by CJ Embers
By the end of the day, I had a pretty pathetic excuse for a shelter, but a shelter nonetheless. It was thick branches set up in a partial lean-to against a tree, supported with branches I had to shove into the ground. Wind and rain could easily get in, but it would hopefully be able to keep out some smaller predators.
It was too dark to go hunting for food now, so I crawled inside my shoddy shelter and wedged the small door closed. The ground was hard and uncomfortable beneath my battered body, and sleep took its time in coming. As the moon made its way across the sky, the temperature got colder and colder, and my thin clothes did nothing.
With no longer being focused on the day’s work, my mind drifted to everything I had been forced to leave behind. When I thought of Mazi, my heart twisted painfully as the conversation I had with her all those weeks ago lingered in the air. My sweet girl wouldn’t know why I left… She would just know that I left.
The thought of never seeing her again, and knowing she wouldn’t understand my absence made tears flood my eyes. Fighting back sobs, I silently vowed that I would go back to Shekri to get her.
When morning came, I was irritable and sluggish with grief. The entire night, I was chilled to the bone and felt like I barely got any sleep. Sharp pangs of hunger stabbed my belly too, which made it all the worse.
I went searching for food and ended up finding a bush with edible berries. Taking off my shirt for a makeshift bag, I filled it up as much as it could hold, then went back to my camp and munched while I tried getting a fire started.
Rolling a stick between my hands onto a pile of dry moss, I kept getting a lot of smoke, but nothing more. When my first spark sputtered out instead of catching fire, I swore and threw my stick away. I resigned to angrily stuffing more berries in my mouth and muttered about the patriarchy and the misogyny.
The sound of Helis’ grating laugh whispered through the air. My head snapped up and I looked around, but there was nothing.
Grumbling, I popped another berry. “Great, it’s day two and I’m already going crazy. Well, Helis of my imagination, laugh all you want, but you’re a misogynist just like the humans of Karua. You mocked me for being a woman, yet I beat you.”
My mind wandered to him grasping my chin and I grumbled some more. “I may be distracted easily, and I may be stupid enough to maybe have liked that, but I still beat you. Does that not show more strength? That I overcame my weakness and still won?”
Sighing, I wrapped up the rest of my berries and stowed them in my shelter. The breeze was a little chilly on my mostly-bare torso, but I didn’t want the remainder of my food to be devoured by bugs.
Throughout the day, I did a variety of things now that my base needs had been met. I sealed my shelter better, adding mud and leaves to close the cracks, and worked on making my sword into a more fearsome weapon.
Smacking away smaller creatures would work, but it wouldn’t do anything against a hungry coyote or wolf. The final product was something that resembled an axe, with a sharp stone wedged in one end of the weapon and secured with extra strips from my shirt.
When the day was coming to an end again, I felt more comfortable with my setup than I had the first night. I was working on trying to get a fire going again when the sound of crackling leaves reached me.
I grasped my axe and had a moment of panic. I had been so focused on my fire efforts that I hadn’t heard the noise until it was basically on top of me.
Before I could think of what to do, two guards stepped into view. Seeing them brought forth all the anger I had over the patriarchy and I raised my weapon and aimed.
“Kena, stop!”
Oren?
I paused and actually looked at them. It was indeed Oren; the other guard I recognized but couldn’t remember his name. I lowered my axe when the latter started talking, but I kept it firmly grasped in my hand.
“We were sent to patrol the area to ensure you weren’t camping out too close to Shekri.”
“And?”
Oren said, “You are. You’re only about two miles out. You need to be far enough away that the villagers won’t find you simply by taking a walk.”
I let out a huff of disbelief and glanced at my camp. Although it wasn’t much, it had still taken a lot of effort to get it set up.
“I’m serious, Kena. We’re here on special orders only. If we, or any villagers were to see you, you’d be ordered killed.”
“I would be ordered killed for them seeing me?”
“Yes, and we won’t hesitate to kill you should that happen.”
Feeling indignant and partly ashamed of the two men seeing me in such squalor, my fingers tightened around my weapon. “I fought Helis and won. Do you really want to be threatening me?”
The other man said, “I think our numbers would overpower you.”
“Not right now they wouldn’t,” I pointed out, raising my axe slightly. Feeling spent, I simply ordered them to leave me be and added, “Run back to your masters like good dogs and let them know I’ll move camp.”
The two guards exchanged quick glances, then left without another word. As I watched them go, I noticed Oren subtly put a hand in his pocket, pull something out, and let it drop. Then, he unclasped his dagger and silently dropped it on a patch of moss. His guard friend was none the wiser of his actions.
Anger flared through me, and I was half-tempted to call him out in front of the other guard, but my anger clouded my mind and made me unable to decide until it was too late.
When they had disappeared from view, I went over. The first item Oren had dropped was a small container. Flipping it over, I read ‘antiseptic cream’.
My pulse was still pounding with frustration, and I grabbed the two items only to throw them on the ground when I got back to the camp.
Oren’s actions did not match up with his words while he was here at all. Even though it was possible he was just putting on a show to satisfy the other guard, what he did still didn’t make sense.
