The Ascension Trial

by CJ Embers

  “I’m sorry you felt pushed to leave your life behind.”

  He waved his hand. “Don’t apologize. It was a good decision at the time, and it all worked out in the end anyway, didn’t it? Speaking of, what happened since I had left all that time ago? I heard a little bit from the whisperings of Algar, but not enough; there are a lot of big gaps.”

  “Well, it all started from me faking being pregnant.”

  Kasiya’s jaw dropped. “You… You faked being pregnant? How? And why?”

  “Well, why should be pretty obvious. It was either that, be shunned, or actually become a mother. Neither of which I wanted.”

  I explained how I did it and told him about the house the Tehji had given me when I showed them the fake positive.

  He shook his head and speared a piece of chicken with his fork. “Wow, well you certainly started off with a bang. Putting two and two together, I’m guessing you got out of it by becoming an Adeptus?”

  I nodded. “Eldrik was chosen to Ascend this year, and as I was watching the Tehji open the portal to the Trial, it just hit me— that was how I would get out of the situation. Either I would die, or I would Ascend. So I stole his chance at Ascending.”

  “I’m assuming he didn’t take it well?” he asked.

  My skin turned clammy. “No. After I was cast out, I tried going back for my cat, Mazi, so I wouldn’t be alone as an Iuni. I had almost made it out of the village before I was caught, and of course it just had to be him,” I said bitterly.

  “What happened?” Kasiya asked quietly, clearly knowing by my expression and tone that it wasn’t good.

  I swallowed thickly. “His grudge turned him into a monster… When he realized I had Mazi, he… he killed her. Broke her neck, ending her life like it was nothing.”

  He was speechless with horror. After a moment, he said, “I— I’m so sorry, Kena… I know how much Mazi meant to you. I remember seeing you carrying her around the village occasionally…” He drifted off, eyes full of grief.

  “That’s not all… Killing Mazi didn’t satiate his need for revenge. Sometime after that, he hunted me down with a handful of other villagers and tried to kill me. He would have succeeded if Helis hadn’t saved me. I thought that was a dream, but…” I trailed off, thinking of the Trial god.

  Kasiya’s eyes were wide with shock. “I had known Eldrik somewhat, and I never pegged him for a murderer. First your poor cat, then going after you?”

  “That’s what happens when you threaten the patriarchy,” I replied sourly. “Their friendly masks are shattered when you expose their oppressive way of life.”

  He sighed, shaking his head. “Yeah, well, I’m glad Helis stepped in. Eldrik deserved nothing less.”

  “Well, it actually wasn’t Helis who killed him…”

  “Helis let him go?” he questioned, anger crossing his face.

  “Not quite. Eldrik was a coward and ran. I didn’t know that at the time, but I had thought the attack had been a dream, and that’s why I went to go back to get revenge.”

  I continued, hoping that moving the story along would help wash away the horrible memory. When Kasiya heard about Kain killing Eldrik, a relieved smile pulled at the corner of his lips.

  “And Helis saved you from execution, is that right?” he asked.

  I dipped my head and told him about being knocked out with the dart and captured. “Because I had broken their verdict by going back to the village, the consequence was execution. He appeared in just the nick of time.”

  He looked almost overwhelmed, eyebrows slightly raised. “I still can’t believe the Tehji offered you leadership. I mean, I can understand it because they saw Helis not only in the flesh, but also because he had just killed one of them and said you were under his protection… but to just give it to you without even discussing it? I get it, but it still boggles my mind, you know?”

  “Yeah… I almost didn’t accept, though. I didn’t want to be a leader. But I knew that in order to abolish the patriarchy, I would need to accept their offer.”

  Kasiya nodded. “I agree with that. So, you killed the Tehji of Shekri soon after rising in the ranks, then got captured shortly after that by the Marnori army? Someone in the village must have tipped them off, right?”

  “Yes.”

  He must have noticed my tone had taken a slight edge to it, because his eyes narrowed questioningly at me. “You found out who it was?”

