by CJ Embers
I waited until it was over to tell my mother that it was late, so I wouldn’t have get overwhelmed with trying to juggle so many small lies at once.
The moment I told her, she rushed out to get a test and came back looking excited. I had also prepared for this. In the bathroom, I took out a small tool, glue, and a red pencil that I had hidden away in there.
Working quickly, I pried open the test and drew an extra line, then glued it back together. The glue set shortly, then I wet the tip of the test and waited for the first line to show up.
After hiding the items again, I splashed some water on my eyes and slapped an emotional expression on my face. When I opened the door to the bathroom, my mother was standing nearby looking excited and expectant. Seeing the tears in my eyes, she rushed over, looking unsure whether my crying meant good or bad.
I showed her the test and when she saw the two lines, she squealed and threw her arms around me.
My mother stepped back and grabbed my face with both hands. “I’m so excited, I could throw another celebration! Congratulations on your bundle of joy, Kena,” she said, giving my cheek a peck.
I chuckled. “Thanks, Mom. But no more celebrations. I feel bad you spent so much time on the other one.”
She waved me away. “I am happy to spend time on that. Please let me throw another celebration for you. Wait, how about this: once we let the Tehji know, they will get you your own house, and we can combine this great news with your housewarming?”
“Sure,” I said with a smile, knowing she wouldn’t take no for an answer.
“I want to rush out and tell my friends, but I think first we should let the Tehji know. Come!” My mother grasped my hand and happily tugged me outside.
Her excitement made my skin prickle with disgust. How could she be happy, thinking her daughter was now officially shackled just like every other woman?
However, I kept my misgivings to myself as we walked towards the palace. When we got near, my mother requested for one of the guards to retrieve the Tehji.
She was antsy as we waited and kept giving me excited glances. The guard disappeared over the top of the lengthy stairs and was gone for a few minutes before reappearing with a couple of the Tehji in tow.
When they arrived, my mother dipped her head respectfully, then her excitement took over again and she gently pushed me forward. I held out the test so they could see the results.
The men looked pleased, and one spoke. “Rorik has once again done well, and I am happy to see you are fertile, my dear.”
I forced out the biggest fake smile I could and thanked them.
“Since you have started on your childbearing journey, you are entitled to a house of your own, as I’m sure your mother has already told you about.”
I nodded, and he continued. “My brother here will accompany you to show you the available homes. Once you choose one, you can move in whenever you would like.”
He congratulated me, then went back up to the palace. The remaining man requested for us to follow. The first house we went to was one of the ones I had already looked at, but this time I went inside to see the layout.
In total, there were four houses to choose from. Each one was beautiful in its own way, but there was one that I was immediately drawn to the most. When the Tehjin asked if I needed time to decide, I said I had already made my choice, and told him the one I wanted.
When it was all said and done and the man had left, my mother and I were walking back home. When I voiced my concerns about the lack of furniture, she waved her hand dismissively and said she had been saving up for me in preparation of this moment.
Her words made a flicker of guilt resurface. The fact that she was providing so much help, time, and money made me feel incredibly bad.
At home, I went to my room while my mother left to spread the good news to her friends. I figured it would be a good idea to tell Enari, but I wanted some time to myself and a break from the lies for a moment.
A quiet meow broke the silence, and I looked over to see Mazi coming into my room. She stretched, then jumped up onto the bed. As I pet her, she purred in content.
“What are we going to do with you, hmm? Will Mom let you come live with me?”
The idea of having to leave Mazi behind made my heart ache. Not only would it be incredibly lonely there by myself, but I had Mazi since she was a kitten and my bond with her ran deep.
* * *
Over the next week, my mother helped me get settled in my new home. Almost every spare moment she had, she was either helping me pack or taking me out shopping for furniture and other items.
When the day finally came, I was excited and nervous. It was an exciting prospect to be able to have my own place while simultaneously flipping off the Tehji, but I was still a little bit nervous about my lie. It would certainly be easier to keep it up when I had my own place away from prying eyes, but getting my own house was huge and backed me in a corner even further.
I had told Enari about my ‘results’ a while ago, and she was just as supportive of me as my mother was. When I gave her a tour of my new home, her eyes were alight with excitement the entire time, and she voiced how she was looking forward to the moment when the Tehji would come for her.
At my house, I was tidying up a bit while my mother had gone to retrieve some more things that I was missing. I chose this particular house because it was at the end of the street and therefore afforded more privacy. It also had a picturesque view looking out into the forest.
Inside was quaint. The entrance led into the dining area and kitchen, and it had an open concept with the living room, similar to my mother’s. It had two rooms, one which was attached to the living room, and another was down the hall along with the bathroom.
My mother was okay with me taking Mazi, which I was thankful for. I decided to give the extra room down the hall to her and dubbed it the ‘cat cave’.
When the house was finally fully moved into and clean, I went to go retrieve Mazi from my mother’s house. I found her in my room, looking confused at the missing bed. Most of the other furniture had stayed in preparation for Mom’s coming baby.
