they weren’t doing that, they were restricted to jobs that weren’t labour-intensive.
I tried to back up. “I mean… if you need horses brushed or something.” That was something women were allowed to do.
There seemed to be a flicker of knowing in his eyes as he handed me the grooming brush he was still holding. “Sure. You can finish up the one I was doing, then there are the two left there.”
I went to the horse he had been working on and continued the grooming. Kasiya continued working, and we chatted. I finished my job just in time for me to follow him out the backside of the stable where many horses were out on pasture.
He retrieved one and spent the next hour working with her in the round pen. Halfway through, he took his shirt off, and I nearly died then and there. When he was done for the day, he came to lean against the fence beside me and wiped his forehead with the back of his hand.
Kasiya looked at me and smiled, and butterflies exploded in my belly. For just a moment, I could imagine the Tehji’s rules were just a horrible nightmare and that I had the freedom to let myself fall for him.
When reality came crashing back, my mood soured a bit. Kasiya noticed and asked what was wrong.
I sighed and bitterly replied that I couldn’t tell him.
He looked curious, but didn’t push. Instead, he touched my arm and mentioned that he was done for the day. On the way back, I noticed someone standing just inside the stable, watching us. The person was slightly obscured by the shadows.
I tensed for a moment before trying to act normal.
Talking to each other isn’t against the rules, I thought, and repeated it again.
When we got close enough, I could see it was Veren— Kasiya’s good friend.
When Kasiya greeted him, I could see a warning in Veren’s eyes, and my stomach twisted. Not wanting to cause any more trouble, I said goodbye to both of them and left.
On the way out, I heard Veren say, “You’re lucky it was me there and not someone else.”
I tried to listen for more, but his voice faded as I got too far away. Veren’s words echoed in my mind, and I couldn’t help but think Kasiya did hold the same opinions as me, or at least partly.
It was the evening now, and I decided to get dinner at one of the shops. Taking a seat with a view of the guards’ training grounds, I watched the men spar.
Karua was such a peaceful country, it hardly seemed like the guards were necessary. At most, they dealt with the odd wild animal wandering too close to the village and drunken brawls. But that wasn’t the way it had always been. Karua’s history was full of outsiders who thought they could overtake our army despite having the Adepti on our side.
Seeing the way the guards moved, the way they wielded their weapons, a strong sense of longing pulled at me. I wanted to train. To learn how to fight and protect myself. To feel powerful.
But the Tehji would never allow it, and knowing I would spend the rest of my life under their boots, my only purpose being to serve them, I was utterly crushed.
Chapter 2
E nari and I were sitting and talking near the Ascension Ceremony stage when I spotted Kasiya walking by. He saw me a moment later and immediately looked away.
I frowned, feeling confused.
“You okay?” my friend asked. She glanced in the direction I had been looking, but Kasiya was already far enough away that she didn’t notice him.
I shrugged and lied, “Yeah, I just remembered I had forgotten to do something that my mom wanted me to do.”
“Oh, is it time sensitive?”
“I’m not sure, but I should probably go do it now just in case it is.”
“Okay, well I’ll see you later then?”
“Of course,” I replied with a smile.
We went our separate ways, and I went after Kasiya. It had looked like he had been going in the direction of the stables.
The large doors were open, but I couldn’t see anyone. Walking down the aisle, I peeked in each stall, but still couldn’t find him.
Maybe the pasture out back?
I looked outside and sure enough, he was there, working one of the horses in the round pen. He was shirtless again, and the sunlight glistened off the sweat on his skin.
I had just stepped outside when a voice nearby said my name. Freezing, I turned around and saw Veren. He was leaning against the building’s wall, face shaded by a hat.
“You shouldn’t be here,” he said, moving the rim of his hat up a bit to get a better look at me.
“Why not?”
“I think you know why.”
Trying to think quickly, I said, “Oh, so it’s against the rules to be by the horses now, and to talk to the stablehands? When did the Tehji make that rule?” My snarkiness seeped through my tone a bit.
Veren gave me a look like he didn’t believe a word I was saying. “I’m not going to let you get Kasiya in trouble, and you know if Enari was here she would not allow you to get in trouble.”
Angry that he was assuming, even though he was right, made me fume. “Lay off, Veren. Pretty sure Kasiya can make his own decisions. There’s nothing wrong with us talking, and you can go ask the Tehji yourself if you managed to forget that.”