  “Yes.”

  “Who?”

  “My mother.”

  Kasiya stiffened for a moment, and I wondered if he was thinking of how he got her pregnant. When he spoke, however, it was of something else. “I can’t believe she ratted you out. I know she was quite in agreement with the Tehji’s laws, but to go so brazenly against her own daughter like that?”

  I stabbed my fork into a piece of food, the first I had touched it since sitting down. “Yes, that’s why I killed her,” I responded, popping the food in my mouth.

  The man in front of me froze again. This time, horror and uncertainty crossed his eyes. He didn’t seem to react much knowing I had killed the Tehji and Kain had helped me kill Eldrik, but hearing that I had killed my own mother was clearly a shock.

  After I finished chewing and had swallowed the morsel, I asked, “Are you reacting so negatively because you can’t fathom someone killing their own mother, or because you and she had a child together?”

  His face visibly paled, and he was silent for a while. I sat quietly, casually eating my food as I waited for him to speak.

  Finally he did, voice sounding a little shaky. “When did you find that out?”

  “Before I was captured. My mother told me after I asked who the father was, then I confirmed it with the Tehji’s records of the genealogy of the village.”

  “I-I’m sorry, Kena.”

  “You don’t have to apologize to me, Kasiya. I’m not blaming you. You were under the rule of the Tehji.”

  He grimaced. “It was part of the reason I left. While I knew you and I couldn’t be together because of their laws, it was also because of your mother.”

  “You wanted to be with her as well?” I questioned, feeling slightly confused and disturbed.

  “No,” he said quickly. “Because I wanted to be with you. Being with your mother in that way, and fathering her child, it was just too…”

  “Weird?”

  He chuckled, some colour finally returning to his face. “Yes, exactly. Weird. How could I be with you, knowing I had been with your mother in such a way? I just couldn’t.”

  His embrace the night before gave off the impression that he was still not over me, but I didn’t bring it up. Regardless if that was true or not, I couldn’t be with someone who had been with my mother like that. Not only that, but I didn’t want to be with anyone except…

  I cleared my throat and grabbed another forkful of food. “So, I’m assuming you would like to see your child?”

  Kasiya leaned back against the chair, a faraway look in his eyes. He sighed. “I don’t know. I don’t know if I’m father material. Morally, I should be in his life though, right?”

  I shrugged. “Morally, probably. But it’s up to you. Don’t feel obligated. He’s already being taken care of, so it wouldn’t put him in a bad position if you didn’t show up in his life.”

  “Who’s taking care of him now that… you know?”

  “Enari.”

  His brow furrowed. “Enari? Why her?”

  I let out a quiet snort. “I chose her to punish her.”

  “W-Why?” he asked, sounding bewildered. “What did she do?”

  “It’s what she didn’t do,” I answered. “She turned her back on me after I usurped the Trial. All those years of friendship, gone just like that.”

  “But… surely she had a reason?”

  “She said she was scared she would be shunned if she spoke up, and that the fear got worse when it was decided I’d be cast out because she couldn’t have survived as an Iuni.”

&n
bsp; “Is that not a good reason? Fear is not necessarily reason to be punished.”

  “Of course it is,” I said, staring him down. “Cowards are pathetic and useless.”

  Kasiya was looking uncomfortable at my words and tone. “Well, then why is giving her the child a punishment? From what I knew of Enari, she always wanted to be mother.”

  “That’s exactly why I forced her look after Ayzen— so she could be a mother, but not to a child of her own… So she could forever be reminded of her cowardice and betrayal, and never get to experience having a child who shared her blood.”

  I paused, then added, “I was going to kill her just as I had done to my mother, but she wanted to die. She had tried killing herself, but she had failed.” My lip curled in disgust. “She was too much of a weakling to even go through with that.”

  Kasiya was no longer looking me in the eyes. His gaze was down at the table, and he looked nauseated. He took a deep breath and looked back up at me. “Kena, I… What… What darkened your heart so much? The girl I knew when I was still a stablehand… she would have done anything to help her best friend. Now you mock her suffering and punish her in such a horrible way?”