I scooped Mazi up and nuzzled my face in her neck. “Come on, girl. You and I have a new home.”
I had gotten her used to taking walks around the village with me as a kitten, so she was calm in my arms the entire way to my house. Seeing her little nose twitching as she took in all the smells made me smile, and I kissed the soft fur behind her ear.
At the house, I made sure the door was closed before setting her down. I silently watched her explore for a while, then lounged around to rest my feet from the long day.
My mother and Enari showed up sometime later and shooed me out of the house so they could prepare for the housewarming celebration. I tried offering my help, but they refused and basically pushed me out the door.
Walking around the village, many people stopped to congratulate me on my child and house. When someone looking in my direction caught my attention, I realized it was Rorik. I wanted to give him a friendly smile, but I immediately looked away instead so other villagers wouldn’t take it the wrong way.
I went to my favourite spot to get away from all the people. Settling into the nook of the statue, I gazed out at the Ascension Ceremony stage. It had been about two months now since I first saw the beginnings of preparations happening for the Ceremony, and by now, the village and the stage looked beautiful. As darkness descended, the paper lamps bathed the area in warm orange light.
I shifted around so I could look at the statue. Gazing up at its helmeted face, I found myself wondering how accurate the statues were in their depictions of the Trial deity. The carved marble armour was fancier than the guards’ in Shekri, but it didn’t look good enough to be fitting of a god.
Letting out a quiet sigh, I said, “I hope one day the Tehji allow women to Ascend.” I leaned back against the statue and closed my eyes, daydreaming about running the Trial.
Sometime later, En
ari’s voice cut through my fantasies and I opened my eyes and leaned over to see her standing at the base of the statue.
“I figured you’d be here. Everything’s ready. Come on.”
On the way to my house, my friend chastised me for climbing in my condition, and I had to bite back a retort.
When we got there, it was packed. More than just my mother’s friends were there, and I swallowed a sigh. As the time passed and the celebration was in full swing, even the Tehji stopped by to pass on their congratulations and give me a gift.
The night wore on, filled with presents and games just like the first celebration. Even though many of the gifts were lovely, I found myself having less guilt than before. I didn’t know why, but maybe it was because of how far deep I was into the lie already.
After the celebration was over, I was lounging on the couch with Mazi curled in the crook of my arm, and I was happy. For the first time in months, there was a sense of relief and happiness. Here, I wouldn’t have to constantly deal with my mother telling me about choosing a path, and while she thought she won in the end, it was I who won.
Having my own house would allow the lie to continue a lot easier, but there were still hurdles that I would need to overcome in the near future. The most obvious one would be figuring out how to make my abdomen bigger, but I had a couple of months to figure it out.
The thought of extending those months by faking a miscarriage came into my mind. It had happened to other women in the past, and the Tehji didn’t take away their homes.
I decided that if I felt I needed more time to think of how to deal with my situation, I would do that. Such a lie could hurt many people— especially my mother— but if it was between lying about the death of my fake, unborn child and throwing away my life, I knew without a second thought which one I would choose.
* * *
About a week later, it was the time of the Ascension Ceremony, and I was beyond excited. Yesterday, the Tehji held a pre-Ceremony gathering to tell the village who was attempting the Trial this year.
His name was Eldrik, and since the announcement, he had been staying in the palace. Wannabe Adepti always stayed in the palace after their announcement, as not only was it a sign of their hopeful Ascension, but also to let them exist in peace before the Trial. Before that came into effect, the man would be swarmed all night by the villagers trying to dote on them.
The morning of the Ceremony, I ended up waking up early, like my body knew today was my favourite day and wanted me to get started on experiencing it as soon as possible.
Knowing I would still have to be faking pregnancy symptoms throughout the day almost dampened my excitement, but I refused to let it.
By the time I finished getting ready for the day and got outside, many other villagers were up as well. A festive mood hung in the air already, and the scent of delicious breakfast foods wafting from Ceremony stalls made my belly grumble.
At least with faking being pregnant this time, my mother won’t admonish me for eating so many of the Ceremony treats, I thought with a tickle of amusement.
I prepared for this day nearly every single other day of the year, socking away a little bit of money whenever I was able so I could enjoy the Ceremony to its fullest.
My first stop was one of the food stalls, and I ordered something small so I had room to try out the other stalls as well. By the time I tried them all, I was uncomfortably full. Enari showed up shortly after and threw her arms around me with a big grin.
“Ugh, not so fast,” I groaned.
She stepped back, eyes wide. “Sorry! Sometimes I forget. I’m so used to the rebellious Kena,” my friend said with twinkling eyes.
I chuckled. “It’s not that this time. I ate too much.”
Enari laughed. “Already? It’s only morning!”
“I know,” I sighed. “I hope I will digest all of this in time for lunch.”
My friend shook her head and chuckled again. “Come on, maybe moving around by playing some of the Ceremony games will help you digest faster.”