Not giving him a chance to reply, I turned away and continued walking over to the round pen. Thankfully, Veren didn’t chase after me. Kasiya didn’t see me for a while, too focused on the horse trotting circles around him.
When he did, his eyes lit up before quickly being smothered and darkening. Kasiya eased up on the horse and as the beast stopped, he came up to me. His eyes flicked over my shoulder for a split second, and I just knew he was glancing at his friend.
When his eyes met mine again, he said, “I don’t think you should be coming here anymore, Kena.”
“So you’re banning me from the stables? Is that even allowed?” I questioned, trying not to snap and failing.
“That’s not—” He stopped and sighed.
When he hesitated, looking torn, my anger melted away. I was trying to force him to admit something that could get him in serious trouble; if someone was doing that to me, I know I would hate it and resent them for it. I was taking my anger of the Tehji out on Kasiya, and that wasn’t fair to him.
Deflated, I said, “I’m sorry, Kasiya. You don’t have to explain.” I wanted to say that I suspected his reasons, but doing that could backfire. “I won’t come around anymore unless it’s for the horses.” My voice cracked and I turned away.
I left, refusing to look at Veren as I passed him, tears of frustration pricking at my eyes. Hate for the leaders of Karua flooded me, scraping at my skin and gnashing at my nerves. There was no doubt in my mind that Kasiya hadn’t wanted to turn me away, but I was also angry that he backed down so easily.
As I walked down the street, I had to keep reminding myself that it was in both mine and his best interest that he did back down so easily. The chances of anything happening in the shadows and staying hidden were slim to none.
I went to my favourite spot to watch the guards in the training grounds again, hoping watching them would soothe the frustrations squirming through my veins like sludge.
But instead of calming me, seeing the men sparring made it all worse, and I considered going to do my own training session in the forest to let off some steam.
Standing up, I went in the opposite direction. The idea floating around in my head would probably end up getting me severely punished, but I didn’t care. I wanted to prove myself, even if it was only to myself.
At the guards’ barracks, I snuck around to the back. Peering through the window, I could see only two men inside. It was a small and simple building, so I could see the entire layout from here.
I waited for a while until they left, then pried open the window and slipped inside. My pulse was pounding, knowing that at any moment, more guards could arrive to start or end their work shift and notice me. There was nowhere to hide in here, so I would have to be quick. Grabbing a set of armour and a sword, I threw them outside through the window I had come in from.
Back outside, I closed the window and nearly keeled over from relief when I heard the front door open, signaling some guards arriving.
As quietly as possible, I slipped into the armour. It took a while to figure out all the pieces, since as a woman, I was never taught about armour.
Finally, I settled the helmet over my head; I had made sure to grab one that was full-faced. Looking down, I was pleased with how the armour hid my figure. Besides my stature, which was shorter than most men, I doubted if anyone would question me.
Going back around to the front of the building and stepping out in full view on the street, my skin prickled. I felt naked, like at any moment someone would look at me and order the actual guards to arrest me. But whenever someone passed by, the most they did was glance, then continued on their way.
Taking a deep breath, I steeled myself and started walking to the training grounds. Excitement and nerves fluttered in my gut. What I was doing was so far out of the realm of ‘legal’ that I had no idea what would happen if I’d get caught.
All I knew was that it would be bad, and that it was incredibly thrilling.
At the grounds, the other guards didn’t even look at me. Realizing I hadn’t needed to bring my own sword, I set it aside and grabbed a wooden one that was sitting nearby.
Excitement crackled within my veins. I was on the training grounds. I had never been able to get closer than forty feet, and here I was actually standing on its soil.
I was so focused on that fantastic fact that at first I didn’t notice one of the men asking if I wanted to spar with him until he came up to me looking confused.
The happiness was replaced with panic. Should I try to speak? Stay silent?
“Do you want to do a round?” the man asked again, now looking concerned. With the adrenaline rushing through my veins and the helmet on his head, I couldn’t recognize who it was.
I simply gave him a nod, and he motioned me close to the center of the arena. My heart was thundering with anticipation. We raised our swords, and ten seconds later, I was flat on my ass.
Some of the men who had been watching burst out laughing, and my cheeks flushed beneath my helmet. Determined not to give up that easily, I got to my feet and lunged forward. He stepped to the side and I flailed, nearly falling over.
My sparring partner laughed. “Just how green are you? Did you just come out of your mother’s womb?”
I let out a breath through clenched teeth.
This can’t be that much different than an imaginary partner. Focus! Focus on the fight, not the excitement and adrenaline of breaking the Tehji’s laws.