We had talked for only a few days while I was in jail. Certainly not long enough for him to develop any sort of opinion on me, nor was it long enough for it to make sense that he would be willing to risk his place in Shekri and his life for aiding an Iuni.
Because it was near nightfall, I didn’t want to up and move now; I would have to wait until morning and hope no one would happen upon me between then and now.
No longer having the motivation to continue trying to start a fire, I went into my shelter, taking the two items from Oren with me.
As I lay there on the rough ground, I played with the knife. I detested being given help— by a man no less. I was trying to get away from the patriarchy, and yet it was still a man who took it upon himself to provide a little bit of help.
A snarky voice tickled my ear. “Are you so self-righteous that you would turn away a blade?”
“Ugh, shut up, Helis! I know this knife will be handy. It will be good for defense, and hunting, and so many other things. But why should I accept something from that stupid man, when he let me be branded like an animal and thrown out like a piece of garbage?”
“He had no obligation to help you, yet he still did. Wise warriors know when to pick their battles, and when to keep their mouths shut.”
I snorted and didn’t respond to the voice in my head. As I lay in the dimming light, my thoughts drifted to my mother and friend… or at least who I thought had been them. Even though my mother raised me, her words were a slap on the face, and it felt like I didn’t even know her anymore. And Enari… her lack of doing anything certainly showed her true colours.
Loneliness clutched at my chest and tears pricked at my eyes. The thought of spending seventy or eighty more years alone was extremely daunting.
I set the knife aside and gingerly shifted onto my side, propping my head up on my arm. “I don’t know if I’m strong enough for this. Fighting physical battles is one thing… Spending decades alone is a whole different type of battle.” I sighed. “I’d rather have another en
counter with the actual Helis than spend all those years alone…”
* * *
Moving my camp and setting up elsewhere took longer than I expected. Originally, I figured I would move a couple days’ worth of travel away, but it turned into at least a week’s worth. Only then did it feel far enough away.
I made sure to bring enough of my things with me so I wouldn’t have to make a second trip. After a couple more days of searching, I found a proper spot to settle down in. It was a small overhang of rock and dirt that would be much better protected against the elements than simply having a lean-to against a tree.
As I worked, I couldn’t help but hold out a slightly expectation that my mother or Enari would show up looking for me, but I wasn’t sure why. Was it because I actually wanted to see them again, or was it because I wanted to have the chance to show them that I didn’t need them?
When I was done setting up, I had fully enclosed the overhang with large sticks and sealed it with mud and leaves. The first night when everything was fully set up, I was proud, but as the moon soared across the sky, the feeling was replaced by an overwhelming sense of grief, and I cried myself to sleep.
Over the next few weeks, I tried my best to make my living situation more comfortable. I had little experience with catching animals, but I built and practiced with a spear until I was good enough that I had a source of meat at least once a week.
The knife came in handy for tanning hides, and although I didn’t have any experience with that, I tried to sift through my memories and follow along with the ones where I had caught glimpses in passing of Rorik working on skins.
The first few rotted, but then I became good enough to use them and sewed them by hand with strips of hide. The first night being able to lie on a soft blanket instead of the hard ground was a relief and again filled me with a sense of pride.
As the days passed, I continued working on my camp, curing more pelts for clothes and blankets, and attempting to craft more weapons, new tools, and furniture.
By the time I felt comfortable enough, I hardly recognized myself. Instead of the girl who lived in a village clothed in fine garments, I was now an outcast wrapped in furs living in the wilderness.
Although I felt lonely often, I tried to keep myself distracted with imaginary conversations with Helis; I imagined his snarky voice often enough that I hardly had a choice in the matter.
Now that my camp was finally built, I wanted to go get Mazi. Quite some time had passed, but the desire to have her here with me had only grown.
It would take me a week to get to the village, so I made sure to pack a store of vegetables, fruit, and dried meat. Slung over my shoulders was another sack in which I would put Mazi.
The journey there was long and tiring, but it gave me lots of time to think. When I got there days later, I waited until nightfall. With my Shekri clothes too tattered or no longer usable, I would be extremely noticeable in my furs; under the cover of darkness, I would hopefully be able to get in and out quickly.
Peering out from a bush, I spotted two guards posted by the main entrance. I had been expecting that and knew I would need to find another way in. Traversing through the forest quietly, I tried to be quick. Every minute I took to find a way in, the sun sank farther, bathing the world in darkness.
Finally, I found one. There was a section of the cobblestone wall that was occasionally open to being breached as the guards walked back and forth.
I waited a few more moments, then dashed out from the forest and ran for it. My skin prickled, knowing if someone happened to look at just the wrong time, they would see me and alert the rest of the village.
Reaching the wall, I vaulted over and kept going until I was behind cover. Back against a wall of a building, I took a moment to catch my breath and mentally map out my route. A guard walked by and I sunk farther into the shadows of the building. He didn’t see me, and I sighed in relief.
When he passed, I continued moving, traversing in the shadows as best as I could. A few villagers were still out and about, and they were harder to avoid. While the guards had a planned route, the others walked where they pleased.