As we were going from game to game, my mother showed up and joined us as well. With laughter and good mood hanging in the air, it was so easy to forget the responsibilities of my lie, and I had to force myself to remember.
Throughout the day, I kept finding myself staring out at the stage. Knowing as soon as dusk fell, Eldrik would be facing the Trial was exhilarating. If he succeeded, he would be sent off to the capital, Marnori, to be initiated. Then, there he would stay, protecting the great city with the other Adepti.
When that time finally came, I was a bit tired from having so much fun all day, but excitement still blazed through my veins. The horn sounded, signifying for everyone to gather by the stage.
I buzzed with anticipation as I merged with the crowd. I broke off from my mother and Enari and went to perch on top of one of the statues so I could get a good view.
At the top of the stairs by the palace, the three Tehji and the warrior appeared. One leader descended first, followed by Eldrik and the remaining Tehji on either side of him as cheering and applause rose from the crowd.
Eldrik was cloaked in beautiful orange robes, the colours that were always reserved for the warriors who were Ascending as both a symbol of their attempted Ascension and to differ them from the familiar crimson fabric of the Tehji. Eldrik’s face was expressionless, although I thought I could see a flicker of excitement every now and then.
When they had stopped upon the stage, a Tehjin stepped forward and raised a hand to hush the crowd.
“We are gathered here today to bear witness to another Ascension Trial. Eldrik has been chosen this year to be given the greatest honour that could ever be bestowed upon a citizen of Karua. Many challenges await this young man, but we all hope for him to succeed.”
The crowd cheered, and once they quieted, the Tehjin spokesman said with pride in his eyes, “May Eldrik Ascend.”
The villagers shifted excitedly but stayed silent as the leaders turned and began the chant that would open the portal to the Trial.
The sparking thrill coursing through me was interrupted by a flicker of resentment… and I couldn’t help but think that this entire event was a spit in the face of all that I wanted for my life.
That thought always lingered in my mind, but it had always been overridden by the beauties of the Ceremony and the excitement of the Ascension. But this time, the time had come when I had been forced to choose between two paths… And I chose the third; one that didn’t exist in our society, and one that was to end horribly.
I wanted to be seen as an equal. I wanted to have the right to choose how to live my own life. I wanted to be… more.
The flicker of resentment grew as I looked around at the crowd as the beginnings of the portal ripped the air. Many of the women in the crowd were pregnant, and the fact that they looked content grated against my nerves.
Why are you all content with being treated like cattle?
Blood rushed through my veins, my pulse pounding beneath my jaw so strongly I could barely think of anything else. Clenching my teeth, I slid off the statue and made my way closer to the front of the crowd.
The portal was fully open now, filling the air with a quiet hum. The Tehji stood back and bowed to the man as he took his first steps toward the portal.
I looked back and saw my mother and best friend through the crowd, and rage clouded my vision. Turning back to face the portal and the man walking towards it, I took a step forward.
Then another. And another.
Next thing I knew, I was running full tilt towards Eldrik. I could barely hear the gasps of shock from the crowd behind me.
This was my way out.
This was how I would break free from my lie.
By the time the Tehji noticed me and reacted, it was too late. With only an arm of the man left visible through the swirling vortex, I grabbed onto it and yanked him back through onto this side. A Tehjin grabbed my own arm, but I swung my free fist as hard as I c
ould.
As he reeled back, I leapt through the portal.
Chapter 6
M y eyes fluttered open to see blood-red sky above me. Immediately, I knew I had made it: the arena in which the Trial would take place.
As I got to my feet, my heart thundered with nerves and anticipation. I had never done something like this. I had never gone against my people so brazenly. There was no turning back now.
Standing on the edge of a precipice, I knew I didn’t want to turn back, even if I had the option to. This was the answer to my struggles. I had been backed into a corner and shackled, and this was the solution. Either I would win and become an Adeptus, or I would die and no longer have to deal with being chained. All this time wanting change… to be respected amongst my people… I wasn’t going to turn away from that.
To my left, a path marked out by small pillars disappeared downwards. Beside it was a row of five more pillars, but these were stout, and on each one lay a different weapon.
Below me, the path wound its way through a valley until it stopped at a large, stone archway marked by flaming braziers. Beyond that lay a huge arena paved in marble.
Although my blood yearned to feel the heat of battle, I knew standing here right now was a blessing; this cliff gave me bird’s-eye view of the arena, and I would use this moment to memorize the layout to aid me in the Trial.
Closest to me, through the archway, was what looked like man-made stalagmites, like a stone forest within the arena. After that, near the top right of the square, was a pool of water. The remaining corners held a copse of trees. The bottom left appeared empty besides the vegetation, but in the top left section, I could spot some sort of building peeking out from between the thick layer of branches and leaves. In the middle was a sizable, empty clearing.
I took a few more moments to memorize the layout, then went to the weapons. There was a sword, spear, bow and arrows, mace, and a set of throwing knives, all with their own sheaths. I decided on the sword, since it was what I was most familiar with.