Tightly gripping my sword, I planted my feet and motioned with two fingers for my partner to go again.
He gave me a look and shook his head, but he didn’t argue. The third time must’ve been the charm, or maybe it was the pep talk, because I was fending off his blows much better this time. I wasn’t able to get many hits in, but I stayed on my feet and prevented my partner from getting a kill hit in.
When my own wooden sword ended up against his neck, I gasped in shock and squealed out, “Yes!”
I froze. The guard froze.
The moment he took a step towards me, I turned tail and booked it like my life depended on it… because it pretty much did.
I’m so stupid! So stupid!
My heart felt like it was trying to claw out of my chest as I vaulted over a short wall. I could hear at least one guard pursuing. Villagers looked concerned and confused as I whipped past them.
I dodged into an alley and twisted and turned between buildings. When I finally slowed to listen, it seemed like I lost the pursuer.
Faster than I thought possible, I stripped off the armour. Right before I got back to the street, I slowed, shook off the adrenaline, and wiped my sweaty face with my shirt.
I tried to act as normal as possible as I walked. When I saw my sparring partner come out of the alleyways, I inwardly smiled, but kept my gaze off him.
When I got home, laughter bubbled up and I scooped down to pick up Mazi. Twirling around with her in my arms, I couldn’t stop grinning like a fool.
“What’s going on?”
My mother’s voice made me stop in my tracks.
“You’re in a good mood,” she continued, her eyes bright.
“I’m just having a good day!” I exclaimed, and plopped a kiss on Mazi’s head. “Gosh dang it, you’re adorable!” I said to my cat.
My mother chuckled. “Well, I’m glad your day is going so well. Would you like some lunch?”
“Yes please!”
Later that day, I was helping Enari with gardening. I kept sneaking some fruits and vegetables, and she kept half-heartedly admonishing me whenever she noticed.
She leaned back on her heels and tried to push a strand of hair from her face, which only smeared some soil on her forehead. “Did you hear what happened earlier?”
“I don’t think so. What happened?” I asked, popping a raspberry into my mouth.
She gave me a pointed look but couldn’t help but laugh. “Stop eating the food! You’re going to send us into a famine at this rate!”
“Oh shush; you love me.”
“Of course I do, but I also like not starving!”
I chuckled.
“Anyway, apparently a girl snuck into the training grounds.”
My head snapped up. “Holy cow, seriously?” I demanded with every ounce of shock I could muster.
“Yeah, I heard the guards whispering about it.”
“Shouldn’t they tell the Tehji?”
“I’m sure they have already. It’s crazy, though. That would be so risky; I don’t know why she would have done that!” Enari shuddered. She paused, then looked at me suspiciously. “Wait a seco
nd… That sounds exactly like something you would do.”
I gaped at her. “Are you serious? I’m not that stupid!” Laughing, I added, “I’d sure like to meet the girl who did that, though; she sounds fun.”
Enari frowned at me. “Don’t you be getting a new best friend.”
I chucked a pea pod at her, which she caught. “You know I never would. You’re stuck with me.”
She huffed and crunched into the pod. “Good.”
Pointing at my forehead, I said, “You’ve got a little something there.”
Enari reached up and felt the smear of now-dried dirt. “Ugh, how long has that been there for?”
“A few minutes,” I laughed.
“Geez, way to look out for me,” she said, scrubbing at her forehead while she chuckled.
* * *
Enari and I had gone for rides three times since I had last spoken to Kasiya, and each time he wasn’t there. When the third ride came and went with still no sign of him, I started to get concerned.
Although I didn’t want to cause trouble by speaking to him, I was unsure why he was nowhere to be found; I hadn’t seen him walking around the village, either.
When I was settled in one of my favourite spots, a nook on one of the Helis statues near the Ascension Ceremony stage, I saw Veren walking by.
Leaning over, I called out his name after making sure no one else was in earshot.
He stopped and looked around. Confusion crossed his face when he didn’t see anyone.
“Up here!”
He looked in my direction but still didn’t see me.
“The statue,” I sighed.
Finally, he looked up and saw me. “What do you want, Kena?”
“Where’s Kasiya? I haven’t seen him at the stables for a while.”
“I thought I said—”
“I’m just asking,” I interrupted. “I’m over it; I’ve only been there to go riding. I’m just concerned and wanted to make sure I didn’t cause issues.”
“Just drop it, okay?” He turned to leave.
“Hey!”
Veren stopped and turned to me again.