  My eyes narrowed. “What should I do with betrayers instead, Kasiya? Tell me. Should I let them off with a slap on the wrist? Jail them and let them rot in the cells, sucking up resources? What exactly do you think would happen when people aren’t given any consequences for their actions?”

  He sighed deeply, looking unsure. “I don’t know. I’ve never been in a position of power, so I don’t know. But this seems more like revenge than a just punishment.” He sighed again. “I guess it might be justifiable if Enari never showed remorse. You said she tried killing herself, though; I think that’s remorse enough.”

  I shrugged. “She didn’t directly apologize. My mother did, on both her own account and for Enari’s.”

  “Your mother begged for forgiveness, and you still murdered her in cold blood?”

  “She was a traitor, Kasiya! An apology doesn’t magically make a traitor change their ways. Once someone betrays another, their loyalty would forever be in question, regardless of an apology.”

  He shook his head and said, “Let’s move on. I don’t want to argue anymore. Tell me, if you are under Helis’ protection, why did he let you be captured? Surely he would have had to know that there was a big possibility of you being executed in Marnori.”

  I was still bristly from the argument, but I shook it off; as long as Kasiya kept out of my way, he could agree to disagree with me. “He told me it wasn’t his purpose to absolve me from my sins. By appearing in front of the people, it would have essentially forced them to let me go.”

  Kasiya looked confused. “What sins caused him to let you face them on your own?”

  “In general? Being a cruel and murderous leader.”

  At those words, a strange expression appeared on his face.

  “You obviously have something to say to that,” I commented.

  “I do, but I said I don’t want to argue anymore.”

  “Then let’s not argue; but I still want to know what’s on your mind.”

  He sighed. “You were given consequences for your actions by Helis, yet you still seem cruel and murderous.”

  My lips lifted in a slight smile, and I couldn’t help but let out a quiet chuckle. “You’re courageous… And maybe you’re right. But guess how many women I escaped the Marnori prison with?”

  Kasiya’s brow furrowed, like he didn’t understand where I was going with the question.

  “About three dozen. Guess how many actually made it to Shekri alive?”

  “I… I don’t know,” he said. “Half that?”

  “Six.”

  Horror etched across the man’s face. “O-Only six?”

  “Yes. And then one more succumbed to her wounds’ infection on the threshold of the village, leaving only five.”

  “W-What happened to all the others?”

  “What do you think?” I questioned icily. “They had made it out of Marnori, and they were tracked down and slaughtered like animals by the guards. Instead of letting them go, or even just simply recapturing them, they slaughtered them. The valley where they died was bathed in their blood. It’s women like them who I fight for, Kasiya. May Helis forgive me for not being as kind as I could be, but sometimes I just don’t have a choice when I’m dealing with people like that.”

  Grief swam in his eyes. “I understand. I’m sorry, Kena. While I may not like such methods, I understand. I didn’t realize it was that bad.”

  I gave him a small nod.

  “You know, I think I might want to go see my son… I think I should see him at the very least, then decide if I want to be in his life. But let’s finish eating first; you’ve barely touched your food.”

  I agreed and continued eating. It was cold at this point, but it was still delicious. After, I decided to go with Kasiya under the guise of showing him where Enari lived, even though he probably already knew from when he lived in Shekri.

  I could’ve just given him directions to my former best friend’s house, but I secretly wanted to see how Enari was doing. Not because I cared about her wellbeing, but because I hadn’t seen her for a long time and wanted to see how her punishment was going for her.

  As we walked, Kasiya and I continued chatting. The overall mood was lighter than it was during lunch, which I was thankful for; I had enough on my plate without having to deal with even more dissention.

  Kasiya shot me a glance. “So, I have an interesting question that might be absolutely ridiculous depending on your answer.”

  My interest was piqued. “Okay, shoot.”

  “So, during lunch, every time you talked about Helis, you got this look on your face…”

  It felt like I knew where this was going, and I nearly froze.