I finally got to my old home. I was behind it, and stood leaning up against it for a moment. It was possible someone else had already moved in since I been cast out.
Hearing nothing, I tried the door. It was locked. Not wanting to break it and cause a bunch of noise, I tried the windows. One after another, they proved to be locked as well.
Gnawing on my cheek, I considered my options. Eventually, I figured breaking the door would be quieter than glass shattering, so I gripped the knob and prepared myself.
On the count of three, I thrust my shoulder into it as hard as I could. The wood snapped and I tumbled in, faceplanting before I could catch myself.
Ugh, so much for heightened agility…
Picking myself back up, I quickly searched my old house. Thankfully, it didn’t appear like anyone had taken over yet, as no one came running out of any of the rooms to investigate the noise. Unfortunately, however, Mazi was nowhere to be seen.
Mom must’ve taken her back after I got cast out, then.
Knowing I wasn’t able to leave the village yet was nerve-racking, but I wouldn’t leave without my cat. Just in case a guard heard the noise and was on his way to investigate, I closed the door as best as I could on my way out so its broken wood would be less noticeable.
Bolting into the nearest alley, I walked through the shadows to get to my mother’s house. She would surely be home by now, so I would need to somehow manage to sneak in, find Mazi, and get out without her hearing or seeing me.
I tiptoed around the building until I came to one of the windows. Looking through, I couldn’t see anything. If my mother was already in her room, that would make everything easier… unless my cat was in there, too.
Taking a deep breath, I did a quick glance around for prying eyes, then slipped around the side of the building and into the house.
Standing inside, I hesitated. Seeing my old home, memories resurfaced. It had only been a few months, but it felt like a lifetime ago. My chest felt tight, and it was hard to breathe.
Giving myself a shake, I began looking for Mazi. She wasn’t anywhere in the living room, kitchen, or bathroom, so I went into my old room.
Immediately, I noticed something different. Something had been added in one of the corners. When I realized what it was, my body tensed.
It was a crib. Stepping closer, I peered over the edge and saw a newborn lying on the furs, swaddled in a blanket and fast asleep.
Seeing the child, a flicker of anger lit inside of me. It grew quickly, feeding on all the resentment that was bottled up inside of me. Even though my mother showed her true colours, seeing this child here now felt like my mother was replacing me, and I trembled in anger.
A quiet meow distracted me, and I looked over to see Mazi. The noise disturbed the baby and he started cooing. Ignoring the child, I took the sack off me and knelt down.
Mazi came up to me, purring loudly and rubbing against my legs, and I tried to usher her into the bag. She looked like she had no interest, and tears threatened to flood my eyes.
“Please, go in, Mazi. I don’t want to be alone out there,” I whispered.
Gently picking the cat up, I put her in the sack. Thankfully, she didn’t seem to have an issue with it, and she started kneading on the soft furs. Carefully, I picked up the sack and put it back over my shoulders so it hung over my chest.
A shrill wail pierced my ears and I froze. The baby continued crying, and I quickly exited the room. I was almost out the door of the house when I heard my mother give a panicked yell.
Although I desperately wanted justice for her betrayal, I kept moving. Justice would mean nothing if I was killed in the process. As I submerged back into the darkness, I heard my mother call out to the guards.
A whistle travelled through the air. I knew that sound. It signaled to the guards to be on alert. Word travelled quickl
y, and when I was about halfway out of Shekri, I heard guards who were passing whispering about someone dressed in furs.
My jaw tensed, knowing it would be harder to get out of the village now that the guards would be actively looking for something.
Mazi was none the wiser of my issues, still contently tucked away in the sack and purring lightly as she kneaded. Nearing the edge of the village, I felt a flicker of hope. Would I actually be able to make it out without fighting?
Now, I just needed to make one more dash to reach the wall. Peering out around the building showed the coast was clear. Wrapping my arms around the sack, I leapt out into the open.
“You there! Stop!”
I whipped around to see a guard had turned the corner at the exact same time I had. We both recognized each other at the same time. It was Eldrik, and he had his spear aimed at me. I knew from seeing training sessions of the guards just how good their aim was and knew there was no way I’d be able to make it to the wall now unless I was willing to risk my cat or myself.
Panic pounded in my chest as a bead of sweat rolled down my temple.
Seeing I was unarmed, Eldrik came closer. The tip of his spear pressed against the underside of my chin, causing a prick of pain. “You knew the stipulations. By coming back to Shekri, your life is forfeit.”
When he saw me tighten my arms around the sack, he seemed to see it for the first time. With his weapon still at my throat, he pulled open the bag. Seeing the cat, a smile broke the angry expression on his face, and a flutter of hope filled my chest. When the man reached down and pulled Mazi out by her scruff, I was unsure what he was doing.
My cat complained about being held in such a way. Eldrik pulled his spear back and stuck it in the dirt. Too late, I realized the smile on his face was not one of happiness. Evilness glittered in his eyes just as he wrapped both hands around her neck and twisted.
Chapter 9
T error and dread slammed into me, nearly making me freeze. “No!” I yelled, leaping for them. I was too late as her body spasmed and blood dripped from her mouth.