  “And it seemed to be the same way you looked at me back in the day. Do you… have feelings for him?”

  To my embarrassment, my cheeks flushed.

  Kasiya noticed my rosy face and immediately grinned. “No way— really? But he’s a god.”

  I snorted. “Trust me, I know.”

  “So he doesn’t feel the same?”

  “What kind of dumb question is that?” I muttered, but my thoughts drifted back to the night in the forest after escaping from Marnori.

  “I mean yeah, it sounds crazy saying such a thing, but you’re avoiding the question, so… does that mean he does?”

  “It means he’s a god and I’m just human, Kasiya. Do you really think our god would have feelings for me? I highly doubt deities even have such mortal feelings, but even if they do, I think he can do much better than this,” I said, gesturing to myself. “Reality is, he’s probably just laughing at me for being stupid enough to fall for him of all people.”

  Kasiya gave me a look, but I quickly changed the subject by pointing out that we were about to arrive at Enari’s house.

  The man went up to the door and raised his hand to knock, but he hesitated for a moment. A few moments later, he took a deep breath and rapped on the wood.

  It was silent, and I took a breath in preparation to call out to her. Hearing me, she would have no choice but to open the door. Just as I was about to, however, the door opened.

  My former best friend stood on the other side of the threshold, looking like death. She was quite skinny, pale, and weak. I spotted many scabbed-over cuts on her arms, her flesh no longer scarred with just the two on her wrists.

  She saw me immediately and gently dipped her head in respect but stayed silent.

  Even from where I stood, I could tell Kasiya was shocked with her appearance. He struggled for a moment to speak, then said, “I don’t know if you remember me, Enari, but I’m Kasiya. I’m Ayzen’s father, and I wanted to see him.”

  Enari gave him a weak, brief smile and stepped back to invite him inside. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to join, but quickly decided that I did even though I wasn’t really sure why;
I had already seen how my former friend was dealing with everything.

  When she realized I was also coming inside, fear flickered in her eyes, but once again she said nothing, and I wondered when the last time she actually talked was.

  The inside of the house was quite messy. With how sickly Enari looked, I wasn’t surprised she had no energy to clean. However, I would need to speak with her about it. Regardless how I felt about both of them, Ayzen was still a human being and needed to be raised in proper conditions.

  Enari led us to the living room, where Ayzen was playing with a few handmade dolls and cooing happily.

  Kasiya watched him for a few moments, and I glanced over to see a warm expression on his face. My skin crawled as I thought about him accepting the child. The former feelings I had for him clashed with the knowledge of him making my mother pregnant, and if he wanted to be in Ayzen’s life, it would just make that knowledge even more apparent.

  Regardless of my feelings about the matter, however, I stayed silent. Under my rule, he was well within his new rights to be in his child’s life, and I couldn’t be a hypocrite and refuse him that.

  “Can I— Can I pick him up?” Kasiya asked, looking at Enari.

  She nodded.

  He went over and knelt in front of Ayzen. The child looked up at him and reached out a hand, still cooing. Kasiya picked him up and coddled him in his arms, and I noticed tears in his eyes.

  I knew then what his decision would be. I glanced at Enari. If I let Kasiya take his son, it could go either one of two ways. It would either make things better for her by stopping the punishment I gave her, or it would make things worse for her if she had gotten attached to the child.

  Before I had spoken to Kasiya over lunch, I would have immediately let him take his child without a second thought, even though I figured Enari had indeed gotten attached to Ayzen. But Kasiya’s words about me still being cruel and murderous echoed in my head, and I wondered if I should make her life a little less horrible.

  After all, it’s not she who sent word to Marnori…

  I gave myself a mental shake. I couldn’t become soft just based on the words of one man. Ayzen was Kasiya’s child and if he wanted to take him, that was his choice and his choice alone; if Enari was attached to Ayzen, she would have to get over it. And if she wasn’t, I would have to think of a way to ensure she was given a new consequence for her betrayal.